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I didn't know when it all started.

You know, the heat in my cheeks whenever he looks at me, the somersaults in my stomach whenever I hold him close at night, the rapid heartbeat whenever he gives a simple touch; a pat on the back, a hug, a hand grazing over mine as we do the dishes... That sort of thing.

I didn't need to have a brain like Ponyboy's to know what these feelings meant. I wasn't stupid.

But the whole thing was stupid. And sick. I mean, how could I love my brother like that? How could anyone love their own flesh and blood like that?

But I did, and I don't know how it happened. I mean, at first, I just started to notice things. Small, innocent things. Like how Pony would beam whenever Darry would praise him on a perfect homework assignment, or how he would rub his eyes when tired.

Normal things. Brotherly things.

I thought it was okay, but then I started to notice more about my younger brother. This time, they weren't so innocent.

Like how Ponyboy would bite his lip when stuck on a complicated math problem. How the water trickled down his bare skin after taking a shower. How he would pant after a track meet. How he would call my name whenever he needed something.

Those kind of things. I noticed it all, and it killed me.

I knew things were changing between me and Ponyboy. I knew that perhaps he didn't notice it - and that the ache in my heart was unnatural. At least around him it was. At first, I had thought it was from Sandy. It was true that I was near heartbroken when Sandy left for Florida, pregnant with a baby that wasn't mine. But after I began to think about it, I had stopped loving her from the moment Ponyboy had asked me if I was okay one night when we were about to go to sleep. Maybe even before that. I remember it was though it were yesterday.

"Soda?"

"Mmm?" I mumbled sleepily, opening my tired eyes, glancing at my little brother. He was looking back at me. "Yeah Pony? What is it?"

Ponyboy looked hesitant, struggling with his words for a moment. Finally he sighed. "Soda, do you wanna talk about it?"

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. "'Bout what, Pone?" He bit his lip, looking uncertain.

"About... about Sandy." I lowered my gaze down to my pillow. Talking about Sandy was what I wanted to talk about least. "Soda. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I just think that it would be best to."

I nodded. "No, I want to, Pony," I lied. I could try to talk about Sandy. Maybe Pony was right, Maybe it would help.

He nodded. A silent moment passed before he spoke again. "Did you really love her that much?"

"Hmm." I blinked slowly while I lowered my head to pass for a small nod. "I did love her, Pony. So much. But... I guess she just didn't love me back." Ponyboy kept his eyes on me, understanding.

"You could do a lot better, Soda. There is someone out there who will love you as much as you love her."

I nodded again. "I know, Pone. But... I really thought she was the one, y'know?"

Pony blinked. "Yeah, Soda. Me too."

Confusion hit me. Even though this was sort of a touchy subject for me, the emotions that had been gnawing on my insides for the past month were slowly disappearing, growing less and less frequent and becoming more bearable. My eyes didn't even water. Was I getting over Sandy this fast?

My thoughts were interrupted by Ponyboy's next question. "What was it like? Being in love?"

I thought about it for a moment. What was love like? Was love the feeling of a thousand butterflies soaring through your stomach at that one person? Was it the warmth that immediately spread around you whenever they look at you, touch you, or whenever you think of them? Was it the knowledge of knowing they had the same feelings toward you?

I smiled. "It's real nice, Ponyboy. Real nice."

He grinned, and I felt my stomach flutter. "Good night, Soda."

"Night Pone."

He closed his eyes and in a matter of minutes was asleep. I stared at him, feeling slightly light-headed. And confused. Extremely confused.

Was this love?

Was it?


Just a little chapter on Soda's view on things. Poor Soda, so confused...

Anyway, sorry about the long wait! I'm updating a little quicker now, alright? Review please!