Sugar in the Sacrament
What have you done?
You follow footsteps in the dark
and found your faith
left out behind your father's car.
They're dead, Justice and various useless trumps.
"Will you defy me as well, Jizabel?"
Not that it matters at this moment. Not with father's, or more so the Card-Master's plan. What does it matter if some of us get plunged into hell sooner than others? It is not as if it matters at all to him, all for the sake of that woman from Philista.
"It's been comical to watch a grown man following so blindly after a father..."
As if I had a better option. No, that's not true... there was someone whom insisted on that to me so often before, but his words were so much kinder yours, Tower. But, that time is over now, and he is long since gone and free now. There, there are the two things I've done that I can have any sense of peace or pride in: Cassian, and my doves. And I let both go, I'm proud of that, too.
"...whom you think may perhaps love you, but clearly does not."
No. No, that is wrong. I actually really do know. These are almost the same words Cassian said, but now they are so so different. All because the speaker, I know here that there's no intent but to break me. Tower doesn't know that jobs already been thoroughly done. It's nothing special about Tower, really, but those words make me start running over what I keep in my mind of what Cassian said back then. And what I replied.
"Don't try to save me, if I can't get the body I wanted then...I...
If you don't escape from your father's clutches, one day he'll kill you like a dog...! I know it...
Your wings that once were so beautiful... are now so soiled with insanity that they can't be washed off... run away... while you still can..."
"... you're wrong... it's not that i can't escape from my father... I ... don't want to escape...
No matter what he does to me... every part of my body and soul belongs to him...! That's the way I've been molded...!"
"I understand... that's too bad... but if... there's ever a time when you want to get out of that pitch black cage ... then... don't hesitate to call me...
because you... don't know how to do anything on your own... after all, you're still just a boy..."
"Live your life embracing the mutilated corpse of a loved one."
I smile to myself. It is too late for that, Tower; he is already long gone, and far from this hell, and free. I wonder, if I could have been...? Sometimes, memories are the only place I'd want to be resting in at the end the world. I'm stuck just contemplating that unobtainable dream as I follow the footsteps before me; distant in my mind and, for once, at peace, Cassian.
Bang
"I'll give you his head." How could I not have understood what Tower meant?!
"Father! Father, no!" I can't stop myself from running to Father even if it's too late. I have to rush to Father, I'm a doctor. I can- I can help him. I know Tower will simply kill me if I try to help my father. But, no matter how much I think of everything I've given up and everything I've never had because of Father and his madness, it just appears that I can not betray my own soul. I'm so sorry, Cassian.
"Father! Father, please hold on!"
I run to aid Father, knowing that there is nothing I can do.
You said, "there's no one watching over me or over you, it's always out of reach..."
I'm sinking still right into:
Oh my god where are you now?
Fractured lives dissolving
Like sugar in the sacrament
The wall blows in with the explosion that just shook London from those madmen's ritual, the Doctor's brother and I slip into the hell that is Delilah headquarters. For all my years as part of that organization, I've never been so happy at a mass death as with that explosion that gave us away in.
Over head on the banister, there's a second bang, after the explosion. A gunshot, and then anguished yells of father, and a second gunshot.
Jizabel.
I run up the stairs; I panic; I can't fail after all I owe you, kid; I can't have you save me, and then not return the favor; and you can't be selfish enough to make me fail in the one thing that matters now. At the top of the stairs, Jizabel's still standing, shaking between the ex-butler and his father's crumpled form on the banister. There's a bullet wound at his breast (a lung, probably, from how he heaves) and blood pouring down his leg, yet Jizabel still insists on pulling out his scalpel and facing down a man with a gun, all for his father. Poor kid, don't you know the Card Master would never do that for you? Of course, of course you do, he's probably told you such himself. I can't just stand by and watch you die for him, Jizabel.
"Doctor!"
The moment where Jizabel looks up at me is enough to doom him; I hear a loud, sick thud. He violently slides along the white marble floor, (a mess of silver, white, and crimson) after the butt of the gun gets slammed into his temple.
"Jizabel!" " Riff!" When did the Earl get up the stairs?
We both rush to our- our respective reasons to have even gone into this hell on earth. I tremble out prayer I'd never known before as I kneel by the Doctor's side to check his pulse. I promise I'll pray to that deity every day from now on, after finding out the kid's just out cold.
I have to get him out of here fast, to a doctor and to a home. The swears just won't cut it now. I run a hand through his hair, to get it out of the wound in his chest. He gasps through parted lips as his body fights to get enough air from just one lung. There's no way Jizabel will survive it with out surgery, and there's no way he can survive in the sewers with it. I stroke his pale hand, it's cool as porcelain. He- he can't just die in the end of all this, not for that bastard Alexis, but- but I don't have the money for a doctor and clean hotel. Unless-
Unless I make good on the payment Earl Cain owes me.
If it was just one night
Then we would be released
Tie these lies between our teeth
Keep tearing open bodies
'Let it bleed'
Tonight
Where have you gone?
Off with the friends you couldn't keep
Your mother's arms
Fill up with all the empty needs
So the saints line up to bring her in,
Comfort her and it's always comforting
When they start to sing,
the same old:
My father, my brother and Riff are all here. No, not Riff. It's Riffael, the Riffael that spied on and betrayed me. The Riffael who's an agent of Delilah, that I must be willing to... kill.
But still, he's Riff. I can't forget that. Nothing can make forget he was Riff, or make me stop hoping he's still my Riff; the Riff who'd gladly drink tea in hell with me. Nothing could make me forget that.
"It can't be! Don't look at me! Don't look at me!"
Not even the cold hand that's closing around my throat.
Bang His arm, Riff just shot his own arm. My Riff.
I can't help the disbelief and hope in my voice: "Riff... is that really you?"
"I was delayed... Lord Cain...!" I know I should focus on my mission, on my father, on Delilah, but I just run to Riff instead. I'm about to throw my arms about Riff, before his... current state has me taken aback.
"Riff...What's wrong, what did Delilah do to you?"
Riff gives a small, gentle smile before bringing his unharmed hand to my cheek.
"Lord Cain... what they did was long ago, before I met you. I- I am one on Delilah's experiments: a deadly doll."
My heart's sinking to the pit of my stomach as I try to comprehend what Riff is saying, but Riff just keeps speaking:
"And, it seems, now that I've killed the Tower, that the spell is broken. Forgive me, Lord Cain...It seems, that I must now go as God intende-"
I pound my fists to his chest:
"How can you say that, Riff!? You're not dead! You're not even dead!"
Riff's arms envelope me, as he presses his lips to my forehead before speaking softly:
"Cain, it is beyond me to do anything. Please, let it be..."
"That is absolutely incorrect. The maintenance and repair of deadly doll is very straight forward, for those with the skill."
Those aren't my words. I spin around and notice my tour guide is now a different man: the scars are gone, his hair is now a neat short chocolate and... he is desperately cradling my brother as tightly as he can. I think- I think I recognize him:
"Who are you? Are you part of Delilah? What do you know?! Answer me?!"
The man walks toward me, steps heavy from my brother's weight. He breaths deeply before speaking:
"If you want your friend to live, you've only got one option: take the Doctor and me with you, to your estate. Shelter us from Delilah until this blows over."
"Are you insane?! Do you have any idea how deranged that man is! You're asking me to kill my family!" I can't help my reaction, but it makes the man irate.
"You don't have the right to talk that way, Hargreaves. The Doctor is the only man who'd be able to prolong your friend's life. Now, please, just agree so we don't both leave empty handed..."
Riff steps toward the man, cautiously reaching for the Doctor while he speaks: "I have some knowledge of medicine, if you let me take a look, I might be able to help him. Cain, please come here to help me with you brother."
I step up to Riff and help him shift the Doctor toward the floor to be examined, the man just watches as Riff prepares to put a compress on the Doctor. My brother's breaths are quick and shallow. I speak up addressing the man: "Help Riff, and you're welcome to stay with us, sir-"
"Cassian. It's Cassian; thank you. I have to take care of something first though."
'Holy holy, lift up your dress
Feel your body dissolving
Like sugar in the sacrament'
"If it was just one night
Then you could be redeemed
Tie these sins between your teeth,
Make hollow promises we'll never keep tonight."
Jizabel... is being helped. That makes me feel less alone, but there's still the devil in the room. I'm glad I took off my disguise, just in case. Just in case Alexis Hargreaves wakes up, I want him to understand that the reason he'll die isn't some ridiculous cursed blood, but an angry ex-trump card wanting to free the eldest son he always spits on.
I lift a marble bust from it's pedestal. I am not being irrational or vindictive towards the Card Master. That monster has to die so Jizabel can live and be free; if his Father lives, Jizabel will just turn into a pillar of salt when he looks back. I slam the bust down on the Card Master's skull. And again, and again. I speak to him in shaking breaths through clenched teeth:
"You dead bastard! Did you ever care for Jizabel?! Because he cared about you! Do you even know how much your love'd have meant to him?!"
I keep bringing the marble statue to his head. I'm not brutal. I'm... fair.
"Of course you knew! And you didn't care! You don't care! Don't you care now that Jizabel's there dying for you?! How can't you care?! He's your son, he's a child."
The Card Master's head is a bloody mess, now. I'm only being fair.
"You were supposed to protect him, but now he's hurt because of protecting you. Can't you appreciate that Jizabel tried to save you, even when you're not worth saving?" But Jizabel is.
There's barely any intact skull left. And, I'm only being... fair. After all you owe your sons.
When I look up, the half-brother and butler are staring. I wipe off what blood I can, and sheepishly ask:
"Is the Doctor alright?"
"He's going to be stable for a couple hours, but still needs medicine and a surgeon." The butler speaks. I exhale before I can respond.
"Right, thank you. Now, about getting you stable. Come sit here."
I slit the Card Master's throat on to Riff when he's close enough, and then walk over to Jizabel. The kid still looks a mess, but he's stopped bleeding and is now breathing slower and deeper; all in all, he looks... Alright. Like he's going to be alright.
"I just can't leave you alone, can I Jizabel?"
After he's settled in my arms, I announce to Riff and Cain that we should get back to the sewers and leave. Now.
As we slip away, there's a commotion from Delilah: the Card Master's dead and Death is missing, they say. Death assassinated the Card Master, they say. We run.
This is all we've ever known of God.
Fight with me let me touch you now.
Ah... that was the longest chapter I imagine this fic will have, and the events probably took no more than twenty minutes.
I always felt the Godchild was arbitrarily tragic; (silting your throat because of a bullet to the shoulder?)but that was needed for the theme of "accept the loss of your loved ones and live on."
Blah.
Note:
lyrics are from Thursday's Sugar in the Sacrament,
and that last part with Cassian's important.
