Author's Notes: The magnificent (well, not actually magnificent) tale continues. I don't own the Looney Tunes or the Avatar characters. If I did, I would make a movie all about me talking with Daffy Duck. Seriously, who doesn't want to do that?! Thanks!
The Avatar Retoirns
Ha! Ha! Oh god, that title is hilarious. Using jokes that need audio in a text-only story… you are a genius!
Ha…
… oh, right, the story.
When we last saw our heroes- if we could use that term to talk about them, I mean, so far, they're not really heroes, just one semi-hyperactive naïve trickster, a girl filled with hope and an extremely paranoid boy, but since that title is too long, let's just call them heroes- they had successfully triggered a flare in a century old Fire Navy ship, warning another ship (that just happened to be floating nearby) of their location. As Bugs and Lola returned to the Tribe, they found that a line of adults were at the entrance, ready to "welcome" them back, but not before a group of cute and innocent kids joyfully ran towards them.
"Yay!" The kids cheered. "Bugs' back! We're easily excited because nothing happens here!"
"Eeeeh... what's up, kids!" Bugs said, replying with the same level of joy. He raised his head, noticing all the adults, and silently leaned towards Lola. "I don't think the old guys are happy to see us back."
"What gave you that idea?" Lola asked, raising an eyebrow.
They both turned to face the adults: one of them was sharpening an axe, another was eating raw beef, ripping it apart with his hands and another one was writing "crucify him" in a sign.
"Just a hunch." Bugs said, gulping.
"I k-knew it!" A stuttering voice yelled, as Porky ran through the line of adults, pointing at Bugs. "You signaled the F-Fire Navy with that f-flare! You're leading them straight into us, aren't you?"
"Porky, stop being so paranoid!" Lola said, stepping in front of Bugs. "This was simply a circumstantial event that only happened thanks to certain events and discoveries that led us to a path which could only end in this version of our universe!"
"... which means..." Porky asked, glaring at the two.
"There was a booby trap on that ship, and we boobied right into it." Bugs said from behind Lola, who was desperately trying to hush him.
"Lola, you shouldn't have gone on that ship!" Gran Gran said, stepping forward. "Why couldn't you listen to all my ominous warnings and eerily profound descriptions of the place?! Now we could all be in great danger!"
"… don't blame her." Bugs said, gently pushing Lola aside and stepping forward. "I brought her there. It's my fault." He raised his head, tapping his chin. "Although it was very easy to convince her to step inside, so maybe you should start talking to her about trusting people she found trapped inside icebergs—"
"Aha! The t-traitor confesses!" Porky said angrily, pointing right at Bugs' nose. "Warriors, step away from the traitor!" As the children walked away, all while tribe members melodramatically played the a sad song in the background. "T-this foreigner is banned from the v-village!"
"Porky, you're making a mistake." Lola said, clenching her fists.
"Yeah!" Bugs said, nodding. "And since when do you have authority over the entire place? Shouldn't you consult with the elders? How does the political system here work, anyway? Is it bi-partisan?"
"… n-n-no!" Porky said, stomping down his foot. "I'm keeping my promise to Dad. I'm p-protecting you from t-thr-thre-malicious beings like him!"
"Bugs is not our enemy!" Lola replied, glaring down at her brother. "Don't you see? Bugs brought us something we haven't had in a long time…"
"Electricity?" One of the adults asked.
"No, he—"
"Fresh, clean water?" Another adult asked.
"No! Bugs—"
"Women's suffrage?"
"No!" Lola yelled. She sighed, raising both of her hands. "Bugs' brought us fun."
"F-fun?!" Porky repeated, slightly annoyed. "We can't f-fight firebenders with fun! It's an abstract concept! It cannot h-hur-hu-inflict physical damage on p-people!"
"You should try it some time." Bugs said, munching down on a carrot. "It's good for your skin."
"Get out of our village!" Porky said, pointing at the snowy mountains behind Bugs. "Now!"
"You want me to get out of your village?" Bugs repeated, slowly, pointing with his carrot at himself and then at the village.
"Yes!" Porky nodded, angrily.
"So you want me to get out." Bugs asked.
"Yes, I w-want you to get out!"
"But I want to get in."
"But I want y-you to get out!"
"I really want to get in."
"No! No! No! Y-you're going to get out!"
"But what if I get in?"
"You're g-going out!"
"In?"
"O-out!"
"In?"
"O-out!"
"Out!"
"I-In!"
"Alright, fine, I'm getting out!"
"No!" Porky yelled back, marching towards Bugs. "I w-want you to get in!"
"If I'm getting in, you're getting out!" Bugs turned around, but Porky grabbed his shoulders.
"I am g-getting out, bunny!"
"Fine! Then get out!"
"F-fine!" Porky said, adjusting his coat and marching out of the village as Bugs took his place besides Lola, a smug smile on his face. He munched on a carrot, watching as Porky marched away from the village for a few minutes, before realizing what he was doing and running back. "GET OUT!"
"Gran Gran, please," Lola said, turning to her grandmother, clasping her hands together. "Don't let Porky do this!"
"… what is our political system, anyways?" Gran Gran said to no one in particular, before being brought back to the real world. "Oh, no. I'm sorry, Lola. You knew going on that ship was forbidden, and yet you went in. As a responsible adult, I shall listen to the paranoid child and say… maybe it's best if the airbender leaves."
"Fine!" Lola said, throwing her hands in the air. "Then I'm banished too! And no, Porky, that doesn't mean you can have my room!" She turned around, and began to drag Bugs away. "Come on, let's go."
"Where d-do you think you're going?" Porky asked, stepping in front of her.
"To find a waterbender." Lola said, pushing him aside. "Bugs is taking me to the North Pole."
"I am?!" Bugs asked, raising an eyebrow and his hands. "Oh no, don't drag me into your family issues!"
"Lola!" Porky said, dropping the glare for the first time since the two returned from the ship, and replacing it with a frown. "Would you r-really choose him over your tribe? Over your own f-family?!"
The female bunny stopped dragging the airbender, right between Gossamer and her tribe. A beat. Lola looked at the Tribe, then at Bugs.
"With your b-brother?"
Lola raised an eyebrow, looking back at Bugs.
"Where you've lived all your life?!"
Another beat. Lola kept looking at Bugs.
Bugs slowly stood up, standing in front of her and placing a hand on her shoulder. "Listen, Lola." He said, a frown on his face. "I don't want to stand between you and your family. I just… wouldn't feel right knowing I did this to you. Even if I like seeing your brother's "just-got-pranked" face."
"So." Lola said, looking down, still visibly upset. "You're leaving the South Pole. This… this is goodbye?"
"Thanks for penguin sledding with me." Bugs said, nodding to where the two had stood a few hours ago, talking about the best ways to penguin sled. "And for following me into that ship. Even though your grandmother told you not do so. For a long time. Yeaaah, on second thought that does seem like a stupid idea, doesn't it?"
"Where will you go?"
"I think I'll go back home. To the other airbenders." He chuckled as he turned around to face Gossamer. "Wow. Just remembered I haven't cleaned my room in a hundred years. Or fed my pet. Or cleaned my nuclear power station. Better set my anticipation levels really high so the damage I get from any sudden revelations will never be fixed by any kind of therapy!" He laughed once more, expecting everyone to laugh with him, but when all he got were glares and frowns, he stopped, just as he climbed Gossamer's head with the help of his airbending. "Nice meeting everyone."
"Let's see your b-big red t-thing fly now, air bunny." Porky said, crossing his arms.
"Yes, Porky, real subtle." Bugs commented, before flicking Gossamer's reigns and yelling "yep yep". The big red thing didn't fly, merely rising and growling at its owner.
"Yeah, y-yeah, I thought so!" Porky said, mockingly. "At least m-my big red thing f-flies when I want it to fly."
"No! Buuugs!" A random girl ran through the crowd, standing next to Lola, tears coming out of her eyes like a fountain. "I'll miss y—" Unfortunately, she never got to finish her sentence, as Lola punched her in the face without even turning back to look at her.
"Beat it." She said under her breath to the girl. "He's mineeee."
"I'll miss you too, random stranger." Bugs said, nodding to everyone before staring at Lola for a few long minutes, the two frowning like this was the worst moment in their lives (wait until they get to season two, oh boy, that's a doozy). Porky slowly slid into view, an eyebrow arched. "Could we s-speed this up?" He asked, looking at his wrist. "I've g-got a village to look after."
Bugs let out one last sigh and pulled on Gossamer's reigns, as the big red thing walked away from the village, eventually disappearing behind a hill. As the village returned to norml, Gran Gran walked up to Lola, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Lola, you'll feel better, especially since we finally decided to set up a real political system for our tri—"
Lola slapped her grandmother's hand away, turning around to face her with tearful eyes. "I hope you're happy! I hope you're happy now! I hope you're happy how you ruined my cause forever, I hope you think you're clever!" She gestured in the direction Bugs took off. "There goes my only chance to become a real waterbender! And of seeing the outside world! And of actually having a social life that goes past my idiotic brother!" The girl looked down, wiping her tears away with the sleeve of her coat, marching away furiously, leaving Gran Gran to stare at the snow.
Meanwhile, Porky approached the young boys outside the village, getting them ready for battle. "A-alright, men, ready our defenses! The F-Fire Nation could be in our shores at any minute!... and no potty jokes!"
A grunt.
"Yeah." Bugs replied, looking at his half-eaten carrot. "I agree. The daffodils are really nice this time of year."
The two were not that far away from the village, lazily lying on an ice formation. The young bunny was staring at the sky, while Gossamer was too busy trying to get bits of snow out of his shoes. Gossamer grunted once more, and Bugs sighed.
"Yeah, I liked her too." Bugs stared at the carrot. "I mean, Porky was just paranoid. Of course a Fire Ship would coincidentally be near enough to see that hundred year old flare—" Bugs stopped talking as soon as he spotted something unusual and pretty dangerous: a Fire Nation ship, advancing towards the Southern Water Tribe, apparently unnoticed. "I gotta stop using sarcasm in bad situations."
Bugs stood up, motioning for Gossamer to stay there as he slid off the ice formation, running towards the village. Gossamer replied with another long grunt, and got back to removing bits of snow from his shoes.
Prince Daffy remained motionless as his servants helped him put on his battle outfit, covering almost every part of his body with armor. The duck didn't move an inch, staring at the nothing in front of him with a glare full of determination, even as his servants scratched his beak for him or fed him meat and juice.
"Prince Daffy, you must choose…" Foghorn said, raising his hand with a glare, as he abruptly pointed to a servant holding two types of helmets- one red with blue details and one blue with red details. "Which one do you think looks better?"
"Think I'll take the one with the blue details." Daffy said, tapping his chin. "That's because they look like lightning bolts. I like lightning bolts. They're important to me and to the plot."
Porky was going through a similar process, except this one he was doing all by himself (contrast!) while inside his little tent. He put on his gloves, boots, bindings, eventually applying face paint. At first, he accidentally painted his face all black. Before the censors could kick in, he painted some white lines, but groaned once he realized he basically did some whiskers right next to his nose. Eventually, he gave up, going for an all-blue face paint, similar to a classic Water Tribe face painting. He grabbed his club, glancing at a candle who did a dramatic dance that Porky interpreted as flickering, before leaving his tent and going towards the low wall surrounding the village.
"Kurak! What did I tell you about being stupid for dramatic shots?" A mother told her son as she squatted besides him, picking him up. However, a loud sound attracted her attention, causing her to turn in fright, in complete sync with all the other villagers. Suddenly, the ground began to quake, and a rumbling noise could be heard in the distance, just as the mother (now carrying her child) and other citizens backed away in fright, bits of the wall cracking and breaking off. As a watchtower on the wall collapsed (again, who made these out of ICE?!), Porky stared at the distance, his jaw almost dropping to the floor.
"Oh n-no."
The citizens began to flee from the scene, now entering full-on useless citizen mode (except for the soundtrack band, who kept playing even as the world around them was destroyed… god bless those men), as Lola ran past them and approached her brother, her look turning into one of horror as the enormous shadow of the bow of Daffy's ship came into view. "Oh n-nooooo." was all Porky said as the ship cut through icy sea, a giant sign saying " NOW GASP" attached to its front. The ship's bow plowed through the snowy shores, splintering the ground, all while the same tribe member from before continued to viciously bang on his drums, providing the soundtrack to the situation. The ship's approach caused a large crack that quickly travelled towards the village and through the wall as Lola helped people get into their tents, all of them swinging their arms in the air and running around in circles. As she finished helping her grandmother get inside, Lola turned back to view her brother. "Porky, GET AWAY!"
Porky was still standing on the wall, the bow of the ship getting closer and closer. Porky gritted his teeth, raising his club in the air and—"Why am I even d-doing this?" He asked, arching his eyebrows and looking at the club. "Like there's any way I'd hit that. You know, f-folks, there's a fine, fine l-line between comic relief and s-s-stupidit—" But before Porky could finish his rant, the bow crumbled a large part of the wall into ruins, sending the snow sliding downwards and pushing Porky several feet back before he landed to a halt. With a loud hiss of steam, the ship came to a halt as well, which prompted the villagers to leave the safety of their tents to stare at complete shock at the large vessel.
The bow of the ship opened, creaking forward in a burst of steam, forming a walkway, causing Porky to back up and fall to the ground once the bow hit the ground with a loud thud. The villagers gathered close around, some of them even covering their eyes as Prince Daffy emerged from the mist, singing out loud his own theme song. "BAM BAM BAM! BAM BAM BAM! BAM BAM BAAAAM!" He was about to finish, stepping into the snow with two guards right behind him. Porky raised his club in the air, charging towards him, and Daffy simply kicked the club to his left following that with another kick that sent Porky into the snow. "Pretty cool, huh?" He said to no one in particular, contemplating his nails. "Now, who said I was just a duck with a temper? Where was I? Oh yes." He nodded towards the soundtrack band, and the leader quickly changed the papers, counting to three and finishing the theme song. "BAM BAM BAAAAAAAAAM! Grand finale."
All the villagers stared in shock at Daffy, who just rolled his eyes. "Simpletons. Probably never saw steam or electricity in their lives. With the way technology is so undeveloped and so unexplained in this world, you never know." He said, shrugging, as he walked towards the villagers. "Villagers! Bring me all your elderly!" He yelled, raising his hand into the air, only to receive silence as a resposne. "… right." He leaned back towards one of the soldiers. "Kick officer Patel out of the ship, that line was ridiculous. Ahem! I said… where are you hiding him?!
The villagers remained silent, and Daffy stepped forward, grabbing a random member of the crowd. "He'd be about this age!" He said, pointing at the random person, finally noticing he grabbed a little baby. He shoved the baby back in the crowd and pulled out Gran Gran. "This age! Just… not a woman! And with beard! Perhaps even gray hair! Master of four elements! And definitely not wearing those horrible clothes!"
Daffy shoved Gran Gran back in the crowd, walking in circles before swinging his arm out, releasing a blast of fire that passed just over the head of the crowd. "I know you're hiding him! Come oooon! I've been looking for you for years now! Please, just come out!" He tapped his feet on the ground, sighing. "Fine, if you want to do this the hard way…" He said, gritting his teeth as the music built up. "I'm going to cover my eyes and count to three. If, when I open my eyes, the Avatar is not in front of me, we're going to have a really, really bad time!"
As the prince placed his hand over his eyes, Porky eyed his club, the face paint mostly gone as he stood up, grabbing the club. A child slowly threw him a spear, mouthing the phrase "no potty jokes", to which Porky replied with a grin. He turned towards Daffy, who was still on number one, even if it had already been twenty seconds, and charged towards him. The duck, however, turned around with a smile. "A-ha! It was all a trick, you fool!" He said as he grabbed the club with one hand, hitting Porky's face with the other. "Oh, I don't want to gloat, but I didn't think that hand trick would work. It did work on that clone of mine hiding behind my mirror, though."
The pig fell to the ground, dropping his club, and he quickly grabbed his boomerang from god knows where (I don't think any of us want to know where they pull out their stuff from), throwing it towards Daffy. Daffy, who was slowly walking towards Porky just for the sake of it, easily dodged it, and when Porky attempted to charge at him with the spear, he easily broke parts of it with his forearm, pulling it from Porky's grasp. With a smug grin, he poked the pig with his own weapon, and then broke it in half, two small balls of fire appearing on his fingertips. "You shall forever remind today as the day you almost successfully hit Prince Daffy, of the Fire N—"
CLANG! Daffy found himself letting out a yell of pain as the boomerang returned and hit him right in the back of his head. Porky only celebrated for a moment as Daffy gritted his teeth, getting ready to attack. But something else grabbed his attention. Not something. Someone. Someone on top of a penguin, sliding down towards the village. And also… humming his own theme song. "Daaa, daaa daaa, daaaa!" Bugs yelled as he approached the village, grinning as he collided into Daffy, flying into the air and sending the falling backwards, soaring into the air and landing several feet away on his face, his helmet falling on his rear.
"Eeeh." Bugs said as he landed near the villagers, munching on a carrot. "What's up, doc?"
The villagers stared at him in silence, before bursting into cheers and celebration. "B-Bugs." Porky said, a bit… under the weather. "Thanks for coming."
"Oh, what's that?" Bugs said, raising his ear. "I'm sorry. Did I just hear you saying oh I guess banishing you wasn't a good idea after all? Because if I didn't, I could always go penguin slide somewhere else."
"Alright, a-alright!" Porky said, standing up. "… I-I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry foooor?"
"… for… for… for not trusting you. And for stealing your staff at night. And for rubbing it against at my face. R-repeatedly."
Bugs stared at Porky with wide eyes as the pig shook his hand. "No amount of therapy will ever fix this."
The two turned to face Prince Daffy, who was standing up, his beak now on the other side of his face. Glaring at Bugs, he readjusted his beak, muttering to himself. "He makes a fool out of me in front of them and even hums his own theme song? He's a threat not only to my position of power, but also to my masculinity! Men! Spread out!" The soldiers followed his command, surrounding Bugs and assuming fight stances. Bugs did the same, holding his staff in front of him. He swept the ground with his staff, showering the soldiers with snow, and then slammed it on the ground, sending another shower of snow towards Daffy, who easily melted it off.
"Looking for me, Doc?" Bugs asked, ready to attack once more.
"Wait. You're the Avatar?!" Daffy asked, jaw dropping to the floor. "You're the airbender?!"
"Bugs?!" Porky asked.
"Eh, I knew it." Lola said, shrugging. "Considering the information that's well-known to the public, you'd think we'd have associated the facts long before this, don't you?" She looked at all the other three main characters, who were now glaring at her. "Fine, fine. Oooh. What a surprise."
"I've spent years preparing for this encounter." Daffy said as the two began moving about in a circular pattern, both awaiting the attack of the other. "And you're just a child! You'd think that this fact would actually make me happy due to it making this fight considerably more easier, but, no, I'm angry!"
"Well, you're just a teenager." Bugs said.
"Am I?" Daffy asked, stopping. "That's something that was never that clear to me. I mean, I'm a duck, and there's no discernible traits that can pinpoint my exact age. I'm supposed to be fifteen and yet I look more like I'm… I'm…"
"Eighteen?"
"Seventeen?"
"Seventy five?"
"No! That doesn't matter now!" Daffy yelled, launching a series of fire blasts at Bugs, who defend himself by doing a little dance, a pirouette, landing on his tiptoe and twirling his staff. The fight continued, until one of the blasts was accidentally directed at the villagers, an act that made Bugs stop fighting.
"If I go with you," He said, holding out his staff in front of him as a sign of peace, "will you leave these people alone?"
Daffy stood up, tapping his chin. He opened his mouth, but Bugs soon spoke again. "If you say yes now, I'll throw in the keys to my big red thing free of charge." Daffy's reply was another tap of the chin, to which Bugs replied with "and a free dinner at MacBender's." After this last offer, Daffy finally agreed, and the soldiers apprehended Bugs, taking away his staff.
"A-ha!" Daffy yelled. "Victory is MINE! I won! All those years of hard work built up to this day, the day I captured the Avatar using simple basic diplomacy!"
Lola stepped forward. "No! Bugs! Don't do this!"
"Don't worry, Lola." Bugs replied, smiling weakly. "I'll be fine. By the way, thanks for helping me in that fight back there, eh?!" He said, his smile disappearing from his face.
"Set a course for the Fire Nation." Daffy replied as the soldiers took Bugs into the ship, also bringing with them the Water Tribe soundtrack band.
"Why are you bringing them along?" Bugs asked, raising an eyebrow.
"I like to have my own personal soundtrack band. It makes life more exciting. Plus, that soundtrack? I smell an Annie Award coming our waaaay!" He said, snapping his fingers and pointing at Bugs. "Oh, excuse me, I have to bring everyone's moods down." As the giant bow closed, Daffy stared down at the Water Tribe members and raised his hand, a mischievous grin in his face. "AND NOBODY IS GOING TO BRING. ME. DOOOOOOWN!" He yelled as the music entered its grand finale, the bow locking into place with a thud.
Later that day, the Water Tribe was very, very busy. Half of the tribe was discussing the new bi-partisan political system that would be adopted later that year to avoid what politicians were calling "the bending cliff" and the other half was busy reconstructing some of their houses by using… ice. Seriously? Because that worked so well in the first time! Hey! How about making a squad of people to go on that big ship and just take stuff from there! Stuff like… better materials! Come on, people! Think! Maybe I should stop worrying about this so much, after all, this place never shows up on the show after these two episodes.
Yeah. Think about that.
Lola was too busy brooding to look at anything. After hours of meaningless stares into the fire, she finally turned around and spoke up. "Porky." She said, just as her brother walked past her, carrying a sack filled with tools. "Listen… we have to go after that ship, Porky. Bugs saved our tribe, and now we have to save him."
"Yeah, t-the way that ponytail g-guy couldn't beat a twelve-year-old makes me th—"
"Porky!" Lola yelled, standing up. "Don't you understand?! He's on our side! If we don't help him, no one will!"
"I just said that our chances are really high, especially since we're the main characters—"
"I know you don't like Bugs, but you can't deny the change he brought to our lives!"
"The guy h-hums his own theme song, I think we can beat him p-pretty easily—"
"And the most important part, he's the Avatar—"
"W-W-WE'RE GOING AFTER HIM, WOMAN!"
Lola stopped talking once Porky repeatedly pointed at the canoe he had just finished preparing, which prompted his sister to run up to him to give him a big ol' hug, filled with love. "G-get in," Porky said, putting on his sunglasses and offering one to Lola, "we're going to s-s-save your boyfriend."
"He's not my boyfriend." Lola said, putting on her sunglasses and entering the canoe.
"… yet." Porky added with a smirk as he entered the canoe, and Lola replied with another smirk.
"What do you two think you're doing?"
The siblings gritted their teeth as they turned to see their grandmother, who looked down at them… before smiling warmly. "Take this, you'll need it." She said, handing them a sleeping bag. "And these too." She nodded, handing them a bag filled with your food. "And this." A bag full of rocks. "You have a long, tiring, three-season long journey ahead of you. You never know when it's time to get stoned." Gran Gran then looked at Lola. "It's been so long since I've had hope, but you brought it back to life, my little waterbender… and you, my brave warrior, be brave to your sister. Also, bring back the soundtrack band, life without them here is soquiet."
"Y-yeah, okay, Gran." Porky said, a bit embarrassed as Gran Gran suddenly hugged the two. However, he couldn't hold back a smile as his grandmother gave him a pat in the back.
"Bugs is the Avatar, the main character, and the main selling point for the toy line. You both found him for a reason: to keep this war from reaching arc fatigue." Gran Gran said, clasping her hands. "Now your destinies are intertwined with his. And by intertwined, I mean intertwined." She said, wiggling her eyebrows.
"… I don't get it." Lola said.
"Oh, you will." Gran Gran said, taking a step back. "You will."
"A-alright, sister." Porky said, cracking his knuckles. "It's a bunch of sea to the ship, we're just t-two kids, it's the S-South Pole… and we're wearing a-anachronistic sunglasses."
"… let's find a better mode of transportation." Lola said, raising her finger and pointing at the icy hills just as Gossamer finished climbing them, growling as he spotted the far-away tribe. "Look! Gossamer! What an incredibly useful coincidence!"
"O-oh boy." Porky said to himself as his sister excitedly left the canoe and ran towards the giant red thing. "This is g-going to suck."
Meanwhile, in Prince Daffy's ship, Bugs, Daffy, Foghorn and a few soldiers were all standing on the deck while the soundtrack band started to play a rap-like tune. Bugs' hands were still bound behind his back as Daffy walked from one side to the other, inspecting the bunny's staff:
"I suppose this staff will be an excellent gift to my father." Daffy said, turning to Bugs. "But I suppose you wouldn't know what a father is, having been raised by monks!" He said, raising his hands in the air as all his soldiers started yelling "ooooh". "Apply cold water to the burned area because you've just been burneeeeed!" Daffy yelled back as the soldiers started to chant "go Daffy", leaving Bugs to just stare at everything with athis is the stupidest person I have ever seen in my entire life expression.
Foghorn had a similar expression, but instead of just staring at everything, he pulled out a plank of wood from his sleeve and whacked Daffy in the head, prompting the soundtrack band to stop playing. "Now, boy, if all you're going to do is rub useless facts in your prisoner's face, that is, I suggest you do it while he's behind bars." He then turned to Bugs. "No offense."
"None taken."
"Right! Good idea, Uncle." Daffy said, slapping away the birdies flying around his head. "Soldiers! Take him to a prison hold. And you," he turned to Foghorn, handing him the staff. "Take this to my quarters. I have to get back to my daily brooding session."
As Daffy walked away and the soldiers took Bugs to a prison hold, Foghorn stared at the staff before turning to a firebender. "Do you mind taking this to his quarters? I'm old, I say, I'm old and that allows me to slack off."
Underneath the bridge, two soldiers were taking Bugs to the prison hold, one in front of him and the other one behind him. He looked up at the soldier in front of him with a sly grin. "I bet I could defeat both of you with my hands tied."
"Not amused." The soldier replied, and Bugs shrugged, turning to the other soldier, pulling out a carrot from his sleeve and offering it to him. Once the soldier rejected it, Bugs began his attack by poking the soldier in the eye with the carrot, which made him fall to the ground, all while yelling nonstop. "It's… it's just a carrot." Bugs meekly said, turning around and blowing the first soldier
away with his airbending- sorry, had to go to the bathroom. The blow sent the soldier flying against the wall, which allowed Bugs to easily escape by just walking around the soldier on the floor (who was still yelling). Bugs even yelled "it's just a carrot" once more, before beginning his frantic run down the corridors- running and panting, always looking over his shoulder to check if anyone was following him
"Sir!" One soldier yelled as he entered the deck, panting. One of the ship's lieutenants stopped playing Super Distracting Scrabble with another soldier just to hear the tired soldier tell him that the Avatar had escaped. "The Avatar…" The lieutenant runs over to the soldier that was playing with him. "The Avatar has escaped!"
"Fly l-like an eagle," Porky sang as Gossamer swam through the sea, an exceedingly worried Lola in the back of the saddle as Porky continued his attempt to make the big red creature fly. "T-to the sea. Fly like an e-eagle—"
"This isn't going to work, Porky." Lola looked down at the creature as it growled again. "Please, Gossamer. We need your help. Bugs needs your help."
"You can fly, you c-can fly, you can fly!"
"Porky doesn't believe you can fly, but I do." Lola said as she scratched Gossamer's fur. "Come on. Don't you want to save Bugs?"
"What was it that bunny said? Yee-haw? Let's get ready to rumble? Yes, I's done on y'all farmlands? Left turn at A-Albuquerque?... uh… yep-yep?"
Porky and Lola were startled as Gossamer responded to that last command with a grunt as it proceeded to beat the water with its legs. After what seemed like a running start, Gossamer leaped, taking flight and soaring into the air by flapping his arms like some sort of hybrid of a chicken and a very ugly thing. "Y-you did it, Porky!" Lola yelled, ecstatic, as she held on to the saddle for her dear life.
"H-He's flying! He's flying!" Pork yelled as he looked over at the ground below down. "I can't stop projecting m-my happiness over this soon to be daily fact!" He then looked over at his sister, who was smirking. "I-I mean: cool. H-he's flying. I am projecting my under reaction t-to this soon to be d-daily fact."
"No, no, I'm pretty sure flabberflaster isn't a word."
A group of five soldiers were busy playing Super Distracting Scrabble while the soundtrack band took a break nearby. "No, man, I'm pretty sure it is." The second soldier said, trying to put down the f to complete the phrase.
"Oh yeah?" The first soldier asked, stroking his chin. "Put it in a context."
"This cabbage is like a… f-flabberflaster to me." The second soldier said, shrugging. "I don't know, I'm not a dictionary."
"How about flabbergasted?" Bugs said, munching on a carrot, standing right next to the other soldiers. "It means ecstatic. In other words, super happy."
"Oh, and it even matches the letters I have!" The second soldier said, patting Bugs in the shoulder. "Good job, lil' guy."
"By the way, have you guys seen my staff? It looks like a staff. It's made of wood."
All soldiers took a moment to think, talked among themselves and even checked their list of "stuff they're supposed to keep an eye on" until one of the soldiers snapped his fingers and remembered the staff was at one of the quarters nearby. Bugs thanked them and went on his merry way, and the soldiers quickly returned to their Scrabble game.
"That bunny dude looked funny."
"Yeah, he kinda looks like the Avatar."
"… you don't think?..."
All five soldiers looked at Bugs as he walked down the corridor. "Naaah." All of them said in unison, going back to their game. "We are so putting the Fire Nation's public investment into wars to good use." One of the soldiers said, a phrase that garnered many nods and hums of assessment from the other distracted soldiers.
Bugs, having walked past any threats without any major problems, soon spotted his staff hanging from one of the walls. He proudly stepped into the room, only for the door to close behind him, revealing Prince Daffy. "It seems I underestimated you, Avatar."
"Look, doc, I don't want to do this. Just let me go outside, alright?" Bugs said, raising his hands defensively. "It'll be better for both of us."
"Outside?!" Daffy scoffed. "I want you to stay inside!"
Bugs' semi-frown turned into a smirk as he suddenly realized the potential for trickery in this duck. Taking a step forward, Bugs adopted a prideful glare. "But I want to step outside!"
"Don't try to trick me, Avatar, you're staying inside!"
A few minutes later…
"Go outside, NOW!" Daffy yelled as Bugs lazily grabbed his staff, stepping out of the room while whistling. The Prince crossed his arms, letting out a chuckle, before he finally realized what he had just done. "GUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARDS!" He yelled, running after Bugs, throwing multiple fire blasts his way until he finally stepped outside into the upper deck. The bunny turned towards the outraged Prince, who was now stomping towards the Avatar with multiple soldiers behind him.
"Now listen here, bub!" Daffy said as two fire balls appeared in his hands. "There's no way out! You're mine, Avatar!"
"I wouldn't count on that." Bugs slyly said as he pressed a button, turning his normal staff into a glider, just as the soundtrack adopted a happier version of Bugs' theme song. "Thanks, fellas!" The bunny said, nodding towards the soundtrack band, who was still playing in the lower deck as he ran off the edge, gliding towards freedom…
… that is, until a duck jumped after him, grabbing his ankle, sending the two plummeting down towards the lower deck of the ship, and right into the soundtrack band, sending all of its members into the sea. The duck and the bunny bounced a few times before coming to a halt, Bugs' glider closing back into a staff as he massaged his head, still dizzy from the fall.
Daffy, however, didn't go through the same process as Bugs. He was already up on his feet, walking up to the Avatar, a look of persistence in his face as even more soldiers backed him. He assumed a fighting stance, the comical expression in his face gone, a change that prompted Bugs to do the same, although he wasn't sure if this was the right choice. Before the fight could begin, a loud growl echoed through the air as Daffy looked up into the sky, completely shocked. "What is THAT?!" He yelled, pointing at the sky. Bugs turned to face the sky, and a big grin appeared on his face as he saw a good old friend.
"Gossamer!"
Bugs turned around, deflecting one of Daffy's firebending attacks by spinning his glider around like a baton. However, this maneuver also propelled him into the air by accident, making him land on the ledge. He leaned precariously over the side, attempting to balance himself, noticing how this scene would be tenser if the soundtrack band was still on the deck and probably not freezing to death. Bugs finally regained his balance, letting out a sigh of relief, only for Daffy to fire another blast at him. He twirled his staff again. Two more blast followed, and Bugs did the same, but this time, he lost the grip on his glider, watching wide-eyed as the object flew into the air, landing several feet away. Bugs ducked, spun and leaped out-of-the-way of more blasts, always landing on the ledge, always trying to keep his balance. "Come on, doc, just stop! Like you're actuallygoing to knock out someone who is fluid like the air—"
Having not learned his lesson from the earlier use of sarcasm in dire situations, Bugs ended up taking another blast, and this one did it, knocking him out cold and sending him falling backwards off the ship and into the cold water where he slowly sank. "Bugs!" Lola yelled, horrified. "Bugs! Bugs! Bugs!" were the words that echoed in the cold water as Bugs continued to sink. But, suddenly, his eyes opened, now glowing a bright white, along with his arrow tattoos, as he frowned angrily.
See, it's not a Deus Ex Machina, because we set it up in the last episode.
Bugs steadied himself in the water as a waterspout began to form around him. He raised his hand and rocketed out of the water, erupting from the surface, riding a humongous spinning water vortex. This feat was enough to make pretty much everyone in the battlefield take a step back in horror, but Daffy was the only one that didn't move. You see, as he stared at his enemy's glowing eyes, he knew what he was thinking, and he could feel it coming as Bugs slowly opened his mouth as the water tornado overshadowed it:
"Apply cold water…" Bugs said, landing in the upper deck and raising his hands, the water tornado now following his every order. "… to the BURNED area."
Daffy didn't even have time to yell "irony" as the water tornado knocked him and several soldiers over the edge of the ship, all of them shouting in surprise as they found themselves falling towards the cold sea. Porky and Lola were watching everything from Gossamer's saddle:
"Did you see what he just did?!" Lola asked, shocked.
"Now that's what I call w-waterbending!" Porky said, nodding.
"Thought you called it freaky magic."
Porky shrugged. "Freakiness is r-relative. Also, him? Not my sister. Although, if you p-p-put on a wig on him…"
But the water show soon stopped, as Bugs collapsed on the ground from exhaustion, his eyes and tattoos no longer glowing. Gossamer, noticing his owner needed help, landed on the deck, allowing Porky and Lola to slide down his side and run to help their friend. "Bugs! Are you okay?" Lola asked, kneeling down beside him.
Bugs weakly opened his eyes, speaking in what sounded more like a whisper. "Porky. Lola. Thanks for coming. Did I… do good?"
Lola smiled. "Yes. Yes you d—"
"Y-you did amazing!" Porky said, squeeing like a little girl. "Whatever i-it is you did, y-you have to d-do it again when anything bad happens!"
"Think I…" Bugs said, taking a moment to catch his breath. "Dropped my staff."
"I'll g-get it." Porky said, walking over to Bugs' staff, which was now on the ledge of the ship. He grabbed one side, but let out a yelp of surprise as another hand grabbed the other side. He let out a horrified scream as Daffy attempted to pull himself up onto the deck, soaked and with bits of algae hanging from his armor. "Hello, bub." was all the duck said as the two began to struggle for a bit, until Porky poked Daffy repeatedly in the head with the end of the staff, mimicking what Daffy had done to him earlier. Daffy grunted and grunted, eventually letting go of the staff, falling backwards and off the ship, but managing to hold on to the ship's anchor. "Hah! T-t-that's all, sucker!" Porky said, doing a little dance to celebrate the occasion.
"Porky!" Lola yelled as she finished helping Bugs to climb on top of Gossamer's head. "Focus!" The bunny slid down the red creature's side, assuming a fighting stance as some soldiers who had been knocked down by Bugs' water attack stood up. She concentrated on bending out a small stream of water out of a puddle on deck, a feat which apparently befuddled the soldiers. "Seriously?" Lola asked. "This makes all of you… gasp?" She shrugged, using the opportunity to swing her arm around, completely encasing one of the soldiers in ice.
"Hey!" Porky yelled, pointing at his feet, who were also frozen by Lola's waterbending. In fact, the bunny had completely frozen only one soldier: the other ones had only their feet encased in ice. Lola soon climbed Gossamer, while Porky quickly used his boomerang to chip the ice. "I'm just a pig that can walk and talk and has a boomerang." He said to himself as he freed his left foot. "I didn't ask f-for this f-freaky magic!"
"Oh, now you call it freaky magic?!" Lola yelled back.
"F-freakiness is RELATIVE!" Porky yelled, freeing his right foot and climbing up Gossamer's sides. "Gossamer, ol' buddy! Get us o-o-out of here! Yep-yep!"
Gossamer grunted, kicking one of the soldiers away with his mighty foot, before taking flight, and disappearing inside the clouds just as Foghorn stepped out into the deck, rubbing his eyes. "I heard the sounds of disappointment and humiliation." He said to himself as he walked over to Daffy, who was pretty much boiling with rage as he finally got back on board the ship after being knocked out of it. Two times. By kids. "Well, seems like the Fire Nation's greatest threat is a little kid."
"That little kid, Uncle." Daffy said, surprisingly holding back the urge to just punch everything in his way. "Pretty much destroyed my entire ship and even pierced it with a giant ice spike."
"Doesn't change the fact it's still a little kid." Foghorn said, stroking his chin.
"I won't underestimate him again, that you can be sure of." Daffy said as he turned to the soldiers. "Dig the ship out! Follow them! And bring me officer Patel, I want to punch someone in the face! Next time, Uncle, next time we meet the Avatar, he'll be my prisoner."
"Oh, you have no idea how much that is coming back to bite you in the butt, son." Foghorn said, looking over at the damage. "You really have no idea…"
"Are you going to stay there looking at nothing or are you actually going to help me?"
Foghorn took one good look at Daffy and swiftly grabbed the plank of wood from his sleeve, whacking Daffy in the head with it once more. "Never, I say, never interrupt your Uncle's obvious foreshadowing." He said to Daffy, turning around just in time to not see his nephew fall off the ship once more.
Up in the sky, Gossamer lazily soared through the clouds, now flying by simply flapping his legs. Bugs was sitting on top of his head, while the two siblings were sitting in the back, excitedly talking about the events that just happened, and interrupting Gossamer's game of Crosswords (what had five letters and rhymed with disappointment?):
"How did you do that?!" Lola asked, bewildered. "The thing with the… water and the flibbity-flobbity and the glowy-owy and the scabadabopop!"
"I don't know." Bugs said, looking slightly downcast. "Just… did it. Like this voice was telling me what to do."
"… why didn't you tell us you were the Avatar?" Lola asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Because… because I never wanted to be the Avatar." Bugs said, looking down at the clouds behind us just to see the spirits of the soundtrack band floating into the Spirit World. "Alright, folks, give it up for the soundtrack band! You fellas did great!"
The soundtrack band simply nodded back before going from this one to the next one, in the hopes "the next one" wouldn't include being treated as comic relief characters:
"But Bugs, the world's been waiting for the Avatar to return just so we can put the huge load that is ending the war on his back so the fault isn't ours when stuff doesn't go our way!" Lola said, crawling forward.
"And just how am I supposed to do that, Lola?" Bugs said, crossing his arms. "If you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly a big buff guy that can sneeze and destroy an entire army. Although… that does sound interesting."
"According to the legend," Lola said, counting her fingers, "you need to first master water, then earth, then fire, right?"
"How come you know these things now, but back then, you couldn't even put two and two together and realize I'm the Avatar?" Bugs asked.
"If we go to the North Pole, we can learn waterbending! And we can learn it together!"
Bugs couldn't help but smile. "And then I can advance my relationship with you to acceptable levels of romance!"
"And Porky, I'm sure you'll get to knock- or run away in fear from, your choice- some firebender heads on the way." Lola said, turning to her brother.
"I'd like that." Porky said, clasping his hands. "I-I'd reaaaally like that. Mwa. Mwaha. MWAHAHA. MWAHAHAHAHAHA—will I get a possible love interest?"
"If we have space in the budget for something, yes." Lola said, turning back to Bugs. "Then we're all in this together!"
"Overly optimistic statement!" Bugs said, jumping into the saddle and pulling out a rolled up scroll from god knows where. "Alright, but before I learn waterbending, we have some serious business to attend to." He unrolled the scroll, revealing a map of the world. "Here, here, here and here." He said, pointing to four locations scattered around the world.
"What are we going to do there?" Lola asked, curious.
"Well, on this one, we'll have a breather episode. On this one, we'll find a town with a dark and mysterious secret which we'll then discover is just a guy in a mask. Over here, we'll do a completely pointless filler episode which will have us breaking character and me delivering the most anti-climatic, out-of-character solution to a conflict! And on this one, we'll completely shatter the viewer's expectation by unexpectedly killing off an important character! All with some important heartwarming moments scattered through and some very obvious foreshadowing for season two!" Bugs said, very excited, his eyes wide with excitement, as Gossamer flew towards the sun, grunting in pain at the fact he was staring right at it.
To be continued!
Next Episode: A Very Important Location in the South
