AN: This is going to be a close friendship, perhaps/probably bordering dangerously close on a more intimate relationship. So yes, Azula/OCgirl. Azula is older in this chapter. Probably about a year before Aang got on the scene, so I guess about thirteen? Maybe fourteen? For the extent of this story, she won't be getting any older. I would appreciate more reviews from the eighty or so of you who read the first chapter, and alerts and such, if you would be so kind. I love me some reviews. Warning for slight torture/punishment scene in the chapter, involving fire whips and Ty Lee.
I didn't return to the garden for years and years. I would purposefully avoid it when taking leisurely walks, made a point to stay away from the particular kitchen it was located by, and even petitioned to my father that he get rid of the garden all together, on the grounds that it was "useless and wasteful" because it produced no fruits or vegetables, only flowers.
Fire Lord Ozai denied my request.
So I continued to pretend that the garden didn't exist. When I felt angry, or sad, or confused and frustrated, I would practice my Firebending in the courtyard of the palace until my chest was heaving, sweat trickled down my cheeks, and I was huffing and puffing for breath. I would do the same form over and over again until my limbs ached and I felt like I was going to collapse, but I had finally perfected my position. I would train incessantly until I could no longer feel whatever trivial emotion had dug its claws into my heart.
And when training wasn't enough to numb what I felt inside, I would seek out my schoolmates Mai and Ty Lee. The things I would do to Ty Lee hurt her easily, both physically and mentally. If I shoved her, she would burst into tears as soon as she hit the ground, clutching her backside as if I had seriously injured her. If I yelled at her for being late for our play date or ditching me for a boy, she'd lower her head to the ground and promise me earnestly that she would be a better friend, her cheeks burning red with shame. There was certainly something satisfying in the way I could manipulate Ty's emotions when I had so little control over my own.
With Mai, I simply embarrassed her, especially when it came to her strong infatuation with my brother. Eventually though, when Zuko was banished and Mai embarked on his impossible journey with him, I had to stay satisfied with only my Firebending and Ty Lee, so I decided to combine my only two simple pleasures in life.
I would call her to my private quarters and criticize her for the littlest mistakes, such as mishaps in school, or almost imperceptible discrepancies in her dress, and then declare that she required punishment. The first time I attempted this, Ty Lee seemed confused.
"Sorry, 'Zula," she said uncertainly, "but I'm not sure I know what you-"
"Turn around," I told her impassively, without inflection.
Ty Lee frowned, but obliged. I silently approached her, conjuring a fire whip in my hand and letting it sizzle and sputter at my side as Ty Lee stiffened at the noise.
"Princess," she began imploringly, starting to twist around, but I clamped a hand on to her shoulder to keep her in place.
"Now, now Ty Lee," I said with a smirk, "you just earned yourself a few extra whippings than what I had planned, for your insolence."
When the fire whip cracked down on Ty's bare midriff for the first time, a blood-curdling scream tore loose from her throat. I brought it down again and again. But I was careful not to leave burns whose scars couldn't be healed easily, and soon Ty Lee's screams tapered down into quiet whines and whimpering. I stopped after only a few minutes of the assault, breathing heavily, the last bits of the quick jolt of adrenaline that had hit me as soon as the fire whip cracked down on Ty Lee's skin slowly trickling out of my system at the sight of my only friend sobbing on my bedroom floor.
I walked to my nightstand, dipped a rag in the shallow basin of water by my mirror, and tossed the wet rag on the floor next to Ty Lee. She flinched away from it.
"Get yourself cleaned up," I said quietly. "Then go to the servants quarters downstairs and have them call you a healer."
Exactly what happened after that is somewhat unclear. Ty Lee dragged herself up and out of the room eventually. I leaned against my windowsill for hours afterward, the cold wind pushing my hair behind my ears and cooling my burning cheeks as I thought about the feelings roiling around in my stomach.
Relief. Relief from the feelings of hatred that reared up inside of me at the sight of filthy peasant children as they trailed alongside their sweating, working parents, happy smiles upon their mud streaked faces, love evident in the worried gazes of their parents as they romped and played all around the grounds with other servant children. Relief from the envy of my brother, from the stinging rejection of my mother, the cold, harsh interactions with my father, and relief from feeling anything but the rush of inflicting pain on another living creature.
Then, worry. I worried about Ty Lee, and her newly inflicted wounds. I worried about infection, and that she wouldn't be able to find an adequate healer in the Fire Nation, and she would be horribly disfigured forever. I worried about what she thought of me now, and if we were still friends, and if she could ever forgive me. And I worried about why I was worrying about what she, not royalty, not anyone of any particular importance, thought of me, the princess Azula of the Fire Nation.
Lastly came the self-loathing. I hated myself because I actually cared about Ty Lee, and because a small part of me felt horrible about hurting the cheery acrobat just because I couldn't deal with my own emotions. I hated that a part of my hatred for myself originated in the fact that I felt bad about what I did to Ty Lee.
Confused, I flopped down on my bed, remembering the time when I had flopped down in the grass in my mother's garden in a similar fashion, ready to confide all of my trouble, worries, and emotions in the clouds in the sky. I sighed, and tears silently began to trickle down my cheeks of their own accord.
In the dead silence of my room, the sound of my door bursting open startled me, and I jumped up in surprise as a servant boldly entered my room without bothering to knock. She seemed familiar, with chocolate colored eyes, light brown hair, fair skin, and hips that swung as she entered my room. She was a bit older than me, a tad taller, but as soon as she was the infuriated expression on my face, she seemed to shrink into herself, her hand dropping from her hip and resting limply against her thigh.
"Princess," she began, but then seemed to remember herself, and lowered her head, bowing slightly as she shut her eyes tight, angry with herself for forgetting her place. "Princess," she said again. "When I saw the state of your…classmate, I was not sure if you, yourself, were in any danger, because she would not give me a straight answer." She cleared her throat and then swallowed. "I thought it my duty to make sure you were okay."
By this time, I had composed myself, and I stood stiffly in front of her. I recognized the servant as the girl who had walked in on my very last session with the clouds, but I said nothing about that. Instead, I said, "Really? You thought it your duty to check up on me." I smiled languidly and slowly drew closer to her. "If something had been wrong, just what would you have done to protect me?"
"I-I," she stuttered, but I cut her off.
"Ah, you don't know. What, were you suddenly inspired with an image of yourself gallivanting in here to rescue the poor, defenseless princess? Did you think you could be a hero?"
"No, your highness-"
I could feel my anger peaking. This girl had walked in on not one, but two of my infrequent private moments. I did not believe in coincidences, or accidents. But my body ached with fatigue, and I didn't trust myself not to take any punishment I dealt out to the peasant too far with the emotions still clashing inside of me.
"Leave," I told her, my voice shaking. "Just leave. Before I decide to punish you for your impertinence."
Tears were once again forming in the corners of my eyes, and I turned away from the servant so she could not see them.
"Yes…yes ma'am," she said softly, but I sensed that she made no move to leave the room, as I didn't hear the sound of her feet against the floorboards, or the squeak of the door opening. She shuffled slightly and I tensed. I heard her sigh. "I'll be leaving, then."
I didn't respond. The door opened and the servant silently stepped out, closing the door behind her.
I smoothed my hands over my clothes, tucked my unruly hair behind my ears, wiped the last of the tears from my eyes, and laid stiffly down on my bed, atop my blankets, imagining the outlines of fluffy clouds on my ceiling as I stared blankly up.
