Disclaimer and Spoilers: See Chapter One
Warning! You may still want to have a tissue handy…
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Chapter Two: Letting Go
Partially hidden by the shade of a distant tree, he watched his friend silently standing in front of a recently filled grave. It had been weeks since he had last been to the cemetery, and in the interim, the weather had turned bitter and cold despite the bright, sunny day.
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When he had left Reese's apartment earlier, he'd had a feeling that the younger man would not remain there for very long. During his convalescence, John had begun to heal physically, but mentally…those wounds were still raw and exposed. His friend's grief was out there for everyone to see.
John didn't really bother to hide it from him and didn't seem to care that his friends caught glimpses as well. He didn't seem to care about much of anything at all, and had spent the last few weeks simply existing. Barely talking, barely eating, Reese somehow continued to regain some semblance of restored health.
Throughout those same weeks, he had been forced to live with his guilt over Detective Carter's death and John's most recent, life-threatening injuries.
He felt responsible for what had happened to both of his friends just like he had felt responsible for Nathan's untimely death. Rationally, he knew that in creating the Machine, he had indirectly saved many, countless lives, but all of the lives lost because of it weighed heavily upon him. He did not set the bomb off, but his actions had directly contributed to Nathan's death.
Now the same could be said about Carter. He hadn't been the one to pull the trigger, but his actions, or rather inaction, had directly contributed to her death and John's current state.
Could he have prevented what had happened to Reese and Detective Carter if he had accepted Root's help and set her free when Reese's Number had come up? Could he have prevented Reese from having to endure another soul-crushing loss?
John had barely endured the loss of his first love and had been contemplating taking his own life before being found by a 'bored rich guy' who had offered him a job. He shuddered to think of how different his life might be without the younger man's skills and friendship.
He was no stranger to loss himself and was so tired of enduring, but it seemed that it was what he must continue to do. At his core, Reese was a protector, and he knew that his friend thought he had failed in his purpose. They had lost people, Numbers, before, but this loss was almost unbearable to him. He could only imagine how unbearable it was for John.
At least this time, Death had not taken his closest friend, like it had once taken Nathan. At least this time, he could hope Reese would find his way back from the darkness that had once again enshrouded him.
He was absolutely convinced that he had found the best person to help him in his quest, to aid him with his own purpose. He wasn't ready to lose his partner and friend, but he had already deduced that he must for now.
The Numbers never stopped coming and he would continue on with or without his friend. Admittedly, he much preferred continuing with his friend than without. The burden of the mission had seemed easier to endure once he had hired Reese and had somehow become friends with him, but at least with Shaw, Fusco, and Bear he did not have to carry on alone.
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He had been there when the doctor had informed them that Reese was well enough to go home the following day. It was by accident that he had caught this determined look in his friend's eyes before they went blank again.
It was then that he had known that today he would be saying goodbye to his employee, his partner, his friend.
Last night, he had made sure to set aside time to have a nice dinner with Reese in the guise of celebrating the younger man's imminent release from medical care. John had pretended to enjoy himself and he had pretended not to know what his friend was planning.
He wouldn't stop Reese. Granted, he had entertained the thought of stopping John, but he thought he understood and had mostly accepted the choice the younger man was making.
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Reese suddenly took one of his hands out of his pockets and then stepped forward, reaching towards Carter's gravestone. From that distance, he couldn't see clearly, but it looked as though John had left something on top of it.
Moments later, Reese bowed his head and turned his back on Joss's grave.
This was it. This was the moment he had been dreading. Mr. Reese was leaving and he wasn't sure if the younger man would ever return.
Watching his friend walk away and not going after him, not convincing him to stay was one of the most difficult things he had ever done.
It suddenly occurred to him that despite whatever evasive measures that Mr. Reese had taken to avoid being found by him, that they wouldn't work on the Machine. The Machine saw everything; it would keep watch over his wandering friend.
Turning and walking away in the direction opposite the one that Reese had taken, Harold found that it was easier to let his friend go, knowing that, in a sense, John would not be alone either.
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As he turned and walked away from Joss's grave, he spotted a figure somewhat hidden by the shade of a distant tree.
He had thought this might happen and he understood his friend's motivation, but he hadn't wanted anyone to know he had left everything behind until it was too late.
Reese could only hope that Finch would someday forgive him.
He had already lost too many friends; he didn't want to lose this one.
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The end.
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A/N: I hadn't planned on it, but I went ahead and wrote a sequel to this story called "Wanderings." It's about John's adventures on the road and what finally brings him home again.
Thanks to ncismom for the beta. Lingering errors remain my fault.
Thanks for reading!
