A/N: Edward is coming up soon. Pictures of the Cullen family + song are in my profile.
Please note that Edward is three years YOUNGER than Bella. I want you to compare Bella's life from Edward's. Bella is a very complex character so I want all of this to seem real and for you to understand WHY she is the way she is later. Every chapter is important. So, all of this might move slower than you'd like. Please be patient. (:
I could possibly be fading
Or have something more to gain
I could feel myself growing colder
I could feel myself under your fate
Under your fate
It was you breathless and tall
I could feel my eyes turning into dust
And two strangers turning into dust
Turning into dust . . .
-Mazzy Star, "Into Dust"
Isabella Swan - six months later . . .
"I love you, Pops. I will always keep you alive in me. You have taught me so much, I will never forget. I-I p-promise... I-I-I...," I sob.
I can't control my tears and my cries. This is it. Pops is going to die. I want to be strong like he taught me, but I can't keep it together. So I let myself cry. The hospital smells like bleach; it is too clean. I really want to smell cinnamon instead.
"I... love you so much, my little Bee. Always. I am so proud of you. I know you won't forget. Please don't cry... there is nothing to be sad about," my grandpa rasps out. Each breath he takes seems hard. Earlier, the doctors said he only had a few minutes left.
But even with a few minutes left of his life, I can't help but notice the little light of excitement in his eyes. Can't Pops see that I need him still? A few minutes isn't enough for me...
"But Pops, you're leaving me! I know your spirit will always be here with me, but I-I can't .. I can't imagine a life without you here. How can I not be sad?" I cry.
"Because my little Bee, I'm starting a new chapter in my life. I will reunite with Grams again and we will both watch you from above. We will still be with you. Promise. Please be strong... I love you, my little Bee."
I feel the pad of his thumb brush across my cheeks, trying to wipe away my tears. I raise my head to look into his eyes one last time. He gives me a small smile as a single tear falls out of his eyes.
I kiss the tear on his cheek goodbye and finally say, "I love you too, Pops."
The edge of his lips curve up even higher. His eyelids are drooping while he slowly blinks now. Our eyes connect as we both stare at each other. Chocolate against chocolate eyes . . . until there are only one set of chocolate eyes left.
With one final breath, Pops dies at 7:59 pm, December 14th with a small smile playing on his lips. This image forever burns into my head. The peaceful slumber he has forever fallen into with Grams.
Even though Pops told me he would pass one day, I always thought he would be immune to death.. silly as it sounds. Pops seemed invincible.
"All living things must eventually die," I quietly repeat to myself. Only the sounds of the flat beep of the heart monitor respond to me. "I guess you were right, Pops."
With one final kiss to his forehead, I mentally say goodbye one last time. My eyes begin to water again, but I quickly push them away. I vaguely hear the doctor or nurse say something to me, but I feel too numb listen. I get up from my chair and begin to walk down the hospital hallway.
Everything is so white. The floors are white. The ceiling. The walls. Everything is white. I feel so cold and empty. Doctors, nurses, and other people are rushing around in the hallway but I don't pay any attention to them. I just keep walking with feet that weigh like metal. I feel like this is how my life is going to be like from now on. Like a long cold, white hallway with life bustling all around me.
Everyone is living around me. I am moving, but only existing. Not living.
Finally, I reach the end of the hallway where I walk out the doors into the chilly night air. I take one deep breath in.
Even the air smells fresh and alive.
I find a small bench where I sit and think about nothing. I just feel so numb and empty. I eventually hear a car pull up and immediately catch a pair of dark cold eyes staring back at me. He is frowning.
"Get in," he flatly says. I freeze. I sit there. I don't dare to move.
He immediately gets out of his car while grunting. Then he roughly grabs my arms as he drags me back into his car. Shutting my door, he gets back behind the wheel and drives off without saying a word. So I decide to.
"Your dad died, Charlie. You didn't even say goodbye."
He angrily glances at me through the rearview mirror while speeding down the road. He huffs and remains silent.
Tomorrow I will go back "home" to Phoenix.
That night in my hotel room I do not cry.
That night was the last time I ever cried. I never found anything to cry about after Pops. And I definitely didn't want to. My personal sunshine and warmth was gone; I felt cold. Emotionless. Nothing in life will ever be worth my tears for again.
That night I vowed I would never allow myself to really feel again.
'Don't forget our love.' His words still repeat loud and clear in my head.
I know I will not. Even if I refuse to feel, I know my flame still burns as strong as ever.
Edward Cullen - six years old
"Daaaaaaaad! Moooooooom!" I cry.
The sound of footsteps are quickly stomping down the stairs.
"What? What is it honey? Are you alright?" my mommy asks me as she quickly brushes her hands all over me- probably to check if I am hurt.
"N-nooo..," I sob. I just pretend to cry so Mommy will pay attention. Maybe she might even give me a cookie if I am lucky.
"What's wrong sweetie?" My mommy's eyes look sad with worry. I feel bad. I love my mommy more than anything in this world.
"Please smile mommy.. I love you!" My mommy begins to smile and looks at my daddy. "Don't worry Daddy, I love you too!" I happily reply as I smile with my toothy- now toothless- grin.
"Oh, my little Apple boy! Look Carlisle.. Edward's missing his two front teeth!" I grin up even wider to my mom's face. I am proud. I am becoming a man like daddy says, whatever that means. I want to be just like him.
"My, my Edward. My boy is growing up so fast," my daddy coos. "What are you going to do with your broken teeth?"
I tap my pointy finger to my chin as I think. Tap, tap, tap . . . "Well... Alice says I should put it under my pillow so the teeth fairy can give me money!" I frown. "But I hate fairies! They're for girls! Don't they wear those sparkly dresses? Can you give me money instead?" I ask with hopeful eyes. I know Mommy can't say no to me.
My mommy and daddy both laugh. But then The Alice (yes, THE Alice - no one else is like her!) interrupts.
"EDWARD CULLEN! Fairies aren't just for GIRLS! Besides.. no pwetty fairy would want to go anywhere near you! You smell and you have cooties!" Alice, my twin sister, is at the bottom of the stairs sticking her tongue out at me. She's making fun of me again. I don't understand why she thinks I only have cooties. I don't want to touch her either! I can't even believe she's my twin to start with.
We look nothing alike. Alice has pitch black hair.. which daddy said supposedly comes from his dad. I think he just doesn't want Alice to feel bad or else she will cry. Alice is so skinny and short.. I think I can squish her sometimes. She is also LOUD. Nobody is as loud as she is. Plus Alice also has bright blue eyes.. like the sky. Again, daddy says Grandpa has eyes just like Alice. I roll my eyes.
I look at my parents. I am the perfect mix. While my daddy has blonde hair, I have bronze-colored hair just like Mommy. Mommy has warm caramel eyes, while daddy has green eyes- just like me! Mommy said we have green apples eyes. That's why she calls me "Apple." I'm not short and skinny like Alice. I'm not loud. I can even play the piano.. Mommy said I am her little Mozart.
Alice is definitely not my sister. So this means I can pick on her. With an angry face, I begin to chase after her across the room.
"You are NOT my sister, Tinky!" I angrily shout as she quickly tries to run away. Alice hates that nickname. I only called her that because she is teeny like Tinkerbell and it rhymes with "stinky."
As I chase Alice down, I think I hear mommy shout, "EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN! You stop chasing your sister right this instant or else I'm . . . " Then her voice fades away.
I don't stop running.
