AN: I'm sorry, I've done what I usually hate. I said when I started posting that I wouldn't until I had over 3 quarters typed up, and well that kinda fell through. But here is the next chapter and I hope that I will be much quicker in updating. Thank you for reading and to DinoArse for her kind review.

Later that night, while in her rightful place, curled into Linden's side as he slept. His arms wrapped gently, though possessively around her waist, she thought back to how they had come to this point. Linden had been at Holby for over a year now. At first she thought he was cold and unfeeling to others but respected him for his skills as a doctor and a surgeon. As time progressed they became acquainted and then friends. It all started about 12 months ago.

Flashback.

It had been a hard day in AAU, a major RTC had been brought in and very few survived. It had been a horrible day for all, but for Linden Cullen it was just a tragic end to an already horrible week. All week he had been grumpy, sullen and even more withdrawn into himself. Many of the staff noticed this change -it was kind of hard not to – but just ignored it and prayed that it would pass before it affected themselves. Maddie however hated to see her friend so and vowed to do something about it.

At the end of the shift she walked straight into the office, to many it would look like her was engrossed in paperwork, but Maddie knew this wasn't the case as his eyes where unfocussed and the fact that the piece of paper he was reading was upside down, was kind of a giveaway.

Softly she moved further into the room. Saved the open document on his computer and shut it down. Then picked up his bag and his coat, and only then did she move towards the figure, and remove the paper from his hand. Shocked he looked up and gave Maddie a confused look.

'Come on, I'm taking you for a drink.' Linden started to protest but with quickly interrupted, 'No I'm not taking no for an answer. I know a nice quiet pub and I'm not leaving without you because we both know what will happen. You will sit here pretending to do work trying to ignore what has been going round your head, then you will fall asleep at your desk, just like you have for the past 5 nights. So come on grab your coat.'

Knowing that there was no use fighting her and deep down her really didn't want to be alone again tonight so he stood up and followed her out of the hospital.

'Why don't you find a seat, I'll get the drinks' Linden did as he was told and soon Maddie returned with a bottle of red wine and a couple of glasses. Once settled he reache out to take the bottle form her full arms.

'No not yet this is for later, first we have to drink these.' Linden who was expecting shots or something like that, so he was pleasantly surprised when the barman appeared beside the doctor's hands full with 2 large cups of hot chocolate topped with whipped creams, marshmallows and chocolate sprinkles.

At Linden's confuses look Maddie couldn't help but chuckle before she went on to explain. 'It's what I have when I need cheering up, and well no offense but you look like you need it so, well drink up and then we can hit the hard stuff.'

Still confused and not having drunk hot chocolate in years, Linden picked up his cup and put it to his lips. He had it admit the feeling of the warm liquid going down his throat into his stomach, did in fact make him feel better. So he drank again. They carried on in silence, eventually Maddie opened the conversation.

'I'm not gonna press you, to tell me anything, that's up to you, but I just want to make sure you're alright something has upset you this week, and well 'm here if you need anything.'

Pause. 'You can't help, no-one can, although I suppose having someone to talk to might help.' He took a deep breath before continuing. 'I am ... was married , her name was Olivia we met at university, she was studying for her journalism degree. We met through friends as most people do, and I loved her with all my heart. Still do. WE had so much in common same likes dislikes she made me laugh so much I can ever remember a time when laughed so much. When she finished her degree I still had about 3 years left, but I was on placements so the night she graduated I proposed. Incredibly she said yes. It was amazing, and 6 months to the day we got married. It was the happiest day of my life. Everything was great, I hope it would never end we never seemed to leave the honeymoon period. It was well great there is no other way of describing it. Then a couple of years later, I qualified, and Olivia gave me the news that he was pregnant, we had a little girl, Holly her name is.'

Linden stopped, to a large swig of his wine.' You don't have to carry on you know.'

'No I need to, I need to tell someone. Just give me a sec.' her only reply was a nod.

'Five years ago today we had taken Holly to see a distant relative. She was coming up to two years old and had never seen this particular aunt, we had the weekend off, so we couldn't really get out of it.' Again Linden had to stop, his emotions understandably got the better of him.

'We... we had to cut our trip short, Holly wasn't feeling too well, it was nothing bad just a bit of a sniffle and we thought that it would be best to go home, as she was being fussy.' Taking another swig of wine and a deep breath he started again.

'It was late we were both tired and just wanted to get home. Holly suggested that she drive as she had napped earlier I said no she didn't usually drive such long distances, she didn't like it. We were driving down the motorway, and then.. I just don't know what happened. I ..I woke up and we were on our side. We had been hit side on. Olivia's door was just mangled. She was trapped, and there...there was just so much blood. I tried I tried so hard to revive her, but my mind just went blank. There was nothing I could do. She...she died in my arms. I held her as she took her last breath. Even then she was trying to take care of me. She told me that it wasn't my fault and I was just my time to go to God's side. She told me that she loved me and to..To take care of Holly. And then she just kissed me and..And she was gone the love of my life just gone. '

Linden was now openly sobbing, the floodgates had opened both literally and figuratively, now he had started he wasn't gonna stop, he had to get the rest out. 'Everything from then on was just a blur, I had no idea what happened. It was a couple of days before I even started to register anything. I just sat there crying and holding Holly. I wouldn't let anyone take her from me. No one was gonna take my baby from me either, I lost my wife I was not going to lose my daughter as well. Holly our beautiful baby Holly she survived, her car seat had saved her from most of the impact, but she he hit her head and the damage was enough to give her brain damage. She suffers from some learning difficulties not as serious as they could have been. She's 7 now. '

'I couldn't cope; I just lived in a state of shock. I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep. And Holly suffered for it. After a couple of weeks, Olivia's parents took her. I couldn't look after her. I failed; I promised them both that I would take care of Holly. And I broke..The last promise I made to Olivia and I failed them both. I mean it's my fault that she died. It's my fault we crashed. If we just stopped and slept, or if I just let Olivia drive when she asked. I...I killed my wife and abandoned my baby. '

At this the Irish doctor broke down. Maddie was suddenly very happy that Linden had chosen seats that were quite tucked away, the last thing the older doctor needed was people gawping at him. He always tried so hard to keep his emotions in check, and seeing him like this, tears silently running down his cheeks she couldn't help but this that she would do anything in the world to make him hurt less.

Sliding round the booth, she drew her distressed friend into her embrace. Cradling him to her, she tried to sooth him. By whispering random things in his ear, and slowly stroking his arm and back. Gradually he began to calm down. He was still crying, but no longer was he trembling with his sobs.

'Linden.' No response. 'Linden.' Silence. Lifting his face so that he could see her. 'Linden look at me, ok. Now I'm going to ask you something, but I'm not doing it to hurt you ok. Got it? Ok so there must have been an investigation what did the police report say?' Maddie couldn't believe that she was asking this, she knew she sounded could hearted, but she couldn't just help think that this was important.

'It.. It said that it was an accident, that the road was slippery and that we just skidded, as did the other car at the same time. But I know that if I just wasn't so tired, then I would have been able to steer out of it. I could have stopped it.'

'Linden, listen to me ok. By the sounds of it there was nothing you could do, it wasn't your fault. I know it's hard to believe and that there will always be what ifs: What if I wasn't driving?, what if I took a different road? What if when I was 17 I didn't learn to drive? You can keep living on what ifs. It's hard to believe, but sometimes accidents do happen. We see it every day and it's tragic that these things happen. It was not your fault. I know you need to blame someone trust me I understand more than you could possibly know. But, and please forgive me for saying this, but maybe you should spend today celebrating her life, rather than mourning her death. So. Why don't you tell me about her. She sounds like an amazing woman.'

And that is how the evening progressed, with many more bottles of wine, a listening ear and a man with years of bottled memories.

End Flashback

Maddie couldn't help but sigh at the memory. It was a weird way to start a relationship that was for certain. And unfortunately Maddie sometimes felt that the spectra of Olivia hung over their relationship. She understood that Linden was married before and that she would always hold a special place in his heart, and that she may be second best. That she accepted, and she didn't question. But it was the feeling that occasionally he's comparing her to Olivia that was just painful. She wasn't her and she could never be, and although he's made amazing steps in his mourning and no longer blames himself, she couldn't help but wonder if she was just a delayed rebound, and that one day he will realise that she is not his dead wife, and leave her; heartbroken and hurt.