Stephenie Meyer Owns Twilight
Not Without You
Chapter 2: Movement
"I only have a week so one of these has to be it. I'm moving out as soon as I turn eighteen." We were in Jasper's truck, me in between Edward and Jasper. We only had two apartments left to look at that were remotely within Jasper's price range. The last three had all been in the same complex and were completely trashed out, which explained the low prices. We were not optimistic the next few would be any more promising.
Edward's hand was on my thigh because I was wearing a skirt, so my bare leg was like a magnet to him, his pinky just under the hem. This was my last regular outfit that still somewhat fit me-if you could call it an outfit. A stretch waist skirt and oversized T-shirt, that was it. Tomorrow I'd be in maternity clothes.
It was just the three of us apartment hunting, today. Alice and Rosalie had dragged Emmett to Port Angeles for school clothes shopping. I remembered how bored he was that ten minutes in the dress shop when I'd bought my non-prom dress. It made me laugh to think about it now.
"What's so funny?" Jasper asked.
"I was just thinking of Emmett shopping." There was no need for further explanation. They both laughed, too. "Why are you in such a hurry to move out? Why don't you wait until your dad moves?"
"Because I've made up my mind and I want it done with. There's no way I want to be in the middle of a move when school starts anyway."
"Makes sense," I nodded. He pulled down a narrow street. If another car had been headed our way he'd have to pull over to let it pass, or else hit it. The elms lining the street were old and massive and the houses were old and miniature in comparison. "How are you handling everything? Your mom's in Texas now, right?"
"Yeah. I'm fine. I still can't figure out what went wrong with them, but Alice is so happy I'm staying that you wouldn't even have to physically feel her emotion for it to have an effect, so I'm sure you can imagine what it's like for me to be around her."
"What's it like to be around us?" I took Edward's hand off my leg and laced my fingers with his.
"Calm. You two are calm and steady. Even if Edward constantly wants to…uh, be alone with you."
I looked at Edward who smirked at me. "Really? Right now?" He didn't answer. He looked out his window instead.
"Bella." Jasper said. "Remember that first day you sat with us at lunch?"
"Of course. The day I escaped Jessica's gossip."
"Well, let's just say, that day, he was fighting something off, just like he's doing right now."
Edward let go of my hand and held my thigh again, moving it a little higher under my skirt this time. "Jasper, man, you better stop or I'm going to be on the Emmett side of keep your distance."
"All right, man," he laughed, "but she asked. Your girlfriend asked. What's the address I'm looking for?"
The apartment manager let us into the studio and left us to look around. It was one large room, the kitchen being the only thing distinguishable because of the square of linoleum, and the cupboards and refrigerator that lined one part of the wall. There were two doors on the opposite wall. One led to a small bathroom with a sink, toilet and shower-not even a cabinet. The other door was a closet that was no bigger than the size of the door.
"There's not even stains on the carpet," I said. Next I checked where cleanliness would have mattered most to me, the bathroom. I pulled the shower door open. "And, the shower is white!"
"This is it. I'm tired of looking. I'm taking it." Jasper took two steps to the kitchen and called Alice.
I joined Edward in the empty living room and grabbed his fingers.
"Bella?" Jasper said, his hand covering his phone. "Red or pink lipstick for Alice?"
"Why are you asking me?"
"She wants my opinion."
"Again, why are you asking me?"
"Because, whatever I say is going to be the wrong answer. Rosalie is trying to talk her into pink. What does Emmett think?" Jasper asked into the phone and then I heard him laugh.
"What did he say?"
He covered the phone again. "He said to get both and let's get out of here."
"Tell her red," Edward said.
"You have an opinion on this?" I asked as Jasper said, "stick with red," into the phone.
"It's what she always wears," he shrugged.
I put my hand on his chest. "What about me? Should I wear red?"
He touched my lips. "You don't wear lipstick."
"I know, but should I? Do you ever wish I wore makeup?"
"Did you just ask me that?"
"I think so."
"Bella. I've never made that wish. As long as I've known you, you've never worn makeup. I fell in love with you. Why would I wish any different?"
"Because it might make me pretty."
"You know you're beautiful."
"But not pretty."
"You're pretty. What's the difference?"
"Some people think I'm not pretty enough for you."
He brought a hand to my face. "What people?" But he didn't let me answer. "You know how when you think my hair looks too neat, you put your fingers in and mess it up?"
I nodded, and did it for him right then.
"I feel the same way about you. If you wore makeup for anything other than some special occasion, I'd want you to wash it off. I love seeing your face." He kissed my cheek. "Your skin." He kissed my other cheek. "Your lips." He kissed my lips. "Don't cover it up." He kissed me deeper until Jasper hit his back.
"I'm glad you guys like it, too. Let's go sign the lease and hand over all my money. I'm moving next week."
Emmett was in and out with boxes faster than anyone. I sat on the front porch swing watching all of them work and sweat. It was Jasper's eighteenth birthday and we were helping him move (well, they were helping). It was all he wanted. Nobody would let me help, though. Jasper did bring me out a glass of lemonade so I sat back and sipped on that, one hand on my stomach. I was now wearing Rosalie's sister's maternity clothes. This one had brightly colored vine patterns all over it. My finger traced along the swirling vines as I wondered who would possibly choose this pattern for a dress.
Alice stopped Jasper as they crossed paths. "Happy Birthday!" She jumped up to kiss him, then he laughed and bent down for her so she didn't have to jump.
"You already said that."
"Is it still August twelfth?"
"Yes."
"Then it's still your birthday so I don't see anything wrong with me wishing you a happy one." They started kissing again so I turned away and thought about Edward's eighteenth birthday two months ago-well before Jasper started his hunt for an apartment, and well before my truck broke down in the late July rain.
Esme had given him a party without any alcohol or sleepovers. The gift he received from his parents wasn't exactly for him. It was for the baby. Carlisle had brought down Edward's old crib from the attic, set it up in my room, put a huge red bow on it, brought us all upstairs and said, "Happy Birthday, son."
We all stood around in my room staring at it in silence. I teared up a little at the sight of it. There was barely any walking space between the crib and the side of the bed, but that didn't matter. Soon my little baby would be sleeping in there next to me.
Rosalie was the first to speak. "Are you sure that's safe?"
"What?" A whole bunch of us asked.
"Older cribs, they were made differently. Some aren't safe. That's all I'm saying."
"It's safe. It's sturdy, " Carlisle said, going to it and giving it a shake to show us just how sturdy it was. "The slits are close enough together that the baby's head won't get stuck and I put it together myself, so the screws are all securely in place." He shook it again, harder, as if to show that it wouldn't just fall apart. He seemed insulted by Rosalie's comments.
"I love it," I said, running my hand along the top edge. "I love your birthday present, Edward."
"So do I," he said and we both thanked and hugged his parents.
The slight altercation between Rosalie and Carlisle was as exciting as that night got. For the rest of the night, after cake, we played a trivia game, so Emmett was happy since it was as close to mind-wrestling as anyone would allow him to get. Of course, he won, as well, which made him not only happy, but smug, too.
Later, Edward and I lay together in my bed facing the crib, Edward's arm over me, when I felt movement in my stomach. I sat up, put my hand on my stomach and felt it again. "Oh god."
"What?" Edward sat up with me and I took his hand and put it on my stomach.
"Baby moved," I laughed because it had been a feeling I'd never felt before. I waited to feel it again, holding Edward's hand against me.
"I don't feel anything."
"Shh," I shushed him as if the baby wouldn't move if there was any noise. "Just…wait."
He waited. We both did, but there was no movement. I sighed.
"Bella, if you wanted me to touch you, all you had to do was ask." His hand moved up my stomach toward my breast and his lips and tongue found mine.
"Touch me," I said against his lips, getting a deep inhale from him as his kiss grew deeper and he lifted my shirt off. He kissed my breasts above my bra as he unhooked the back.
"Did you lock the door?" he asked, leaning into me, pushing me back on the bed, still kissing.
"I don't…I don't…think so."
He pulled my panties off as he kissed me down my rounded stomach and then back up to my breasts again. "Okay," he said, making his way up my throat to my eager lips. "I'll lock it in…a minute." But that minute turned into several as it seemed we couldn't break away from our kiss or each other and I needed to feel him so I undid his pants and pushed them down with my feet until he was slithering out of them. I wrapped my legs around him and pulled him against me. He groaned and his face dropped to my shoulder, kissing the crook of my neck.
"Edward?" I barely breathed. "The door?"
"Yeah…yeah,…one minute…" And then in less than a minute he was inside of me moving against me and neither one of us remembered that a door even existed. We made love in my unsecured room on Edward's birthday while his parents were cleaning up downstairs.
"Happy Birthday," I said as he lay beside me. Since my stomach had been bigger, he was careful not to put all of his weight on me. "Happy Birthday, Edward."
"Yes, it is" He rested his head against my shoulder. "I never locked the door, did I?"
"No." He started to get up, but I held him still.
"Stay." He kissed me and pulled one side of the comforter over us.
"Just in case," he said.
"Yeah, because it would be terribly awful if someone walked in now as opposed to two minutes ago."
He laughed. "Two minutes ago, I didn't have a brain."
"Neither did I. I like when that happens." I pulled his head toward me because I wanted his lips again.
He turned over onto his back and I put my arms around his neck and rested on top of his body. His arms squeezed me close, and just then, the baby moved again.
"That was weird," he said. "I felt that on my stomach." He brought a hand between us and tickled my stomach with one finger. "Hi, baby. It's good to feel you." His hand cupped my face and he kissed me. "Turn over." I did what he said and he rested a hand on my stomach and his head on my pillow next to my shoulder. "I want to feel it again."
We both fell asleep waiting for the baby to move. We didn't wake up until there was a knock at my door. "Bella?" Esme said. "Is Edward in there?"
I looked at Edward with wide eyes. He felt over the bed for my T-shirt and handed it to me. Then he got up to put his pants on. "Yeah, I'm in here. Hang on."
"Can I come in?"
"Just…" He looked at me. I had my shirt on but I couldn't move. It didn't matter if I put on my pants. The bed was a mess, and so were we, and it was completely obvious what we were doing in here. Esme opened the door. I sat up and covered my naked legs. Her eyes darted from me to Edward who was still shirtless.
"It's late. I checked your room first, Edward. You know how your father and I feel about this."
"Mom. You know what goes on between us. What difference does it make where we sleep?"
I fell back in embarrassment and pulled the comforter over my head.
"I'm sorry, Bella, but they're not stupid. We're having a baby together."
I lifted the comforter. "Esme! We felt the baby move tonight." Yes, I was trying to change the subject. I prayed that it worked. It seemed Esme relaxed a bit with the subject change.
"That's great, Bella." She sat on the bed and held a small gift-wrapped package out to Edward. "I have something for you."
"Thanks, Mom." He took the package and loosened the bow.
"It's not from me. It's from your grandpa."
"What?" He stopped unwrapping and looked down at his mom.
"After he passed away and we were going through his things…we found this, saved in a desk labeled: Edward's eighteenth."
"He took the lid off the box and pulled out what looked like a small stack of papers and he leafed through them."
"They're savings bonds," Esme said, "mature by now."
Edward dropped to the bed. "There's…over nine thousand dollars here."
Esme's eyes were glossed with tears. "It's all for you. You use it wisely."
Mother and son shared a long embrace. Esme looked small in his arms.
"It's nearly midnight," Esme said.
"Don't worry, Mom. When it's time, I'll go to my own room. I won't like it. But I'll go." She kissed his cheek then left us alone again.
"I can't believe your grandpa did that."
He sat on the bed facing away from me, his hands holding the box of savings bonds in his lap. "It feels odd. Like he's here. Like he's still a part of my life." I crawled to him hugged him from behind and kissed the back of his shoulder.
"He'll always be a part of your life." I held up my wrist to show him the bracelet I still wore. The one he made from the stones his Grandfather had found for him. He took my hand and kissed it, then leaned forward to drop the box on top of my dresser.
"So, what do you want me to buy you?" Edward scooted us both toward the top of the bed, his back against the wall and me leaning against him.
"No, Edward, you're not buying me anything."
"I know," he said. "I won't. But I want to. If we weren't having baby I'd buy you something really nice."
My head dropped and my hands found my stomach. He lifted my chin.
"No. I didn't mean it like that. It wasn't a wish."
"I understand. It's just that…every once in a while, life hits me. It's like, here we are, living everyday, but we don't even notice life. It's just there, invisible, quiet. And then something happens to remind you just what living means. What it's all about. That's when it's suddenly not quiet. That's when it screams."
"Bella. What are you-is something bothering you?"
"No. It's nothing."
"It's something. Tell me." His fingers were still holding my chin and he pulled my lips to his. "Tell me."
What was I supposed to tell him? When he thought about what gift he would buy me if there was no baby, I thought about how I would be starting my Senior year in the Fall, selecting a college. I wouldn't have a crib in my room and I'd be laughing with my friends everyday at lunch. I couldn't tell him that. Even if he wanted me to, I couldn't.
"I-I can't."
"You can. Please, tell me."
"No. I can't. Stop asking."
"Bella. You just told me that life is screaming at you. Tell me what it is. Maybe I can help. I can't see you hurting, you know that. Tell me."
I didn't answer.
"It's about life? Is it…is it about…what you're giving up?"
Tears fell giving him my answer. He caught them on my cheek then kissed the new ones away. "Bella."
"I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for? You're allowed to cry."
"Sometimes…sometimes I'm reminded that I'm just a kid-even though I'm not one. I can't be one."
"But you want to? You miss it?"
I nodded. "Sometimes. Is that bad? Does that mean I don't love our baby right?"
"No, it's not bad. It means you're human. You love our baby, we both know that. Remember earlier when baby moved? Remember how you felt?"
I smiled.
"See? You can love baby and miss what you're giving up at the same time."
"Okay."
"Okay. I'm glad you told me."
"I didn't tell you; you guessed."
He laughed and shook his head. "Come here." He lay on his back and pulled my head to his chest, his fingers brushing my cheek. "Promise to talk to me when you feel like this."
"I promise." I wrapped an arm around him.
"Do you feel better?" He asked.
I nodded against his chest.
"Good. Because I have to go to my room soon but I'm not leaving unless you're better."
"Then I'm not better, so stay."
"I'll stay until you're asleep."
"Stay until you're asleep, too."
"Then who will carry me to my room?"
"You're already in your room."
"I am?"
"Yes, you are." I kissed his chest and closed my eyes.
"I love you, Bella."
"I love you, too."
Now, at Jasper's new second floor studio, we all sat on the carpet eating sandwiches while boxes and furniture waited for lifting in his truck. If my truck hadn't been in the shop, it would have been full, too. As it was, we'd probably be making three trips back and forth. I still hadn't decided how I was going to go about paying for it. Since there was absolutely no way I would allow the Cullens to pay for my truck, I admitted to myself, as I bit into my salami and cheese on wheat, that I had no choice but to talk to my dad. There was absolutely nothing else I could do. Like the rest of the world, I couldn't pull money out of thin air.
"Edward?"
"Yeah?" He was sitting next to me, one hand on my leg.
"I'm going to make dinner for my dad tonight."
"Do you need help? Do you want me to come?"
"No. I need to talk to him alone. I think his shift ends at 8:00 tonight so it will be a late dinner." He leaned down to kiss the side of my head. "Okay."
We were interrupted by one word from Emmett. "Seniors."
"Yup," Jasper said, "two weeks away."
"Jasper, do you ever feel like an android at school?" Emmett asked. "Like someone else is holding the remote control and your actions aren't your own?"
"No. I can honestly say I've never felt that way."
"For instance. We're seniors now because that's what they call us. But I beg to differ. I'm sure I've been a senior all along."
"Emmett," Rosalie said. "Your problem is you can't conform to anything. They have to classify us so there is some kind of order. It's not about controlling you."
"Well, I am going to have to agree with Emmett on this one," Edward said, "because right now I am not in control of my education. Someone else has hold of my remote control and I am nothing. I am just waiting it out to see what happens."
"Who?" Emmett asked.
Please don't say me, please don't say me. I closed my eyes and prayed he wouldn't say, Bella.
"Jessica." My eyes shot open. I turned to him.
"What does she have to do with your education?"
"I met with my guidance counselor yesterday. I needed copies of my file sent over for the scholarship. You remember that time I got sent home from school for threatening her?"
"No!"
"Yes. It's in my file and with that against me, I'll never be granted the scholarship. It's not going to happen."
"There must be something we can do," I said, just as Emmett said, "Fuck that."
"The only thing that might help is if she retracted her accusation. If she admits what really happened, they might remove it from my file. But I can't ask her to. No way. If I asked her to, it would be like coaxing. It has to come from her."
"I'll talk to her," I said.
"No, Bella. She has never been nice to you."
"I don't care. I'm talking to her. She can be as mean as she wants. I won't let it bother me. This is for you."
"I'll go with her," Rosalie said.
"I think I have to do it alone. If you're with me it could look like we're ganging up. I'll just…I'll go to her house. I'll thank her for the apology letter and just strike up a conversation. I can do this, Edward. Let me."
"Let you? Have I ever been able to stop you from doing something you've already decided on?"
"Probably."
"I doubt it. But if she starts in on you, you just leave, okay? I don't want her stressing you out. Are you going to do that?"
"Yes, sir." Edward leaned in to kiss me and I dropped my sandwich to my lap to hold his face close to mine.
Somewhere in the distance I heard Alice say, "Jasper, they're kissing again."
"Do you want me to stop them?"
"No. I want you to kiss me."
"If you're all kissing then so are we, right Rose?"
"Nope. If you wanted to kiss me, you should have just done it. Don't kiss me in reaction to other people."
And then no one was kissing because we were all laughing...except for Emmet.
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