James Potter isn't scared of anything. There's nothing to be scared of when you have everything, when you're invincible and untouchable. This is, of course, why he never tells anyone that his boggart is a giant rat with glowing red eyes and yellow teeth. It has absolutely nothing to do with the burn of shame in his stomach. When Peter's animagus turns out to be a rat, he shudders quietly, and before anyone notices. Anyway, it doesn't matter because he was only nine years old when he saw his boggart and now he's much smarter.

And he's James Potter so he's really not scared of anything.

They are on their way to the kitchens when this changes. Or, rather, when he realizes it has changed. Moony's boggart unnerved him, if not because of the incomprehensible future of death that passed in front of him, than because Remus was immobile and pale and embarrassed and James thought, for even only a split second, that maybe his fears were justified.

But he didn't acknowledge that because he's James Potter and he's not scared of anything.

And so his friends went on ahead and he stayed behind and waited for the giant rat he intended to put in a baby's bonnet (bright pink, with a bow, would look good on Sniv- I mean Snape- I mean, oh yeah, we're not doing that anymore) and instead he was greeted with Lily's corpse.

When Lily returned to the heads' suite that night, it was dark and very late. James had let the fire die down to glowing coals that do nothing to light the room and even less to heat it. He hadn't been able to pull himself off the couch, to blink, to move at all really, since he had flung himself in front of the fire, moody and uncommunicative and alone. But he heard the portrait hole open and Lily curse as she stubbed her toe on the way in. She didn't start when James seemed to come out of nowhere and crush her into his arms, her face pressed into his t-shirt so he could feel her (alive, alive, alive) warm breath.

They are friends now so this is (sort of) okay and anyway she seems to sense his desperation because instead of pulling away, she rests there breathing. When he finally relaxes his hold, she still doesn't move away. Instead, she just rests her hands on his chest and says "It's okay James. I'm alright."

He let her go and she said goodnight, concerned but unwilling to ask and he silently thanks her for that because he can't (ithurts) explain it.

James Potter knows the truth now. When you have everything, you have everything to lose.