Isaac drifted off into a deep sleep. His eyes may be gone but his mind remembered what it was like to see. When he dreamed he saw everything clearly. He saw the way the orange leaves fall in autumn. He saw the way they swirled in small tornados. He liked to dream. He loved his dreams because in those he could see. It was hard to let go. Going 17 years with eyes then losing them was hard but losing your two best friends in the world in less than two years was much harder. He missed them but when he dreamed he could see them. In his dreams they were together. They were happy. He supposed that was what heaven looked like. That was what he usually saw but tonight the streets were empty. It was just him walking down the empty street. His head started to pound and his vision started to blur. He was scared. He grabbed his head as the pounding became faster and faster. He couldn't see. The world was fading to black. He wanted to scream but he couldn't. He couldn't see. He couldn't breathe. That's when he felt hands on his shoulders.
"Isaac wake up!" He heard a frail voice say. His vision started to fade in again and he could see the blurry outline of a girl. He hair was wiry, her skin was pale and her eyes were sunk into her head. Her skin was pulled tightly over her bones, which could easily be seen.
"Isaac wake up!" She screamed.
He woke up. His breathing was heavy. He brought his hand to his head and felt sweat trickling down his forehead. He ran his hands anxiously through his hair. It's gotten longer in the past year. He'd been too worn to leave the house so he never went out and got it cut. Not like that mattered anyway; he'd never seen how it looked. He was still shaken from his dream as he pulled his knees up to his chest. He hugged them closer as the first tears started to roll down his face. What was wrong with him? He asked himself this often. What kind of an 18-year-old boy spent almost every waking hour penned up in his house? Most of the boys his age were moving out and he was still completely dependent on his parents. Isaac look at yourself, he'd say, oh wait you can't. His biggest fears were starting to come true. He'd always been scared that he'd forget their faces. He knew he would eventually forget their smiles. He knew he'd eventually forget the way Hazel's eyes shone or the way her bangs would always find their way over her eyes. Then there was Augustus: he'd never be able to forget him but what if he couldn't see him in his head anymore? He'd never get to imagine or visualize the way he hobbled slightly with only one leg or the way he'd laugh and become overly competitive when they played video games. It was getting harder every day for Isaac. He could no longer remember the exact way his voice sounded when he popped the unlit cigarette in his mouth and told him, "It's a metaphor." Isaac was not doing well. He'd even stooped as low as listening to the audio book of "The Mighty Affliction". He didn't even like the book but he'd listened to it almost three times now. He was not okay.
That morning his mother awaked Isaac from a dreamless sleep.
"It's 10 o'clock." She said cheerfully. "I've made you pancakes. Do you need help getting dressed?"
"No." Isaac said bitterly.
"Are you sure? It's no harm-"
"No." He said louder, "I'm fine." He hated having to rely on everyone else. He waited until he heard the door shut then he got up slowly and felt around for the outfit his mother left out for him. He trusted that it was a decent outfit. It felt like just jeans and a t-shirt as he fumbled with difficulty to put them on. He then felt his way downstairs by hanging onto the railing. His mom helped him sit in a chair at the table and served him. He cut his food easily and ate it slowly. He couldn't stop thinking about his dream. The girl in his dream was most troubling for him. Why was she there when Gus and Hazel weren't? He'd done a lot of research on dreams after he'd lost his eyes and started dreaming more often. He'd learned that all the people in your dreams are people you've seen in real life before. That was the only reasonable reason why the girl had felt so familiar to him. He remembered her sickly thin figure, pale skin, and sunken eyes and thought that the only place he could've met a girl with that appearance was the hospital. There was lots of unhealthy looking there. It was a hospital after all. She was probably dead by now. It was a dark thought but it was true.
"Isaac honey," His mother pulled his thoughts from him, "Your father and I have been thinking for a while now." She paused but Isaac stayed quiet so she continued, "We're worried about you. We're worried about the way you've become."
"Oh." He grunted. "What are you going to do about it?"
He could hear the clinking of her bracelets as she folded her arms on the table in front of her, "Isaac we've decided to bring you to group therapy again."
"No. You said I would never have to go back. I can't do that." He raised his voice.
"Isaac-"
"Stop saying my name so often!" He knew it wasn't fair to get so angry with her but he was frustrated.
"Ok. It's not the same group therapy as before. I always stick to my promises." She was trying to keep her voice even. "We're leaving in half an hour."
"Ok."
"And your shirt is on backwards." She added.
Isaac felt the car pull to a stop and asked, "Where are we?" He asked his mother.
"It's the rehabilitation center, dear." She informed him. He was ok with that. As long as it was not "the heart of Jesus". The place where Hazel had met Gus for the first time- he could never go back there. There were too many memories. His mother helped him out of the car and helped him into the room where she left him sitting on a plastic chair in a circle with a nametag pinned to his shirt.
"Hello!" He heard a very cheerful female voice say. "I'm you group leader Lindsey!"
The rest of the group responded with hellos of a slightly different attitude. She continued in a cheery voice, "We've all been through some hard times. This is a judgment free place. I hope we can all be friends and help each other through the struggles life brings." She clapped her hands to together. "I'll go first." She explained her situation. "My name is Lindsey. I'm 26 and I'm attending university for phycology and human resources. I liked puppies, chocolate and comedies. I fought with alcohol and depression for three years but I'm clean now." The group clapped. "Who's next?" No one volunteered. "How about we start with you- Mike."
He heard shuffling from the other side of the room. "Yeah. Hey. I'm Mike. I tried to kill myself last month." His voice was incredibly monotone.
"Well ok." Lindsey sounded shocked. "Who's next?"
More shuffling than a very quiet voice mumbled. "I'm Mary and uh- I don't have many friends."
"Well Mary you'll make lots of friends here, right guys!" Few people cheered in response.
"Good job guys keep it up!" Lindsey was struggling to keep her cheery smile in place. "So Megan you're next."
He heard the shuffling then she spoke in a spookily even tone, "They say I get too mad too easily."
"That's interesting." She stammered before quickly moving on in a cheerful manner, "Felix. You're next."
Isaac could hear the chair slide out as the short dark haired boy stood up. He twitched nervously and fixed his glasses before going straight into a rushed anxious sounding speech, "Hi. My name is Felix. But you all know that already cause Lindsey told you." He forced a nervous laugh. "I have really bad social anxiety. I didn't think I did at first. Apparently as a baby I was always saying hi to people in the grocery store. I was a happy child but something changed at around grade two. It was then that I suddenly became scared of everything. I would curl up in a ball and read a book at recess alone. All my friends left me. I was kind of a loner. It just got worse from there on. In high school I faked sick for a whole month so I wouldn't have to do speeches. And then in grade five we went to this amusement park and I couldn't bring myself to talk to even just the mascot! Now I have trouble talking to cashiers, I can't go out in public without freaking out- it's surprising how well this speech is going. I practiced all night. Mom said I should practice talking in front of people. She thinks this class will help me. I sure hope it does. Standing up here I feel like you're all judging me-"
"We're not judging you." Lindsey interrupted.
"That was really hard for me." He said quickly while his leg started to uncontrollably shake, "I feel like I'm going to explode. I can't do this anymore!" He say down quickly and put his head in his hands. He started whispering if himself as Lindsey moved on.
"Isaac you're next." She said gently.
"Hey." He said awkwardly, "I'm Isaac. I used to have cancer and-"
There was a very small brunette girl making her way across the circle. Isaac's head turned towards the noise.
"I'm so sorry." She apologized quickly. "I didn't mean to distract you." She sat down next to him.
"It's ok. I can't see you." Isaac said as he tilted his head in her general direction. It was slightly off so she got the point right away.
"Oh." She whispered.
"Who do we have here?" Lindsey asked the girl. "Care to introduce yourself."
"Hi." She was quiet but he could hear her cute high voice next to him, "I'm Jocelyn. I'm here because I'm recovering from anorexia. It got so bad that I spent most of my summer in the hospital." She stopped, signaling that she was done. Isaac wanted to hear her talk again. The voice was so familiar to him. Then it hit him! It was the girl from his dreams. Had he met her before? It sounded like her- no he's crazy she couldn't be this girl. This was crazy thought that he'd tricked himself into believing.
Lindsey's heels could be heard clicking on the floor as she began to walk around while saying, "That's all I you need to do today. And because I know it's probably hard for some of you to be here I made cookies." She handed them out. Isaac took one and took a bite. He listened as Jocelyn politely refused one.
"They're really good. You'll regret not trying one." Isaac whispered.
"I'm fine really." She whispered back.
"Suit yourself." He finished the cookie.
"That's all our time for today." Lindsey announced. "Next week we have two hours of activities!"
"Yay." Jocelyn said sarcastically. Isaac could hear footsteps as Felix walked over.
"Late on the first day, how do you do that?" He asked.
"It's not that hard." She said in a teasing yet gentle tone. She understood his anxiety but the teasing came along with the friendship.
"I couldn't do that." He whispered.
"I'm sorry I missed your speech." She apologized then turned to Isaac. "How'd he do?"
"Me?" Isaac took a second to realize she was talking to him. "You're asking me?"
"Yeah…" She trailed off with an awkward pause.
"He sounded good." He said. "That's all I can tell you."
She regarded his bitter attitude with little sympathy, "Felix, are you coming to my house tonight?"
"No, can't." He shrugged, checked his phone, and said, "Family function. Wish me luck."
"Luck." She sighed and Isaac could hear Felix's feet scamper away. It was quiet for a few minutes. That's one of the things Isaac had learned recently; it was easy to be forgotten even if you were the only one in the room. Maybe she'd just forget he was there or maybe she simply did not care. Neither was uncommon. He heard the sound of sneakers against the floor and the movement of a plastic chair.
"Um" She coughed, "Do you need any help or-"
"No, no I'm fine." He stood up to show her. He grabbed his cane and made his way slowly across the room. He was almost there when he felt a hand on his shoulder yank him back.
"Watch out!" She shouted. He was taken aback so she explained, "There is a wall there." He stayed silent and felt around for the door. He knew it was here somewhere. "The door is to the left." She added.
He made his way over and pushed the door open and stumbled through. He felt around for the elevator button and pressed it once his fingers found it. The door opened and he stepped in. She watched as the doors began to close and decided to slip in at the last second.
"The elevator is for cripples only." Isaac stated.
"I have a very crippled mind." She retorted.
"The elevator is for those with bodily disabilities."
"I'm sure fitting one more person wouldn't hurt anyone."
"You'd be surprised." He bitterly turned his head away from her. They were once again in silence before she couldn't stand it anymore.
"Why do you hate me so much?" She asked loudly.
"I don't hate you." He replied in an equally strong voice.
"So you're this big of a dick to everyone then?"
He was shocked but replied with, "Sure."
"Ugh." She threw her head back. "Seriously what's your damage?"
"I'm blind, depressed, lonely and hate life in general."
"Then that makes two of us." She told him then added, "Minus the blind part. I can see fine."
"Well good for you." He replied sarcastically.
"Sometimes I wish I couldn't." She was quiet now. The door opened with a beep and she stepped out. He found his way out and walked along beside her.
"May I ask, Isaac, do you have any plans for this coming evening?" She sounded incredibly pretentions. It reminded him of an old friend…
"No." He told her.
"And why is that?"
"None of your business."
"Is it because you have no friends?"
"What are you trying to get at?" He was frustrated.
"Let me tell you Isaac, I too do not have many friends."
"What's your point?"
"It seems reasonable for two lonely people to spend time together, doesn't it?"
"Not really."
"See. Lonely people like me stoop as low as to want to spend time with utter asses like yourself."
"If I'm such an ass then why do you bother talking to me?" He challenged.
"You may be an ass but-" She paused, "I have nothing but if you want to be less lonely then I'm here. If not, then go home and be lonely. It's entirely your choice."
He thought about this. He could just go home, forget about her and leave all this behind or he could go with her. What did he have to lose?
"One condition, you have to drive."
She smiled lightly, "Of course."
She wasn't a bad driver. Or at least she didn't seem like a bad driver. She could be in the wrong lane for all Isaac knew.
"Are you in the right lane?" He asked.
"Yes." She seemed confused by the question, "I may be an idiot at times but I'm not that stupid."
"I had a friend who was a horrible driver." He trailed off.
They were quiet once again until she turned on the radio and started to hum along to the tune of the song.
"So you're a fan of-" He started.
"Nope, hate 'em." She interrupted. "But everyone knows this song."
He shrugged, "Guess so."
"Aha!" She pulled to a stop, "We're here." She then got out of the car and led him to the front door. She pulled out her keys and jimmied the door open. "Welcome to my humble home." She then pulled him up the stairs and into her room. "This is my room!" She announced.
"It smells nice." Was the only think Isaac could think to say. It smelled of violet with a hint of hairspray.
"Yeah it's pretty much the only good room in this entire house." Sarcasm leaked from her voice. "Have a seat." She pushed him hard and he lost his balance. His arms reeled and he fell onto his butt, but instead of hard ground he was greeted with a beanbag.
"What the hell?" He crinkled his nose.
"Make yourself at home." She giggled.
"Sure."
"And please overstay your welcome." She winked even though Isaac couldn't see it.
AN~ So here's the first real chapter. I hope you like it! (If you do and you tell all your friends that'd be lovely) Leave any questions, comments, reviews or anything else. I'd love anything :) ~CaitCait
