AN: Here's the next instalment, thanks to HLNWST for awesome BETA'ing :)
Hope you like it!
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee
Chapter 2:
I have never been short of having something to say. I always have some witty retort or verbal tongue lashing at the ready. Hell, I even make my living using words to compose songs. But here, in this moment, the Santana Lopez is completely... speechless. I have only ever been completely speechless once before in my life and that was when the big oaf Finn had outed me in front of most of the school. It wasn't an easy task to render me speechless, but Britt had managed to achieve it in 2.5 seconds flat.
Luckily, Brittany and I have never really needed words to communicate. After what felt like hours, I finally manage to establish eye contact with her and silently ask the questions plaguing my mind. What are you doing here? What happened? Are you ok? However, the pain and fear I could feel coming off Britt in waves effectively shut me up. The pain was so apparent in her eyes, I was forced to look away. It was too much for me to handle. Sweet, innocent Brittany, everything that is good in this miserable stinking world, should never look or feel scared. But more importantly, she should never feel like that around me. Brittany looked at me for a second longer and uses her innate ability to read me like an open book and make the first move.
"Can I, um, I mean can… uh… can we come in please?" she questions whilst trying to keep her voice level albeit rather unsuccessfully.
I snap out of my momentary stupor and nod vigorously, stepping to the side allowing entry for her and the baby.
"Just go through to the lounge and make yourself comfortable," I offer as gently as possible.
Brittany responds by offering me a slight smile in return, but it seems to take too much energy so she stops trying. Her focus comes to her rucksack lying by her feet and she goes to pick it up.
"Wait! I will get it, Britt. You…um…just go sit down, ok?" I urge quickly. I didn't want her to struggle while carrying a baby as well.
She just nods her head and slips past me. I can tell she is intentionally trying to avoid any contact and I, on the other hand, have to hold my breath. I can't have Brittany's essence distracting me; I need to keep a clear mind for whatever is coming next. Bending down to collect her rucksack, I notice how light it is; almost as if it's completely empty. I close the door quietly as to not scare Britt or risk waking the baby…God! Britt is in there with a freaking baby! What the hell am I supposed to do? I need to calm down. Something has happened to her. It doesn't take a genius for that to be figured out. She obviously came here for a reason and I need to be strong for her. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my ever growing anxiety and slowly release it before following Britt in to my lounge.
Entering the lounge, I can see Brittany sitting on the very edge of my sofa. Everything about her screams uncomfortable. I sit on the sofa but keep a safe distance. I really don't want to scare her off, but I'm just at a loss of how to offer her comfort without being able to touch her so I just sit there. I can't force her to talk and she can be more stubborn than me when she has her walls up. Baby steps are the key when Brittany is scared – well, at least that's how it used to be for us. I need to make her comfortable first.
"Do you want a drink or anything or do you need anything for…?" I trail off not knowing how to finish my question.
After a minute more of awkward silence she finally responds in a quiet timid voice, "She, it's a she, and no I don't need anything, thank you."
"What's her name?" I wonder aloud, hoping this is the right approach to get her to open up.
Unfortunately it seems to be the wrong thing to say because Brittany's bottom lip starts quivering at an uncontrollable rate and her eyes immediately fill with tears.
"Hey, shhh, B. Shhh, it's ok…" I shuffle a little bit closer trying to offer her some closeness.
"I, uh, I…I really fucked up, Santana."
My eyes widen in response at the language coming from her mouth. Brittany never curses. I can't even remember the last time I heard her say something like that!
"Hey, it's ok. I promise everything is going to be ok. I'm here, I got you. You don't have to tell me anything until you are ready, ok? Anything you need, all you have to do is ask," I tell her as calmly as possible, hoping some of it will transfer onto her.
I finally seem to get my point across. Taking a deep breath, she turns and looks at me with such pleading eyes. I can't help myself when I reach across to touch her arm and rub it soothingly. She seems to relax further at this and I offer her a smile and nod of my head to reaffirm my words.
"I need your help, Santana. I didn't know who else to come to. No, that's a lie. You're the only person I could come to. You're the only person I trust and you always knew how to fix everything. Please help me, Sant-uh…" Brittany trails off as she starts crying silently.
Screw keeping my distance. I immediately move and pull her into my shoulder and I let her cry at least some of her pain away. I just continue to try and hold her together as best as I can without knowing what the real problem is. I feel so fucking useless.
"It's ok, B. I am here for you. Whatever you need, I will help you."
Gently lifting her head from my shoulder, she looks all over my face but seems to be avoiding my eyes at all cost. This nervous side of her is really unsettling me.
"Can we, uh…can we stay here with you?" The look of shock on my face must alarm her because she quickly back pedals, "I mean, just for a couple of days? Please?"
She is practically begging me. I quickly overcome my shock and nod slowly with a hint of a smile. As if I would ever let her go anywhere else. Eventually gathering my senses, I manage to respond verbally for her, "Course you can stay, both of you. I'm here for you and I will help you with whatever you need, ok?"
Brittany looks like a huge weight has been lifted of her chest as she breathes out in relief and returns to laying her head on my shoulder. I smile happily. She seems to be a bit more comfortable around me, finally. I take this opportunity to finally look at the little girl in her arms, who seems oblivious to what is going on around her, far away in dreamland. Brittany is holding her tightly to her with both arms, like she is afraid of dropping her. Her head has a light covering of mousey brown hair, with a little button nose and cute rosy cheeks. She's all wrapped up protectively in a soft pink blanket. My breathe catches in my throat as she scrunches up her tiny nose and lets out a miniature yawn. That may have been the cutest thing I have ever witnessed and I tell Brittany as much.
"I don't know what I'm doing, San. I'm terrified. I'm homeless, jobless and I have a one-day-old baby girl. I know you must have so many questions, but I just can't answer them yet. I'm sorry. It just hurts too much to remember. Can you accept that and be patient with me?" she asks me softly.
Now the old Santana wouldn't have cared if it was painful to talk about, she wouldn't have cared if anybody's feelings got hurt while she was on one of her quests for the truth. But this isn't just anybody. This is her Brittany and this isn't high school anymore. This is real life.
"Of course, Britt. I meant it when I said – whatever you need."
My attention is again drawn to the little girl sitting in her arms as she starts to fuss. Her tiny eyes start to move under her eyelids. I feel like everything around me has stilled as I wait in sheer anticipation to see her eyes. I wonder if… My thoughts trail off as soon as I see them open for the first time. The brightest blue eyes are looking back at me and I think I've just fallen in love.
"B…" I breathe out, unable to form a coherent thought. "She-she is so beautiful. She has your eyes."
Brittany peers down, but doesn't seem to be experiencing the same joy as me and quickly looks up at me with that open fear again. She slowly moves her arms and the baby towards me, silently asking me to hold her. I hesitate at first. I'm not usually a baby person, but that quickly vanishes once I see her eyes looking innocently at me again. Carefully cradling her towards my chest, I feel a huge urge of protectiveness overwhelm me and I instantly know I will do anything for this little girl.
"Can I use your bathroom please?" Brittany asks, breaking me from my admiration of her daughter.
"Sure, it's just down the hall on your left, Britt."
Britt just gets up and leaves without another word. As soon as she leaves though, the young baby in my arms starts fussing a bit more persistently, so I instinctively start to quietly sing the first thing that comes to my mind.
Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
how I wonder what you are!
Up above the world so high,
like a diamond in the sky!
When the blazing sun is gone,
when he nothing shines upon,
then you show your little light,
twinkle, twinkle, all the night.
Then the traveller in the dark,
thanks you for your tiny spark,
he could not see which way to go,
if you did not twinkle so…
I finish singing as I feel Brittany's presence I turn to see her standing in the doorway leaning against the wall, a calm smile on her face.
"Your singing always managed to calm me down I'm not surprised it works for her too," she states.
I look down to see the little girl has nodded back off to sleep. I smile, feeling a rush of happiness invade me. I pat the seat next to me, urging her to come and join us and she does so willingly this time. But then it suddenly seems to click in my head what Britt said earlier and the fact she only has an empty rucksack with her.
"Britt…?" I ask hesitantly. "Do you have any stuff at all for you or this little one?"
Britt looks away, shaking her head guiltily, her briefly acquired calmness quickly forgotten.
"Well, looks like a shopping trip is on the cards." I smile over at her trying to make her understand I'm not judging her.
"I don't have a car seat for her," is the only response I receive.
I open my mouth before I can stop myself, "I will go shopping and get whatever you need. You can stay here with her. I'm guessing she will need feeding soon anyway?"
I gently hand her over to Brittany without waiting for a reply and get up quickly, heading to the kitchen to get my purse. Walking back in the lounge I smile down at mother and daughter as Britt seems to be humming the same song I sang to her.
"I'm gonna go now, B. I'll be really quick, ok? Are you breastfeeding?" I ask somewhat awkwardly.
Receiving a nod in response, I breathe out the remaining awkwardness and just turn to leave. Stepping out of my apartment and closing my door I let myself fall back against it. Closing my eyes, I count to ten, trying to grasp a hold of the situation.
What have I just gotten myself into?
AN: The next chapter might take a bit longer than the 1st two as I have a lot of college work due in before I finish! Hopefully won't be too much of a wait though.
Feel free to leave a comment :)
