Sage: Konnichiwa! For chapter two of my story, I'm gonna have Princess Zelda do the disclaimer.
Zelda: Why can't you do it?
Sage: Because I really don't want to say it myself because it hurts so much. (sniff)
Zelda: Ok, fine. Sage doesn't own Zelda or any of it's characters. The only thing she owns is this story.
Sage: Thank you.
"What?!" yelled Link angrily. "I had to get through all those confusing dungeons and side-quests to get here, and you have the nerve to call me an idiot?!"
Zelda folded her arms across her chest. "As a matter of fact, I do." she snapped.
Link saw red as his face became the same color. "I'm throwing you back in the cage!"
"I won't let you!"
"I'm stronger than you!"
Zelda's hands began to glow an ominous white as she unfolded her arms. "Wanna bet?" she hissed.
Link drew his sword, which glittered threateningly. "Bring it on!"
Due to graphic violence this scene will now be blacked out, since the author is trying to make sure that the rating of this story doesn't go up too high.
Five minutes later, the battle has come to a conclusion and...
"Rock, paper, scissors, shoot!"
"Dang it!" exclaimed Link. "How about best out of five?"
Wait a minute, what happened to the fight?
"I didn't want to get my dress dirty." Zelda explained to the narrator (AKA, the author).
So you guys played rock, paper, scissors instead?
"Yes."
How lame is that?!
"Extremely lame." agreed Link.
Zelda glared at Link. "Shut up Link."
Ugh, just get on with it.
"Okay, seriously Link, I'm getting sick of this place." Zelda complained. "Why don't you just call Epona or something?"
"That's it!" exclaimed Link. "I'll use my ocarina to call her!"
"…and you didn't think of that ten minutes ago?"
Link once again turned red, but this time from embarrassment. "…shut up."
Link whipped out his ocarina and played Epona's Song. About a minute later they heard a neigh through the window. Zelda peered out and saw Epona standing at the entrance to Ganon's Lair.
Link grinned. "My ocarina is so cool!"
Zelda rolled her eyes and started walking towards the door. "Let's just go already."
After about an hour of arguing and getting lost in the many rooms of Ganon's Lair, the hero and princess finally made it outside. Epona neighed happily when she saw them, since she was obviously bored stiff after an hour of waiting. (poor horsie…)
"And you said you had the whole place memorized, you liar." Zelda growled.
Link held up his hands defensively. "Hey, we're out aren't we?"
"That's only because we found the chest with the map in it! Why didn't you get the map before you came!?"
Link shrugged. "I couldn't find it. Now let's get going, Epona looks like she's ready to leave." Link walked over to Epona and stooped down while cupping his hands, waiting for Zelda to use them to boost onto Epona. "Ladies first."
Zelda ignored him and jumped up onto Epona's back without Link's help. Link shrugged and jumped up behind her, grabbing the reins as soon as he was on. He winced as Zelda elbowed him in the stomach. "Get off of me." she growled.
"Hey, don't get all mad at me." said Link. "It's the only way for me to reach the reins." Zelda glared at him. "What, do you want to steer or something?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Okay, okay." said Link as he handed Zelda the reigns.
Zelda looked back at him and smiled sweetly as she thanked him. Then she kicked Epona into a gallop.
"Aieee!!!" screamed Link as he flew of the horse and landed on the ground painfully. He quickly sat up and was just in time to see Epona galloping out of sight. He said some choice words (that would probably make the story's rating go up) and picked himself up off the ground. Then he remembered something. "Wait a minute, I can warp! That means that I can just warp in front of them and jump back on!" Putting his realization into action, the hero quickly cast Farore's Wind and warped in front of Epona and Zelda. Then he realized that it's not wise to stand in front of a horse that is galloping at full speed and jumped out of Epona's path to safety.
"OWWW!!!"
Err…that's what he was supposed to do anyway…
Link hopped up and down clutching his foot in agony. "MY FOOT!!! IT BURNS!!! CALL A MEDIC!!!"
Well, since this story needs to move on, the authoress will now use her awesome powers to heal Link's foot.
Link's foot magically heals.
"Ahhh, that feels better." sighed Link happily. "Now I can—"
GO CATCH THAT HORSE ALREADY!!!
Link almost wet his leggings. "Eep! Yes ma'am!"
Link jumped into the air and somehow ended up on Epona's back. "I didn't know I could do that!" he said in amazement. Zelda whipped her head around and saw Link behind her. Her mouth fell open. "Where the heck did you come from?!"
"The road." said Link, causing Zelda to roll her eyes. "Now, give me the reigns." he demanded.
Zelda gripped the reigns tighter. "No way."
Link sighed as he pulled a rope out of his belt pouch. "You brought this on yourself." He quickly tied Zelda's hands together and grabbed the reigns.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing?" Zelda demanded.
"I'm restraining you so you won't cause anymore trouble." said Link.
"This is outrageous! I'm a princess!" Zelda exclaimed indignantly.
"And I'm the hero that just saved you from the clutches of evil." Link snapped. "Now be quiet while I steer."
Zelda turned around and glared at him. "Just wait until I tell my father about this, then you'll be sorry!"
Link smirked. "Your father will be so happy to see you alive that he won't care about how I got you back." he said smugly. Zelda muttered angrily as she hunkered down for the ride.
An hour later Epona trotted into the front courtyard of Hyrule Castle, bearing a disgruntled princess and a smug hero.
"We're finally here!" exclaimed Zelda. "Now untie me! I don't need anyone else to see me like this."
The princess was still trying to recover from the humiliation she had suffered when they had ridden through Castle Town and gotten some questioning stares from the townsfolk. It didn't help that when they had asked why the princess was tied up, Link had told them that she had been 'a naughty girl who couldn't keep her hands to herself', and then ridden off before she could explain.
Link snickered as he untied Zelda's hands. "What, didn't you have fun in Castle Town?"
"How dare you even joke about that?!" Zelda exclaimed in outrage. "Now I'll have to go make a public announcement to clear both of our names! Do you realize what you—"
Zelda's tirade was interrupted when a voice that she recognized as the King of Hyrule's voice exclaimed, "Zelda, you're safe! Thank heavens!"
Zelda slid off of Epona and ran up the front steps of the castle to meet her father. "Daddy! You'll never believe what Link—"
"Hold that thought Zelda, I have good news!" said the king.
"Well," said Link. "Seeing how Zelda's all settled in, I guess I'll be going now…"
"Wait Link, this includes you!" said the king as he quickly turned toward Link.
"Huh? What is it?" Link asked curiously as he jumped off Epona and made his way to where the princess and king were standing.
"It was supposed to be a surprise but I couldn't wait to tell you." said the king gleefully.
"Well?" Zelda urged.
The king beamed. "I've finally finished the arrangements for your wedding! It will be in two months."
Zelda sighed in exasperation. "I already told you, I don't want to marry Prince Marth."
"No, no, it's not Marth, he lives to far away." The king began to grin even more. "You're going to marry Link!"
"WHAT?!?"
Link and Zelda both started talking at the same time.
"But, wait, I, y-you can't do this to me! I-I'm not civilized enough! I grew up in a forest! I-I don't even eat with a fork! I'd never be able to…"
"Why didn't you ask me about this first!? I'm your daughter! I should have some say in…"
The king's face turned red. "SILENCE!!!" he bellowed, causing both Link and Zelda to shut up instantly.
"I know what's best for Hyrule!" he yelled. "And you!" The king thrust his finger into Link's chest. "You should be thanking me! You're going to be king one day!"
Link began to protest. "But I don't wanna—"
"You don't have a choice in the matter! Guards!" yelled the king, causing several soldiers to come running up.
"Take Link to the guest room he usually stays in. And put a guard outside the door!" the king ordered.
The guards saluted. "Yes, sir!"
Link began to grow nervous. "Guys, don't do this…wait…are those handcuffs!?"
The soldiers grabbed Link and quickly handcuffed him.
"Hey! Get away from me! Ow! This is foul play! I'm not allowed to hurt Hylians! Help!" Link yelled as the soldiers marched the struggling hero into the castle.
"Daddy…" Zelda began.
"Not a word from you Zelda!"
"But…"
"Silence!"
Link pounded on the door of his new prison and yelled at the guard posted outside the door, much to said guard's annoyance. "Let me out of here! What did I ever do to deserve this?! Hey! Are you listening to me?! Why did you take away my sword?! Open this door!" Link yelled in a very Navi-like manner.
"Shut up!" the guard snapped.
"I won't shut up until you open this door!"
"No."
"Why not?!"
"Because the king said not to let you out."
Link growled as he sat on the bed and began to glare around the room. Then he got an idea as his eyes landed on the window. "I've got it! I'll jump out the window!"
Link ran over to the window, opened it, and jumped out. "I'm free! Yes! I'm…eep!" Link suddenly realized that he had just jumped out of a fourth-story window.
"AHHHH!!!" he screamed as he plummeted to the ground. After all of the dust had settled, a Link shaped hole could be seen in the ground. "M-mediiic…" Link gasped out in a strangled voice from the depths of the hole.
…the author will now heal Link with her awesome powers. Again.
All of Link's broken bones healed and he got up.
"Thanks." he said gratefully. "Now to get away." He began to sneak through the castle courtyard, being very careful to avoid the guards. He had just rounded another one of the many hedges that grew in the gardens when he saw Zelda sitting on a bench reading a book.
"Ack!" Link dove into a clump of bushes. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw that Zelda hadn't noticed him.
"There you are Link!"
Mwahaha! The dreaded cliffhanger! Anyway, please R&R!
