A/N: Thank you for the very nice reviews people have been leaving. I really appreciate it! I have about half of the story written, so I plan on completing it. I am posting slowly so I have time to edit and proofread what I have written. Please do let me know if you see any technical issues within the chapters. The copy and paste function seems a little buggy.

"Well, thanks for picking up the phone. How are you feeling?" asked the scratchy voice on the other end of the line.

"Fine," Katniss replied flatly.

"Do you want me to have you taken here by hovercraft, Katniss?" Dr Aurelius didn't sound pleased. "You need to talk to me if you want to make any progress here." She didn't respond, twisting the cord around and around her fingers. He sighed loudly. "Let's start over. How are things going?"

"I'm doing everything you asked," she said.

"And?" he pressed.

"And what? I don't feel like it's helping."

"Why's that?"

"I still have terrible nightmares," she said. "I cry, and I don't even know why. I get angry, but I never know who I'm angry with."

"Okay." She was annoyed that all she was getting out of him was questions and short answers.

"I don't feel like myself," she went on. "I don't know who Katniss Everdeen is, other than what people tell me about her."

"Well, you could start by doing the things you used to do, things you like to do," he said. "Like hunting. Have you been getting out to hunt much?"

"More than I was before. But it's different." She paused.

"How so?"

"Well, I don't need to hunt," she said. "With the shipments coming in from the Capitol, we all have more food than we need."

"Are you taking the herbal supplements I suggested?" he asked.

"Yes."

"Are you getting out in the sun?"

"Yes."

"Good." He paused. "I'd like to come down and see you. I'm not sure when I'll be able to make it...maybe in the spring." Another long pause. "Is that all right with you?"

"I don't know how it'll help, but do whatever you want," she said. "Don't let me stop you."

"I want you to start journaling daily," he said firmly. "And I'll be reading every entry, so they had better all be there when I arrive this spring." He paused again. "How are you getting along with Peeta? Last time we spoke, you said that things were still difficult."

"We're getting along." He didn't need to know any more than that.

"You know, Katniss, it's okay to open up to me," he said. She could hear the smile on his lips. "People confide in me: it's my job."

"We're friends, that's all. He hasn't tried to kill me recently, so I think we're making progress." That was cruel. She regretted saying it.

"Uh-huh." There was another long pause. He was probably jotting down how much more antisocial she had grown. "I will call you again soon."

There was a click and she put the phone back into the cradle. She sighed and slid along the wall, down to the floor. She hadn't even bothered getting dressed yet. She didn't want to go outside. She hadn't even wanted to get out of bed, but the loud clanging of the telephone had woken her up. She had only answered it to stop the horrible ringing. Journaling. She wondered if Dr Aurelius had asked Peeta to do all this. Probably not. Peeta probably wasn't difficult. She crawled back into bed. She would start journaling tomorrow.

Katniss awoke with a start several weeks later. The sun was streaming through the window, highlighting the dust and dirt floating through the air. The window was open, and a cool autumn breeze was blowing in. She yawned and sat up, looking around blearily. She thought it must be nine or ten o'clock. She heard a knock at the door and a quiet, "Katniss?" before Peeta appeared. Only it wasn't Peeta at all. It was Finnick Odair. He was covered in blood and stumbling towards her like the walking dead. She screamed at the top of her voice, pushing the bedsheet and quilt between them, scrambling to get away, but he kept coming, hissing her name like those horrible Mutts did. When it was within inches of her face, it shouted once more, "Katniss!"

She opened her eyes, still terrified, but no longer screaming madly. "It's okay, Katniss, you're okay," Peeta said, putting his arm around her. How he had gotten there so fast? How long had she been screaming before she woke up?

"It was Finnick, and he was covered in blood, and coming after me—he was trying to kill me! Oh, my god!" She stopped thrashing about and tried to sit still. Instead, she started trembling, and tears began leaking out of her eyes. "I can't do this," she said, barely audible. "I can't live like this anymore." She put her hands over her face and cried. She cried so hard that it hurt her chest. Peeta pulled her closer and let her rest her head in his lap. "Every night I wake up like this, one horrible nightmare after the other." And it was still night, she noticed, as he stroked her hair. "And then I wake up, and I'm still in a nightmare. My family is gone...Mom, and Prim, and Gale," she choked. "I don't know who I am half the time…or where I am."

"Shh, calm down," he said. "I have those nightmares too. And when I wake up, you're not there. I get so anxious, I want to come all the way over here and make sure you're safe. I guess tonight, I got to." He paused, tucking a few strands of hair behind her ear. His fingers lingered on her cheek. "And I know what it's like...not being sure who you are." That just made Katniss feel worse. She was being selfish again. Peeta had gone through hell, and he had still come out a better person than she ever could be. "Nothing can get you anymore. You're safe here. Just try to fall asleep, okay? I'll stay right here. I promise."

She allowed herself to close her eyes again. She knew he would keep his promise. He had always been there for her. "Why are doing all this for me, after all that's happened? After how I've treated you?"

"Go to sleep," he said softly. The touch of his hand on her face comforted her. At length, he said, "Because after everything we've been through, I still love you."

Katniss's eyes fluttered opened. She really was awake and this time it was actually morning. She flicked her eyes around the room. Her journal lay on the bedside table, closed, collecting dust since the first entry. Her head ached and she had sweat through not only her pajamas, but the bedsheets as well. Peeta was slumped beside her, asleep. His arm was still around her, resting on her shoulder. She wondered if things had been different, could Gale have been beside her like this, protecting her from her nightmares? She had pushed Gale far from her mind, which had been fairly easy with him never returning to District 12. She wondered if he was happier now, in District 2, with some other woman, forgetting about her as Katniss was forgetting about him.

Of course, she wasn't forgetting. Not really. Just the thought of him made her chest ache with longing for a friendship that was gone. Everyone had always assumed that she and Gale would marry. It made sense. They had been best friends...had been. They had spent so much time together, their families were so close. And maybe that was part of why she had let him kiss her, and why she had kissed him back: they were expected to be lovers. But the truth was, she didn't know if she was ready to love anyone. She wasn't even sure if she was capable of loving anyone. But at the same time...She looked at the boy lying beside her. She did care for Peeta. A great deal. She knew that. That strange feeling that stirred up inside her when they kissed, that made her want more, that made her want him. Was that love? They had been growing closer over the last month and a half, spending more and more time together. Peeta was the closest thing she had to a best friend now that Gale was gone. But it was different.

She brought his hand to her cheek, and pressed her own on top of it, touching her lips to the heel of his hand. It was cool and smooth, like the pearl he had given her what seemed like so long ago. His fingers were rough against her cheek, casualties of long hours at the bakery over the years. He was frowning and his brow was furrowed. She watched his lips move noiselessly, forming words she couldn't hear or understand. This was the first time she had really watched him sleep. His nights seemed just as restless as hers were. She turned over and rested her chin on her hand, holding herself up with her elbow. She put her hand on his cheek and the tension in his face melted away. He woke up suddenly, blinking at her, his eyes adjusting to the light.

"I'm sorry," Katniss said. "I didn't mean to wake you." She sat up and he followed suit.

"No, it's okay." He glanced at the clock, stretching. "I shouldn't have slept so late. It's already after nine. I've got a lot to do at the bakery." He slid off the bed, rubbing his leg above the prosthetic. She had never thought about it, but it must cause him discomfort. "I'm hungry, aren't you? I'll go get breakfast ready." Before she could protest that she wasn't very hungry at all, he had already left. She slowly got out of bed, taking a long look at herself. She was filthy. She drew herself a warm bath and scrubbed herself down, imagining she was washing away the nightmares of the night before. The cool water felt nice and refreshing. She closed her eyes and let her mind wander to the kiss they had shared in the kitchen. It had been over a month. The heat of the summer had slid into the cool nights and mornings of autumn. They hadn't had a chance to be that close since that August afternoon. There had been too much to do in the district. Peeta and Haymitch, surprisingly, had been helping with the rebuilding (the bakery was almost to the point where it could function again), and she had been helping out with the farming. She had also been hunting more, feeling better and better each day, even without journaling. Not to mention the time they spent working on the book. It was almost finished.

She heard Peeta coming up the stairs, and grabbed a towel to cover herself. "Peeta? Peeta, don't come in here!"

"What?" he said, popping his head around the corner. "I told you before, nakedness doesn't embarrass me."

"Yeah, well, it does me!" she nearly shouted. His back was towards her, and when he turned his head slightly, she noticed his eyes were closed just for good measure. "What do you want, anyway?" she asked, more calmly. She knew she was flushed with embarrassment.

"Haymitch is here," he said. "He wants to talk to us. He said it's important."

Haymitch was actually awake? "Okay. I'll be down in a minute." She waited until he had left, and then she stepped out of the tub and got dressed. When she made it down to the kitchen, they were both having tea. She was sure that Haymitch's was spiked, of course. "What's going on?"

Haymitch placed his cup back in its saucer. "Another airship is coming in soon with more refugees."

"More?" Katniss said. "We barely have enough space for everyone now, let alone enough food to feed everyone."

"My point exactly," he said. "Against my better judgment, I offered the Victor's Village up as housing for the newcomers."

"That's a great idea," Peeta said, smiling. "What can we do to help?"

Haymitch took another swig from his cup. "You can start by packing." Peeta and Katniss looked at each other, confused, then turned back to Haymitch. "My house is a pit, even I can admit that. Peeta, you're just as comfortable here as you are at your own house." Peeta shrugged. "And let's face it, Katniss is the most unstable out of all of us, so we shouldn't uproot her."

Katniss frowned. "You're saying you're going to move in with me?" The thought of all three of them living under one roof again made her nervous.

"For the good of everyone, yes. That's what I'm saying." He leaned back in his chair. "Any objections?"

"Just who is going to get stuck cleaning out your house?" Katniss said, crossing her arms.

"I thought that might be a good project for you, sweetheart," Haymitch said, smirking. He tapped the side of his nose. "In fact, I bet it's just what the doctor ordered."

And so it was, she found out after speaking with Dr Aurelius personally over the phone. She muttered obscenities under her breath when she opened Haymitch's door. Empty bottles littered the floor. It was odd. She doubted Haymitch ever lifted a finger to clean this place, but the amount of filth always remained the same, never really getting worse, but never getting better either. She sighed and started picking up the bottles. Once those were cleaned up, it wasn't so bad. Within four or five hours, she was closing the door behind her. She sniffed the air, smelling liquor. She was disgusted that the smell was coming from her. "Thanks, Haymitch," she grumbled. If anything had been in her stomach, it would have undoubtedly come up.

She stalked back to her house—or their house now. It wasn't that she was opposed to the idea of living with Peeta and Haymitch. Haymitch was a slob. He was going to have to change his ways. And Peeta...there was absolutely nothing wrong with Peeta. Other than the fact that he was madly in love with her, and she still couldn't sort out her emotions either way. Up to this point, he had always been a gentleman, but what if things changed? What if the venom that still flowed in his veins caused him to lose his inhibitions when it came to her? Or worse yet, what if he asked her to marry him? She definitely wasn't ready for that. She maybe had been through a war, but that didn't make her feel any less like a child. Gale had always made her feel so young, so ignorant, and after the last year, nothing had changed. She still felt small and weak, and especially ignorant. She had thought nothing of the fake marriage. It was nonexistent, after all. If she were really to marry someone, it would not be out of the need to survive or to protect those she loved, it would be out of choice. Would she ever really choose to marry Peeta? Could she marry him? Sleep with him, have his children? Of course, they had shared a bed many nights, but nothing else had ever happened. He had never tried to touch her in that way. The thought made her uncomfortable, and she dismissed it from her mind for the moment.

She stepped inside the house, and had barely gone two paces, when she kicked the first empty bottle. It skidded across the floor and broke when it hit the wall. She sighed loudly. Now she would have to clean that up too. It wasn't hard to find Haymitch. He was lounging on the sofa, feet up on an end table that he had moved to the middle of the room, his token flask in one hand and a book in the other. "Comfortable?" She raised her foot and kicked the end table out from underneath his legs.

"What's the big idea?" He had spilled alcohol down his front.

"Is this all you've been doing all day, while we've been slaving away cleaning and arranging furniture?" she nearly shouted. She looked around and listened. "Where's Peeta?" Instead of waiting for an answer, she railed on, "Or did you almost kill him having him lug your stuff around?" She was fuming. "You're going to have to make some serious changes if you want to live with me. We're not just here to clean up after you, you know!"

He narrowed his eyes. "Is that right?"

"That's right," Katniss said angrily. "You can start by cleaning yourself up. And I don't want to see that flask again either."

Haymitch stood up and downed the alcohol. He glared at her and tossed the flask on the sofa. "Next time I'll bring a bottle."

She was glad when he had gone. Probably he went to his bedroom to drink some more. "He can just drink himself to death," she muttered. This was just like the living quarters during the games, except there, she could just lock Haymitch out. Unfortunately the only lock in the house was on the front door. The most she could hope for was for him to wander off at night and find himself locked out.

Katniss grabbed an apple from the kitchen and headed up to her bedroom. She needed to get out of these foul-smelling clothes. Peeta was in her room when she arrived. He was lying on the bed. Was he asleep? She tapped on the doorframe. No response. She quickly slipped into some clean clothes. He certainly had the right idea, she thought, yawning and sitting down in an armchair. She was just nodding off, when the half-eaten apple slipped from her fingers and fell to the floor with a thud. As she was picking it up, she heard Peeta mumbling.

"No," Peeta murmured. "No, please, don't hurt her." His face was contorted in fear and anger. "No, stop, no! She didn't know, couldn't have known—please, no!" He shot straight up, breathing heavily. He put his hand to his brow, muttering something unintelligible. But she caught one word: Katniss.

"Peeta?" she said.

He started, clutching at his shirt. "Katniss! I didn't know you were there." He wiped the sweat from his forehead. "I must have been dreaming." He looked embarrassed for once, this eloquent boy who always knew what to say and when to say it.

Katniss went over to him and held his hand. The skin on his hands and wrists was red and she wondered why. She didn't say anything at first, just stroked his hand, which was entwined with her own. "What was it this time?"

He looked down at their hands, thinking. "The tracker jacker venom brings back terrible memories from the Capitol. I had to come in here and rest because of it...another episode, I guess." Katniss remembered the last time she had seen him come under attack by the venom. He had locked himself in his own bedroom for several hours, not wanting to risk being out in the open. He had pulled the footboard clear off the bed, and she had helped him pick the splinters out of his hands afterwards. "Haymitch saw me, but I was able to control myself this time."

She touched his wrist and ran her fingers lightly on the bruising. "What is this from?"

He glanced toward the rope laying at the foot of the bed. "I had to wrap my hands and wrists around that...give myself something to grip. I didn't want to wreck anything." He withdrew his hands and hid them by folding his arms. "Haymitch finished the rest of the moving for me. Told me to come up here and rest before you came back. I figured I'd better not argue with him."

Katniss felt awful, her stomach in knots. She had just shouted at Haymitch for all the wrong reasons. He had helped, and he had kept an eye on Peeta, who still needed protection from himself. Why hadn't he told her what had happened? He had just let her scream. He rested his head against hers. "I'm glad you were here when I woke up. Just like old times." He paused, looking at her. "It's funny, but I really owe a lot to the Capitol."

"What are you talking about?" she asked, annoyed. "They nearly killed you!"

He shook his head. "If I hadn't been reaped, I may never have had the courage to talk to you."

She looked away. "I think things would have turned out very different if that hadn't happened." Peeta had touched on something that she had been trying not to think about. What would have happened if he had not been reaped that day and if she had not volunteered for Prim? Chances are, things would have gone on much the same as they had been. There would have been no rebellion, because they would not have had their Mockingjay to start the fire. She would have married Gale, and he probably would have convinced her to have children. Would Peeta have found another woman? Would he have ended up like his father, married to another woman, but still pining for Katniss? Or would he have given up on Katniss and just lived in misery for the rest of his life, alone? This was the thought that bothered her most of all. She had taken his love for granted, and when it was ripped away, she was miserable. More miserable than when Gale had been flogged in the square, when he could have died. "I don't want to think about that, though," she finally said.

"Me either," he said. "I'm just glad you're here with me now. Protecting me like you did that night in the Capitol." He was talking about the night they were ambushed by the reptilian mutts, the ones she often dreamed about.

"I told you, that's my job." She smiled. "It's nice to feel needed, though," she said. "Lately it's been me that's needed protecting."

He shook his head, staring up at her. "I'll always need you, Katniss."

She hugged him then, tightly. "I still need you too, Peeta," she whispered, burying her face in his neck. She felt his warm arms wrap around her. She was so happy in that moment that even with all the destructive technology the Capitol had, they were not able to change the boy with the bread.

She stayed with him until he fell back to sleep, lightly stroking his forehead, brushing his bangs aside over and over. She recognized the dark circles under his eyes. He had worn those ever since they had come back after the first Games. She also wore those tired circles, plagued by the same nightmares. But her body seemed to be healing much better than his. He still looked pale and weak, while she almost looked healthy. She kissed his forehead lightly before she left, and when she went downstairs, she found Haymitch in the study. She sat down next to him on the couch and sighed. "I guess I owe you an apology." He looked at her expectantly. "So, I'm sorry that I yelled at you. Peeta told me what happened." She paused, waiting for a response that did not come. So she asked, "How bad was it? He made nothing of it, as usual."

Haymitch slowly exhaled. "It wasn't good, but he handled it. Managed not to destroy too much this time. You might want to put some medicine on his hands." He drained his teacup and choked out, "Serious rope burns. I think it'll be good for him here, though. Keep his mind occupied, you know?" Katniss nodded slowly. "You know, it's funny, the Hunger Games were meant to pit you against each other...and now look at you." He took a long look at her. "That reminds me. I've got something for you. Come on." She followed him into his bedroom, the room that up until today had belonged to her mother. She was surprised that he hadn't managed to fill the room with empty bottles yet. The decor had changed slightly. The flowers had been removed, and he had brought in some of his own furniture and books. He opened the dresser drawer and pulled out a long green dress. It was sleeveless, with pretty gold trim and beads threaded in throughout. It wasn't bright green, but the color of the meadow grass in springtime.

"It's beautiful," she breathed, touching the silky fabric.

He stared at it too. "It was my mother's." Katniss looked at him. Haymitch had really never talked about his mother. "She was about your size. Try it on. It's yours if you like it." He placed it in her hands. "God knows I don't need it anymore."

"Thank you, Haymitch." She was shocked. He was being strangely kind to her after how she had shouted at him earlier. "You know, I really am sorry I shouted. It's just that I'm worried about him."

Haymitch nodded, not really looking her in the eye. He usually didn't. "He's doing well, considering what he's been through."

She felt tears stinging her eyes. "It's just—all I can think about is how he kept trying to get us to leave him behind, to let him die. And...and I considered it!" The tears spilled over, sliding down her cheeks. "What kind of person does that, Haymitch? No decent person!" Her voice was rising, she was angry at herself. She had never spoken about this, not to anyone. "Like you said, I could never deserve him."

He didn't say anything for a while. "Come here, kid." When she looked up, she saw his arms were outstretched, and she didn't hesitate to fall into them. "You wanted to end his pain, Katniss. Anyone would do that for someone they loved." She knew he was right, but it still seemed so awful, to grant him his wish of death. Even then, in the state he was in, Peeta was willing to die to protect her. Haymitch pulled away just far enough to see her face. "You gonna be okay, sweetheart?"

She nodded, wiping her face. "I have to be."

"Love's a funny thing, isn't it?" he said, chuckling. "You're going along, living your life. You think you know what your path is going to be, and then someone comes along. Hits you like a train going 100 miles an hour. And everything you thought you knew is off the table."

"Is that how it was for you?" she said quietly.

He nodded. "It was short-lived." He smiled sadly. "You two are different. You actually have a chance. Don't...take it for granted." Haymitch was not being subtle. He wasn't even trying. Why was everyone so concerned with her love life? She came in here, upset about Peeta's well-being, and he had to go insinuate that she was in love with him. And not only that, but that she had been in love with him since the Games.