AN: Sakura and Kakashi reflect on her past relationship with Sasuke. I'll admit, this came out significantly fluffier than planned. Little bit on the rough side, I'll probably make some edits. Reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated. Hope you enjoy! I do not own the characters. Word count: 1,664
How Lucky I Feel With You
Sakura quickly snatched up her keys before rushing out of the apartment. She was running behind schedule, but didn't want to be late for her training session with Kakashi. Then again…
It's not like he'll actually be there on time.
She rolled her eyes, filled with amused exasperation. Some things never changed. They might love one another and even live together, but Kakashi still didn't believe in being timely, even for her. Hell, he'd probably be late for the birth of his own child. Eyes widening, Sakura quickened her pace, wondering where that thought had come from.
An involuntary smile surfaced as she thought of Kakashi. It was hard to believe how happy she was, most of which was due to him. She never would have expected life to turn out this way, but she had no complaints. Especially when she thought back to when Sasuke and her had dated in the past.
Back then, Sasuke would come back to Konoha occasionally, albeit only briefly. She had treasured those visits. Yet, that was all they ever were: visits. Sakura could always tell when he became agitated, uncomfortable with not being able to wander. Oh, they had tried to hide it. Sasuke would pretend to enjoy the relatively peaceful lull of everyday life in the village, and Sakura would act as if her smile wasn't just a façade to hide her heartbrokenness at his desire to leave.
She gave him everything of herself, but it still wasn't enough. She wasn't enough. At least not enough to convince him stay, nor to make him happy. Then again, she'd be surprised if Sasuke could ever truly be happy. He seemed content to wallow in his own dissatisfaction with his lot in life. In short, he enjoyed being unhappy.
Little by little, it wore her down. Every time he left without word, escaping the domesticity that he found claustrophobic, another piece of her broke inside. Eventually the brilliant flame within her seemed to die out, and the enthusiasm for life seemed to dim from her eyes as well. The internally shattered way she felt seemed to be reflected in her outward appearance. Her face, once full of color, grew wan even as the shadows under her eyes grew. She lost weight from lack of appetite. Even the vibrant pink shade of her hair seemed to grow dull.
Concerned, her friends—especially Naruto—tried to help. They would show up at her doorstep with groceries, claiming that they had gotten more than they could possibly use thanks to a sale. The produce would simply sit untouched in her fridge, wilting. Lovingly, they would force her on outings, all in the name of the health benefits that sunshine claimed. She still went to work at the hospital, but it—like other everyday tasks—was something she did almost mechanically, deriving no joy. She simply went through the motions day after day.
No one and nothing seemed to have much of an effect. No one except for Kakashi, that was. For some inexplicable reason, she felt alive again when the silver-haired shinobi was near. It wasn't due to attraction or any sense of romantic attachment on her part, for that wouldn't come until much later. Rather, they just seemed to be in tune with one another, as if nothing had changed from the days when they were on a team together. They could spend a day reading in companionable silence, alternating who rested their head in the other's lap. The two could go without speaking a single word, but they still understood what went unspoken perfectly.
Other times he would show up armed with inane stories. He had bribed her into eating meals he'd brought by telling her of the antics in exchange for her eating the food. Kakashi was the only one that could bring a genuine smile to her face, and he made it his mission to ensure that at least one graced her features every day that he was in the village. Slowly, the smiles came more easily and the light returned to her eyes. She realized how lucky she was to have Kakashi in her life.
Sakura eventually came to her final conclusion in regards to herself and Sasuke. They both needed something that the other couldn't provide. She knew that a relationship would never work out between them, so she abandoned what had begun as a childish infatuation with him, deciding to simply care for him as a friend. Sakura had managed to send him a note containing just eight words: things aren't working out, we both deserve better.
She had felt as if an enormous burden had been removed from her shoulders. For the first time in longer than she cared to admit, it finally felt as if though the future was full of possibilities.
Kakashi purposefully meandered aimlessly, face buried in a worn copy of Icha Icha Paradise, until he could arrive at the training grounds in an appropriately late fashion. Despite his refusal to meet her on time, he was pleased to be seeing Sakura later, even if it had only been a few hours since he had last seen her. She seemed to have the unique ability to make him sincerely happy. It was as if he had spent his life missing something, not realizing until she had truly entered his life that all along there had been a Sakura-sized hole in his existence.
Kakashi couldn't recall the exact moment that his feelings towards her had changed. He had been her sensei initially, and had thought of her as his student for the longest time. In fact, he had still thought of her as a child even long after she had entered adulthood. The war had changed all of that. She'd ceased to be his student when she had transitioned to being his teammate. That camaraderie had developedinto a genuine friendship.
He learned to respect her considerable skill and competency as a kunoichi and especially as a medical-nin. Kakashi admired her considerable strength, both physical and mental. While working together, they had seamlessly fallen into an effortless rhythm of teamwork. It was almost as if they knew what the other was thinking at any given moment. He appreciated the stability that her presence created for him. Sakura was the source of a calm, warm affection in a sea of chaos. It provided the anchor that he never knew he craved. No, she was the anchor that he had unknowingly needed all his life.
Somewhere along the way he had been struck by the realization that Sakura was a woman, and an incredibly attractive one at that. In the rare moments that she would longingly speak of Sasuke, the one-sided conversations often punctuated with her heavy sighs, he grew sullen and agitated. He experienced the unfamiliar, and all together unwelcome emotion of jealousy, simply replying with monosyllabic words before swiftly escaping to sulk alone. Back then the concept of Sakura together with Sasuke was theoretical, something imaginary that he could ignore deep in the recesses of his mind.
All of that changed after the war, during Sasuke's occasional—yet still too frequent, in Kakashi's silent option—returns to Konoha. Kakashi could still remember the first time he had accidentally intruded upon one of their more intimate moments. A sinking, cold feeling had slammed uncomfortably into the pit of his stomach as he glimpsed Sakura's dazed look and the slight blush coloring her cheeks when she had glanced at him in surprise. He had stammered an apology before beating a hasty retreat. The memory of her kiss-swollen lips had haunted for days—he refused to think about them engaging in anything further than what he had unfortunately borne witness to—even as he wished that he had been the one to cause her mussed appearance. He hated himself a little more each time these thoughts invaded his mind.
This shouldn't hurt, he had vehemently told himself.
But it did. God, did it hurt.
He silently grew to resent Sasuke, angered at the boy's blindness to the precious gift that he had been granted in the form of Sakura. This turned into carefully concealed fury when Sasuke's selfishness took its toll on Sakura. He couldn't stand the way she looked during those times, as if she was defeated. But he knew Sakura, perhaps even better than she knew herself, and that it was only a matter of time before her fire returned twofold. He resolved to help her find the way back to herself.
And she did.
Despite his own regard for her, he never thought that she would view him in a similar light. He was jaded, with more than his fair share of major screw-ups in life. In addition to him being filled with regret and loss, there was the fourteen-year age gap. War, however, had seemed to strip that last concern away, as it rapidly aged all of the young, surviving shinobi beyond their time. It made them all realize how fleeting life was. That the only thing that mattered at the end of the day was that you were with the one you cared about.
After twenty-two and a half minutes past when he had told Sakura he would meet her, Kakashi strolled onto the training ground. "It's about time," he heard her playfully scold.
He quirked a brow above the orange edge of his book, "oh, I thought that I was early?"
"That," she rolled her eyes, laughing, "is a word that should never be used in the same sentence as your name unless it's preceded by never."
A grin grew, hidden, behind his mask. The eye crinkle that his girlfriend claimed to adore also made its appearance. Staring at her smiling countenance, he could feel himself getting lost in the jade depths of her eyes. He must have done something decent with his life in order to have her in it.
Yep, guess I lucked out.
