For some reason known only to the gods, I am unable to insert asterisks between scene changes in this section. Even though they are in the document I upload, they disappear here. I apologize if that makes the scene confusing. I am going to try using x's or something equally simple. Maddie

x x x x

Troi rounded the bend in the corridor just as Ensign Ro crashed past her. Ro looked as though she was on the verge of tears and Troi was startled by the intensity of emotion from the stormy ensign. Troi was momentarily torn between her original goal, to intercept Riker, and following the obviously agitated Ro. In the end she chose to go to Riker. Sensing his nearness, she slowed her pace, crossing the next intersection and drawing to a stop. She remained at a slight distance, unobserved for the moment. Her heart leapt when she saw him, happiness causing tightness in her throat as cautious concern created butterflies in her stomach.

Riker stood alone in the corridor, an uncharacteristic slump rounding his proud shoulders. His eyes were closed. He seemed in pain, or was remembering an inner suffering, and as Troi dropped her mental barrier she was awash in an agony of self doubt, and more disturbing, the memory of crippling fear. She took a step forward, as he straightened, clamping down on his rampant emotions, until all she could sense was cold reserve.

Taking another step towards him, she spoke before he could become aware she had eavesdropped. "Will." She felt like a giddy schoolgirl as he turned toward her, a half smile touching his lips, a softness lighting his blue eyes. "Oh, Will," she said again, rushing to him and burying herself in his arms, the touch and scent of him closing on her senses as she abandoned all other awareness, allowing herself to drown in his presence. "Oh, Will, I'm so glad you're back. I've missed you so." Then the tears were flowing down her cheeks, and he was talking softly to her, caressing her, holding her, and she in turn clung tightly to him, realizing, not for the first time, how much she had missed him, how empty her life had been knowing the strong, yet tender essence of him had been missing, perhaps irretrievably. There had been moments when she thought he would never be part of her life again. Whatever had gone awry on Corvas Seven had almost stolen him from her.

"Hey, Counselor," Riker said, "why the tears?"

Troi looked up at him. "I just realized I might never have seen you again."

"But you have."

"Yes," she laughed. "I have." Taking his face firmly in her tiny hands, she kissed him, with a passion she thought she had buried behind a wall of professionalism years ago.

"Deanna," Riker said as he came up for breath, "aren't you the one who's always maintained our relationship should be platonic as long as we serve aboard the same ship?"

"Don't remind me of what I always say," Deanna said, laughing at his gentle teasing, and digging him in the ribs with her finger.

"Well, in that case," Riker laughed, "my quarters aren't that far away, provided I still have quarters on this ship."

"Right this way, Commander," Deanna said affecting a mock curtsey. Linking arms, they walked down the corridor in companionable silence, content with a closeness that required no conversation. Finally Troi spoke again, "I tried to catch you in the transporter room," she said as casually as possible, knowingly baiting him," but I must have missed you."

"I was able to get away from Starbase a few minutes earlier than I'd expected," Riker said.

Troi was well aware of a half-truth of his statement.

No mention was made of the shuttlecraft. She was inwardly concerned when he made no effort to correct her assumption he had arrived via transporter.

"I was intercepted by Ensign Ro," he continued.

"I saw her in the corridor," Troi commented. "She seemed upset.

"Did she?"

"Yes." Again Troi realized Riker was deliberately keeping something from her. In fact, his manner had turned carefully guarded.

"We only exchanged a few words. I hope I didn't say anything to upset her."

"You were on a mission together. She came back. You did not. Perhaps, she simply was relieved you had returned"

"Perhaps. With Ensign Ro, it's sometimes hard to predict her reactions. She's a complicated creature. But," he said, drawing to a halt in front of his quarters, "I really didn't want to discuss her right now."

Riker's arm tightened around hers before he gave the command for his door to open. Stepping inside, Troi sensed trepidation from her companion.

"Everything is as you left it." Troi had personally made sure everything remained as he had left it.

"Yes," he said, stepping inside and cautiously running a finger over the trombone propped in the corner, waiting for its owner. "Yes, everything seems in order."

The hatch slid shut behind them, and in the heavy silence, Troi stepped up to Riker. Standing behind him, she slipped her arms around his waist. "I'm so glad your back," she whispered resting her cheek against his back. She inhaled deeply, knowing now what had been missing in the carefully maintained quarters. Though all Riker's belongings were in order, without his presence they were only so much inventory. In his absence, they had seemed sterile museum pieces fit only for a shrine. Like an old house, that stands empty too long, this place had lost life. To be complete, it needed the aura of its owner, his presence, even his untidiness.

Turning to face her, Riker gently cupped her face in his hands. "I missed you, too." He bent to kiss her, as she had kissed him in the corridor.

Troi was left breathless, but before any further response was possible, they were interrupted by the beeping of intraship communications.

"Yes," Riker said at last, stroking Troi's hair with his hand.

"Commander Riker," came an unfamiliar voice. "Your presence is requested in the Captain's ready room at the earliest convenience."

"Acknowledged." Sighing, the commander stepped back and held her at arm's length. "It seems duty calls. And I suppose I should get back into the routine."

Troi nodded, not trying to hide her disappointment.

"I'll accompany you."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Riker answered.

x x x x

"Welcome back, Number One." Picard rose from his desk, extending his hand as he did. His handshake was firm, his greeting genuinely warm. This rarely expressed side of the captain's personality warmed Riker, relaxed him, as he had not felt relaxed since his return barely an hour ago. For months, he had longed for the moment he would step back onto the Enterprise, imagining it, dreaming of it. That sustained him when all hope drained away. And yet, when he arrived, he felt empty and unfulfilled. True, he had snuck back aboard, hoping to avoid any friends who might belabor him with curiosity or worse yet, sympathy. He was relieved that the only being on the bridge he considered a close friend had been Worf. And Worf's greeting spoke volumes of the Klingon's respect for privacy and the pleasure at his return. The remainder of the bridge crew was literal unknowns, having arrived shortly before his absence. Both Geordi and Data were currently in engineering and Troi had accompanied him to the bridge. Slipping into the chair opposite Picard's immaculate desk, Riker almost felt as though nothing had changed.

"Well be breaking orbit soon," Picard was saying, "and I wanted to update you on our next mission. Fairly routine, as missions go. Mapping gaseous anomalies in the Beta Genah sector. There have also been reports of erratic subspace interference in that sector. Starfleet wants us to co-ordinate this chatter with the anomalies if possible."

"Sounds relatively basic," Riker answered. He felt himself cringing inwardly at the thought of the Beta Genah sector. It was far too close to Corvas.

"Are you all right, Will?"

Riker looked up with a start, aware he had not been listening. "Yes, quite all right, Captain."

"You suddenly went quite pale."

"No problem, Captain. Just a bit tired."

Picard stood and walked around his desk, stopping to sit on its corner, and scrutinize the commander. Riker fought the insane urge to squirm. This was his captain, a friend, a man he would willingly lay down his life for, yet this intense analysis made him feel like an academy freshman undergoing his first snap inspection.

"Will," Picard's voice softened, dropping out of command mode and into the voice of a concerned friend. "I've read your account of what happened on Corvas Seven, and afterward. I have complete confidence in your abilities. You are still the first officer of this vessel. That never changed, not even in your absence."

"I appreciate your faith in me, sir."

Picard leaned over and clapped a hand on Riker's shoulder. "Then stop being so damned formal, Will. Welcome back. We really did miss you."

x x x x

Troi leaned back in her chair and sighed heavily. It seemed however she worded her report, it was less than favorable. She read through it one more time, then with a decisive stab of her forefinger, erased the words from her computer screen. She closed and stored the file for another time. Normally, she was a stickler for completing any report to Starfleet in a timely fashion, but this time it could wait. Scanning her daily log, she was about to page her next appointment when her communicator beeped.

"Counselor Troi," she said.

"Captain Picard requests your presence in his ready room."

"Tell him I'll be right there," Troi answered.

x x x x

Troi was fairly certain she knew what Picard wanted. She wasn't certain she was prepared for the conversation, any more than she had been prepared to write the report, but she could think of no way to delay the inevitable.

Picard was pacing the central area of his carpeted ready room and Troi sat silently watching, her hands folded in her lap, her mind serene and open to his needs. She was not surprised by the concern she felt emanating from the captain, though a private man, she had long ago realized his deep compassion for his crew, particularly those few he felt close enough to call friend. Over the past few days, since Will's return, she had felt a deepening of his concern whenever the captain interacted with his first officer.

Although cleared by Starfleet Medical, and certified fit for duty, Troi sensed Picard's worry. The Riker that had returned to them was not the same Riker that had left. In many outward ways, he was no different, and new crewmembers warmed quickly to the out-going first officer in a way they never would to their less approachable captain. Riker had easily fallen back into his old patterns of behavior, setting the tone of the command structure of the Enterprise, acting at times, as a buffer between lesser officers and their families and the most respected man on board ship. Deftly handling personnel problems, Riker, with his easy affability was the perfect foil for Picard's professional reserve. Within a week of his return, Troi had sensed a feeling of relief emanating from the crew, particularly those who had come to know Riker and his command style before the mission to Corvas Seven.

And yet, an unmistakable tension remained, in the captain, herself, and the others who knew Riker best, Worf, LaForge, Crusher and O'Brien. In some way each had projected emotions similar to what she now felt from Picard. These emotions ranged from a fierce protectiveness in Worf, to medical curiosity in Crusher. O'Brien had been avoided and Troi assumed Riker's avoidance of anything related to the transporter room included its chief operator.

"In your opinion, Counselor, your professional opinion, how is Commander Riker settling into the old routine?"

Troi looked up at Picard as he spoke, shifting mental gears, keying out his emotional responses and concentrating on his question.

"It is obvious that, on the surface, Commander Riker is his usual congenial self.

"On the surface?" Picard asked, stopping suddenly to stand in front of her.

"Yes, sir," Troi answered, shifting her hands in her lap.

She hesitated to say anything further, more interested in Picard's outward observations of the first officer, hoping to confirm her own suspicions, or possibly allay her fears.

"It is the inward part that concerns me, Counselor," Picard said sharply, resuming his pacing. "I need to get your impression of what's going on inside Will Riker's head."

Troi shifted in her seat and took a deep breath. "The crew has reacted positively to his return and that seems to have reassured him somewhat, but..."

Picard rounded on her again as she hesitated.

"But, I detect a great deal of stress in him, Captain."

"Stress, Counselor. In what respect?"

"Several, actually, Captain. It appears to be stressful for him to maintain outward appearances, yet he feels compelled to do precisely that. What was once easy and natural had become a difficult facade. In unguarded moments, I have even detected a deep sense of uncertainty."

"What kind of uncertainty?" Picard had walked around his own desk, and was now seated opposite her, fingering a large dilithium crystal that sat on its top.

"Uncertainty concerning his command ability, Captain. He fears he has lost and will never regain his command edge. He is at war with himself. Part of his psyche needs to have that command edge tested, yet part fears he will fail the test. It is not unusual for a person to react this way after a traumatic experience," she added hastily.

"Any person in general?"

Picard's insightful questions left Troi wondering if he was truly asking her opinion or seeking confirmation of his own. She nodded affirmatively.

"But not Will Riker?" Picard concluded.

Troi sighed. "Yes, for him it is unusual"

"And cause for concern?"

"Yes, Captain."

Picking at a small crack on a perfectly manicured fingernail, Troi hesitated again, searching for the proper words. Like the small cracks in Riker's mental state, the slightest pressure the wrong way at the wrong time could—but she banished the thought. She did not want to be the one to damn Will. "It is difficult to know, Captain. The Will Riker who left here six months ago was a very strong personality, independent, intelligent, decisive, and courageous. I don't believe these qualities can be removed from a person's make-up. In this case, I believe they have been muted by his experience, not erased. I firmly believe that, placed in a command situation, Will's very nature, and his years of training will take over, and he'll be fine."

"And yet, you still have doubts and reservations."

Troi realized it was time for her to update Picard on all aspects of the problem. "There is something else I have not reported, Captain, because I was not sure of its significance."

Picard waited silently, his gaze penetrating, and Troi proceeded as calmly and with all the professional detachment she could muster where Will Riker was concerned. "Commander Riker avoided use of the transporter for his return from Starbase 112."

Picard sat up straighter, his face darkening with concern, and a touch of anger, she sensed, because she had not informed him before.

"He chose to return to the Enterprise via shuttle instead of the transporter, though it meant delays and a much longer journey. I had hoped this was an isolated incident. There has been little opportunity to test his reaction since we left Starbase 112."

Picard was thoughtful, and Troi sensed he was weighing the ramifications of a first officer who might balk at a critical moment. Something he had never had to do. Riker's abilities and his devotion to duty had always been given constants. Finding even the smallest reason to doubt them was akin, in Picard's mind to doubting the most fundamental laws of physics. "And if Riker is given an assignment, requiring the use of the transporter?" Picard's question was phrased as though he already suspected the answer and did not like it.

Troi took a deep breath, steadying herself. "Commander Riker has a very resilient personality. He would not have survived his ordeal on Corvas Seven if he were anything less. I feel he is experiencing a certain degree of uncertainty, but he will not fail to do his duty when he is called upon to do so."

"That is your professional opinion?" Picard questioned again.

"Yes, sir."

Picard steepled his fingers, staring past them directly into Troi's eyes, as though he were the empath attempting to read her thoughts. "And what of your personal opinion?"

Troi was momentarily startled, but knew she trusted Picard's reasons. "I am concerned for him, as are you, Captain. I wish to protect him from further pain, but I cannot. He would not want that. We can not stifle the person we know to be Will Riker, even if, by refusing to do so, he is once again subjected to painful situations. Only by facing his fears will he be whole again."

Picard sat back in his chair, a sense of relief washing out from him. "I was hoping that was what you would say, Counselor. Thank you, for confirming my own instincts."

x x x x