"Wherever Pacey is, I hope he's happy."
She did.
Mostly.
Okay. Not so much.
She wanted him to be as miserable without her as she was without him.
She had her dream, but it was hollow. Audrey, her roommate, questioned why she just studied. Told her she should have some fun. Was she bummed Dawson wasn't coming to visit? Yes. But, contrary to Audrey's belief, he wasn't her beau. He was her security blanket. Joey had to be all about Dawson. Because if she wasn't then the alternative was to wonder about Pacey. She couldn't be with him, but going out, having fun, and meeting someone new would mean letting go of him and everything they shared together. And she wasn't ready for that. Not yet.
Joey allowed everyone to believe she was over Pacey. It was just easier that way. If Audrey knew anything about him, she'd question her incessantly. And Jack and Jen were all-knowing, so if they even got a whiff of her true feelings, well, she'd never hear the end of it. Dawson was the perfect bait-and-switch.
At the frat party, she hid in the bathroom and left Dawson that message about cutting the cord. It was something she should have done ages ago, not now at Worthington. She could pinpoint the exact moment that cord should have been cut - when he asked her if she slept with Pacey on the ski trip. (Seriously, they'd been dating nine months. Why the hell had he even asked? Was he that oblivious?) But she held on for dear life, not wanting to hurt Dawson anymore than she already had. Ultimately, it cost her everything she never knew she always wanted.
Earlier that day, Professor Wilder told Joey that to fix her story about her kiss with Dawson.
He said she had to make a choice about what the kiss was.
Of all the suggestions he made as to what it could have been, Joey only really focused on what it wasn't: I want to lay you down on the nearest horizontal surface and do ungodly things to you.
No kiss with Dawson had ever been that. Those kisses were reserved for Pacey and him alone.
###
Pacey was in Boston. Joey was there, so he was. Period.
His summer away was definitely what he needed to get his shit together and begun facing a future without Joey, alone on the road less traveled. All his friends were in college. He wasn't. And never would be. But, he was okay with that. He didn't need anyone's approval anymore. He was finally living his life for himself and himself alone. It was liberating.
Pacey had been back a few weeks when Lindley showed up for a visit. Damn Dougie for selling him out. Just because he wanted to be in the same city as Joey didn't mean he wanted anyone to know he was there. Especially her. The proximity was enough for him. It was strangely comforting while he decided his next move.
While he told Jen during her visits that he was determined to move forward, he couldn't help but be curious about the past. He liked hearing how Jen, Jack and Joey were doing. And what they thought he was doing.
It was comforting knowing Joey hoped he was happy. Because he wanted the same for her. Even if he wasn't the source of her happiness.
