AUTHOR'S NOTE! And so, I was on crack again. So I decided to write more of this silly story. The plot thickens! Hayner pops in, we meets a certain pink-haired idiot, Axel is Axel, and Roxas just wants this all to be over. What more could you ask for? Ohhh. Major thanks to a certain Erik for shoving things up his nose with me and giving me the best ideas ever. I enjoy the him on crack more than I enjoy the me on crack. :D Annnnd. This was typed up on my shiny new laptop (Best birthday gift everrrr), so I'm not quite used to the keyboard. I'm sorry for any mistakes I didn't catch. D: This one is a little shorter than it's older brother (or sister, I'm not quite sure), so I'm sorry for that. But it's packed with more crack (somehow. xD), so enjoy it and leave a review~

DISCLAIMER! If I owned Kingdom Hearts, it'd be rated M for yaoi, crack, and foul language. Disney would hate me. c:


II: "Of Pinkettes and Porn"
In which the tea cups at Disney World meet their match.

Hour One.
Wal-Mart Mission: Electronics Department.

How big could Wal-Mart possibly be? A few thousand square feet? A few million feet?
Roxas groaned, wandering the aisles slowly. How stupid could he be? Getting lost in a Wal-Mart...

Fucking peachy.

The blonde sighed, glancing at his watch for what must have been the millionth time. 10:26, the digital numbers shone up at him, mocking him almost. There were still about nine hours or so until the delivery trucks came, loaded up with the most precious cargo imaginable.

A nine hour wait inside Wal-Mart until he could finally buy The Sims 3.
Totally worth it.

(Just like waiting on line for 4 hours in the rain, and then dealing with the flu afterwards, for Guitar Hero III was worth it.)

The only problem, Roxas sighed as he passed a random patio display, was what to do until then. It wasn't his best plan, next to that one time he tried to superglue Sora's tongue to the roof of his mouth.

..Damn, the guy can snore.

But back to the point, Roxas had to find something to do. And fast.
Or else his tiny teenage attention span would drive him to insanity.
But what? He was in Wal-Mart for crying out loud!

Wait...

It would have been appropriate if a light bulb went off above his blonde little head.
He was in Wal-Mart, wasn't he?

And Wal-Mart...
Had a video games/electronics section, didn't it?
(How he hadn't realized this revelation much sooner, no one could be sure.)

Nine hours of the latest video games and (once he found the in-store restaurant) ice-cold soda?

He could live with that.


Back at the ranch — or rather, back at Aisle 4 — a certain Hayner giggled.
A manly giggle.

He brought the...Ahem, gentlemanly publication closer to his face and man-giggled once more.

And by gentlemanly publication, I mean dirty magazine.
And by dirty magazine, I mean porn rag.

So..
Who was Roxas, again?


Shuffle Shuffle.

Roxas paused, and turned to look around him furtively.
No one. Just an empty bedding aisle.

He shrugged, thinking the bout of recent paranoia was spawned only from lack of Sims and continued on his merry way towards the electronics. Up ahead, the blue sign (the words 'Electronics/Gaming' never looked so beautiful) hung from the ceiling; insert angelic choir here, please.

But first, he had to pass through the clothing department.

A simple enough task on its own, for who would ever suspect clothing of anything malicious? Not counting that horrible sweater his grandma had sent him that one Christmas, of course. So he continued on, unaware of the approaching stupidity about to hit him like a fat Sakura cosplayer. Or a freight train. Either was appropriate.

Shuffle Shuffle Giggle.

The blonde teen paused once more, now certain that he had heard something not born out of paranoia. Roxas turned slowly, wildly considering going into a poor imitation of something out of a badly dubbed kung-fu movie. But only for a moment.

Giggle Giggle.

The high-pitched wheezing noise came from a perfectly ordinary circular rack of cheap-looking clothing (now on sale 50% off). Ignoring the better, saner side of his brain which was screaming at him to turn the other way and pretend nothing ridiculously suspicious had just happened, Roxas cautiously approached the clothing rack.

In response, a horribly frilled pink tank top, laced with ribbons and roses in various shades of the horrid color, fell from the rack of otherwise boring clothing and more high-pitched giggles could be heard as the rack itself shook. The blonde quirked an eyebrow and pushed some of the clothes away.

Instantly, he wished that he had agreed with the sane side of himself and ran the other way. Ran far away. Very far.

What greeted him from within the rack of clothing was nothing more than a large, inappropriately shaped party horn, which did the task of further ruining Roxas's hearing with its loud screech.

And once it was dropped, what greeted a now surprised and slightly deaf Roxas was nothing other than a rather thin man with long, flowing, and obviously greatly cared for pink hair.

His hair was pink.
Freaking pink.

Before the blonde teen could even respond to this physical oxymoron, he — or was it a she, maybe? — It giggled once more. In a very high pitched and non-masculine way.

"H—H—Hiiiii," the thing barely breathed out from its fit of laughter. But its voice was deep, so Roxas could safely go under the assumption that was a man. Or at least, an effeminate man.

"Um.. Hi?" Roxas responded slowly. He racked his brain for something else to say to the giggling being, but came up blank. What could anyone say to something like this?! Squinting at the nametag on his blue vest, Roxas realized that this man was actually an employee. Marluxia, the tag said in loopy script.

Roxas took a step back (based on his previous experiences with this particular Wal-Mart's employees), and watched Marluxia-I'm-totally-baked-off-my-ass warily.

An awkward sort of silence followed, the male hidden inside the clothing rack still giving off occasional spurts of giggles. After a few more seconds, the blonde figured that the guy was trying to say something through all the laughter. But poor Roxas, not fluent in the giggle-speak of pink-haired men who had a little too much of whatever plant was sold in back alleys, could not for the life of him discern what this particular pinkette was trying to say.

So he did the only thing that any adolescent male could do in such a situation.

He walked away.
Oh, he walked the fuck away.

But whilst trying to both clear his memory of what just happened and still try to find the way to the electronics, the blonde didn't notice a tall, lanky figure drift towards him. Not until said tall figure leaned in and blew a puff of warm air into his ear, at least.

"HolyshitohmyGodwhatthehellwasthat?!!"

Axel laughed raucously, adding insult to Roxas's personal injury, needing to support himself by holding onto his knee after hearing Roxas emit the loudest and girliest scream he had ever heard in his nineteen years of life.

Oh, he knew this kid was special from the moment he laid his eyes on him.

"Hey there, nice to see you too." With laughter still glistening in his eyes, Axel shoved his hands in his back pockets and circled slowly around the blonde in front of him, looking ludicrously like a vulture, emerald eyes a'sparkling.

Or at least, Roxas thought while still trying to hide the redness of his cheeks (and failing miserably), a vulture with his head on fire.

"What do you want?" the blonde shot at him, crossing his arms. His bottom lip jutted out slightly, ruining any angry effect he had wanted to pull off. But he went on anyway, looking more like a pouting child instead of the whole I-will-end-you look he was going for.

Axel, having that sort of emotional immunity (or the fact that maybe he just really didn't give a shit), brushed it off with a smirk, "Now is that how you greet the man who saved your life?"

"Saved my... What?"

"Well ooooobviously," he punctuated this by wrapping a skinny arm around Roxas's shoulders, "If I hadn't told you that we'd be getting a whole lot of Sims in the morning, you would've gone home, sat in your spotless little bathroom, and offed yourself. Can't have that, now can we?"

And before Roxas could even sputter out that his logic was a total crock of shit, Axel had already tightened his grip and steered the blonde teen away from the heavenly electronics department and towards the depths of Wal-Mart where, surely, more stupidity was about to ensue. Which really only confirmed one thing for little Roxas:

Axel was an evil, evil man with no concern for the needs of an adolescent with a video game addiction (or in Roxas's words, a medical condition where he must experience the thrill of killing zombies and such on a daily basis for hours at a time.. Or he'll die) and had a much stronger grip than Roxas assumed.

Oh joy.


And from the hellish depths of the clothing department, Marluxia insisted to his new found friend — A thin, low-cut shirt colored in deep rose — that he was on his break.

Or at least, he tried to.

Those pretty colors were so damn distracting, after all.


CADAVER SPEAKS! Oh. My. God. ..Again. I blame Erik for the Pothead!Marluxia. But no fear! There is a back story to all this crack. What's left of the sane part of me demanded that I had at least, some tiny grain of reason behind all this.

Um. Yeah. Don't kill me please. c:
I like living. Like Roxas.

Aaaand. Um. Yeah.
More Org. people to come in the next chapter!

Also, THANKS SOOOO MUCH to all my reviewers. I kind of had a spasm when I saw how many hits/favs/alerts and reviews this got.
So many thanks to all of you amazing people.
-throws confetti-

But maybe, perhaps, as a late birthday gift (I am now 16, hoho) you could leave a review? :D

See you on the next chapter, bitches.

CADAVER: OUT.