"Spencer?"
She squinted her eyes against the glare of the sunlight. "Wren?" Of all the people who could have shown up there, he was the last one she would have thought of. "What are you doing here?" They hadn't seen each other since the night he had fixed her hand at the hospital. Every once in a while he would text her, asking how she was and if she needed anything, but she always had the same response. She was fine and no, but thank you. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that he had picked up on her solitary attitude and was trying to give her as much space he he could. Of course, she had been grateful for the texts, but she hadn't realized how much she actually wanted to see him until that moment.
He stopped in front of her, his head tilted up at her and a smile on his face. "Your sister told me I might find you here." Spencer nodded. Melissa had seen her going down the path one day on her way to an appointment, and Spencer hadn't seen the point in lying about it. At first, it had made her a little worried to know that her sister knew about her secret spot, but then she had realized that the older girl probably didn't care enough to do anything about it. Despite that, she was a little bit confused as to why Melissa would have told Wren; she had to hate the idea of them being around each other.
"You should be proud of me. I actually worked up the nerve to knock on your front door today." As an after thought, he added, "And I wasn't drunk." Rubbing the back of his neck and glancing away from her quickly, he laughed. "Mostly because I saw neither of your parents were home. Of course, I didn't factor in the chance of Melissa being there." Spencer couldn't help but laugh with him, wondering how long it had been since she'd last smiled. Before Toby left?
"Mind if I join you?" His accent, paired with what she thought sounded like a little bit of nervousness, made the sentence run together, so it sounded like one long word to her as it came out of his mouth. He nodded towards the empty space next to her, waiting for her approval.
Nodding her head in agreement, Spencer watched as he climbed up the ladder and came to sit next to her. Their legs dangled over the side, occasionally bumping feet while neither of them said anything. Out of the corner of her eye she could see him looking at her, but a sense of shyness came over her, making her not want to acknowledge him.
"How have you been?" She shrugged at his questions, still unwilling to look at him. He knew all about A. Melissa had told him at one of her appointments, probably making it sound more like some sort of childish game than what it actually was, but he must have realized the gravity of the situation because he had texted her immediately to see if she was okay. There was a large part of her that was thankful that she didn't have to relive the experience in order to tell him. Then again, another part of her regretted not being able to explain the situation in its entirety. She wondered if he knew about Toby. It wouldn't surprise her if Melissa had felt the need to share that too.
"Honestly, I've been better." She pulled her legs up, wrapping her arms around her knees and hugging them tightly to her chest as a a pregnant pause fell over the conversation. His head bobbed as he glanced away at the trees to their right before looking back at her.
"Is there anything I can do?"
She shook her head, smiling bitterly. "Not really," she whispered. "But thank you." She saw him look away from her and immediately felt bad for shutting him out, once again. Her hand reached out, almost on its own, and settled lightly on top of his. There was only a second of hesitation before his hand flipped over so his palm was facing up, their fingers intertwining as she squeezed gently. His eyes traveled down and then back up to the side of her face. She gave him a small smile, the corners of her mouth curving up the tiniest bit. In that moment, she made the decision that if there was anybody who she was going to be able to talk to, it was Wren.
"I thought," she paused. "I thought everything would be okay by now." She cleared her throat before going on. "We dealt with A for months. It got to the point where I would have given anything just to find out who was after us and why. It completely took over our lives and I let myself get obsessed with the idea of knowing who it was until there wasn't any room in my head to think about anything else. But then I did know and that was almost worse than being in the dark."
"I was expecting there to be this moment...this moment of clarity when I finally figured it out but instead...all I felt was frozen. Like something had me stuck there. Most days I still feel stuck there. In that night." She bit her lip, pulling it into her mouth and keeping her eyes straight ahead. "We can finally stop looking over our shoulders now, waiting for something bad to happen, but it's almost like that doesn't matter because we're all just as miserable as we were before."
There was another beat in the conversation as she inhaled deeply. "I don't understand how anyone could do the things she did." Spencer faltered, still unable to say Mona's name aloud, a fact she hoped that no one else had noticed. "She was Hanna's friend. Towards the end, I was starting to believe that she was all of our friend. And friends aren't supposed to do that. They're not supposed to hold secrets against you and blackmail you and try to kill you." Her mind raced, the distinctions between Mona and Alison blurring slightly in her mind. "How can I trust anyone now? In my mind, everyone has some sort of alterior motive behind everything they do. No matter what I do, I can't get myself out of that mindset. And it's all because of her. Sometimes I wish that I, we had never met her. We all would have been so much better off."
They fell into silence again, the silence echoing after her rant. The feeling of holding Wren's hand was foreign, yet somehow completely right to her as she thought about how much she had just said. It was more than she had ever given on the situation to someone before. And he probably thought she was crazy because of the way she had just blurted it out. Her eyes stayed on their fingers twisted together, wondering what it meant, if it meant anything. Finally, he said, "I wish there was something I could do for you." His thumb brushed over her skin lightly, leaving a tingling trail trail behind it. If she wasn't mistaken, it almost seemed to her like he was at a loss for words. "Someone as beautiful as you shouldn't be so sad," he whispered, still tracing her hand. She didn't answer, unsure of how to respond, but finally raising her eyes to meet his.
Wren may not have been a constant in her life for the last year, but when he had been around, he's always done or said exactly what she needed. He never seemed to want anything from her in return. Of course, he had a habit of kissing her at the most inconvenient times, like when he was engaged to her sister or when she had just broken up with her boyfriend, but there had never even been a tiny part of her that had wanted to stop him. Truth be told, every time he pulled away from her, she wanted to pull him back. There was just something about him that exuded innocence and safety to her. He simply wanted her to be okay and that in itself was a blessing.
A feeling began in her chest, urging her to be nearer to him, to show him how grateful she was towards him. There was only a moment of internal fight with herself before she gave in. She leaned over and brushed her lips against his, thinking about how the only other time she had initiated a kiss between them she had been drunk. At first, she was fearful at his lack of response, but then she felt the corners of his mouth tug up and his lips parted just enough for her to know she shouldn't stop.
There was also something about him that made Spencer want to kiss him. It could be the way he always happened to be there when she was at her most vulnerable. Or it could have been the way he was always smiling. She could count on one hand the number of times she had seen him look unhappy, and most of them had to do with Melissa. In the end, though, it was probably the way that he said her name that really got to her.
She was just so used to the way her parents called her with an underlying tone of expectancy and disappointment. Or the way her friends would whisper her name when something bad happened, like it was up to her to figure out what their next move was going to be. Or how when Melissa would say her name, it was always backed with spite and superiority and a little bit of hurt, which only led to Spencer feeling guiltier than she had before. Even Toby said her name like she walked on water, like she could do no wrong, which had been too much pressure for her to handle at times.
When Wren said her name, though, it just rolled off his tongue and made her feel simple. Like she wasn't Spencer Hastings, the field hockey captain and student council member with straight A's and dozens of other achievements wracked up over the years. She was just Spencer. She didn't have all of these people depending on her to be the best, expecting her to be the best. Wren made her feel like she could just be average and it wouldn't be the most terrible thing in the world.
She wasn't entirely sure what she felt for him. Not yet anyway. All she knew was that she missed him when he was gone, even if it was just in the back of her mind. The days that went by when they didn't have some sort of contact just felt heavier than the days that they did. And right at that moment, when she was kissing him and he was kissing her back, she felt lighter than she had in months.
It started off harmlessly enough, their lips meeting softly and their hands still linked on his leg. Ever since she had first met him, there had been something inside of her longing to just be able to be with him like that. To be able to kiss without the fear of getting caught or some other bad consequence of their actions. The night she had gone home with him, she had felt the beginning of something, only to be stopped by his unwillingness to take advantage of her. Even though she definitely wouldn't have seen it that way. But this was just as good as that night could have been. They were outside, kissing, and she could let herself believe for a little bit that they were actually together in a way that wasn't centered around broken relationships and secrecy.
Eventually, she felt his tongue brush against the inside of her bottom lip and opened her mouth to his, the tension between them changing as soon as his tongue brushed against hers. The feeling in her chest had spread to her stomach, telling her she needed to be even closer to Wren, always closer. Before she had time to think about it, she twisted her body and moved so that she was straddling him, her knees on either side of his hips and his hands on his neck. She felt him smiled into her mouth, his hands moving slowly so that they were resting on her sides. She could feel the hesitation in his movements and wanted to laugh at his sudden nervousness.
Their kisses deepened as she pressed her body against his and placed her hands on his face. In response, his fingers slipped under the bottom of her shirt and rubbed across the small of her back. The skin there ignited wherever he came in contact with it and she felt the faint beginning of a dull ache between her legs. She pressed her hips lightly into his, causing him to groan underneath of her and unintentionally spurring her desire for him. Unbuttoning his shirt swiftly, her fingers explored his chest, loving the added sensation of his skin on hers that she had only been able to experience for a brief minute before he had stopped her that night.
Her shirt had ridden up so until her stomach was exposed and his hands had followed its path. She tensed up slightly when she felt his fingers slide over the silky material of her bra, moaning quietly at the feeling of his hands touching her there for the first time. She could tell by how light his touch was that he was conflicted about how fast they were moving. Her feelings were the exact opposite as she thought about the fact that this was what she had been missing out on for the past year. There was no way she would have let him stop her that night at his house if she had realized how good it would feel.
They were both breathing hard as she kissed away from his mouth and to his neck, where she let her lips move over his skin. His hands hesitated as they moved to cup her breasts, making her moan again. She could tell he was waiting for her to put an end to what was going on. If only he knew that that was the furthest thing from her mind. If it was up to her, they would never stop. She had somehow gotten his shirt all the way unbuttoned and didn't waste any time in kissing her way down his chest and onto his stomach, her hands immediately going to his pants when she had pushed him back far enough.
"Spencer," he managed to say in a strangled tone. Her hands were at his belt buckle as she looked up at him. She didn't answer, instead just fiddling with the metal in her hands. "Spencer," he said again, this time a little bit more firmly.
He pulled her up so that they were face to face, kissing her swiftly and pushing her mouth open. Taking this as an invitation, her hands started to undo his buckle again, causing him pull away just as quickly as he had begun. "We can't do this."
Her eyebrows shot up as she stared at him in disbelief. "Here," he added hurriedly. "We can't do this here." He glanced around the playground and then back at her. "Kids come here." Her hands stopped their movement as she considered his statement. Finally, she looked at him seriously and leaned closer.
"Can we go to your place?" she asked, hoping he would understand what she was trying to say. They were going fast, much faster than she had ever gone with anyone else, but for once she was sick of worrying about consequences and just wanted to do what felt right.
She smiled a little bit when she felt the way his body froze at her words before he was nodding slowly. "Of course. I mean, if that's what you want." Her face moved even closer to his, until he felt her nose brush against his ear.
"That's exactly what I want." She grinned again when she heard him swallow. "Come on, let's go," she said, moving to stand up. His hands caught her hips, stopping her.
"Wait," he said, suddenly looking a little bit embarrassed. "We can't go just yet." She looked at him confused, then followed his glance down to the bulge in the front of his pants. "Just give me a minute," he continued, letting his head fall back before he added, "It might help if you weren't on top of me…" He trailed off.
She laughed awkwardly, feeling her face beginning to get red and letting her head fall against his chest to hide it. He laughed with her, moving so that his arms were wrapped loosely around her waist. Suddenly, she got an idea. Before he had time to stop her, she had undone his belt and managed to unbutton his pants as well.
"What are you doing?" he questioned loudly, grabbing both of her wrists to still her movements. "I thought we were going to go back to my house?" She smiled at him, her forehead meeting his as she pressed her nose against his. His hands loosened slightly.
"We are. I just thought I'd help you out a little bit before we went." She smiled, a little bit out of nervousness as she waited for him to answer. She pulled her hands away from his, her fingers slowly pulling down his zipper and her eyes watching for his reaction the entire time.
"Spencer…" he trailed off when her fingers slipped under the waistband of his boxers. "I don't want.." Her fingers brushed against him lightly, causing him to stop whatever he had been about to say. She watched as he debated with himself for a second, torn between being the gentleman he always was and being the guy she knew he had to be deep inside somewhere.
"I know," she answered. "But I want to." Tentatively, her hand wrapped around him. She watched as he squeezed his eyes shut, groaning at the contact. She had never done anything like that before but she already loved the effect she was having.
She used her other hand to push his boxers down until he was completely exposed beneath her. Her thumb passed over his tip, feeling the moisture already there. Even though she was inexperienced when it came to this sort of thing, she was guessing it wasn't going to take much work on her end. She tightened her grip, watching as his hips jerked slightly and his eyes flew open to meet hers. Experimentally, she slid her hands up then back down, analyzing the way he responded. His head hit the hard plastic floor of the playground, groaning lowly again as she continued to move her hand.
She could tell when he gave in completely to the feeling by the way his body loosened up. She quickly fell into a rhythm that felt right to her, pumping up and down while he panted under her. Each time she stroked him, he instinctively thrust into her hand, matching her speed. Every once in a while, she would slow down, loosening her grip and enjoying watching him squirm with impatience. Her thumb would periodically brush his tip again, never failing to make him moan.
Her own ache began to intensify just from seeing his reaction to her touching him. She loved that she actually had the power to make him feel like he was. Like she had thought when she had began, it wasn't long before she could tell he was close. His breathing sped up even more and the look on his face told her he was trying to hold on a little bit longer. She couldn't help but smirk as she tightened her hand and sped up even more. And then he was gone, shuddering underneath of her as the evidence spilled down her hand. He squirmed below her as he rode out the waves of his pleasure and she continued to move her hand, only slowing when she could tell he was beginning to come down.
It wasn't long before he struggled to sit up, resting his head against her neck and breathing shallowly. She smiled at the feel of his damp skin against hers, the way his hands settled more firmly than before on her still exposed sides. "Spencer." His voice was muffled against her neck before he pressed his lips against the skin there. She smiled again even though he couldn't see her and wiped her hand off on the material of his pants, fixing them and then buckling his belt for him. "Spencer," he repeated, trailing his lips across her neck before moving to look her in the eyes. "What, why...?" Her eyes stayed trained on his face as he struggled to get the words out. "Are you okay?"
She laughed, her hands resting on his legs. "Of course I am." His dark eyes looked at her suspiciously, not quite ready to believe her. "I mean, my wrist is a little sore but I imagine that's not an uncommon side effect." She trailed off when he started to laugh loudly. She had to laugh with him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer until their noses were almost touching.
He leaned in and kissed her gently. There was a still smile on his mouth and she grinned back at him as they looked at one another. Eventually, she pulled away, her eyes darting back and forth between his. "Can we leave now?" she questioned. He stared at her for a second before pulling her back towards him.
"Please?" He nodded, kissing the corner of her mouth before releasing her. She pressed her lips against his once more and stood up. She offered her hand down to help him up but as soon as her fingers were within reach of his, he grabbed her and pulled her down on top of him, quickly rolling so that their positions were reversed.
He looked down at her, capturing her mouth with his briefly. "I thought we were leaving?" she questioned, out of breath from the suddenness of his movements. She wasn't used to him being to forceful with her; every other time they had been together, he had been nothing but gentle towards her. He kissed her again, murmuring against her lips, "Or we could stay." He mouth brushed against her neck, making her sigh. "Then we could say the first time we were together was on a playground." She let out a short laugh, a little more breathless at his blatant acknowledgement of the fact that they were going to have sex.
His lips continued to move over her skin, making their way to her collarbone. She let him continue until she felt his hands slip under her shirt and move up her stomach. Her hands automatically went to his chest, gently pushing him away.
"Wait." She struggled to control her breathing, letting her head rest on the hard surface under her. "We can't do this here," she continued. "Kids come here." Her statement echoed his earlier one, making him laugh.
She looked at the way the sun was framing his head, the way his eyes were intently trained on her, the way his mouth curved on his face and the laugh lines on his face stood out more than usual. Her eyes darted to his lips, then back up, hoping he would get the message. Instead of kissing her, however, he just said, "I suppose you're right." His eyes traveled across her face, and she pressed her body against his.
Everything about this felt right. She felt happier than she had in months, and she couldn't believe that they were actually moving past the making out and then not seeing each other stage. Of course, she could spend the rest of the night at his house and then not see him until September, but she was choosing not to look at it that way. He would never do that to her and she knew it. That depended on them getting to his house in the first place, anyway.
She released him quickly, pushing his away from her so she could get up. She stood before he could stop her, stepping away so he couldn't grab her again. "Come on." He sat up and crossed his arms over his knees, shaking his head a little bit as he stared at her.
"What?" she demanded. He shook his head harder. "Nothing, nothing. You just never cease to amaze me." She faltered a little bit, stepping away from him again before smiling gently.
"Come on," she said with a little bit of a whine in her voice, hoping it would break him. When he still didn't move, she crossed her arms over her chest and did her best to glare at him. "Please?" He waited for another minute before standing up and walking over to the ladder without touching her. He climbed down easily, pausing at the bottom to look up at her.
"Coming?"
She nodded, copying his actions his actions and letting him wrap his arms around her waist and lift her to the ground when she was near the bottom. They started walking away, their hands automatically connecting as they left the playground behind.
A/N: It might take me awhile to update because I'm in the last couple of weeks of my semester. Please, please, please review and let me know what you think. That would definitely give me more motivation towards writing more and updating faster. Also, if you're at all interested in being a Beta for me, just message me! Hope you enjoyed!
