I don't own Mass Effect or any of the related content, but I do own Jagher Shepard. Here's some background on my Shep that you should probably know: she's a spacer, a sole survivor, and a soldier. She's a paragde, which means she's mostly paragon, but she's not afraid to get bitch when she has to. She romanced Kaidan Alenko. This fic is rated for language and some sexual content.
A/N: Holy crap, I think that's the biggest response I've ever gotten from a first chapter before! Thank you so much! Hopefully you continue to enjoy this little fic.
Also, this chapter kicked my ass.
Nine; month two.
"Do you want syrup or anything with those waffles?"
Jagher shook her head and took another bite out of the lukewarm waffle, a few crumbs falling from her mouth to land on the floor beside her head. She looked up at Kaidan from where she was lying on the floor, on her back, and smiled, her cheeks puffed out with food. Kaidan was sitting on the couch nearby, his empty plate balanced on one knee as he watched her eat waffle after waffle from the stack beside her.
Lying on her back on the floor was the only position she'd found comfortable all day. The comforter from their bed was covering her lower half, one foot sticking out to keep her from getting too hot; she wanted it over the blanket from living room because it smelled like Kaidan and it smelled like them and it was comforting. There was a pillow somewhere above her head, forgotten moments ago in the need for food, and the hand that wasn't occupied with shoving waffles into her mouth was resting on her stomach, cupped around the bare curve that had appeared halfway through the second month.
"Do you want to go for a walk?" she asked as Kaidan gathered up her empty plate.
His brown eyes flicked to the floor-to-ceiling window that made up one wall of the living room in their apartment. "It's raining Jag."
"So?"
"It's the middle of winter. It's cold. We could get sick."
Jagher sighed and climbed to her feet, her sweatpants falling back around her ankles. She adjusted her overly large t-shirt as she walked to the window, staring outside with a sort of longing Kaidan hadn't seen on her face since she'd been confined to the hospital. She didn't like being cooped up inside, unless it was on a spaceship. Jagher had grown up on starships, exploring the galaxy, meeting new and strange things. The confines of Earth had been bothering her, and her pregnancy was fueling those feelings.
Kaidan quickly deposited their dishes on the counter before returning to the living room to stand behind Jagher, his hands on her shoulders and his body a solid, warm presence that she took comfort in. She leaned back against him, one of his arms wrapping around her waist.
"I need to get out."
"I know Jag."
She struggled free of her lover's arms and turned to face him, her green eyes bright with anger and her teeth bared in an aggressive gesture Kaidan was familiar with. He'd never seen it directed at him though. "I don't think you get it Kaidan!" she snapped. "I don't think you understand how damn crazy it's making me staying trapped in this apartment! I want to be outside! If I stay in here another minute, I'll go mad." She shoved him back a step and stomped around him, heading for the door.
Kaidan knew better than to try and stop her or talk her down during her mood swings. He'd tried that when they'd started and had had several bruises on his arms to show for it; the memories of her yelling weren't too nice either. Instead, he waited until reached the door. As expected, she stopped, her hands balled into fists at her sides, her shoulders shaking ever so slightly. He waited a heartbeat before he went to her and took her in his arms again. She turned to bury her face in his shoulder, her arms folded and pinned between them, as if she was trying to curl into a ball against him while standing.
"I'm sorry," she sobbed.
"Don't apologize. Your mood swings suck, but they're not something you can control."
"I must be exasperating." Jagher freed her arms so she could envelope Kaidan in a fierce hug. "And you are going to be late for your meeting with Admiral Hackett."
Kaidan closed his eyes and sighed; he'd totally forgotten about the meeting, a meeting that would probably determine the position he held within the Alliance. He brushed a quick kiss against her cheek. "I'd better get ready then."
The mood swings increased as the month wore on and even Kaidan's near infinite patience was put to the test. Jagher had always had a shorter fuse than most—a temperament no doubt crafted by a life surrounded by the military and fighting and war—but some days, it seemed as if her hormones had all but obliterated whatever fuse was left. When it got to that point, Shepard would bundle up and leave the apartment, slamming every door she could on the way out.
In the middle of February, as they were approaching the end of the second month of the pregnancy, Jagher and Kaidan had a particularly nasty row about him having to leave for work. Hackett had returned Kaidan to active duty. It didn't matter that he was only on light duty. What mattered was that he was working again and got to leave the apartment while Shepard was still expected to remain at home and rest; the only exercise she was supposed to get was the physical therapy her doctors had given her to make sure her muscles didn't atrophy or something else equally disturbing. That morning before Kaidan had left, dressed in his uniform once again, Jagher had screamed that it was unfair, that she should have been the one returned to active duty.
She was the one who had saved the galaxy from the Reapers, for fuck's sake. She was the one who risked her life destroying the mechanical beings. She was the one who had almost died.
Kaidan had stormed out instead of replying.
Jagher stood in the front hall, staring at the door with her mouth open. It only took a second for the tears to start. She tried to stifle the noises coming from her throat, but the hand covering her mouth only served to make her sobs sound inhuman.
The door opened again, but it wasn't Kaidan.
It was Liara.
Jagher was startled into silence at the sight of her friend. The memory of their planned meeting that day had escaped her in the commotion of the morning. The asari's brow furrowed with concern and she immediately stepped forward to embrace Shepard, whispering words of comfort as she did.
"Shepard? What happened?" she asked when they had parted.
Jagher wiped roughly at her eyes. "These fucking mood swings happened." She turned sharply and marched into the kitchen where she started brewing Liara's favourite tea.
Liara calmly butted in and took over the preparations, Jagher's hands flailing for something to do. "Sit down Jagher," the asari commanded.
Grumbling unintelligibly, Jagher settled herself at the kitchen table. "It's not fair."
"That Kaidan's back on active duty and you're not?"
The tone of Liara's voice made Shepard scowl, but she didn't say anything. She suddenly became very interested in learning every detail of the wooden table in front of her. After another moment or so of silence, Liara settled at the seat opposite her and slid a steaming mug of tea into Shepard's hands.
"Shepard, you know that you're not in any shape to return to active duty yet, even if you were only doing paperwork. You haven't passed any of the physical or psychological evaluations and now you're pregnant." At the look on Jagher's face, Liara held up a hand and gave an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry Shepard, but you know it's true."
Jagher groaned and took a long sip of the hot tea. "I know. I thought I was supposed to enjoy being pregnant. You always hear mothers saying how they miss being pregnant."
"That may come later, once you've adjusted."
Her laugh came out as a snort. "I don't think it's possible to adjust to this." Jagher inhaled a deep breath and exhaled slowly, finding some measure of calm again. Her hormones settled down and she could have sworn she saw a red tint disappear from her vision. "Ah, Kaidan doesn't deserve to have me yelling at him like I did… I told him I hated before he left. I told him I thought he was keeping me prisoner in this apartment or something… I don't even remember. I'm terrible."
Liara reached across the table and took Shepard's hand in her own, giving it a comforting squeeze. "You are not terrible, Jagher, and Kaidan knows you didn't mean what you said."
"That doesn't make me feel any better for saying it." Jagher looked down at her stomach and placed a hand gently over it, the tentative motion exposing how fragile she felt. It was not a state Shepard was used to being in, or one her companions were used to seeing her in. "You," she said to her belly, "You had better have your father's temper. I don't think we can handle another—"
"Shepard?"
Jagher met her friend's fresh wave of concern with more tears and a smile.
"What is it?"
"That's the first time I've talked to the baby," Jagher whispered. "That's the first time I've…" Her face took on an inexplicable expression, somewhere between joy, shock, and confusion. "That's the first time I've talked to my baby."
