Two hours, much shouting and one dramatic near-faint later, the newcomers had at least a basic understanding of the TARDIS. Sherlock, of course, was convinced he knew it like the back of his hand. The Doctor thought that was cute, which made Sherlock pull a face that Amy and John were mimicking hours later.
The Doctor saw how excited John was, but he also saw the fear hidden in Sherlock's pale eyes. Everything he knew was turned upside down when he stepped into the TARDIS, which was the normal reaction, but for someone like Sherlock who put all of his faith into logic, it was a staggering blow.
So the Doctor thought of a middle ground. Smiling, the Doctor threw open the TARDIS doors and gestured outside with a wide sweep of his arm.
John covered his mouth with his hand. "Brilliant," he choked, stepping timidly toward the door.
"Go ahead," the Doctor beckoned. "Oxygen field and everything. Completely safe. Come on, John Watson!"
John stepped up to the edge, the toes of his shoes extending into space, and stared out into the universe. His heart thudded dully in his chest, and he felt all of the air in his lungs leave him as he was taken with how spectacular it all was.
The Doctor took John's hand into his own unnaturally warm one, and John stepped off of the TARDIS and into nothingness. He laughed as he felt himself being pulled gently outward, the Doctor's hand tethering him to the TARDIS. He screamed into space and looked back at the Doctor, grinning madly. The Doctor grinned and raised his other hand in a thumbs up. Sherlock came up from behind him and looked from the planet in front of him to John and back to the planet.
"That's not the earth," he said, eyes narrowed. "I thought you said we were orbiting the moon."
"A moon," the Doctor corrected, pulling John back into the TARDIS. "Triton, seventh moon of Neptune."
Sherlock scanned the Doctor for any signs of lying, but he didn't have any, and even if he did, something inside Sherlock told him that he wouldn't be able to tell anyway. Sherlock ignored that voice.
"Other planets have moons, Sherlock," John said, his mouth pulled into a lopsided smile.
"Yes," Sherlock murmured. "I suppose they have..."
The console room was dim, the Time Rotor casting a ghostly light over the Doctor's weary face. He mindlessly fiddled with a lever or two, twisting and calibrating as the TARDIS gently orbited Triton.
He was thinking, yes, of course, always thinking, and he didn't let his face betray his surprise when John came up from behind him and leaned against the console.
"It is late, Doctor Watson," the Doctor said sternly, but he smiled. His eyes never left the monitor above the console. "You should be asleep." He popped the p.
"Yeah, well," John said, rubbing his face with his hands, "you don't sleep, Sherlock doesn't sleep, figure I'd join the club."
"Sherlock's sleeping," the Doctor said offhandedly.
"Oh is he? Wait, hang on, how did you manage that? Don't tell me you've got... Vulcan mind pinch, or-"
"Of course not," the Doctor snapped, mildly offended. "Do you know how many rooms there are in the TARDIS? Poor man tired himself right out."
John smiled fondly. The Doctor noticed and grinned.
"Oh, John Watson," he said, shaking his head. "John Watson. It's all true, isn't it?"
John blinked. "Oh! No, that? No, that's all- God, you're not even from earth and you've heard the rumours! We're not a couple!"
The Doctor shook his head and returned his attention to the monitor. "Oh, I don't listen to rumours, John," he said. "'I see, and I observe,'" he said in a stuffy posh voice.
John let a laugh ring through the console room. The TARDIS hummed in reply and that made the Doctor smile. She was growing to like the Baker Street boys.
He looked over at John and saw that he was staring at him.
"You weren't going to take Sherlock," John said, and the Doctor's lips quirked. "You came when you knew he was out and you lied about who you were, and you said I was 'exactly what you need.' Why me?"
"How many times have I been asked that question, that's the problem with you humans, you're so self-doubting! It's such a bummer to be around!"
John shook his head. "Why me, why not Sherlock? He's brilliant, I'm rubbish."
"That's why, John," the Doctor said, turning to stare into his eyes. "Yes, Sherlock Holmes, great detective. Sherlock Holmes and the Science of Deduction. But then there's John Watson, brave, clever, brilliant John Watson who is only hiding in the shadows of the great detective because he can't tell exactly how important he really is."
John was shocked to the core. He stared at the Doctor, silently urging him to go on, but he never did. He just slapped John lightly on the arm and bade him goodnight.
Hearing the door close softly behind the Doctor, John walked over to the TARDIS doors. He opened them with a creak and looked out onto the surface of Neptune, a planet he'd only ever seen in books, one of the planets he'd dreamt of walking on as a child.
He closed the doors and leaned against them, letting out a deep breath. His heart was skipping beats again.
John's footsteps echoed on the strange metal floor as he walked around the console, careful not to walk to close to the Doctor and have the teacup slapped out of his hands by the man's flailing limbs. He and Sherlock had had a squabble after the Doctor found Sherlock's legs sticking out from under the console and realised that the detective had rewired sections of the TARDIS. He had shouted in languages even the TARDIS couldn't translate, and since then, Sherlock had been in a sulk.
"One moody genius is enough," Rory had said, throwing his hands up. "I'll be in the piano room."
"Which one," John cracked, and Rory looked at him as if he was seeing him for the first time. He smiled. John returned the smile.
Now John padded down the stairs and came over to where Sherlock was sitting, slumped against the wall, glaring holes into the back of the Doctor's tweed blazer. John sat down next to him and offered him the tea. Sherlock took it and sipped it slowly.
John cleared his throat. "All right?"
"I'm fine, John," Sherlock snapped. "Was fine, am fine, fine."
John placed his fingertips against his lips and looked away to hide his smirk. "What motivated you to rewire a craft that travels through both space and time?"
Sherlock whirled to his feet, the teacup sitting at John's side. He whipped around and stared at John.
"This doesn't make sense, John," he said lowly. "Something cannot have more space inside than it is intended to hold by surface area of the outside, it's impossible. There is not enough room for this much space inside this... this..." he flapped his hand around, looking for the word.
"Police box," John said.
"Police box!" Sherlock shouted.
"TARDIS," the Doctor called from above. John let a laugh slip past his defenses, but had enough decency to look sorry for it when Sherlock fixed him with a glare.
"And there's more than just this, you know," the Doctor continued, poking his head out from behind the console, welder's mask over his face. He pulled it up and revealed a teasing grin, directed at Sherlock. "Infinite rooms," he said mysteriously.
"Impossible," Sherlock said, but John was trained enough to notice that gleam in his eye that smelled a deduction. Apparently, the Doctor did, too. He simply replaced the welder's mask and ducked under the console. No sparks flew out. John suspected he was wearing it for fun.
Sherlock stood quietly for a moment before whirling about and skulking off in the direction of a nearby door.
"Let me know if you find the aviary," the Doctor called after him, waving the screwdriver at Sherlock's departing figure. "Been looking for that!"
And John didn't try to hide his laugh this time.
"Sherlock, GET YOUR ARSE OVER HERE," Amy bellowed, causing John to jump. He appreciated Amy's ability to get things done, but he hadn't understood what Rory had meant when he said "face like an angel, voice like a harpy."
Sherlock opened one of the doors in the long corridor, poking his head out to give Amy one of his Looks. Amy only raised her eyebrow, accepting his challenge.
"Did you hear John calling you?" she asked. "Because he's been trying to get you to eat for the past two hours." John smiled and casually waved to Sherlock, who just directed the Look at him.
"Honestly, Amelia," Sherlock said dryly, using That Name again, if only for the reaction it got out of Amy. "How does Rory put up with you? With a voice like that, no wonder he's always trying to get himself killed."
Amy left John's side to walk quickly down the corridor. She grabbed Sherlock by the opening of his collar and dragged him back down the hallway with her. Unused to being physically contested, Sherlock just blushed and sputtered things like "uncalled for" and "absolutely immature".
The TARDIS had three kitchens that John knew of, but one of them was also an aquarium. When he made the mistake of asking the Doctor if the location of the fish tank was out of practicality, the Time Lord had got himself in a fluster and declared the kitchen off-limits. So now John had two to work with.
Amy steered Sherlock into a seat in the smaller kitchen and John got to work making him tea and a sandwich.
"I'm not hungry," Sherlock said quietly. John and Amy both spun around and gave him a look. No, a Look. Sherlock shrunk back in surprise and an even more surprising hint of fear. He made a mental note to keep John away from Amy. It made him nervous.
John set the sandwich in front of Sherlock, who surprisingly tore into it as soon as the plate touched the table. Smiling, John turned back to make himself and Amy a cuppa.
"So," he said, setting tea in front of Amy, "You've been gone two days. What have you found?"
Swallowing some tea, Sherlock nodded. "Three libraries, a gymnasium, six parlours, two of which are in disrepair and one of which has no furniture, a dining room, ten bedrooms for people of varying ages, a garden, a walk-in wardrobe, an empty pantry, two aquariums and an aviary."
"Ooh, he's going to be cross with you," Amy said over the lip of her teacup, and John laughed.
"Oh, and a kitchen," Sherlock added.
"Another kitchen," John asked brightly.
"Oh, it's completely non-functional," Sherlock added, sipping his tea. "The faucets don't work, there's an aquarium taking up at least half the space, and there's nothing in the refrigerator but cream pies and Jammy Dodgers."
He looked quite offended when Amy spit her tea back into her cup and John stormed off bellowing "DOCTOR!"
