"There's nothing we can do, we have to keep going."
"You're going to leave him?"
"He won't have survived that fall, and we can't reach his body."
I blinked suddenly out of my rest. The conversation between my mother and Blackstar was in front of me, clear as day. Moments after I had fallen. How had it come to me? Was I imagining I? Had starclan sent it to me?
I could still see the hurt in my poor mother's eyes. How did she feel now? Was she coming back? Would she follow me?
It was seconds... moments until the pain took over again.
A gasp of thick, dusty air told me I was in no lush forest. My mind whirled. They left me. My clan was gone. Shadowclan, the bravest, smartest and strongest of all clans was not here. Gone... to the new home of the clans.
Without me. I nearly growled with anger, though I held myself back. I had to do something.
I struggled to move but every part of me told me not to. Every part of me wanted to lay their and die. But I knew that wasn't me. Every part of me didn't want to stay here. The cat begging to stay was Smokepaw.
I was not Smokepaw. Not a chance. Every cat in my clan had left me here, not even willing to come down to salvage my body. I was no clan cat anymore.
Why did blackstar assume I died? Did he assume that any cat lesser than him was weak and worthless? I felt a pang of guilt thinking such things about my leader... but it lasted only seconds. I thought about the praying I had done who knows how long ago. Why didn't starclan send them a sign that I'm alive? Was I still doomed for death?
I growled and figeted. I tried to move. I needed to move. The blood around me was hard, dry and an odd red-purple color. I heaved, my body battling with my mind. There was a huge pink gash on my underside, the part that had hit the stone. The flesh was sticky and red, aching and burning with every second I tore it from the stone floor. I was lifting it with the center of my body, afraid to move my legs. I gritted my teeth, tearing up again. This was torture. Utter torture.
I attempted to unsheath my claws, flexing them quickly. At least those worked. I shivered in the cold air and shifted my hips, trying to get my legs working. I had yet to feel either my front paws or my back legs. I feared I had broken my back.
Starclan, oh starclan...
I bit back the thought of prayer. I felt alone, knowing that Starclan had no desire to help me. Smokepaw still wanted to pray and beg, but I wanted to fight. I didn't want to be the weak cat that needed the dead cats to help me. I wanted to be my own warrior, free of religion now. They had sent me the living evidence that no one was coming for me.
I didn't want to be weak, but it was so hard. I wanted to cry, I wanted to huddle into my mothers fur as I did as a kit. I wanted to run out into the deep, lush part of the shadowclan forests where the needles were so thick upon the ground that you couldn't hear a footstep. I wanted things to go back the the way the were...
Stop it! They're not coming!
Don't let Smokepaw through. Don't let him take you over. Don't let him in...
Who am I, then?
My heart ached. Just stand up. I told my legs to move but the wouldn't. Nothing made sense. I wailed out, flexing my claws and gritting my teeth. I panted, using every part of my being to move my muscles, yet they stood still. I growled around, letting it rumble in my throat like a dogs. I felt like a monster.
My body seared with pain now, my heart beating faster and faster. I was so angry with the state I was in. My brain with distance so far from my body that I was unable to send signals. Something was wrong. Very wrong.
Like flames the shock ran through my system. Like I was waking up, entirely out of my merciless rest. I screeched, clawing at the air with the sudden pain. Hours must have passed, for the sky above me was orange with dawn light. Hours of waiting for this? My eyes lit up, the cloudiness of shock emptying suddenly. Everything melted away for a moment and...
I was standing up. My four paws beneith me, my head face forward. My pale green eyes glowed in the dark space, the beams of light brown above my only source of light. The air was freezing and snow. A sudden impulse of animal instinct... I ran.
I was amazed with the speed. I stumbled through the open space, searching for nothing. Simply living. The air tore through my fur, the scabs on my body burning though I didn't care. I was free... I was free... I was free...
I gritted my teeth as I ran, getting slower as the pain came back. It started at my paws and climbed like vines through the rest of my body, reaching the tip of my tail and the points of my ears. The power faded away and I was still again. Unable to process the miraculous burst of movement. I fell to my paws and wimpered like the aprentice I was.
I scratched the floor and the pain raked my body. It was endless.
"Help... someone... HELP!"
For the last time, I collapsed.
OOO
They were perfect. Tall, muscular. Black, gray or white fur. Like they could blend with the rocks and snow around them.
I didn't know them. Their eyes. Orange eyes.
I didn't know their thick claws, sharpened on stone.
I didn't know their hard, serious faces. Toothy mouths, or hungry glares.
I didn't know why they were here but I knew they had a good reason.
I didn't know if they were angry or sad or happy. Maybe all three. Maybe none.
Maybe they were troubled. But something about the way they looked told me these were no forest cats. Not even mountain cats. They were like spirits... but not of starclan. Not of the dark forest either.
I had no idea why I was scared of them or if I had any reason to be, but I knew that I was not alone. I knew they were not cats I knew, not cats I'd heard of or cats I'd prayed to. But I was certain I was going to find out.
Who were they?
Who was I?
