Jasper's POV
52 years of what if's. It sucks and Alice tries to reassure me that I can still be happy but I'm not dumb enough to actually believe it. She tells me that I will find happiness. She can't tell me if she sees it she just says that she knows I will be happy.
Alice and I had a marriage ceremony decades ago to make the Cullen's happy. They never really understood Alice's and I relationship. We were best friends and the occasional lovers. We know we aren't mates but we are best friends and neither of us have found anyone else and we enjoy being together. We had a big marriage that Alice planned out perfectly but we never actually sent in any licenses or officiated anything. Both of us agreed we only ever wanted to marry our true mates but Esme and Carlisle felt better thinking we were married so we faked it. They weren't judgmental and didn't to force us to do anything we didn't want to but we both knew it's what they wanted. They didn't like us having casual sex without any kind of commitment. So we did a white lie to keep them happy, their our parents so we would do anything to keep them happy. I remember the day that Alice came to me to tell me she saw my mate.
I'm reading one of my favorite books in my room, Gods and Generals, it's a decent Civil War book that I can respect. Alice lets me have my own corner in our room that is me and I let her do whatever she wants in the rest of the room. She has such strong opinions on style that I just let her do what she wants. All I need is my leather reading chair, a few book cases, and a window.
Alice comes dancing into the room and jumps into my lap. "Guess what I saw today Jasper dear?" She asks me playfully. I put down my book and laugh. "I don't know umm you saw who won the super bowl."
She playfully hits my chest. "No Jasper, I saw your mate!" She says with excitement. She must be able to tell I am in shock because she has rendered me speechless and my mouth is gapping open. "Her parents got pregnant and they decided to keep her! I can see things about her, it's a bit hazy but I can see her Jasper. She is wonderful!" She pulls out a drawing from her pocket and gives it me.
I look at my mates face, she's beautiful. Alice drew in colored pencil for me. She has beautiful, long ,flowing brown hair. Her eyes are big and brown. People would say she is doe eyed. The picture that Alice drew she is looking off to the side with a secret smile on her face like I made her laugh. "This is her?" I ask Alice with excitement. I know I am projecting but I can't stop.
"Yes!" She screams. "She is beautiful isn't she? She is funny and sweet. You are going to love her and I am going to be friends with her. She is special honey." She says nuzzling into me has we look at the picture more.
"What's her name?" I ask her.
"Isabella Swan, but she likes to be called Bella." I think the name over in my mind. Bella, Bella, my mates name is Bella.
Alice and I used to depend way too much on her visions but we forget that with humans they are sometimes inaccurate by days, months, even years. For things like stocks they always worked out. Her visions have helped me turn my small fortune into a huge fortune that I could never spend it all even if I wanted to. She's done the same for all of us and I think that's part of the part of the reason we put so much faith in what she sees. With vampires they are usually accurate to the minute has long has their decisions don't change, but not so with humans. We weren't actually married so we never had to worry about meeting out future mates but we still kept the façade of being together. I made Alice swear not to let anyone know about Bella. I wanted her to be my secret until I got to meet her first. Alice and I had long ago figured out how to avoid Edward's gift. Being a vampire is good because we can think on numerous tracks at once. So we think of multiple things at once and if we keep our real thoughts covered by other thoughts.
The day I first met Bella we didn't know she was coming that day. We thought we had longer. Alice had seen her coming to Forks and helped convince the family to move there. Alice thought that her were going to wait to send her to Forks the beginning of her senior year. I don't know what changed. Alice thinks that Bella forced her mom to let her go so that her mom could start her life with her husband. That's just like my mate to worry about everyone else's feelings before her own. Alice and I walked into the cafeteria with my arm around her shoulder and I stopped dead in my tracks. Bella was sitting in the cafeteria not 15 feet from me. My mate, my future wife, my everything is in the room with me. I could read her emotions and they captivated me. They were so complex and pure.
I didn't notice fast enough that Edward had stopped too and to my dismay my Bella isn't looking at me she is looking at Edward. When she glances over me she is filled with subconscious lust and longing but the moment she sees Alice it get's cut off then she moves to Edward and lust pours out of her. In that one moment I lost her. I lost my mate to Edward.
Edward was overcome by her, she is his singer. I help convince him to go to Alaska. I was petrified that he will drain and kill her. I had met my singer years ago and I couldn't stop. I drained her without even thinking. Luckily Edward has been off human blood long enough not to kill my mate. He left. Alice and I separated and I tried to get Bella's attention but she was completely mesmerized by Edward. If we had known that she would be there that day and Alice and I hadn't come walking into the room like a couple I would have had her. She looked at me first and felt for me first but she is good person. Most people would see a man they like with a woman and figure out a way to steal him. Not my mate, no, she is a good person and the moment she saw me with someone she stopped those feelings.
The few days I spent with her in Phoenix were the best days of my life. I loved her so much and I wanted to tell her that Edward was wrong for her I was the one for her. She felt for me there. Her mating pull was activated and I could feel it but she still loved Edward. Alice said that Bella thought it was my gift keeping her calm and helping her sleep but I wasn't trying to manipulate her. I love her emotions and I love feeling them. She was calmed because she was near me and she subconsciously knew I would keep her safe.
I have had to watch her change herself for a man that refuses to change for her. A true mate would become whatever their mate needed, a true mate would never have been able to leave their mate behind or hurt them like Edward did when he left her. Once he came back I had to watch her shed layers of herself and redress in what Edward wanted. I had to watch her marry him knowing that it should have been me. I had to watch her have a child with him wish it was mine and ultimately I had to watch her leave with him.
I stayed in Forks after the family left, I couldn't leave. Alice helped my convince my family that I was staying with Peter and Charlotte but in reality I was outside her window every night. I kept my distance so that she wouldn't know I was there, I was worried she hated me. Alice helped me come up with a plan to get Bella back. If I could be the one to change her, the pull to me has her sire would help her realize that I was her mate. So she planned the entire birthday party. It would look like I a snapped from bloodlust and tried to drain her but Alice would pull me away once enough of my venom was in her. Emmett ruined the plan but grabbing me first. Edward told me that she hated me for trying to kill her so I stayed away but I had to make sure she was safe. I found out later that Edward lied about that.
Alice says that Bella feels empty with Edward. She says that feels the mating pull and the pain in her chest but that she thinks it's just her missing her family. I have never told her how I feel and I have never allowed Edward to ever even get wind of the truth. If he knew he would make sure that I never saw her again and he would tell her horrible lies about me.
I am glad that I am in a family with her. I love her and it helps the pain to be with her but Edward took her way from me and the pain is almost unbearable. Alice tries to keep my distracted but there is only much she can do. Esme and Rose have noticed a change in me and they try to get me to tell them what's wrong but I shake them off. Emmett knows something is wrong and he thinks I miss Bella like a sister. They are so close and I can feel their pull to each other. It's not a mated match but they are soul mates in a way, a platonic way but they still are. They feel unconditional love for each other much like a mother and a child would. He thinks he understands why I am sad thinking I miss my sister, no he is wrong. I miss my mate who I can't have.
I once asked Carlisle if it is possible for a mated pair to never be together. He was very quiet for a while and I thought he wasn't going to answer me or he didn't know the answer then he looked at me sadly.
"It is possible but rare. I have known of a few instances. One instance was two men that were a mated pair. They were from a different era and refused to accept that they were into to each other. It was too painful for them to be apart so they stayed together. They married two sisters and they love their wives but they love each other more but refuse to ever be mated."
"Dad that's not what I mean. Is it possible for a mated pair to have one mate know it and the other one never accept it."
Carlisle shakes his head sadly at me. "That I am not sure about son. I know of pairs that one knew decades before the other one but they always ended up together in the end. Maybe one of the pair was married or to consumed with blood lust to accept their mate. They said they always felt the pull but were confused by it until their minds were able to accept it. It's rare and most vampires recognize it right away but there are mental blocks that can stop instinct. Think of us, our instinct is to kill humans but we go against them to drink animals. It keeps us feed and happy but we all still feel the longing for human blood. It's like that. They are happy but they feel a lost part of them they can't fill until they accept it."
That didn't help me. Bella is stubborn has a mule when she has her mind set on something and she will never accept me. She is happily married with the love of her live and I sit back and try to be happy for her. I don't know what was worst her here with him and happy or her gone for me and not being able to see her. Both suck. Sometimes I wish I were mortal and could just die from it all.
"Jasper! Don't you dare do that!" Alice screams angrily at me has she runs into my room. We stopped faking our marriage and told our family that we are broken up now. We use the rouse the Alice has seen her mate but it's because it's too painful for me to be in a relationship since I have mated with Bella. I need to just be left alone.
"I wasn't going to do anything, I just thought it for a moment." I explain to her. I don't have anything to be ashamed of cause I would never actually off myself.
"Well I saw it and you thought about it decided it. I told you that everything will work out some day just believe me." She begs me. She plops down at my feet and rests her head on my knees. I fold the letter I was writing and tuck into the envelope but Alice grabs it before I can seal it. "Jasper you need to scent it first. It makes her happy to smell you she just doesn't know why." She grabs the letter and wipes it over me. It sounds absurd but Alice has insisted on me doing this on all of my letters that I send to her. I want to be different from the rest of the family. I want me contacting her to be something special. I think she enjoys it because she always sends me letters back. And her scent coming off of them bring me the only calm and happiness I ever get.
"Tell me something happy pixie." I ask her hoping she can make me think of anything but Bella.
"My mates 5th birthday is today. His parents had a big party for him and I managed to send a petting zoo to the party. They think that they won it from his day care but I sent it to him." That thought makes me smile. She always finds a way to send him things. "I also send him a toy train set. I made it look like the senders name got water on it and it washed out."
I pet her head for a moment and she sighs. "I think he will like it." She smiles and looks up at me. "I know he does, I have seen him playing with it."
Alice's eyes go blank for a moment and I wait until they focus back on me. She gives me a big smile. "Bella and Edward are going to be coming back soon. Renesmee is going to convince them to come home." She sounds and looks happy but I can feel sadness underneath of the happiness. She always gets sad when she talks about Bella, I know it's because she feels bad that Bella is happily married and I am so miserably alone.
