Dirrty
Jade
The truth is, I have done things that are a hell of a lot worse than this.
I turn the water in the shower up as hot as it goes. It's scorching against my skin. I feel a sharp sting and when I glance down I notice the huge scratch across my leg. Crap. I don't even know when I got that one.
I can still smell this guy's breath on my skin, booze and sherry vinegar. Still feel his tongue in my mouth.
It's not like I haven't done this before. This is my job. And it's not like I have to kill him. Just get them eating out of the palm of my hand then let someone else do the rest.
God, I feel so dirty.
I squeeze out a handful of shampoo. It takes half the bottle to wash my hair just once, but at least I like the scent. Roses and lilacs and lavender. Usually it makes me fell better. Right now I just feel like I'm trying too hard.
I step out of the shower, wring my hair out with my towel, and then let it hang, limp and heavy, dead weight pulling me down as it tumbles past my feet. I don't know why I don't just get it cut.
I slip into my green silk robe and stare at myself in the mirror. That's three guys this week. This last one was the hardest to seduce. Had to get him drunk and then sleep with him before he'd do anything I asked. He should be headed to the address I gave him right about now. Pretty soon, somebody else will be… Taking care of him.
I don't even know what I'm doing this for. This mission is so… I don't know. I don't know anything about it. I need the cash, though. I need it so bad.
I leave the bathroom and head into the kitchen. My apartment's pretty small, but it's decent enough and they promised to pay for it as long as I'm working for them. I fill my teakettle with water, set it on the stove and then turn the flame on, before I turn away and walk into the living room.
Maybe I should watch TV. Maybe it would help to… Distract myself. I never seem to know what to do when I'm off duty.
They call me Cheshire for a reason. Behind the grin, the mask, there is absolutely nothing.
The front door opens.
I thought I locked that door. And even if I had, who could that possibly be?
Why would anyone be coming here? Did someone… Did someone figure out I live here? The police or a hero or another villain, a more powerful one? I jump to my feet and take a fighting stance.
I'm not wearing my claws.
I'm not wearing my mask.
Oh, God.
"Who the hell are you and what do you want with me?" I demand. I shut my eyes tight as someone walks through the door. Just in case.
"Easy, Cheshire" I hear someone say. A guy. I don't recognize his voice. I don't know how he knows who I am. "I just… I just want to help."
Help with what?
I open my eyes.
I don't recognize his face.
He has red hair and tan skin and is wearing a mask. He looks familiar, sort of, but I can't place him.
"You can put your fists down," he says. "I'm not here to fight."
I don't put them down. "Do I know you?" I ask.
"Sort of," he answer. "I work for… I'm… I used to be a Teen Titan. I fought you before… Before the Brotherhood of Evil battle."
That's why he looked familiar. "You're the Green Arrow's sidekick? Speedy?"
"Call me Roy," he says, holding a hand out, for me to shake. I stare at it for a moment, then look at his face.
"Take your mask off."
He stares at me, looks almost shocked. "What?"
"I'm not wearing mine. It's only fair."
His eyes narrow, or at least I'm pretty sure they do. "Tell me your real name," he says.
"Why would I…"
"It's only fair."
I guess it is. "I'm Jade," I say quietly. He reaches up and takes off his mask.
His eyes are dull, a pale shade of blue-grey. Clear, diluted, barely-colored, like rain, reflected and distorted through the window pane. Limp, weak. Ugly, even.
His eyes are dead.
I cannot look away.
"What are you doing here?" I manage to ask.
"I told you," he says, "I just want to help."
"Help with what?"
"Not with anything," he explains. "I… I want to help you."
I still don't understand. "Help me with what?"
He breathes slowly. "Look, Jade…"
"Cheshire," I say quickly. "You don't know me and you don't get to call me that." I'm such an idiot for even telling him.
"Okay, Cheshire," he says, with a slight nod. It's almost condescending, actually. "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is… Is I think you can do better than this. You don't… You seem like you… Like you don't need to be a villain."
I stare at him. I don't know if it's because I'm so confused or if it's just because I can't seem to move very much right now.
"What are talking about?" I ask.
He picks at the skin on his thumb. "You just seem like a good person," he says.
This almost makes me laugh. I don't know how anyone could mistake me for… No, I'm not about to laugh. I'm about to cry.
"You don't know me," I whisper.
"No," he whispers, not looking at me, digging into the back of his hand with his fingernails. "I guess I don't."
I swallow back the tears. I can't let him see me cry. I can't let him know that I'm not… That I'm weak. That I am a weak, pathetic little girl. I always have been. Probably always will be.
"Who sent you here?" I ask. "And what do they want? Are you supposed to earn my trust and then turn me in or something?"
'Cause I would know a thing or two about that, I guess.
"No one sent me," he says. "And I'm not trying to turn you in."
"Then how did you find me?" I ask.
"Uh, some girl," he says. "Said she's worked with you. Told me her name was Bullet."
They sent Emma?
"So her name is Emma, then?" he says, smirking. I didn't realize that I'd spoken out loud. "I figured her name couldn't really be Bullet." He laughs, a low, cold chuckle.
"It's no worse than Speedy," I say, glaring at him. He doesn't respond to that, just glances at the floor and then back at me.
"Look," he says, "I really do want to help you, Jade. I think that you're…"
"Cheshire," I interrupt. "And I don't know who you think you are, but I don't need help, and I have no intention of… Joining your little… Club. I'm a villain, okay?"
He opens his mouth to say something, but I don't let him. "Now get out," I say. "Before I show you what that means."
I turn around and start to walk to my bedroom. I feel my hair beating against my back, heavy and wet, as I move.
"Wait, Jade!"
I don't turn around. "What?" I ask.
"What if I… What if I stay and… And help you be a villain, or… Or whatever? That way you can prove to me that it's where you belong."
I glance at him over my shoulder. He has bags under his eyes, like he hasn't had a decent night's sleep in… Years.
"Okay," I say. I don't know why.
Somebody ring the alarm
A fire on the roof
Author's Notes:
Sorry this took me so long! September and October got a bit busy for me, but everything's sorted out now, and I'm going to try to update this and Hope on a String on a more regular basis.
Writing Jade is actually really scary, because she has no characterization at all in the show. I want to be able to take creative license, but I also don't want to overstep any boundaries. With Jade, though, that isn't really an option. I have to overstep boundaries and create a personality for her. Which is scary. But, um, I hope you guys like how I'm choosing to characterize her. I see her as being very soft-spoken and feminine, someone who would be the sweetest person, except she's been so beaten down by life that she's closed herself off.
In the last chapter, Roy paints himself as being so, so tough. And Jade sees someone who's dead in the eyes. Which either means that she's able to see what he can't, or that it's all a façade, or both. Jade, on the other hand, tries to act tough, but really thinks of herself as worthless and empty. Unlike Roy, she's painfully aware of her own façade.
Title and lyrics from Dirrty by Christina Aguilera. Um, my using that song is at least ninety-seven-percent tongue-in-cheek? That, and the extra "r" looks cool.
Thanks to my brother for editing.
Review Response
(I'm going to start sending these out individually after this chapter, but I want to make sure I responded to these)
Byn: Thank you so much, I'm glad you like my writing style!
Somewhere In Time: Thank you so much! I'm really happy to hear my characterization of Roy is good, since writing the characters well is always one of my biggest focuses. Hope I didn't ruin that song for you. XD
Purpleanime: Thank you so much, I'm glad you like the story!
Titangirl797: Thank you so much! Um, not sure what to say about the loving me forever/story alerting thing except that it made me smile. XD
ReimeiNoAkatsuki: Thank you so much! I'm glad to hear I've converted you to Speeshire. XD
62: Thank you so much!
Hinatalover445: Thank you so much! I'm happy to hear you like it and that you love Breaking Free as well. Yes, Bullet/Emma will be a major character, I'm glad you like her!
