~~XXIX~~

"I'm afraid that's the last of the popcorn," Amanda said, placing a large bowl on the coffee table. "Sorry, guys."

Lee watched as Phillip and Jamie exchanged a look. They'd heard it, too, then; the carefully disguised undercurrent of tension running through her words.

Trying to lighten the mood, Phillip grabbed a handful of popcorn. "That's okay, Mom," he mumbled through a full mouth. "We're probably going to order a pizza later anyway."

"Oh," Amanda said, folding her arms across her chest as she looked closely at her sons. "I guess I should have thought to pick up a few more things at the market, but I didn't realize . . ."

"Hey, we're growing boys," Jamie said a little too jovially as her words trailed off. "Right, Phillip?"

"Right. Tell her it's perfectly normal, Lee," he said, looking to his stepfather.

"Which part?" Lee shot back, playing along with the game. "The five trips to the buffet at brunch? Or maybe the giant hero sandwiches you polished off at dinner then chased down with a barrel of junk food."

Phillip laughed, a flat, brittle sound. "Well, watching Sly there outwit the army brass is pretty exhausting work."

"I'll say," Jamie agreed. "Sure you won't change your mind and watch the rest of the movies with us, Mom? It's gonna be great. We've got the entire 'First Blood' series here."

Amanda rolled her eyes. "As tempting as that sounds, I think I'm going to have to leave 'second' and 'third' blood to all you fellas. Have fun."

"'Night, Mom," Phillip called out quickly as she headed upstairs, while Jamie added a hasty, "You don't know what you're missing."

Phillip shook his head and took some more popcorn. "I guess we should have picked a different movie to watch, huh? Blood and guts isn't exactly Mom's style."

"No, it isn't," Lee agreed with a groan.

"She might have liked the second movie better," Jamie said as he searched through the popcorn bowl to find some of the buttery kernels. "There's a girl in that one."

"Who, if memory serves me, gets the axe in the first five minutes," Lee returned, nudging his stepson lightly on the arm. "Just like I did years ago when I made the mistake of letting you two watch it."

Phillip let out a slow laugh. "Well, you were kind of an easy touch back in those days. We couldn't help ourselves."

"Yeah. We didn't really mean to get you into trouble," Jamie added.

"Sure you didn't," Lee said with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. "That's why you conned me into renting a movie your mother had expressly forbidden you to watch."

"Well, I might have been working off just a little bit of, uh, misplaced anger at the time," Jamie said with a remorseful laugh. "I guess I was a pretty rotten kid, huh?"

Lee chuckled softly. "I won't deny that you had your moments, but I somehow managed to tolerate you."

"You weren't all that bad, either, Lee. Really," Jamie assured him, a grin pulling at his lips. "Boy, Mom sure was steamed, though, wasn't she?"

"Yeah, at us, worm brain," Phillip reminded him. "We were the ones who got grounded."

"I didn't come out of it totally unscathed," Lee stated wryly. "I did have to sit through a two hour lecture on child psychology and the subtle nuances of the movie rating system."

"Maybe we got the better end of the deal after all," Phillip teased. "I'd rather be grounded any day than get one of Mom's lectures."

"I'll say. She can make you feel guilty without even trying." Jamie frowned and sighed. "I don't think I would have minded one tonight, though."

"I know," Phillip agreed. "Mom was acting a little weird, you know? Grandma noticed, too. I think she said something to her about it before she went out on her date."

"Great," Lee muttered under his breath. Dotty always meant well, but sometimes her rather pointed observations hurt more than they helped. No wonder Amanda had barely spoken two words since dinner.

"What do you think, Lee?" Jamie wanted to know. "Is Mom really okay or . . ."

"Your mother probably needs a good night's sleep, just like I do." Lee made a show of stretching then nonchalantly pushed himself up off the couch. "Give my regards to Rambo. I'm off to bed."

"Good try," Phillip said, calling his bluff. "But we know you're worried, too. What if Mom doesn't get her memory back?"

Lee gazed down into the faces of his stepsons. They suddenly looked more like the boys he'd known years ago than the young men they'd become. "Look, guys, let's not borrow trouble, okay? We'll deal with that when and if it happens. Remember, the top scientists in this country have been refining the antidote all week. Trust that they know what they're doing."

"Do you?" Jamie asked in a quiet voice.

"Yes, I do." It was a compassionate lie, but one that was rewarded by the smiles on his stepsons' faces. "Now, are you guys gonna watch the rest of those classic flicks you made me rent, or what?"

"Should we turn the volume down?" Phillip asked. "We don't want to wake up Emily."

Lee shook his head. "Don't worry about it - she's out like a light. I think Rambo himself could set off a bomb in the living room tonight and she wouldn't hear it."

Phillip laughed. "I guess we did kind of wear her out this afternoon playing touch football."

"Yeah, the game where she has the football and doesn't let us touch it." Jamie stifled a yawn. "I don't know who wore out whom."

"Hey, doofus, you aren't going to cop out on me here, are you?"

"Naw, I'll get my second wind in about an hour. It's only eleven thirty."

"Ah, to be in college again," Lee kidded. "When you don't even think about going out until midnight."

"Hey, that's the best part of the evening," Phillip assured him.

Lee's lips curved into a smile. "Remind me to have this discussion with you again in a few years. Goodnight, fellas."

"'Night, Lee," he heard from both of them as he climbed the stairs. Lee smiled softly to himself. It was good to have Phillip and Jamie home again – if only for a few days. They'd been so insistent about staying until after Amanda tried the antidote again. He knew how badly they wanted their mother to get her memory back, but Lee knew there was more to it than that. They were staying for him, too, just in case . . .

Lee pushed the thought from his mind. It would all turn out all right; it had to – for Phillip, Jamie, Emily - all their sakes. He was just tired, that's all; he should follow Amanda's lead and try to get some sleep.

He entered the bedroom quietly, so as not to disturb her, but Amanda wasn't in bed as he'd supposed. Instead, she was standing by the window, arms folded stiffly across her chest, the sleeves of her of favorite blue nightgown bunched up above her elbows. The lights were out and the curtains drawn back so that she could see the street.

"I thought you were going to watch TV with the boys for awhile," she murmured as he closed the door.

He quickly crossed the room and slipped his arms around her. "Let's see," he whispered. "Watch Sylvester Stallone slaughter his way through the desert or go to bed with my wife. Tough choice."

She laughed, a rich, warm sound from deep inside. "I always knew you had discriminating tastes."

"That's right," he said, running his lips along the slope of her neck, "I do." As she drew in a sharp little breath, he tightened his embrace. "You were awfully quiet tonight. Even the boys noticed."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset them."

"They're not upset, just . . . concerned, the same as I am."

"Don't be. I'm fine, really. I just needed some time by myself."

Taking her by the shoulders, he slowly turned her around and took her hand in his. "If you'd rather be alone, I could go back downstairs."

Amanda shrugged. "I don't especially want to be alone, but . . . I don't really want to talk, either." She looked up at him. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing," Lee said. "There's no need." He turned over her hand and pressed the inside of her wrist to his mouth. He saw her muscles jump, almost as if a small shock had gone through her, and he kissed the same spot again, feeling her pulse flutter and tremble against his lips. "I love you, Amanda," he whispered gently. "I'll do whatever you need to help you through this."

She nodded with a quick, almost rough, jerk of her head. "Then stop talking and lock the door."

Sensing her urgency, Lee crossed the room and quickly flipped the lock, but when he turned back to the window, she was gone. "Amanda . . ."

Before he could finish, she was in his arms, walking him slowly towards their bed. "Don't," she muttered roughly into his ear. "Okay? I just need . . . I want . . ."

Her words dissolved into a shuddering breath as she stepped away from him to bring her gaze level with his. She'd switched on the nightlight in the bathroom, its pale glow revealing a look of intense emotion in her dark brown eyes Lee couldn't quite define. Fear, maybe, mixed with a raw, aching need. Whatever it was, it spoke to him on a primal level, and he quietly nodded his understanding.

Biting her bottom lip, Amanda took the edges of her nightgown between her fingers, drawing it up and over her head in one swift motion. "Take off your clothes," she ordered, her voice trembling as the nightgown floated softly to the floor.

He quickly complied, almost tearing at the buttons on his shirt in his haste. He'd barely had time to pull his arms from the sleeves when he felt Amanda's hot mouth on his skin, pulling and sucking first one nipple then the other between her greedy lips. Her attentions evoked a low, groaning sound from him that seemed to please her. She continued to lick and nip his flesh with relentless persistence, her nails leaving a tingling trail of pleasure as they moved over his back. Lee struggled to finish undressing under her merciless ministrations, fumbling clumsily with the buckle on his belt, then the button on his pants.

Amanda let out a low, sensual laugh at his predicament, moving quickly to push his fingers away. Taking matters into her own very capable hands, she swiftly undid the reluctant button then tugged on his zipper, pushing both pants and boxers down his legs in one flowing motion.

As the fabric bunched around his ankles, Lee suddenly realized he'd forgotten to take off his shoes. Amanda didn't appear to mind, though, as she skimmed her flat palms up, over and across his body. "I love the way you feel," she whispered hoarsely as her hands claimed him as her own. "The way you feel and taste." Her mouth followed the path her fingers had just taken, down his throat to the smooth planes of his chest, the slight indentation of his waist, the even flatness of his stomach. Kneeling, she held her lips to a spot below and to the left of his navel while she used her fingertips to caress his thighs and groin.

He managed to gasp out a hoarse, "Amanda," but she didn't seem inclined to heed his unspoken plea. Instead, she moved her lips slowly and deliberately back up his body, pausing briefly at his neck to flick her warm tongue repeatedly into the hollow of his throat. Lee felt his racing heartbeat begin to calm slightly, but before he had time to catch his breath, his wife began her journey downward once more.

Again her practiced fingers traveled tantalizing over the flesh of his chest and stomach, across the angular curves of his hips to the back of his legs. Bending on one knee, she let her lips linger over that same spot on his stomach, teasing him endlessly with the tip of her tongue. As his breathing became harsh and raspy again, she caught his eye and smiled.

"You aren't going to tell me to stop this time, are you?"

Her light breath tickled the edges of his hardened flesh. "God, no," he ground out, his voice ragged with desire. "Just . . . please."

She chuckled, the sound a low rumble from somewhere inside in her chest, then took him into her mouth, so deeply that he filled her. A low moan broke from him at the incredible sensation. She seemed to revel in the sound as she continued to bring him an almost unbearable bliss, stroking him insistently with her tongue, sliding over the solid smoothness and the ridges, up and down the throbbing length of his penis.

In almost no time at all, Lee felt himself teetering on the edge. Amanda sensed it, too, but instead of releasing him, she merely clamped her mouth around him once more. Hands gripping his buttocks, she pulled him again and again to the back of her throat, where soft, murmuring sounds rippled from her even as wave after wave of the most agonizing pleasure crashed though his body. Knees trembling, he fell back on the bed in exhaustion.

"My God," he groaned out through heaving breaths. "Are you trying to kill me or what?"

"Or what," she murmured in slightly raspy tones. "I think." Untying his shoes, she pulled them off. As they hit the floor with a dull thud, she quickly stripped off his socks then freed him from his remaining clothes. "I don't think you'll be needing those any more tonight," she said as she stretched out beside him.

He out a long, shuddering breath as she moved her fingers across his body again. "Amanda," he gasped as she began to plant a few well-placed kisses on his chest. "You aren't seriously thinking I'm gonna recover from what you just did to me anytime soon, are you?"

"I guess I didn't give it too much thought at the time," she said with a guilty laugh. "I was enjoying myself too much."

"Really?" Placing a finger gently beneath her chin, he tilted her head up, forcing her to look at him. "Because it seemed, well, a little bit like desperation to me."

Stiffening, she quickly turned away. "I guess I didn't realize the experience left so much to be desired," she said, her words clipped and curt.

"Hey, that's not fair," he returned in kind. "I am not complaining, believe me. I'm just trying to understand."

"There's nothing to understand." Pulling back the covers, she slipped hastily between the sheets. "Goodnight, Lee."

"Amanda . . ." He sat up and squinted into the darkness. What just happened here? One minute they were sharing an extremely pleasurable intimacy and the next they were fighting.

"Amanda," he tried once more, "if this is about tomorrow . . ."

"I already told you, I don't want to talk," she whispered harshly, tucking the covers tightly under her chin. "Can't you just leave it at that?"

"Yeah, sure," he grumbled, letting out his exasperation in one long, loud breath. "Whatever you want. That seems to be what this is all about, doesn't it?"

He thought he heard a soft, mewing sound from beneath the covers, but he obstinately ignored it, instead running both hands through his hair. If he lived to be a hundred, he would never understand women. Most especially not the one he was married to.

Rolling away from her and off the bed, he quickly gathered his scattered clothes and tossed them into a corner. The wrinkled pile at least afforded him some small measure of satisfaction; Amanda always hated it when he used the floor as his clothes hamper.

He cast one more glance in her direction, but she hadn't moved, her body still curled into a tight ball beneath the blankets. That was just fine by him; if she didn't want to talk, then neither did he. Biting down on his bottom lip, he marched into the bathroom.

~ ~ SMK ~ ~

Amanda lay huddled beneath the covers, listening to the sounds of Lee moving around the bathroom. She didn't have to see his face to know that he was angry. A drawer slamming shut with a bang, water running too forcefully in the sink, the toilet lid falling with a loud thud told the story all too well. As the bathroom door finally creaked open, she shut her eyes tightly and pulled the quilt even closer. She heard Lee's footsteps cross the room, stopping for a moment at the foot of their bed.

"Amanda," he whispered, but she remained silent.

He blew out an exasperated breath and walked around the bed. A sudden tickle of cold air crept over her back as he slipped beneath the covers. He carefully stretched out beside her, making sure their bodies didn't come into the slightest contact.

Amanda twisted the edge of the sheet between her fingers, wondering what the pattern had been for this type of fight in the past. Had they let things sit until morning, hoping that their anger would burn out? Did Lee usually make the first move towards a reconciliation, or was she the one who reached out to him?

Suddenly none of that was important. All that mattered was that this might very well be their last night together for a long while, maybe even forever. It would be bad enough not to regain any more memories than she currently had, but what was absolutely terrifying was the thought that she might forget Lee entirely. Dr. McJohn had reassured her that that was a highly improbable scenario, but then again, how likely was it that a suburban housewife would end up becoming a federal agent and marrying her partner?

Rolling over on her back, Amanda resolutely tried to force all such disquieting thoughts out of her mind. She and Lee were together right then and there, and she wasn't going to throw away any more of the precious moments they had left.

She drew in a long breath, trying to figure out exactly how to start. "Dr. McJohn called this afternoon," she finally managed to say in a small voice.

"What?" The mattress shifted beneath Lee's weight as he turned towards her.

"Dr. McJohn called this afternoon," she repeated. "While you and the boys were out playing football with Emily."

"What did he say?" Lee asked, his voiced pierced with anxiety. "Is there a problem with the antidote?"

"Sort of." She pushed back the quilt and stared up through the darkness at the ceiling.

"Amanda, please, tell me what's wrong." He reached out with one hand and gently touched her cheek.

"He said," she choked down a sob, "that he's been having a closer look at my blood tests and he thinks . . . if it doesn't work this time, he doesn't think I should try again. This is going to be it. Whatever part of my memory I end up with tomorrow, that's all I get." Sitting up, she pulled her knees to her chest, wrapping her arms tightly around her legs as she hugged herself. "I wish tomorrow was over with," she said with sudden vehemence. "So I wouldn't have to think about it any more. I've tried so hard to stop, but I can't seem to help myself."

"You don't have to do this, you know," Lee whispered roughly. "One phone call, Amanda – that's all it takes to call this whole thing off."

"And then what?" she returned.

"Then we go on with our lives, our family, together."

She shook her head. "It isn't that easy, and you know it. What am I supposed to do, go back to Station One and start all over again? Or maybe just chuck it all to be a stay-at-home mom again, huh? Just how long do you think we'd last like that?"

"I can't believe you just said that," he said, switching on the lamp on the bedside table. In the faint light she could see the dark intensity of his eyes as he reached out and put his hands on her arms. "Have I ever once given you the impression that this – what we have right this moment – isn't enough for me?"

"Not in so many words. But I can see it in your eyes, Lee. My mother's, too, and the boys . . . all of you waiting, expecting me to be the person I was before." She ducked her head and stared down at the bedcovers.

"Amanda . . . we don't . . . I don't . . ." He enclosed her in his arms, one hand brushing lightly over her back. "You're cold," he murmured as his fingers touched gooseflesh. "Come here." Gently pulling her to him, he lay down, spooning her body against his and covering them both with the quilt. "That's better," he said as he felt her relax at last.

"Yeah, it is," she said, pulling his hand across her face. "I'm sorry for the way I acted earlier, Lee," she murmured into his palm. "You were right – I was feeling a little desperate there for a moment. I just wanted to give you something to remember me by, I guess."

"Well, you definitely succeeded," he said as he chuckled softly into her hair. "Although, I wouldn't have minded returning the favor."

"So what's stopping you?" Pulling his hand lower, she whispered breathily, "I wouldn't mind a memory or two of my own."

"Two, huh?" He laughed huskily. "I'll have to see what I can do." Moving his lips to her ear, he teased the lobe with his tongue then whispered softly, "Does this mean we're through arguing?"

"What do you think?" she replied with a quick laugh.

"I think that means yes," he said. He slipped his foot between hers, rubbing his toes against her ankle. Hooking his leg over hers, he drew her towards him.

His hands stroked down the length of her right side, gently touching the sides of her breast, tracing the smooth slope of her stomach before settling around her waist. His body pressed up against hers protectively as if trying to shield her from any type of harm. She tried to relax against him, to enjoy the sensation of his body nestled against hers, but she couldn't help but squirm as his fingers moved over her stomach, briefly dipping into the indentation of her navel.

"See, you haven't forgotten everything," he murmured into her ear. "Same old ticklish spot as always."

His hands began to roam over her, back up to the swell of her breasts, down over her stomach, again and again, teasing her by moving just slightly lower each time.

"Lee," she whimpered sharply in dismay as he finally found the soft patch of hair at the base of her legs, but moved away far too soon. She twisted in his arms, rolling over and burying her face against his side.

"What's the matter?" Lee's breath was hot against her flesh as he looked down at her. "You can dish it out, but you can't take it?"

"Hey, whatever you're offering, I can handle." She moved her hands to the back of his neck, insistently drawing his mouth to hers. She held him firmly in place, smiling as he willingly opened his mouth and pressed his tongue against hers.

Sliding his hands over her ribcage, he pulled her closer. She could feel the solid pressure of his chest, her nipples flattening beneath him, the warmth of his naked skin rubbing against her. Closing her eyes, she concentrated on the sensation of his fingers trailing gently over her, trying to memorize every nuance, every touch, the exact feeling of his fingers brushing over her flesh.

Lee continued to press hot insistent kisses against her lips as his hands again moved to her waist, then back up. He cupped her breasts, kneading and stroking her flesh. His tongue left a wet trail as he drew his lips down the column of her neck.

Amanda moaned softly as he pressed his lips into the hollow between her breasts, teasing her with burning kisses. Slowly he nuzzled his face against the tender underside of her left breast before finally taking her nipple into his mouth. He drew her hardened flesh between his lips, nipping and sucking and pulling until she had to lean down and bury her face in his hair, muffling the cries and whimpers that he was drawing from her throat.

He slid his hands over her hips, pulling her against him as he moved his body lower. His fingers caressed her legs, drawing them apart slightly and stroking along the soft flesh of her inner thighs.

He was touching and licking her everywhere, except where she wanted him the most. The wait was agonizing as he slowly ran his hands behind her knees, pulling her legs up and kissing the softness of her thighs. Her muscles quivered as he slowly moved upwards inch by excruciating inch, flicking his tongue out every so often, his breath hot and moist against her sensitive skin.

Finally he brushed his lips against her inner flesh, gently parting her with his tongue. Over and over he touched her, varying the pace and pressure, dipping down, pulling away, then suddenly moving back and increasing the pressure.

She felt as if her body had somehow slipped out of her control. The arching of her back, the bucking up of her hips, none of it was a result of any conscious thought, everything was pure reaction to his every movement, every touch, every shifting of position.

Then even her body ceased to exist, dissolving into the shards of heat and light of a pleasure that was almost too much to bear. She covered her mouth with her hand, biting down on her fingers to keep from crying out at the intensely enjoyable sensations.

Sinking back against the pillows, she gasped for breath in the aftermath of her orgasm. "Lee," she murmured, twisting her fingers in his hair and gently tugging his face up to hers.

He stretched out beside her, sliding a hand beneath her neck so he could cradle her against him. "I love you, Amanda," he whispered. "Nothing is ever going to change that. Nothing ever could."

Her heart lurched at the intense look of tenderness on his face. "I love you, too," she replied, reaching up and trailing her fingertips along his cheek.

Lee leaned down and touched his lips to hers, kissing her softly and slowly. He slid his leg between hers, gently pulling her to him and slipping into her. His eyes held her gaze as he began to move inside her, slow sure strokes, his eyes never leaving hers, watching her pleasure and letting her see his. Her hands found his, fingers twisting together, needing to be connected to him in every possible way as their bodies found their release again, together.

As Lee pulled away to switch off the light, a low moan broke from her, this time from exhaustion. She closed her eyes, only intending to rest for a moment, but sleep quickly claimed her, dragging her down into its velvety depths. As she felt Lee snuggle his body protectively against hers, she let her consciousness go, the sound of her husband's easy breathing her rhythmic lullaby.

Amanda awoke sometime later in the cold gray hours before dawn. Reluctantly she extricated herself from Lee's embrace and sat up. He murmured a soft protest in his sleep, his hand reaching out to clutch her pillow. She gently smoothed the hair back from his forehead, then got up and crossed over to the desk. She wanted nothing more in the world than to fall back to sleep in his arms, but there was one more task she needed to complete before morning.

TBC