Remember – This chapter is completely separate from chapter 1, no sequel, no happy end yet! This one's about how a happy ending could have resulted from episode 1 & 2 combined.
A Matter of Trust
(Season 1, episode 2)
Will stood on his terrace and let his gaze wander over the city to the Statue of Liberty.
I'm in. That's what he had just told MacKenzie.
He was in, he had committed himself.
Despite of his stupid and childish behaviour on tonight's show he really wanted to do better. And he was certain that Mac probably was the only EP he could do it with, which meant he had not only bound himself to a new concept for the show but to her as well.
Even if this only applied to their professional relationship, he knew that for it to work there had to be an incredible amount of trust between an anchor and the EP – him and Mac.
He was therefore surprised that it had not taken him longer to make his decision, especially after tonight's show and his clear desire to punish her. Not for losing Governeur Brewer's office for an interview but for sending this fucking mass e-mail to the staff this morning, humiliating him by outing the reason for their breakup three years ago.
He would never understand, how somebody as brilliant as Mac, who as part of her job also had to be able to run the complex technical equipment used in the control room, simply couldn't figure out how to use most of the normal everyday appliances like an espresso machine or write a fucking e-mail!
But he was in. In spite of their past and that incident this morning, apparently somewhere inside him his trust in Mac was unabatedly there. Deep down, hidden underneath all his anger, but still there.
And this was an interesting and at the same disturbing thought. How could that be?
After all, Mac betraying his faith in her had been the reason for their breakup, and on her first day back at ACN he had as much as told her that she wasn't to be trusted by anybody.
He had told Charlie that time hasn't helped, which was true. But if he was honest with himself, maybe one of the reasons for that was, that he had never really processed everything that had happened between Mac and him. Had she stuck around he might have been forced to confront his anger and work through it. Instead he just sulkily bathed in his pain and had felt justified in doing so. But her return now forced him to face their past.
She had guts, he had to give her that. Not only for returning to work with him or chewing him out after tonight's show, but also this morning. She didn't just crumble in front of him after her mistake but she managed... okay, at least tried to place part of the blame on him instead. '98%'... He snorted.
God, why the fuck did she have to tell him?
She had been right, he had fallen in love with her right from the start. There had never been a doubt in his mind that she was the woman he was going to marry.
They could have even had kids by now, and as much as he hated to even think it, he wanted exactly that. With Mac. Only with her. No one else would ever stand a chance to replace her in his heart, and he had tried in the last years.
And then it hit him:
If his trust in her was still there, then maybe they could still have a chance?
He had never stopped loving her; he'd had to admit that to himself the day she returned to ACN. He had just been fooling himself and covering his feelings with anger.
And although he had tried to convince himself since the day Mac had told him about her betrayal that she had never loved him, he knew, that she did love him back then and was at least fairly certain she still did today.
He could tell from the way she had acted on the day of her return, not to speak of the fact that she had returned at all. Also this morning, her not being able to bear that the staff might think badly about him. And then trying to make him understand that she hadn't really been cheating on him.
How had she phrased it? 'Changing minds all over the place.' And later in his office, didn't she actually say she had been „falling in love with the man I LOVE" - present tense...? If he hadn't been so angry he probably would have admired her determination to convince him.
For the first time he now allowed himself to deliberately indulge in the good times they'd had together and he couldn't help but feel a warm sensation spreading out from the pit of his stomach.
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On Monday morning Will entered the newsroom, but instead of going into his own office he went straight to Mac's. When he saw her sitting at her desk through the glass he knocked and opened the door simultaneously, not waiting for an invitation to step in.
She looked up, smiling gratefully when she realized that he had brought her a cup of coffee from the corner cafe, and pointed for him to take a seat.
„So, are you still in?" she asked, arching her eyebrow while grabbing the coffee.
„I am..." he confirmed sincerely. „And Mac? I want to apologize for Friday's show. That was... out of line."
„It was..." She looked at him over the edge of the cup. „Just don't do it again. Talk to me when you're pissed about something, okay?"
Will nodded. „So, what are your plans for tonight's show?"
Mac started talking about it being a slow news days so far and some early pitches that might make it into the show, but he found that he didn't really listen. Instead he recalled his line of thinking from the weekend and realized, that his feelings hadn't changed since then, even though he was in her presence now. His longing for her all of a sudden apparently prevailed the negative thoughts about their past.
Today he didn't see Mac together with Brian while looking at her, like almost everytime in the past three years when he pondered over her. Instead, today memories of himself and Mac walking hand in hand through the park filled his head, watching TV while teasing her for her taste in movies, enjoying breakfast in bed and then this time him on top of her, making her moan and telling him she lov... Fuck, he had to stop this right now or he wouldn't be able to get up any time soon.
Mac noticed, that Will was distracted. „Will? Are you listening to me?"
Will startled. „I... I'm sorry. I completely forgot, I have a meeting with Charlie." He jumped up and walked to the door. „I'll see you at the pitch meeting."
Following him with her eyes Mac shook her head, but then concentrated on her work again. Will however stood in the bullpen for a moment and realized, that now he better really should go upstairs to see Charlie, or Mac would get curious if she stepped out here and saw him in his office. So he went to the elevators and rode up to the 44th floor.
Charlie was in, motioned him to sit down and offered him a drink.
„A little too early for me, but thanks. Listen Charlie, I just wanted to apologize for Friday's show again. Mac... Mac and I talked and we're going to do the news from now on."
„Well, about fucking time!" Charlie grinned satisfied. „What else?"
„What do you mean, what else?" Will was confused.
„I've seen the look on your face and heard you voice just now when you said her name, going all soft. What the fuck happened?"
„What look?" he retorted defensivly. „Nothing happened!"
„William Duncan McAvoy..." Charlie looked daggers at him.
Will looked down at his hands and then shrugged. „I don't know... I'm confused... Maybe... time did help and I just didn't realize it before..."
A wide smile spread across Charlie's face. „Well, then go figure it out!"
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„Figure it out... Easy for him to say." Will grumbled on his way back down, but he knew, Charlie was right. He couldn't work so closely with Mac every day and afford to not figure it out.
So he decided to fish or cut bait and stuck his head through Mac's door when he was back on the 25th floor. „I think we should seal our deal – Drinks after the show tonight?"
Mac looked up and smiled. „Sure. Should we go to Hang Chew's?"
„That would be an option. Or I have a bottle of real nice Glenlivet in my office?"
She thought for a moment, then nodded. „Okay, meet you there."
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The rest of the day went smoothly. Like Mac had said, it was a slow news day, but they managed to put together an interesting show, and their young team did a good job. It would take a while for the philosophy of Newsnight 2.0 to be implemented firmly into everybody's heads, his own included, but they could do it.
After the show Will went straight to his office to change into his own clothes. When he came out of the bathroom Mac had just entered, standing in the doorway almost shyly. „Is it okay for me to come in?"
„I invited you, didn't I?" He gestured for her to take a seat and went over to the little array of bottles he had stashed in a corner. „Whisky?"
„Please." She sat down and crossed her legs. After Will handed her a glass he only took a small step back, leaned against his desk and raised his drink.
„To Newsnight 2.0."
„To Newsnight 2.0." Mac repeated and took a sip. „Mmmh... That really is good."
„Told you so." he replied with a wink.
„So, about tonight's show... I think we should have..."
Gathering up all his courage Will interrupted her. „Mac, I would rather not talk about the show right now."
She seemed confused. „But you said..."
„I know what I said... And we will talk about it, but right now..." he took a deep breath. „I would like to talk about us."
„What?" Mac looked at him increduously.
„If we're going to work this close together again, I can't have this... thing... hovering over us like a dark cloud. Despite of what I said on your first day back here, I realized that I do still trust you, otherwise we wouldn't be able to do... this." He gestured towards the bullpen. „So I need to know... Why did you do it?"
„Brian?" Will could barely understand her quiet, shaky voice, but just hearing her say this name made him clench his teeth. Then he forced himself to relax and nodded affirmatively, waiting for her to speak again.
Mac looked down and didn't say anything for a moment, then she swallowed hard.
„I've told you everything in my e-mails... You really didn't read them?"
„I just couldn't..." He shook his head. „Wasn't I enough for you? Did I do something to drive you away?"
„No!" Her head shot up and she almost shouted. „No, Will. You were perfect! I told you, you had these ways... You were so gentle and caring, always considerate of my feelings... You made me feel so special... Believe me, Billy, you didn't do anything wrong!"
„Then why?" He put his glass down on his desk with much more force than necessary, trying to ignore that she had just used his nickname he hadn't heard for the past three years.
„Because I was messed up." Mac whispered. „You knew that before you I was with Brian, but we have never talked about my time with him..." She wrapped her arms around her chest at the memories being brought up so unexpectedly.
„He was the complete opposite of you. He... he demeaned and belittled me in every possible way. My opinion wasn't worth a nickel, he insulted me, made fun of me in front of his friends, he never took my career seriously... And he did it so well that I was convinced I deserved to be treated like that..." She tried to swallow back her tears, not looking at Will.
„And then I met you and everything was different. But Brian had brainwashed me so successfully that I couldn't believe it was for real... I thought any day you would wake up and see me like he did and it would all be over..."
„MacKenzie..." Will didn't know what to say. He couldn't see Mac in the woman she had just described, but right now she appeared so small and frightened like he had never seen her before. „I loved you, what other way would there have been for me to treat you?"
„I know that now. And being with Brian again I realized that I had fallen in love with you, too. And that I did deserve to be treated better. Today I wouldn't let any man do to me what he did, but back then I was insecure and...stupid." She sighed. „I just wish that I hadn't met you when I did..."
„What do you mean?" Will looked hurt.
„I met you right after Brian had broken up with me and we started dating almost immediately after that. I didn't have the time to process anything, to realize what he had done to me... And so when he called a few weeks later I was still hung up on him... I know, it sounds crazy, but back then I didn't feel I had the choice to not go back to him. I wanted him to take me back, despite of everything..."
Her tears started to flow now and she looked like a lost child not knowing where to go. Will just wanted to hold and comfort her, but he couldn't move. He never had imagined anything close to what Mac had just told him.
He cast a glance into the bullpen and was relieved to see that it had emptied out by now. He didn't want anyone to come in here and see Mac like this.
„What happened then?"
Mac brushed the tears from her cheek and continued with a hoarse voice.
„I woke up... Brian hadn't changed at all. And with the side by side comparison I finally saw what a sick bastard he was. And what a truly wonderful man you are.
I had fallen in love with you, I only realized it too late... But once I knew I never saw him again... I told him it was over for good and to never call me again. He did anyway, two or three times, but I told him to go to hell. From then on it was just you..."
Finally Will managed to move. He took a step towards Mac, pulled her out of the chair and took her into his arms. She hesitated for a moment, but then she put her arms tightly around his waist and leaned her head against his chest.
„I wish you had told me about Brian."
„Me, too..." She whispered. „I'm so sorry..."
„So am I... I should have talked to you or read your e-mails."
Holding Mac in his arms felt so good, so right. What she had told him didn't make him forgive her right away, but at least now he could understand everything better, which surely was the first step in the right direction.
After a few minutes he forced himself to pull back a little.
„Mac? On Friday you said, you fell in love with the man you love. Did you mean that? Present tense?"
He held his breath when he heard her gasp, then he felt her nod into his chest.
„Yes" she simply said in a quiet voice he almost didn't hear.
Will's heart jumped. He held her even tighter and whispered „I have never stopped loving you."
Mac froze in his arms, but then she let out a desperate sob and the tears started to flow again. She clung to him and he rocked her gently, breathing soothing words into her ear and stroking her hair. When she finally calmed down he let go off her and took her hands in his.
„I... I need to work through all this... With everything you said tonight... I understand it better now and... Will you give me a little time?
Mac unbelievingly raised her eyes to him and although they were swollen and red-rimmed from crying he thought she had never looked more beautiful to him then right now.
Then a smile spread over her face. „I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere."
He returned her smile and caressed her cheek with his hand. „Dinner tomorrow night?"
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They deliberately took it slow for the next weeks.
After that first date they went out for an occasional drink or dinner or caught a broadway play, but most importantly they talked. They talked during their lunch breaks, they talked after the show and they talked for hours on the phone at night. Talked about the past and the present, about their time together and their time apart.
They became friends again, and one night at dinner it dawned on Will, that he was ready.
Looking at Mac, animatedly telling him about a friend she had made during the time she was embedded, he realized that he wanted to be with her for good. He didn't want to be driven by the past anymore, he wanted to start all over, be with her. He wanted to start their future.
He was quieter than usual during the rest of the evening and he noticed her giving him questioning looks, but she didn't say anything.
Like after every date he accompanied her home and in the cab he took her hand, entangling his fingers with hers while looking out of the window, watching the streets go by.
When they arrived at her place he got out and led her to the building door, but when she wanted to say goodnight he stopped her by taking both of her hands in his, turning her to face him.
„MacKenzie... I really enjoyed these past weeks and I... I love you and I'm in all the way, if you still want me."
She looked into his eyes and when he recognized the gleaming sparkle he allowed himself to relax a little bit. Then her face turned into a huge smile.
„Took you long enough..."
„Seriously?" He voiced with a hint of indignation, before realizing that he was just making a fool of himself. „So you...?
Still beaming at him she raised herself on her toes and pressed her soft lips onto his. He immediately put his arms around her waist and pulled her tighter, enjoying this sensation before he let his tongue slide across her bottom lip requesting entrance. Mac moaned and gladly opened her mouth while her hand slid into his hair to pull him even closer. Soon they were both panting for air and with a smile she broke off the kiss and whispered hoarsly:
„Go pay the cab driver, Billy."
...
Title: A Matter of Trust - Billy Joel
