A/N

I want to point out that I haven't finished the series, I'm procrastinating I don't want it to end. (You would be surprise how many I have on hold) I know a few things but nothing too major or too many details, so if you read something that doesn't add up in the end or something it's because I literally don't know it yet.

Disclaimer: I do not own SOA. This is purely fictional.


"I will not be commanded,

I will not be controlled.

And I will not let my future go on,

Without the help of my soul"

09:00AM

The sound of an alarm woke Catherine up in a flash, her eyes squinted at the light that shone in her room, music could be heard from somewhere inside the house. Since she had a slight idea of whom was causing that disturbance she ignores it.

Her mind raced back to the previous day, the disturbing conversations, her beating that guard up, Jax's expressions as he crumbled in front of her.

That's how players turn in to kings. Pope's disturbing voice echoed in her head.

She rolled her body with a faint smile only to remember Jax's wasn't next to her. She let out a puff of air, opening her eyes fully, she encountered her cat instead. How that little ball of hair manage to sleep with all the noise going around with it sensitive ears, was beyond her.

She closed her eyes briefly. God, I hope this day goes well, she thought walking towards the bathroom. When washing her face, the red circles that made an appearance underneath her eyes seemed more noticeable. Sleeping four to five hours a day for a week will do that to a person.

She grabbed her phone leaving her room. As she walked through the hallway the sound of the TV got louder and louder making it obvious it was coming from the kitchen.

I left my home still as a child

I walked a thousand sorry miles

To wait for my father, to gather up his tools

Jax, Chibs and Tig were out first thing in the morning as planned. As they rode back to the center of Charming, he noticed two kids on their bikes watching them with admiration as they drove by - he couldn't help but comparing them to himself and Ope when they were just that, children admiring, envying the people on the motorcycles wishing that someday that would be them.

When they arrived to the clubhouse, they were greeted with the uneasy environment already settling in for what was going to happen in a few hours' time. There were still a few people that didn't know, including his mother.

He said my boy you've got to run, don't wait for me, don't wait for mum

We'll come get you, when it's safe for us to move

He hugged his son, and kissed his forehead. "Hey buddy" He said calmly.

Jax had now to find the right way to inform the club of the recent changes.

Catherine entered her kitchen taking in the view, not surprised in the slightest.

"I've been calling you for days!" The woman practically screamed with her very thick accent, she waved her arms for effect, dropping ashes of the cigarette on the table in result. Catherine eyes soften missing her friend more than she had time to admit. "You look pale"

"Were you that worried that you had to break in?" She replied shaking her head smiling ignoring her last comment. She walked towards the table that was pushed against the wall, giving the kitchen more room. Giving her a sideways hug she stated, "I'm sorry. It's been a few crappy and very busy days" she confessed.

"Are you good then?" Alina asked with clear concern in her voice. She only got a mere shrugged of shoulders in response. "What happened?"

While Catherine found something to eat, and sat down, Alina waited for her explanation. "The usual, unfortunately shit with Pope and-"

"Did he fucked things up again?" Alina inquired, cutting her off.

"Worse. He's trying to break me. Manipulating me, trying to find ways - excuses to end me" She said her voice sounding almost amused.

"Is he insane? I could chop his balls and have him in three days just say the word любовь" [love pronounce lyoo-bohf]

Catherine grinned missing the threats, the very real, weird threats that came with her whole persona. "No, that would only cause a dispute over seas we wouldn't want that" She sighed exasperated "Besides I'm saving him for someone" Her mind flash backing to hers and Jax's conversation.

"The lover boy? Is that why Pope's trying to cut you off? Is your boyfriend really that dangerous?" Alina mocked dragging her accent.

Her phone started ringing making the whole table vibrate, "Hope it's not August I have no patience for him today "She murmured thinking out loud.

"It's Jax. That's the lover boy correct?" Alina guessed, clicking the screen. Catherine glanced at her friend furiously, in seconds she looked down at the phone seeing it was on speaker. "Jax?" She called up at him.

"You at the clubhouse already?"

"Yeah, for now-just got out of the table. Wanted to check up on you" He responded from the other line. She couldn't help the shivers coming up her spine. "I'm okay. Don't worry" she paused. "Are you?"

So I waited many years, held back the pain behind my tears

For my father, to come find me like he said

She could imagine his eyes staring back at her, thinking of whether or not spilling how he feels at the moment. "I will be" he finally replied.

She could feel Alina's eyes on her begging for answers. "I need to ask you something because I really don't know whose words to trust anymore" She furrowed her eyebrows wondering what it could be. "Are the niners behind the home invasions?" He blurted out.

She responded without skipping a beat "No" She knew she could address this discussion simply because it was already very public. "It's not them Jax. That I can guarantee you"

"This shit is not making any sense anymore, Catherine" By his tone, she could tell he was distracted, not seeing everything clear.

"Baby," she hesitantly started "maybe you should start thinking of the possibility of being an inside job" she pointed out, biting her lip.

When she realized it wasn't something he could process at the moment, she changed tactics. "Hey- we can talk about that later, okay?"

"Okay" the line went silent for a few seconds "The body comes in this afternoon"

Shit, she thought. "You should stop by tonight, for the wake. For Lyla too" he added, hoping it would help making her mind up.

"Is that a good idea Jax? I mean, I don't want to intrude and-" how can she say no? It was heartless of her if she didn't go, right? But she felt so, so guilty.

"No one knows shit, just me, I promise. I need you there babe" He pled, his voice rough.

"Alright, okay. I-I will call you later, Jax. Bye" She hang up, with slightly shaking fingers. Letting out a deep breath she glanced at her friend that was sitting in front of her with questioning eyes.

"Care to explain?"

"You will need a drink for this" She responded lighting up a cigarette.

"Oh I've been drinking your liquor for hours now" Alina smiled.

"Damn Russians"

After Catherine explained almost everything to Alina, she went to get ready. She had a shower and got dressed, in that time her eyes kept flickering to the door like she was expecting someone to come in, she had a weird feeling all over her body that she couldn't shake away. Probably from the way her mind kept replaying that guards smirk as he told them Opie had been the one they killed.

She sat on her bed, putting her boots on, she checked if she had everything she needed on her bag getting up she called while walking towards the door to Alina." You ready?"

"Yes I need to see if those fuckers made everything the way they were supposed to" Alina replied, when they were both already on the other side of the door. "Y'know you're always welcome to stay here if you want to" Catherine propose.

"No its fine, really. I need my own place to see how things work around here" She said.

"Sooo-what first?" Catherine asked, now in the garage. "I need to know which car to take."

"Guns." she smirked. "Guns first."

"Porsche it is" she beamed, they got in, on her black sports car that she loved so much, giving by her brother, she opened the garage door, turned on the car, and drove away.

One of her favorite things was definitely driving. That rush she got when she passed the speed limit, the freedom of having something in her hands, the distraction. There was nothing better.

That was also one of the reasons why she got along so well with Jax when they first met; they found joy in the same places, satisfaction on the same things. It was hard to ignore and here they were.

"Pope's underestimating him" she blurted out.

Alina turned her head towards Catherine. "What"

"Pope's underestimating him, despise the shit that he says he's still under the impression he's gonna bend." She made a turn, stopping the car. "Jax thinks he's too big for the club to handle which he's not wrong but he forgets how intelligent he can be"

"Sounds to me like he's going to change his mind soon" She took a drag of the cigar continuing her accent consuming her words. "Being underestimated is good. That's how, you, me and Aina got away with so much shit" She laughed.

"True- Although underestimating a Russian is just a very stupid mistake" Catherine smiled.

"You really think this Jax and his clubhouse deserve to bring Pope out?" Alina furrowed her eyebrows in deep thought, passing a hand through her long red hair.

"Yes, Alina it's not just them, I need a cover up. I need to get out of there and go back to my roots"

"Okay," She replied sternly getting out of the car. Catherine followed taking the key out, they were inside the large garage waiting for Saul, Alina's friend. "In that case I'll help you"

She whipped her head, looking deeply at the girl in front of her. "You will? Why?"

Alina snorted, placing her hands on Catherine's shoulders. "You need help, so I'm here. To clean the mess, after, I'm sure it won't be easy to make go away"

"No it won't "They heard sounds of tools falling, making them look towards it. "Alina! How are you?" Saul who was, this, 30ish year old man that spend his whole life working underneath his cars and occasionally fix Alina's guns-totally standard- greeted her with a smile on his face.

"Good, good. And you?" Alina mused shaking his hand.

Saul's smiled never left his face, "Never been better, " his gaze turned to Catherine. "Oh, and hello Catherine haven't seen you in a while. "His eyes darkened slightly.

"Yeah, you know busy with work." She quickly responded.

"So, I got what you wanted- just need to tell me the exact quantity." Saul's focus went back to Alina, guiding her to the back room, Catherine followed always cautious, something that she couldn't help but do when she was dealing with outsiders.

"Just need the basics- semi automatics pistols, glock 19 nothing fancy-with silencers, that's it" Alina recited like she was saying what she wanted for dinner.

When Alina experimented every single one, had her fun and the papers on her hands they left putting everything on the trunk.

"I still don't like him" Catherine remarked reversing the car.

And in that time I was alone,

so many years without my home

All the arrangements for Ope's wake were complete people were arriving; the night was starting to make its appearance. Ope's body was in the 'Church', several people had went to pay their respects and to say their final goodbyes; others were there simply to support.

Jax and Lyla were currently the only ones next to Ope; the girl was as broken as anyone would expect the thoughts came like a train wreck, as she tried to think of a life with three kids, alone. She couldn't help but vent to him how what was going on her mind.

Jax grabbed gently her arm, pulling her to him to look out of the small window, showing her all the people that were there, together, talking supporting each other in silent. "This, right here is your family. And anyone, who says no, can come talk to me" He promise, his tone serious looking down at her.

"Thank you" She whispered.

When Catherine arrived, she parked her car and saw a few people going inside the clubhouse. She didn't noticed someone was leaning against the truck next to her car, when she got out her mind pointed out it was Chibs.

"Hey" He said, his voice calm. He looked almost okay, Jax said Chibs was very protective of the younger ones, like Juice, Ope and him, he mentioned an old prospect too, half sack she remembered laughing when she first heard why that was his nickname.

"Hi" She replied, not really knowing what to say, him being one of the two that saw her with Tig the night that his kid got killed, she didn't know if she was on the green with him.

"Did you know Opie?" He asked, drinking his beer.

"We had a few conversations once in a while" She smiled, remembering.

"Hmm - about Jackie I'm assuming?" He inquired looking up; she followed his glance, realizing that he was keeping an eye on Jax that was on the roof looking down at something she couldn't see from there.

Shaking her head she chucked slightly. "Not really . When we talked it was mainly because he didn't want to speak with Jackson. "She sighed. "He was a good man, I'm glad I met him" she added hesitantly.

"Yeah, he was." He sipped his beer again, finishing the bottle. "You call him Jackson?" He turned around facing her fully. The girl chuckled softly. "I call him a lot of things"

"You're different from what I expected" She arched an eyebrow. "I like ya-for now at least" He almost smiled.

She suppressed a smile. "I can work with that" She looked up, seeing Jax now looking down; she gulped, feeling an overwhelming need to comfort him.

"Catherine?" She heard someone exclaim from a few feet away. Their heads turned towards the source. "Lyla" she breathed, her heart breaking at the sight of the woman walking towards them. "Hey love" she added, while hugging her tightly.

"I'm going to leave you guys now" Chibs said, placing one supporting hand on Lyla's shoulder as he walking away.

"So you're probably tired of people asking 'how are you' by now I presume"

"A little bit-yeah" She tried to smile but failed. "I'm sorry if I'm late or anything, I honestly didn't knew if I should come or not"

"Let me guess, Jax convinced you?" She tried to guess, Catherine shook her head. "Actually you did"

"You're pretty important, around here Lyla. And if you ever need anything, seriously anything at all-I'm here" Lyla smiled, her eyes filling with fresh tears, her eyes shining with sincerity "I know, thank you"

"Are you going inside?" She asked while they started walking as Catherine opened her mouth, she saw Jax reaching them, she didn't said anything just extended her hand, and smile in comfort as he intertwined their fingers together.

"In a minute," she responded to the girl looking at them with adoration, "I should go inside" Lyla started moving as Catherine placed her hand on her shoulder and turned her pulling into her side, kissing her temple letting her go with a smile.

"Sorry for taking so long" she apologized, focusing fully on the boy in front of her; he hugged her with the other arm pulling her tightly. "It's okay. You're here now" She kissed his jaw, discreetly as her head was resting on his chest next to his neck. "It's almost time" he pondered.

"Do you wanna say goodbye?" He asked, murmuring against her head.

"Have you been in there? Have you said yours?" She replied slowly, her other hand stroking his chest.

"Yeah with Lyla but I'm not ready yet"

"Do you want to stay here for a while?" She looked up at him leaning back slightly; his eyes were red like he was trying not to let anything out, her heart clenched knowing there was nothing she could do.

With a hand going inside her pocket, she remembered. "I brought something" She started, "I'm not very good at this, but Opie said he wanted to try so I just thought I bring it-I don't know" Somehow she always rambled around him, she never did that. She didn't get too nervous unless something weighted on her conscience, she never really tried before, and so, everything was just so fucking new.

She took one of the two Cuban cigars she had on her, and showed them to him. He looked down at her hand, and let out a very small almost inexistent laugh. "It's huh, Montecristo I think he would've liked it"

In a quick movement she felt his lips on her forehead, making her lips go up, " It's perfect " he whispered.

"I have another one, we can tried them later if you want" He nodded in response, holding on to her body tightly.

After a few minutes of them being outside, in silent appreciating each other's company, she let him alone and went with Lyla to church, her heart stopped as she took the view of Ope lying there, lifeless.

She placed the cigar on his hand, whispering "One for the road" she gulped, saying goodbye. Juice came up to her, asking her to warn Jax it was time.

I made brothers of a different kind instead

The guys came together, surrounding the coffin in silent each one of them putting something inside of it that was symbolic, florals, portraits, matches, bottles, anything with a special meaning, that hold a memory in it, it was next to Ope.

Jax looked one last time to the picture in his hand; he let out a shaky breath, placing it under the jacket of his best friend. He turned around as everyone got up raising their glasses to Ope. Knowing it was over, for tonight as least, he led them outside, his brothers holding the coffin up high.

Catherine was outside next to Lyla and Gemma as they saw Jax opening the door of the van, the air was so heavy, no one even dared to speak.

Catherine clenched her jaw holding in every tear, if there was someone who shouldn't even spit a tear, it was her. She also noticed the change of air around Jax, he went from being around breaking point, to furious and resentful and she couldn't blame him.

We all hold on to something to keep moving on she just didn't thought anger was the best choice for someone like him. He glanced at her briefly, turning his head around to take one last look at the coffin closing the door, furiously.

He had now seen his friend for the last time.


"And at the time I didn't know, just how hard the wind could blow
Towards disaster, and the things that I would see
I never found my father, I never found my mother
Even would I know in my lifetime I will be

A hero to the masses, to those born without chances
There's a freedom that everyone deserves
I know there's greed and there's corruption
I've seen death and mass destruction
But I'm telling you, and I hope that I'm heard

I will not be commanded
I will not be controlled
And I will not let my future go on
Without the help of my soul"

A/N

Bleeeeeh, Season five is just too much emotionally!

I think I already know how the next chapter is going to be like… there's fluff and maybe smut….and the scene we didn't got to see here! Bye for now! Thank you for reading, really am enjoying writing this.

Review, tell me what you think! X