Jedi Chaos Part II: The Culprits

Jedi Chaos Part II: The Danger Arises

Summary: Anakin get beat up by girls. Obi Wan tries to help. A little random.

PG:G/ K+ for very mild violence

AN: My first fanfic online! Please be nice! No flaming please. Constructive criticism is OK. Thnx to all who reviewed! Reviews make me happy :)

Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars and its characters. George Lucas does. I also do not own Harry Potter and its characters. JK Rowling does.

--

"Okay! I'll tell you. They beat me up because I tried to hit on them and ask them to go with me to Friday night's dance."

Obi Wan stared. "I didn't think the injuries would be that serious. Emotionally and maybe mentally, but…" He trailed off as he took in Anakin's other wounds.

"So who did it?"

Anakin gulped, and said, in a trembling voice, "Shaak Ti, Aayla Secura, Luminara Unduli, Barriss Offee, and Siri Tachi."

By the time Anakin had reached the third name, Obi Wan was already shaking his head. "You have to start small, Anakin. Go with someone like Yaddle, who's like, 800 years old. Pick someone not that good and slowly work your way up. That was always your biggest flaw; your impatience."

Anakin groaned. "But if I ask Yaddle, Yoda will beat me up!"

Obi Wan snorted. "Yeah, right! What are you the Chosen One for, then? If you can't beat an elderly and weak (physically) 800+ year old troll, you'll never make it past the Clone Wars. "

Somewhere farther away, in the Council room, Yoda perked up his ears, listened for a bit, and then turned to Mace, saying, "Swear, I do, that someone just called me elderly, they did. Obi Wan Kenobi, I believe it was. Teach him a lesson, I shall."

With that, he hobbled out the door.

--

Back in Obi Wan's quarters…..

Obi Wan finished putting the last band-aid on Anakin's head. He stood back and surveyed his work.

"H-how do I look?" Anakin asked nervously.

Obi Wan grinned. "Like Voldemort from Harry Potter."

Anakin looked confused. "Voldemort? Who's that?"

Obi Wan sighed. "Anakin, you need to learn to read. Harry Potter, hello?! One of the BEST books on the Earth."

Anakin looked even more muddled. "Earth?"

Obi Wan shook his head. "Never mind. But really, you look like a mummy from Egypt."

"Where's Egypt?"

Obi Wan just patted Anakin on the back. "Don't worry; you'll discover a thing called reading one day."

Anakin looked indignant. "I do SO know how to read."

Obi Wan looked doubtful.

"Okay, so I get the I's, U's, and A's mixed up a lot." He admitted. "But that doesn't mean I'm not intelligent."

Obi Wan drew his breath in, really slowly. Then, he exhaled even slower, like those people at the stress management classes.

Finally, he said, "So do you have a date for Friday night, or what?"

Anakin shook his head.

"What EXACTLY happened?"

Anakin started his sad tale. "I went down to the cantina for… a drink. Garen Muln promised me that I wouldn't get drunk and lose my reputation-" (At this point, Obi Wan interrupted, "What reputation?") "- of being the BEST lightsabre wielder of the galaxy. So maybe I had a drink. Or two. Or three. Okay, so I had six bottles of Corellian wine. Garen said it was okay, but after…" He shuddered. "So he said that we should get a date for Friday. I went first to Aayla Secura. I don't know what happened, but one minute I was standing, and the next, I wasn't, and I had a lightsabre swiping at me. So I ducked and ran out of the bar. Garen and I went up to the Luminara's quarters. We kinda… barged in. Anyway, Shaak Ti, Luminara, Siri Tachi and Barriss Offee were in there. We were just standing there (Okay, maybe not just standing, maybe acting a bit… drunk. Which we were.) and in like, 5 seconds, Shaak Ti sent me flying with a Force push, and Siri had here lightsabre up to my neck. Luminara and Barriss had Garen in a closet, and they were talking to him in low tones. I don't know why. I still don't even know how I got out alive… Oh, right, they pushed me out the window… just before Shaak Ti broke my leg. And Luminara bashed my head."

After his most woeful tale of epic (And a bit pathetic) tragedy, Anakin whimpered and rubbed his head and leg pitifully. Then, he dropped to the ground and grabbed Obi Wan's leg, in the process, stretching the chain that Obi Wan had put on his leg for his and Anakin's safety.

"Augh! Get off! What you're doing reminds me of when you throw Palpatine down the elevator shaft."

Anakin muttered, "I don't know how I even managed to move him! How much does he weigh, like 8000 pounds?"

Obi Wan shrugged. "Not MY problem. I'm already gone by then."

"So will you help me?"

"Help you do what?"

"Get a date."

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I don't benefit from it. If I got 5 credits…"

Anakin reached deep into his pocket. He pulled out a few pieces of lint, some fuzzy-looking pieces of mold, then some really, really smelly (like a sandwich in a hot locker for 6 months) credits and bills.

He peeled off 5 and handed them to Obi Wan. "Now help me."

Obi Wan nodded. "I'll have a date for you ready in a few hours."

--

Obi Wan burst into the room. "I've got it!"

"Who?" Anakin asked, jumping up and falling down because of his broken leg.

Obi Wan leaned close, and whispered like he was telling a secret. "Adi… Gallia."

Anakin gasped. "You mean that chic on the Council who wears a dumb headpiece that the author probably designed because he was bored?!"

Obi Wan nodded seriously. "That's the one," he confirmed. "She's totally all about you."

Anakin glared at Obi Wan. "Why couldn't you get me a hottie, like Shaak Ti, or Aayla Secura? Why-" He suddenly looked suspicious. "Who're YOU going with?"

Obi Wan turned red. "Ah-ah I can't tell you."

Anakin suddenly looked smug. "It's Siri Tachi, isn't it?"

Obi Wan looked sad. "No. She refused to come to the dance. She said it 'wasn't her thing'."

"So who…"

"Yaddle."

"Pardon?"

"Yaddle. Y-A-D-D-L-E."

Anakin did some sort of spastic motion which involved his limbs flaying wildly (Except his leg, which was broken and chained to the floor so he couldn't hurt anyone. Finally, he looked up and his face was full of glee and…

"Oh no. Ohhhhhhh no."

Anakin whooped with laughter. "Yaddle! You got Yaddle! Of all the female Jedi in the Order, you got YADDLE!!"

Obi Wan blushed and muttered something about 'the last resort'.

"So all the other girls refused?"

Obi Wan nodded, still crimson.

Anakin's mouth opened in a soundless wail of laughter. Obi Wan groaned. This could be bad.

--

Meanwhile, while Anakin was teasing poor Obi Wan (you gotta admit Yaddle's a bit old for anyone but Yoda), Yoda himself was hobbling down the hall.

"Obi Wan Kenobi, I must find. Teach him a lesson he shan't soon forget, I will. Steal my girlfriend- I mean ex-girlfriend and called me an old troll, he did. Forget, I shall not." he mumbled as he limped.

At that moment, Yaddle passed by, and said, "Never your girlfriend, I was. Broke up with you 400 years ago, I did. Forget again, you did. Too stubborn, you are. Like you, I do not. Get a life, you should."

Yoda froze and said, very slowly, "Like me you do not? Who you like, I would like to know."

Yaddle snorted superiorly. "Mace Windu or Obi Wan Kenobi of course. Like YOU, I would not. Handsome, they are. Good-looking, you are not."

Yoda ignored this, and stroked his chin. He added to his mental reminders to give Obi Wan a double whammy and then Windu.

Then, he continued his shuffle down the hallway.

--

What will Yoda do? How will Anakin manage to get out of Friday's date with an obsessed fangirl? Will Obi Wan find out about Yoda's wrath before it's too late? All in the next chapter (and more!)! Reviews please!! Thanks to all who review!!