As Renesmee laughed while I looked down at her shaking form. "Is that why when Uncle Emmett goes to tell a joke or starts to everyone leaves and mommy and daddy go upstairs?" she asked smiling
"Yes. So what now?" she looked down and tapped her chin thinking.
"How come we don't have a family night?" she asked looking at me curious.
"Well....."
*flash back*
You know the game monopoly? I FUCKING HATE THAT GAME! With a passion! If you even think you like it I will murder you and kick your ass. Want to know why!? Because it takes like 10 1/2 hours just to play one game! and it make it harder with distractions like Alice running around screaming for Bella to come out of hiding so she can dress her.
i wouldn't come out.
and Emmett is singing Brittany spears of all things! And it's hard to concentrate when you keep hearing:"YOU'RE A WOMINIZER!"
"OHMYGOSH! This sucks! This is the worst family fun night! I looked at Esme and Edward who was smiling like the devil at me. Why would he smile like that? WAIT!!!!! "EDWARD how did you get all that money!!??"
I asked infuriated?
Edward falls back laughing at him and the situation. "Edward you cheating whore!" I scream. I stood up "THAT'S IT! Esme I quit! Its 4:30 in the morning and I refuse to play with that cheating whore!"
That made Edward laugh more. What is he high off pixie stixs or something?? Emmett stops singing and runs beside me "calm down jasper we could play Yatzee if you like! I won't cheat!!" he said running off to get the game.
"No! I hate that game too!" Carlisle comes in behind me
"What's wrong are you feeling okay??" he asked then Emmett runs back in with the game yatzee in his hands.
"Yea what are you PMSing!" he asked like he knew what it was. And why would he? And everyone laughed but me and Bella who was looking at Emmett.
"Emmett why do you know what that is?" she asked curious
"I don't but I heard you telling Alice about it" he said laughing.
"No! I am not and I cannot get through this game because Edward is being a cheating whore! Carlisle went to feel my head like I could get a temperature but I dodged it "don't touch me Dr. Fang!"
Bella looks at me "you shouldn't say that about Carlisle, its not nice." she said and i laughed.
Edward stopped laughing and looked at her "what about me he called me a whore? And a cheating one at that. Don't you love me?" he asked looking sad.
She looked down at him on the floor "well Edward if you can't play nice and not cheat then this wouldn't be a problem. So don't cheat. And I do love you."
"Well he is the one who thinks about what he is going to do before he does it"
He said laughing more.
*end flash back*
Renesmee was laughing harder at this story. She was bending over holding her sides he chuckled at her.
That really happened? and we don't have any more nights like that?"
"Nope. Your daddy likes to cheat ALOT." she looked at me and smiled.
"Any more?" she asked eager
"Yea I got ALOT! Okay how about this..."
Flash back
Me and Edward and Emmett were walking around the mall waiting for the girls to finish getting Bella things. We were walking around looking for a seat in the food court. When Emmett found a piece of plastic on the floor shaped like a heart. "Here jasper this is for you!" he said handing me the plastic. I looked at it and accidentally broke it in my hand.
"Oops" I said laughing and Edward with me.
Emmett got a really sad look "Screw you!! You broke me heart!" he said like he was about to cry and ran off. Me and Edward were laughing again as we went to find Emmett.
"Emmett gets back here and quit acting like a fucking baby! Your drawing attention to us!" by then Edward was practically on the floor rolling around laughing.
We finally found Emmett at a table by himself hunched over, "I will not sit next to an ex-lover." he said looking way from me.
"Come on Emmett it was a piece of plastic that you found. And I can get another one." I said getting the chair sitting down.
"Nope. That one was special." I looked at Edward shaking my head. Edward just looked at me.
"Dude you sound gay saying that." he said smiling almost laughing.
"Shut the hell up Edward! And quite laughing or I'll shove a pole up your ass it will come out of your mouth.
Just then the girls came around the corner and when Bella went to sit down she smacked me in the back of the head. While Edward just smiled again.
"Don't say that jasper! I thought we talked about your PMS problems?" she said laughing with Edward. She stopped and looked at Emmett.
"What's wrong Emmett?' Bella asked sitting across from him.
"Jasper broke my heart." he said looking away at Rosalie putting his head on her shoulder.
"JASPER!" Alice, Bella, and Rosalie said at the same time. "How could you?" they asked getting up to hug Emmett.
My jaw dropped and I and Edward were looking at the girls love on Emmett. Juts then an old man walked by looking at us "aren't that sweet. You two lovely gentlemen." smiling walking off. Edward stood up
"WE ARE NOT GAY!" I was rolling in the floor while people looked at Edward laughing at his outrage.
The
old man turned around "I never said you were." Then the whole
food court laughed.
"Ohmy gosh! Uncle jazz. That's so hilarious!" Renesmee chocked and rolled right off the couch.
Poor girl didn't seem to notice.
"No it's not! Emmett is almost 100 years old ad can't go out in public without bring attention to him." I scowled. "One more thing...makes sure you Emmett is occupied by Rose or out of the city if you ever decide to have sex in the house."
She stopped and looked at me "what?" my eyes widened as I realized what i just said.
"That is a story for when you're older like....4,000 years older!" I yelled out. After a slight pause Renesmee started laughing again: this time at my exaggeration. If only she knew that I wasn't kidding.
