"Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul, sings the tune without words and never stops at all." – Emily Dickinson
Bill and Remus are gone for two hours, twenty two minutes and five seconds while looking for Mad-Eye's body. Tonks knows, because she spends the entire time counting so she doesn't have to think.
She launches herself at Remus as soon as he's through the doorway, and she feels some of the tension in her dissipate with the knowledge that he's safe.
"Shouldn't you have asked me a security question?" He murmurs into her hair.
"Don't have to. You feel just the same as you always have." Remus is silent at that, marvelling at how he can have found someone quite so beautiful, in every sense of the word.
He reluctantly lets her go, informing the others that they'll be on their way. He can tell that Tonks wants nothing more than to be out of there, and he's just as exhausted and ready to fall into a deep sleep, hopefully one that will offer some sort of temporary reprieve from the grief this night has brought them.
"To your parents' house?"
"I guess so, though I'd rather leave it until the morning. They'll want to know that we're okay." That you're okay, he mentally corrects her, refraining from voicing it. She'll only insist that her parents like him, and he's not in the mood to entertain her wishful thinking.
They don't stay long. Andromeda pulls her daughter into a tight hug in a rare display of emotion, and Ted follows suit, shaking Remus' hand. They're both understandably shocked and saddened by the news of Mad-Eye's death, and Andromeda, not wanting to be parted from her daughter just yet, suggests they stay for tea.
"I just want to go home," Tonks says tiredly, so they say their goodbyes and disapparate to her – their – flat.
"Time for bed, I think," Remus yawns, assuming Tonks has followed him inside.
Receiving no response, he turns around and sees that Tonks is leaning against the wall for support, and notices for the first time just how pale she looks.
"Dora?" He cries, unable to hide the note of alarm in his voice.
"I'm okay…just a bit – dizzy."
Remus rushes towards her and is just in time to catch her as she slumps limply to the ground. "Dora!"
He lifts her and gently carries her to the couch, placing a pillow beneath her head. He hurriedly wets a cloth and pats her face, hoping to rouse her. A few minutes later, she wakes to find him hovering over her with a glass of water and two pieces of toast.
"What happened?"
"You fainted."
"How cliché."
"Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling well?"
"I didn't want to complain or make a fuss. I guess I probably should have eaten sooner…"
"Here," Remus says, handing her the plate of toast. "This might help."
She pretends to pout. "Don't I get any chocolate?"
"Chocolate is a given. Sustenance first. I want to make absolutely sure you're okay."
"I promise, I'm fine," she smiles weakly, patting the space beside her, "sit down."
He takes a seat next to her, not taking his eyes off her as she begins to recover. If anything had happened to her – he doesn't even want to consider that possibility. Waiting for her and Ron at the Burrow had been the most excruciating few minutes of his life, not knowing if he would ever see her again, if he'd be able to tell her how much he loved her one more time…
Outwardly, he had maintained a somewhat calm appearance; life repeatedly reinforces to him that showing your emotions makes you vulnerable and as a result it's not something he does often. Inwardly though, inwardly he had been a mess. Selfish though it was, he didn't care about anybody else, simply couldn't spare a prayer for them when Dora was in danger.
"I love you," he tells her now, trying to put everything he feels into those three words, and knowing she'll understand. He doesn't say it often, doesn't want the words to lose their meaning, but after coming so close – much too close – to losing her, he thinks it's warranted.
Remus is startled to see that she's crying. "Dora?"
"S-sorry," she sniffles, "I love you too, so much. It's just – Mad-Eye, I can't believe he's gone. He always seemed so strong, like nothing could ever stop him and now – we didn't even get to say goodbye…" She can't keep talking, overcome by her emotion.
"Shhh," he soothes, pulling her towards him and kissing her forehead, "I know. I know it hurts. It's okay. I'm here…"
She takes several deep breaths and lifts her head from his shoulder to survey him questioningly. "How did you ever do it? How did you ever survive after losing so much –James, Lily, Peter, and then Sirius, all over again?"
"I honestly don't know. But I know that I'm glad I did, I know that it was worth it, because now I've got you, and that's – you – you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. And you and I, we'll be okay."
"How do you know?"
"I don't. I hope, and that has to be enough."
When she's calmed down, he stands up to head to bed, and this time she follows him to their room, stretching and rubbing her eyes.
"At least the night is nearly over. It can't get much worse."
From her perch on the end of their bed, she raises her head to look at him, slightly apprehensive. "I'm pregnant," she reveals, and her smile overshadows the grief that had marked her face mere minutes ago.
"What?"
This is the second time she proves him wrong. This is the worst thing he's ever heard.
Once he's heard her repeat herself and accepts the terrible fact that this is not a nightmare, he stalks back into their room, pacing in agitation, and she doesn't give him a chance to explain, to beg her to get rid of the monster that grows inside her. He's just about to start rambling, to offer her reassuring words about how it won't hurt her in the slightest, and ask her to forgive him for doing this to her when she challenges him with a question.
"I thought you just said that everything will be okay, that we have to keep hoping?"
"Yes, I did," and he had been so sure mere minutes ago, but he isn't sure of anything anymore, he doesn't think this will ever be okay, that he'll ever learn to live with this guilt. How can this have happened?
Written for the Three-part canon competition
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