I know it took me absolutely forever to update this, but my inspiration has only just returned, and now here's a huge chapter to hopefully keep you still interested in this fic? I sure hope so! :)

I was absolutely blown away with the response to the first chapter. Thank you so, so, so much!

And also a huge thank you to Lucy for beta'ing

Enjoy!


She cries to herself the entire flight, keeping her head low and avoiding any looks from fellow passengers. Not that she cares; they can assume what they want about her. All she knows is that each second she's further and further away from the man that she loves with her whole heart, the man who's the father to her unborn child. Not knowing when the next time she'll see him in person physically pains her, to the point where she feels sick.

And then her mind isn't helping, constantly replaying the scene from the airport in some sort of twisted joke against herself. She tells herself that leaving was the right decision, in order to earn her new start over in England. But then she hears Finn begging her to stay and her heart slumps once more, clenching uneasily. While it wants her chance to be on the stage, it also yearns for Finn. Yet the situation they've found themselves in is so convoluted that she doubts her heart is going to get everything it wants, the latter being the most improbable.

Finn loves Maddy, they're together, and even the fact that she's pregnant isn't going to change that. She supposes that's why she didn't tell him, because it's just another distraction from the "perfect marriage" that he and Maddy strive for, and also the fact that admitting it to Finn also means admitting it to herself. Now it's real. She can't ignore it.

She feels sick as the wheels touch the runway, though she's not sure if that's pregnancy or because she told Finn she'd call him. Is he waiting now for her? Wandering when the call is finally going to come? Selfishly, she hopes so.

Her couple of bags feel heavier than ever as she drags them through Heathrow airport, then sets outside to hail down a cab. Not so surprisingly, a small amount of rain drizzles downwards over the grim, gray sky, as if perfectly reflecting her miserable mood. It takes her five minutes to get herself settled in the back of an old cab, the seats worn, but still comfortable. Within the stiff silence, she taps the back of her phone, working up the courage to call Finn, to confront the situation.

But she doesn't want to. She wants to get to her apartment, crawl into bed and stay there for a week. Her emotions muddle into a confused mixture and honestly, she just doesn't know what she's feeling any more.

She doesn't call him straight away.

Or that day for that matter.

As soon as she's in the small, one-bedroomed apartment, exhaustion sweeps over her, and she ends up falling asleep on the couch, tear streaks staining her face.

It's only as the sun peeks through the blinds that she stirs awake, the muscles in her neck sore and twisted from the way she slept. Rubbing them, she groggily gets to her feet and goes to the bathroom. Returning, her cell beckons her its way with loud beeping and she picks it up to find that she has fifteen missed calls from Finn, and a bunch of texts.

Instantly, her stomach plummets, scrolling through the texts which seem to grow in concern with each new one. Feeling incredibly scared of the conversation that's about to take place, she decides she has to call Finn before he worries himself to death.

His phone barely rings for the first time before he's answering with a frantic, "hello? Rachel, is that you? Why didn't you call last night – oh God I've been so worried and - "

"Finn, breathe," she smiles in spite of herself, because his rambling always makes her laugh. Though it means that he's nervous – she is, too. "I'm fine. A little tired, maybe, but fine." She pauses, "I should have called you last night, I'm sorry."

"You had a long day, I understand," he says.

But Rachel doesn't want to pass it off as just that. She knows why she didn't call him, and she feels like she at least owes it to Finn to tell him the truth, especially now. If they're going to be doing this, having a baby together – a thought which still frightens her to the core – then they need to be completely honest with each other. "Actually, I was kind of avoiding you... well, not you but – you know, this conversation."

She sighs, closing her eyes as she waits with shallow breaths for his answer.

"Oh..." he begins, clearly at a loss of words.

"It's scary," she continues, needing to fill the silence with something. "I'm scared." She truly has no idea how the next seven months are going to pan out, but all that she's certain is at the end of them she's going to be a mother, and have someone who is completely and utterly dependent on her.

"I'm scared too," Finn agrees, and she can practically hear him gulp down the phone. "I've never really had a baby before."

The way that he says it, with a small quiver in his voice, but at the same time so lightly, she can tell he's smiling and trying to break the tension between them, makes her smile a little as well. "You're not going to be the one carrying the baby though," she replies, "I hope to god that he or she doesn't inherit your size."

The sound of his laugh puts her more at ease, and it's almost like old times, only they're not joking about a TV show or something trivial. They're joking about a baby – their baby - and she still can't seem to wrap her head around it. She opens her mouth, wanting to ask the question that she's sure is bugging both of their minds. What now? Where do they start? She's in England, and he's in New York, and yet – somehow – they've got to raise a tiny little human being together.

Surprisingly, it's Finn who starts the ball rolling. "So..." he hesitates, searching for the right words, "what're we going to do... about this whole situation?"

"Now that's the hard part," she confesses. Normally she's the person that pretty much always has a solution, and she hates feeling so useless and frightened about all of this.

"We're keeping it then?" he asks, no lack of quiver to his voice. And then she notices how he says 'we' and not 'you', that small fact making her feel that little bit less alone in this. Still, she yearns for that shoulder to cry on, specifically Finn's shoulder.

"Yes – I think... well, it's our baby, Finn. I couldn't send him or her to live with another family, or even... - you know, do that."

He does know, and he's opposed to it, as well. "Then we're having a baby." She can hear him drag in a deep breath, "can I really not convince you to come home? I – I know that you really want this part, but it makes sense for you to be around your friends and family, and when you're like – really pregnant, you're going to need more help and stuff."

"Finn," she begins sadly, knowing that as much as she wants to take the next flight back to New York, she belongs here, at least for now. Going home would just make things worse. And besides, she thinks that she needs to prove to herself that she is as independent as she always made out she is. "I can't." Her eyes close, the thought of "I want to so much" drowning out everything else.

Despite leaving a long pause, no doubt considering asking her again, he relents and says, "the baby will be born over there, then?" And he sounds so sad, so upset that it practically breaks her heart in two.

"I guess so," she nods. "The play will be finished in a few months, but by then I'll be too pregnant to fly so yeah... the baby will be born here."

"Okay," he accepts, though it's clear that he'd rather not. Still, he doesn't want her to quit the play, or at least tell her to do so, and for that she's thankful. Finn, as ever, supports her dreams, even if it means he won't be able to spend as much time with her or the baby as he'd hope. Rachel hears heavy breaths on the other end, her chest feeling tighter than ever. Before she even gets the chance to question it, Finn adds, "I'm so sorry for doing this to you, Rachel."

"Hey, you don - "

"No," he insists, "I totally screwed you over. You're supposed to be my best friend and all I've done is caused you heartache and now we're in this awful situation and I feel so, so guilty – you should completely and utterly hate me, but you forgive me every time."

She frowns, wanting to tell him the words that she'd never hate him, no matter what he does, or says. But audibly, she says, "Finn, stop it. We're not going to spend the next seven months regretting this. We're bringing a child into this world, and all I want from you – my best friend – is to be the amazing father than I know you're capable of being."

It's silent for a few seconds, then Finn's voice returns, stronger. "I promise you that I'm going to do everything I can for him or her, okay? And I'm going to start being the best friend that I should have been months ago." Despite all the fear and confusion, and all the pain she's felt lately, she finds herself smiling. Finn always manages to make her do that.

By the time the call is over, finishing a lengthy discussion about dates when he's going to come down to see her – and the baby, he keeps saying, which again makes her heart flutter. And it's stupid, but she can't help it – she's tired once more, but also hungry.

She makes herself some cereal and switches on the TV. At the back of her mind, she knows that she should be exploring the wonderful City that she's going to be living in for just under a year, but the conversation has taken it out of her. Or perhaps it's the pregnancy, too, and not half an hour later she's curled up on the couch with some TV show that she's never heard of before playing in the background.

As usual, her dreams consist of Finn, the fictional reality where maybe things would've worked out differently between the two.


It takes her a couple of days to get her internet sorted and then the computer, too, so by the time she can finally Skype Blaine and Kurt, she's practically bursting at the seams with excitement (phone calls just aren't the same as seeing someone's reactions and expressions).

As soon as she sees their faces, she's instantly hit with a pang of sadness, missing them so much already, and it's only been four days. Still, the happiness soon returns and she's beaming at them, suddenly bombarded with questions about how she's doing and if she's settling in.

"Everything's good," she says, "I start rehearsals next Monday, so right now I'm just getting my bearings on everything, really."

"I can imagine," Blaine smiles, "it's hard enough moving to another City – but you're in another country."

She laughs, "yeah. I went to the store the other day and I... it's similar, but also so different. And I feel like I stick out, too. You know?" She knows that she probably just feels this way because it's a culture that's alien to her, and she's only just moved. As time goes by, she's sure that she'll adapt.

"You'll be fine," Kurt assures her with a grin, "you're Rachel Berry, remember?"

Beaming his way, she admits, "I miss you both." A pout quickly follows.

"We miss you too!"

"But we're not gonna lie," Kurt interrupts with a sly look, "having the apartment to ourselves is rather wonderful."

"Don't wanna have those images in my mind, thank you very much." she pulls a face, scrunching up her nose in distaste. The pair merely laugh, sharing a knowing glance. "Anyway," she quickly changes the subject, "I actually have some, um - some news for you guys." Though both look slightly confused, they tear their gaze from each other and peer at her through the screen.

She's glad that they can't see her hands wringing together nervously, or that they can't feel the nerves in the pit of her stomach. They do, however, see the flash of worry across her features, Rachel biting at her lower lip anxiously. "Rachel?" She tries to smile, yet it comes out as more of a grimace, further worrying her friends.

Steadying her breath, she forces out the news. "Well, get ready because in seven months you two are going to be Uncles!"

Rachel watches as confusion sweeps over their faces, suddenly followed by realization. Kurt's eyes widen, mouth hanging open. "You're pregnant?!" he screeches, forehead scrunching together, "What? How?" She understands that he's slightly perplexed, seeing she hasn't exactly had an abundance of dates in the past few weeks.

"I think you know how I'm pregnant, Kurt," she says sarcastically.

"But..." Blaine shakes his head, "who's the father?" Her silence gives it away in an instant. "Oh, Rachel – it's Finn, isn't it?"

She feels suddenly light headed, and once again sick. "We didn't mean for this to happen, it just... it did – I'm beginning to think that somebody up there doesn't like me."

Though she's not allowed to dwell on that as she's suddenly bombarded by questions, the most important being, "well, what are you going to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"Rachel, you can't have a baby," Kurt begins, "no offence, sweetie, but you can barely look after yourself."

"Gee, thanks." She knows fully well that she's just using sarcasm to avoid the sinking feeling in her stomach.

He shakes his head, "I just care about you." He then looks to an equally concerned Blaine, "if you have a baby, it's going to be just you –"

"But Finn -"

"Is going to be hundreds of miles away in New York. This is going to be like being a single mother, Rachel. Sure, he'll come every few months, but let's face it – he's not going to be there most of the time... are you sure you're ready for that?" He looks skeptical, "and what about your play?" Rachel feels all her hope over the situation slipping, reality setting in. When she and Finn had discussed the next few months, she'd seemed to have the idea that he'd be there more than he actually would. And now, hearing Kurt's words, she's scared.

Kurt continues, "and babies are hard work, you know that, right? They require attention all the time, and if you're working how are you going to provide that?" He frowns lightly, "honey, I don't think you've thought this through."

"You're right," she breathes out.

"Rach, don't let him scare you," Blaine starts sympathetically.

"No," Rachel tries to keep the panic out of her voice, but fails miserably, "I have no idea what I'm doing." As the tears start to appear, her lower lip wobbles, "I'm in a completely different country, where I don't know a single soul, and now I'm going to have a baby that was never planned, while the father will be in New York playing happy families...oh God – I can't do this. What was I thinking? I'm not ready to be a mother."

This isn't how she expected this to go – Kurt and Blaine were supposed to be happy about becoming Uncles, and then she'd be happy, too. But now it feels as though reality has just kicked her in the gut, painfully so. Her thoughts become a muddled sea, crashing this way and that in her head.

She doesn't hear when Kurt and Blaine try to get her attention, as she's too busy realizing that if she has this baby – no matter how much she or Finn can convince her otherwise – most of the time she'll be facing motherhood completely and utterly alone. It's not like she can call him in the middle of the night for him to come over and help with the baby.

"I can't do this," she repeats, voice filled with nothing but dread.


She steps out of the Theatre Royal completely frustrated and a little embarrassed. It's safe to say that her first rehearsal didn't go as well as she initially thought it would. Now it's just another thing to add stress on the already worn woman.

Her director, Richard, seems to think that her accent isn't up to par, when she knows for a fact that it's perfect. Rachel groans, having no idea how to make it sound "real" enough. Just as she's about to head home and tell Blaine about how blatantly unfair her director is being, a hand falls upon her shoulder.

Jumping, she turns to see George, the man who's playing Bill Sykes. "Oh, hi," she says, slightly dejectedly. She faces him properly, staring up at the man, who isn't that tall, though definitely taller than Blaine. He has a slim face, and thick dark hair, with sharp green eyes.

"You alright, love?" he asks, "you seemed kind of pissed in there." She notes that he doesn't speak like most of the people she's encountered in London.

"I'm fine," she sighs, crossing her arms.

George gives a wry smile, crinkles appearing in the corners of his eyes. "Don't worry about Richard – he's a total perfectionist, and he's only being hard on you because it's the first day."

"He wasn't acting like that to anyone else," she mumbles.

The man shrugs, "well, no. But hey, your accent wasn't the best, let's admit it." She gives him an incredulous look, mouth falling open, "hey, just being honest."

"Why are you here?" she suddenly asks, "other than to insult me."

He frowns. "Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to do that – I was just going to offer to help." Rachel's annoyance melts away. "Look, I moved down here from Manchester years ago, and I had the hardest time learning all the different accents, so I thought that I could give you some techniques to improve yours."

Rachel feels incredibly warmed by the gesture, suddenly smiling herself, "you want to help me?"

"The offer's there," he shrugs, his eyebrows drooping down, "where are you from, anyway?"

"New York," she offers.

"Ah, good ol' New York. You miss it?"

She nods, "so much." Even mentioning it makes her heart yearn for her home.

"It'll get better," he says, voice incredibly sympathetic, "and anyway, London's good, too. I mean, it's no Manchester, but I like it." He grins.

"I sure hope so. All my friends and family are there."

George raises an eyebrow. "So, you're by yourself for now then?" She nods sadly. "Well, if you ever need a guide through the City, or just someone to talk to gimme a call." Rachel watches as he pulls out a business card, handing it over to her.

"Thank you," she gives a genuine smile. She could use all the friends she can get right now, especially ones who may have the answer to her accent problem.


"So, Miss Berry, is this your first ultrasound?" Dr Jameson asks her as Rachel sits in the reclining position.

She nods her head, "I only just found out that I was pregnant a couple of weeks ago, and since then I've had a big move..." She cuts herself short before it turns into a full on ramble, "but I'm excited to see the baby." And she is, really excited actually, despite still being utterly confused and scared about the situation, though she hasn't had the courage to tell Finn that she's not sure if she wants to keep it any more. The pregnancy is only just really starting to sink in, especially when the other day she couldn't button up her jeans properly, and when she finally did, it was a very tight fit.

It's just... strange. She doesn't know how else to describe it. There's a living and breathing person growing inside her, and she isn't sure if she'll ever get used to that feeling.

"Well, this may feel a little chilly. Just sit tight and relax."

Rachel nods, but it's easier said than done. Her whole body feels jittery, and she wishes that someone was here with her to put her at ease. She realizes with a sigh that she wishes that person was Finn.

She lifts her shirt as the Doctor asks, watching as the blue gel is squirted on her stomach. Pulling a face at the cold feel of it, she instead focuses on the probe that the Doctor brings down and over the gel. "Alright, let's have a look at your baby." Sucking in a deep breath, she nods once more, and moves her eyes over the screen as the probe slowly moves over her belly.

And then she sees it.

It's absolutely tiny, and she can make out the shape of the head – even the legs. Suddenly, she's overwhelmed with love for this tiny person, wondering why on earth she's been feeling so scared and nervous about the baby. Before she knows it, there's a lump in her throat and tears brimming in her eyes.

She feels so, so happy, staring at the image of the person that's not even born yet, all anxieties of caring for him or her suddenly gone. "That's my baby," she whispers, ever so fondly.

"You're nine weeks along," Doctor Jameson smiles, "and from the looks of it, the baby is perfectly healthy." Rachel feels her expression, smile and all, brighten. Reaching over to the ultrasound machine, the Doctor types quickly into the keyboard, "and here's the heartbeat." Fresh tears spring upon hearing the fast paced beating of her baby. It's a beautiful sound to her. "Now let me get you some pictures of the ultrasound and your prescription for prenatal vitamins." She removes the probe, cleaning it off. "You'll need to make another appointment for around your sixteenth week, where we'll be able to tell you the sex, if you'd like." With a warm, gently smile, she adds, "but other than that, congratulations."

"Thank you," Rachel responds quietly, yet still full of joy. She's left to clean herself off, taking a few moments to herself to let out the tears, before she finds herself peering fondly down at her stomach. There's no clear bump, as of yet, but it's still early in the pregnancy. For now, she'll be glad that she's not the size of an elephant.

For a brief couple of minutes, she hears Kurt's words in her head again, that doubt soon following, but she pushes them from her mind. For now, she'll enjoy seeing her baby for the first time. Excitement bubbles away at the thought of showing Finn the picture, knowing that he'll think the baby is beautiful, too.


She sits on her couch, watch Ps – I love you for the fourth time that week, and still crying her eyes out as much as she had the first time. Rachel hugs a cushion to her body, resting her chin on the comfortable material as she lets the tears flow. As usual, she finds herself praying that someone will love her like Gerry loves Holly. But sometimes she seriously doubts that.

For some reason men just aren't interested in her. She understands that her passion is a little overwhelming and she's very much a perfectionist, but she's a kind person. And she's not exactly unattractive. Then again, if a man did ever show her an ounce of interest, she wouldn't be able to reciprocate as Finn is still very much is the focus of her affection, and she honestly can't imagine it being any other way. It's sad, she knows, but as long as Finn's in her life, she knows she's going to love him.

The only way for her not to do so would be to not be friends with him – to cut him off. The thought of that makes her feel sick, more so when her hand gently smooths over her minuscule bump, thinking about their baby. She could never do that to him, even if she is once again unsure about what she's going to do when it comes to this whole baby situation.

Just the mention of Finn is her mind makes her heart clench with pain, and she can't help herself as she reaches for her phone, pressing the speed dial to call him. She just needs to hear him voice. That's all she needs. It rings once, twice, and on the third time she finds herself letting out a dejected sigh.

Rachel bites her lip, guessing that maybe it's a sign that she should try to be a little more independent from Finn. She doesn't need to talk to him all the time. But God, she misses everything about him. The way he smiles, the way he holds her so softly as he hugs her, and the way that one look in her direction can make her practically melt with happiness. And she knows it's wrong, but sometimes she just doesn't care – sometimes all she wants to focus on is how good Finn makes her feel and not the fact that he loves another woman. While she's sat there, alone, loving him with all her heart.

She calls again. And then another time. He still doesn't answer.


Rachel gets back late from yet another tiring rehearsal, though she's relieved to hear that her accent has improved, and she puts that down to her "classes" - if you could call them that – with George practically every other day. She's really starting to warm to the man. Sometimes he's a little crude for her taste, but then again he reminds her of one of Finn's friends, but just a British version with a strange love for Doctor Who, though she only knows that it's a TV show about aliens or something.

But, like Noah, he has a side that's caring and just easy to be around. He helps her to forget her worries about the baby, and while she always misses Finn, it's not so prominent in her mind when she spends time with him. It's just nice having a friend when she's so far away from home. He even has a sister – Katie – who offered to take her to lunch and shopping so that she could get to know London that little bit more.

As she steps into her apartment, she instantly drops down with exhaustion, barely noticing as the light on her answering machine blinks away. She forces herself to go to her room, slipping on some loose pajamas (some shorts and a shirt she'd "borrowed" from Finn years ago) before she slips into the kitchen and makes herself a tea. Just when her lips touch the rim of the mug, the phone erupts with noise, Rachel's brows furrowing as she wonders who's calling her at almost one am.

"Hello?" she greets sleepily, curling her legs up on the couch next to her.

"Rach," she suddenly sits up straight upon hearing Finn's voice, instantly awake. It's like he sent a breath of fresh air through her entire body.

"Finn, hi." She then frowns again, "why are you calling?"

"What? I can't call my best friend?" He asks, sounding offended and, if she's correct, a little bit drunk, too.

She sighs, not exactly wanting to deal with a drunk dial, but she can't bring herself to hang up on Finn. "Of course you are. I'm just – it's late where I am..." She then lamely adds, "I called you the other day but you, ah – you didn't call back."

"I'm calling back now," he says softly. "I miss you."

Rachel smiles once more, "I miss you too. I'm counting down the days until you come and see the opening night of my play." But that's weeks away, she reminds herself, and she wants to see Finn now. She wants to feel the warmth of his embrace that wraps so tightly around her that she feels as though she's floating.

Closing her eyes, she lets out a contented sigh. Finn's voice soon carries over it. "Me either." She can practically hear him grinning, "you're gonna be so awesome, Rach. You always are." He pauses, the asks, "so how are rehearsals going?"

To Kurt and Blaine, she'd maybe make a little white lie and say that they're wonderful, and conveniently forget to mention the fact that her director is insisting she improve her accent practically every rehearsal, but this is Finn – she can't do that to him. "Hmmmm."

"That doesn't sound good," he jibes, "what's so bad about it? I thought you were excited about working on the West End."

"I am – and it's amazing and wonderful, but the director keeps complaining about my accent. He says that it doesn't sound convincing enough." She lets out a low grumble. "And it's just frustrating – acting is what I'm supposed be good at."

"Well, then just get better at the accent and then prove to him how good you are."

"It's not that easy," she says pessimistically, "even with my friend helping me, I feel like I'm getting nowhere."

There's a pause, and she frowns as he asks. "Your friend?"

"Yeah, he's called George. He offered to help me, seeing as he had to learn the accent, too." Again, Finn seems at a loss of words. "Finn?"

"I'm er – I'm glad you're making friends. The thought of you being by yourself makes me really sad, you know." At this, Rachel smiles. She likes it when Finn's so caring and thoughtful about her.

"I've actually met a lot of people. The cast are great, and then there are a few of my neighbors that talk to me." She lets out a content sigh. "They make it a little bit easier to be away from home. And, you know, they make it so that I don't have to think about the baby so much..."

"The baby?"

"Yes," she nods, "the baby. I'm so scared about it – about everything." Rachel tries to force back the panic that rises once again at the thought of her future, and whether it'll involve motherhood or not. "I don't know anything about caring for a baby." She nervously plays with the hem of her pajamas. "I've started reading the books, but they only make me even more scared than I was! Finn, are you sure we're doing the right thing?"

His voice shows nothing but shock. "How come you haven't said anything about this before? I thought you wanted to keep the baby."

"I do!" she insists, quickly adding, "but sometimes I don't." She gently rubs at her sore head, "I don't know what I want – I was excited until Kurt started saying how hard it was going to be and then it got me thinking... he's right, Finn. We haven't thought this through at all!"

"Hey, shhh. Calm down," he commands, the soothing tone to his words makes her shoulders feel a little less heavy. "Listen to me, everything is going to be fine. I promise. I'm scared, too. I just – I want to be the perfect Dad to the baby, and I am completely confident that you're going to be the most amazing Mother. I've known you for years. You're the most caring, wonderful and smart person I know, and if anyone can do this, it's you."

"Bu -"

"No," he stops her, "stop doubting yourself. You're better than that, Rach." Despite all her fears and worries, she feels herself smile. "Okay?"

She finds herself nodding, even though he can't see, and she keeps back the tears that are trying to get out. "Okay," she says quietly. She believes him, she really does.


"Oh God, you should have heard it Rachel," Kurt says, eyes brimming excitedly as he shares the news. It's a little strange, seeing as said news is the fight that Finn and Maddy had, and Kurt shouldn't be excited about that, but she's keeping her mouth shut. "I honestly thought she was going to kill him."

"What were they fighting about?" she asks curiously. Like Kurt, she can't help but feel a little happy about the fight. That's her jealously cutting in, but she doesn't care. Maybe a few more fights and the travesty that is their marriage will degrade, leaving a chance for her and Finn again. The chances are minuscule, she knows. There still is a chance though – Rachel holds onto that hope.

"I think it was about you," Blaine supplies, looking a little unsure of whether to tell her.

She blinks, staring at them in confusion. "Me?" she balks.

"Yes," Kurt says, as though it's the most obvious thing in the world. She just sits there, utterly confused. She would've assumed that she would never be mentioned in their home, seeing as Maddy probably hates her. "Finn's been sleeping on the couch for the past few weeks -"

"What?"

"You didn't know?" he quirks his brow.

"No, Finn never mentioned it to me," she gives a small frown, wondering why he never did so, especially considering they call or Skype every other day. The thought of him keeping something from her makes her stomach churn uneasily.

Blaine quickly explains. "Ever since Maddy found out you were pregnant, they've barely been looking at each other." He takes in her expression. "Finn didn't tell you any of this?"

She shakes her head, blinking back tears. He's supposed to tell her everything, no matter what it is. That's why they're best friends, right? There's got to be a reason why he never said anything about it...maybe he's ashamed, or maybe he just doesn't want her to know about the problems between him and Maddy.

"Anyway," Kurt continues, "she's angry, as you can imagine and Finn's... well, he's Finn. He's trying to do the best for everyone, but that means he has to actually think and I'm sure his brain's going to explode at some point." She gives Kurt a dirty look. "Carrying on, they fought yesterday because Maddy basically wants Finn to not be your friend, and obviously he said that's not going to happen. I actually thought he was going to cry when she said it at first."

Rachel feels the sudden urge to fly to New York to wrap Finn up in warm, thick blankets and hug him just at the thought of the man crying. At the same time, she suppressed the rage she feels toward Maddy after hearing that.

"What happened after that?" she asks quietly.

"They screamed a lot, and we heard a few things smash." Blaine shares. "Then Finn stormed out, saying that she doesn't know him at all if she thinks he can just stop being your friend." He nods, "he has a point there – I've only known Finn for a year and even I know that's blatantly clear."

Absorbing the news, she just finds herself nodding again, not really sure what to say. She's happy that Finn refused, of course, but then the confusion returns, and her feelings become a big muddled mess once again.


She sits on the couch, feeling out of place within the large group of people wearing football shirts – well, English football – and screaming at the TV every few seconds. She knew that she shouldn't have agreed to come, but at the same time she really needed to do something other than mope around her apartment. When George had invited her to his place, she'd quickly agreed, missing the part about it being to watch the game that she doesn't understand the rules of entirely with some teams that she's never heard of, and in a room brimming with strangers.

Well, she knows George, and she knows his sister – Katie – but other than that she's by herself.

The couch lowers as George sits down next to her, a can of Carling in his hands. "What's bothering you, love?"

"It's nothing," she sighs, eye flicking back to the TV for a moment.

He frowns, "you feeling homesick or something like that?"

"I'm always feeling homesick," she mumbles, "but I just – I'm confused, I guess." That's a light way of putting it. Still, Rachel doesn't want to scare one of the only friends she has here with the long story of her and Finn's relationship.

"Oh... about what?" He takes a swig of his beer, though keeps his eyes keen on her.

"I'd rather not talk about it," she admits.

George nods, and then shrugs. "Fair enough. Don't let it eat at you though – if you need someone to talk to, I'll listen. And if it's a girl problem, Katie always enjoys a good chin wag." He smirks toward his sister.

Rachel's brows furrow. "A what?"

"Gossip," he supplies, "sorry, I forget that you American's don't know proper English." She pushes him playfully, earning a grin from the man, who then joins in screaming at the TV. Strangely enough, she feels that little bit better, and allows herself to relax more, listening keenly as George tries to explain what's going on in the game.

And though he shouts at her each time she gets the team name wrong, he does it with a smile as well, one that she can't help returning.

"It's Manchester City," he corrects, swatting at her head, "I'm gonna kick you out if you get it wrong again."

She gives a fake gasp. "You can't kick out a pregnant woman!"

"I don't care if you're the fucking Queen - if you say my team's name wrong again, you're outta here!" Rachel just laughs, shaking her head and reclining in the couch. She guesses that this sport is just as big as American football, with the same amount of crazy fans. It's a small comfort to her.


She slowly walks down the street, wrapping her coat more tightly around herself as the cold bites at her skin. In her hand, she carries a couple of bags from her trip to the nearest ASDA, and her fingers feel numb within the icy wind. This is the part of winter that she hates, and it doesn't help that there's been continuous rain for the past couple of weeks. To say it rains a lot here is an understatement.

It's warm as she steps into her building, shaking as much water from her coat as possible before slowly heading upstairs. Even though she's only four months pregnant and not huge by anyone's standards, she still finds herself getting tired by the couple of flights of stairs. She dreads to think what she'll be like during her third trimester.

As she nears the door, she feels her body tense up at the sight of a body sat in front of it. Who in the world could it be? Rachel slows in her steps, eyes wearily moving over the curled up figure, before she notices how familiar the man looks. Upon hearing her making her way toward him, he peers upwards, and a smile springs onto her face. "Finn!"

He jumps onto his feet while she hurries toward him, throwing her arms around the man in a tight hug. She hasn't mentioned to him that she knows about the fight, but right now she doesn't think about that as he literally lifts her off her feet and holds her in his embrace. "What're you doing here?" she asks. Rachel can feel her heart pounding as she takes in the scent of his cologne. Oh, she's missed him being there so much.

She's still in a daze as she lets them inside, Finn explaining that he wanted to surprise her for her birthday and that he's staying for the weekend. She can barely contain her excitement, constantly hugging him and telling him how happy she is. She's so happy, ridiculously happy. Her Finn is with her again, and it's been a good two months since she felt him in her arms.

And somehow they end up sat on her couch, bodies flush against each other. She wants to tell him that if Maddy saw them like this, it'd probably be Finn's head – or both their heads – but she doesn't, because she feels drunk with giddiness at his presence.

Rachel catches him looking to her small bump, almost longingly. She smiles. "Do you want to feel?"

"I – I..."

But she's already taking his large hands and placing them completely over it, her smile growing as awe appears on his face. While the pregnancy has slowly been sinking in for weeks, this is the first time that Finn's actually witnessed a part of it, as everything else has been said over the phone. "That's our baby," he whispers.

"Yeah, it is." Her hands somehow find their way over his, softly grazing the back of his. "How do you feel?"

"I feel... I don't know. Really, really happy, I think." His hands shift ever so slightly. "Seeing it for real is kind of strange, but a good strange." He gives her a smile, not even bothering to hide the way his eyes mist over. "I love this baby so much already..."

"Me too," she agrees, feeling her heart swell. She'd always imagined a moment like this, months ago. Before all the drama, before Maddy, when it was just her and Finn, when she first fell in love with him, and she thought about their children and how Finn be such a wonderful father. And now they're here, Finn's hand oh so delicately holding her, holding their baby, and all she can think about is how she imagined moments just like this. A bittersweet smile tugs at her lips.


"So how've you been?" she asks him as they walk together through the park, both clad in scarves and hats to fight again the bitter cold of the City. She tilts her head up to peer towards Finn, whose nose and ears are pink from the freezing temperatures – Rachel can't help but thinking how adorable he looks.

"I've been okay. Just... getting on with things, you know." He shrugs.

She hesitates, then slowly questions. "And how are you and Maddy?"

Finn gives her a careful look, realization seeping into his hazel eyes. "You know about the argument, huh? I should've known that Kurt would tell you." He then lowers his head, sighing, "Rach, I'd never do that – stop talking to you. Ever."

"I know," she nods. They fall into a temporary silence. "So I take it she's not happy then?"

"She's mad at me more than anyone else," Finn explains, "and she'll calm down soon. I know I screwed up, and I should have been careful. Hell, I shouldn't have even taken advantage of you like that." She opens her mouth to protest but Finn holds a hand up. "But what's happened has happened. I guess I just need to do a lot of groveling."

"Hmmm, I guess so," she agrees, finding her voice a little detached.

Finn's eyes burn at her skin, and she turns to him again, "you wanna go out for dinner? My treat." She finds herself agreeing in an instant, linking arms with Finn as they go and find a restaurant, Rachel wondering if Maddy's ever going to be happy with how the situation turned out. At least she doesn't have to deal with the woman, unlike Finn. She certainly doesn't envy him on that.

After dinner, they walk back to her apartment, Rachel feeling like she's on cloud nine. This is one of the best evenings that she's had in a while, and it's all because Finn's beside her. What is she going to be like when he goes again? Will she miss him even more than she had?

"Thank you for this," she tells him as they slip inside and both change into their pajamas to be as comfortable as possible for watching a couple of movies. She notes once more that Finn keeps looking to her belly, giving small smiles as he does.

"Don't mention it. I'm just making up for lost time," he says, a little sadly. She catches sight of his gaze, heart clenching slightly.

"Finn," she begins softly.

"I wish that you'd have stayed," Finn admits to her, suddenly catching the woman off guard. Sinking into the couch beside him, she suddenly finds her words caught in her throat. "I know that it's selfish because you have your play here, but I – I miss you so much, Rach."

"Well, they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder," she whispers out. She's learned over the past couple of months how painfully true that is.

He reaches out, taking her hand in his and squeezing it. "I hate not being able to come and see you whenever I want."

Rachel sucks in a shaky breath, shivers running up her spine from his touch. "I hate it, too." She lightly shakes her head, "at first I almost couldn't take it. But I guess I had to get used to it, whether I wanted to or not."

"Do you regret coming here?" he startles her with his question again. He didn't ask it with any bitterness to his voice, so he isn't looking for her to say yes. All Finn wants is the truth.

She peers into his eyes, twisting her body so that it's facing his. "No," she confesses with certainty. "Not at all." Finn's expression is unreadable. "It's hard, and I was scared, but this is what I needed." she bites her lower lip, before the words slip out. "As much as it kills me to admit it Finn and believe me – it does – I know that I needed some time away from you, as well."

"Oh."

"I don't mean that to be harsh, Finn." And she doesn't; she just wants to be truthful. "It's just that my feelings would... they'd interfere with everything. With both of our lives, and I couldn't bare dealing with that guilt."

He drags in a breath. "So you still feel...?"

"Yes. I still love you," she admits, trying to keep the strain from her voice at speaking of such things. It's one thing to feel the way she does, but it's a completely different thing to actually confess it to Finn again, especially when it's been months since she first did so. He gives her this look, like that's the answer that he was expecting, yet at the same time a sadness filling his eyes.

Rachel doesn't dare ask him what he feels toward her.

She instead changes the subject, not wanting to be pitied for the way her heart yearns for her married best friend, and she talks about the baby, allowing herself to get excited as Finn does, his hands somehow finding their way to her bump again, caressing it ever so softly. In contrast to moments before, her heart warms and she leans in that little bit closer to Finn, not that he notices.

For only a few seconds, her eyes wander to his lips. All she wants is to close the gap between them and feel his feathery soft kiss on her own lips again, but wanting such is pointless.


Once Finn's gone, she throws herself into rehearsals, using them to hide the fact that most of the time he's the only thing on her mind and when he isn't, it's the baby – a person who is practically half Finn. She just can't get away from him.

Spending so much time at rehearsals helps her to focus on something else, though it never lasts. Weeks pass, and yet her feelings never wane. Her love for Finn constantly beats in time with her heart, ever so prominent in the times when he's not there, but she wishes more than anything that he was. The first time the baby kicks, for example, she yearns to share the joy she feels with Finn, but she can't, because it's the middle of the night where he is.

Thankfully, with opening night approaching, there rehearsals are longer and more grueling, and with the added strain of her pregnancy, she finds herself exhausted. It's a good exhausted, though – almost rewarding; it's proof of how hard she's working. She moved all the way to another country for this play, so it only makes sense that she ought to put her all in the role. Richard, her director, even seems to be impressed with her work ethic, to which she's extremely thankful. This could open more doors for her in the future – she'll need to have a stable career once the baby's born.


The first people to arrive are Kurt and Blaine, the night before the play opens. She feels slightly guilty for leaving them in the apartment while she finishes her last rehearsal, but she just wants to be perfect.

It's late when she returns, finding the pair in a full blown make out session. Letting out a noise close to a squeak, she mumbles, "can you not do that on my couch, please?" At the sound of her voice, they shoot apart, equally embarrassed and flustered, and eager to change the subject.

"We made you some dinner – it's in the microwave," Blaine smiles.

At the mention of food, her stomach growls and she licks her lips. With a quick thank you, she starts to warm up the pasta they'd made, at the same time listening to her friends playfully argue over Blaine's strange love of Disney movies. It feels as though they're back in the apartment in New York, when things had been that little bit easier.

Now she has a tiny apartment – though she's tiny, too, so it's not so bad -, she barely gets a chance to see her best friends, and she's carrying a baby that she didn't plan on having. It's strange how things can change so much in barely over half a year.

Joining Kurt and Blaine on the couch, she hungrily devours her food, listening as the talk about Disney movies soon turns into talk about the play. "I'm so excited for you guys to watch," she begins eagerly, "and then afterwards you can meet the cast. They're all so lovely – oh, the little boy who plays Oliver is the sweetest little thing I've ever met. I just want to take him home with me."

"I think we desperately want to see if you can do the London accent more than anything else," Blaine grins.

"I've had a lot of practice," she pouts, "just you wait and see."

Kurt suddenly frowns, "how do they make you look, well... not pregnant?" She peers down to her bump which – while is surprisingly small for someone who's five months pregnant and carrying Finn Hudson's baby - is still noticeable.

"A lot of good costume design. You can barely notice it," she absently mindedly rubs at her belly.

Blaine suddenly smiles again, wrapping his arm around her, "do we know whether we're having a niece or nephew yet?"

She shakes her head, eyes sparkling with excitement, "I told you. I want it to be a surprise. And besides, it doesn't matter to me or Finn if we're having a boy or a girl."

"But what about planning the nursery?" Kurt gives her an incredulous look. "You can't do that if you don't know what you're having."

"The baby's going to be sleeping in my room for the first few weeks, anyway," she counters, "and then I'll be moving back to New York where he or she can have a perfectly appropriate nursery, happy?"

"Only if I get to help you design it." He smirks, "we all know what your taste is like."

Rachel scoffs, sending a glance to Blaine for support, though he gives a sheepish shrug before saying that he's not getting involved. It's probably a wise move.


The next morning, she's awoken by a knock at the door. Tired from her night spent with Kurt and Blaine before they left for their hotel, she rubs the sleep from her eyes and pads out to the front door. When she opens it, she's surprised to see Finn stood there, a bouquet of flowers blocking most of the view.

"You're here early," she says as she ushers him into the apartment, blushing despite herself when he hands over the flowers. Lilies – her favorite. Sending a huge grin his way, she stands on her toes and slides her arms around his toned body.

"Yeah, we caught an earlier flight down so that I could see you for longer," he breathes against her neck, causing goosebumps to rise on her skin. She holds him tighter, never wanting to let go. Then his words resonate in her mind, and she pulls back.

"We?" she frowns.

He suddenly shifts uncomfortably on his feet, switching his weight from one foot to another. "Yeah, uh..." His eyes find their way to the ground, "me and Maddy."

For a brief moment, her whole body feels numb. Her fingers that are holding his arms tug away, her expression undecipherable. "What?" she whispers out, "why is she here?"

"She wanted to see the play and... uh, she's never been to England before. I thought it'd be a good trip."

Wanted to see the play. Rachel inwardly scoffs, knowing that the only reason Maddy is there is to keep an eye on her husband. She finds herself wondering what happened after the last time Finn came here, just by himself, where all she could think about was kissing him, and having his body close to hers. Kurt and Blaine never said anything, though that doesn't mean that there wasn't another fight. Who knows what goes on in their home? What things are said? Rachel's not sure whether she wants to know.

"Oh," she says, forcing herself to not sound annoyed and pissed that he's done this, especially tonight. "Okay. Where is she now?" She must sound strained, but Finn doesn't pick up on it.

"She's having breakfast with Kurt and Blaine," he says quietly, "I thought that we could go get something... when you're, uh – when you're dressed." He smiles hopefully.

Rachel bites her tongue, hating the fact that Maddy is with her friends. Still, while she's angry at Finn, she simultaneously wants to spent time with him. It's a huge paradox of feelings, and like always, she can't control it. "Yeah, I'll go for a shower now."

"Rachel," he says with a gentle lull to his voice, making her look up at him again, "are you okay? You sound a little..." He doesn't finish the sentence, but she can tell that he knows why she's upset – he's just too scared to say it and admit that he made a mistake in letting Maddy come. She doesn't tell him either; maybe he needs to mull over his actions himself. For a moment she selfishly thinks that he needs to regret his decisions for a little bit longer.

"I'm fine," she insists, "just tired. It's getting harder to sleep with the baby getting bigger."

"How is the baby?" he asks. He always asks. Even yesterday while on the phone the baby had been mentioned time and time again.

Her smile is real this time, "the baby is good. The Doctor says that he or she is a little bit small for their age, but I think that's just down to my genes."

He nods, gives her another hug, and then lets her go for her shower. She tries not to cry at the thought of Maddy being here, because she's going to ruin everything on her big day, but the tears fall anyway. How could Finn let this happen? Does Maddy have that much control over him? Wiping away the last of the tears, she puts on a happy face and joins him outside for breakfast.


Sure enough, it's awkward with Maddy there. She's never spent this much time with the woman before, and it's both intimidating and strange. Not to mention that Maddy keeps sending her dirty looks when Finn isn't looking, and then continues with the fake pretense of being nice when he is.

The play goes off without a hitch, and Rachel finds herself basking in all the sudden attention. By the time she meets her small group of friends backstage, she's exhausted and ready to go to sleep, but they have different plans.

"Come on, we have to go and celebrate!"

"But I'm tired," she pouts, "and I can't drink anyway."

"That doesn't mean that you can't have a good time with us," Blaine smiles from where he's walking beside her, their arms linked.

Finn grins and nods, adding, "and that was too awesome to not go and celebrate." She finds herself blushing, at the same time dodging a glare from Maddy. Her performance was amazing, if she does say so herself. All the weeks of hard work and frustration paid off, and she was completely on cloud nine when people were asking for her autograph. So despite the way Finn's wife is looking at her, she keeps the beam on her face and allows them to lead her to the nearest bar.

"So what was your favorite part?" she can't help asking.

"Well, Kurt cried when you sang "as long as he needs me" so I think that's his," Blaine smirks, looking toward his boyfriend.

"Okay, I may have cried a little," he admits, "but I was very moved."

Blaine nods, "yeah, and your death scene was sad, too."

"How come your character has died in the last two plays you've done?" Finn asks as he takes a sip of his beer, quirking his brow curiously.

"I don't know," she laughs, "it's just chance, Finn." She's suddenly frowns, "anyway, I need to pee. I'll be back in a sec." She slides past Kurt out of the booth, her whole body jumping when Maddy's voice pipes up.

"I'll come with you."

She spins around, her eyes widening slightly. But other than that she tries to keep her reaction as little as possible and instead focus on why the woman wants to spend time with her, just the two of them. It's bad enough when Finn's there to moderate their conversation. "O-okay," she says, throwing a helpless look to Kurt and Blaine, before leading the way.

The awkwardness of the whole situation is deafening, and her fingers idly wring together to just have something to do. She dares a look toward Maddy, trying to decipher her motives. She could just be trying to be nice (Rachel highly doubts that) or she could have something else up her sleeve.

Moving into the small bathroom, Rachel starts to make for one of the stalls when Maddy calls her name. She turns, worry spreading through her eyes. Just as she's poised to speak, the other woman beats her to it. "Let's cut to the chase." She steps closer, leaving mere inches between them, and Rachel peers up toward her, nothing short of intimidated. "You love Finn. I love Finn, but he loves me. Not you. I'm his wife Rachel, and all you're ever going to be is the poor girl that he knocked up."

"Excuse me?" she stares blankly at her.

"Oh, don't play all innocent, Rachel. What? Did you think that if you had his baby then he'd fall madly in love with you and forget all about me?" she lets out a humorless laugh at Rachel's silence, "you did, didn't you?"

She shakes her head. "No. Believe it or not, I respect your relationship and I would never do anything to sabotage it. I wouldn't hurt Finn like that." Rachel conveniently forgets to mention that maybe a little hidden part of her had considered a scenario like what she'd just mentioned.

Maddy glares at her with a darkened expression. "So that time that you kissed and had sex with Finn just... happened by accident?"

"He initiated both of those," Rachel counters, voice dangerously low, and she's not lying. Finn did initiate both – she just didn't want to stop either of them. She observes Maddy's reaction, not sure or not whether she believes her, but she doesn't care. "Look, I'm not saying that I'm not at fault here, either, but it wasn't me just chasing after Finn like some moon eyed school girl – he had feelings for me, too."

"That's completely irrelevant now. He's with me."

"Yes, I'm fully well aware," she suddenly growls, not sure where that tone to her voice comes from, "but guess what? I'm not going to just go away. I'm one of Finn's best friends, and I'm having his baby, even if that completely ruins your delusions of your perfect marriage with him."

"Delusions?"

"Please," she folds her arms across her chest, "I know about the arguments - you told him not to be my friend."

At being caught, her eyes widen slightly, before that sneer returns to her face. "I only did what I had to."

"But it didn't work, did it?" she says, trying her best to repress the smugness from filling her voice.

"No. For some reason Finn likes you – I can't imagine why."

Despite the clearly obvious insult, Rachel suddenly shakes her head. "I'm not going to do this anymore. Maddy, you're just going to have to accept that my child and I are going to be a permanent part of Finn's life. He cares about the both of us, and nothing that you do or say is going to change that. Ever." Jaw locking, she glares up at Maddy, "now if you'll excuse me, I really have to pee." She brushes past her into one of the stall, breathing a sigh of relief when she hears the bathroom door open and close again as Maddy leaves.

For a few moments, she just stands there, letting the conversation run over and over again. She feels her heart pounding, head spinning. Did that really just happen?

By the time she makes it out again, looking a little whiplashed, but she brushes off any questions of concern as she sits down, purposely avoiding Maddy's gaze.


The four leave a couple of days later, after spending a day before shopping – Kurt and Maddy's idea – though it'd left them all exhausted, her mostly. Being pregnant and walking all day isn't fun.

As she walks them through Heathrow, she feels a heavy weight on her, wondering if she should've told Finn about her little run in with Maddy, but all that'd do would cause more tension between the three, and the last thing she needs now is more stress.

She hugs Kurt and Blaine first, kissing them both on the cheeks and telling them that they need to come back again. Though she knows Blaine will be busy for the next few weeks, considering that he's auditioning for a few big productions and is determined to be prepared. "You'll be fine," she tells him, "and remember to call me after your first audition." She squeezes his body once more.

Then Rachel moves over to Finn, standing on her toes to pull him into the tightest of hugs. "Thank you for coming – it really means a lot to me."

"Rach, I'm going to be at every one of your plays," he smiles, "I wouldn't miss it for the world." Then, in the middle of the airport, he sinks down to his knees, kissing her stomach. "Bye baby. Daddy will see you soon."

At this, Rachel laughs when she feels a flutter of movement. "I think the baby heard you," she smiles gently. "He or she is kicking." Finn's hands instantly move to feel each kick, face lighting up as he does.

"I love you so much," he whispers to her stomach, and Rachel gives another smile, but this time sadder.

"Finn, babe, we've got to go," Maddy says, pulling him upwards. Rachel can see the strain in her face as Finn hugs her once more. She breathes in his scent, knowing how much she's going to miss him.


She is once again distracted with the play after they leave, each performance a way to let all her emotions out, which is needed quite a lot. She misses Finn, she misses Kurt and Blaine, and she had a rather emotional phone call with her Dads the other night that made her feel like a five year old girl again and not someone who's about to become a mother.

But as much as she misses her old life, she really does love living in London. The people are different, and she still gets confused over certain words, but others soon enlighten her. By now, she doesn't feel so out of place. The cashier at her local store always smiles at her; she gets invited out with George and his friends, or his sister all the time, and most of the cast invite her to outings, too.

Sometimes it's tiring though. She finishes with the play when she's six months pregnant – somehow still not showing that much – and starts helping out Katie with her child care business to make up some extra money while she's not in work. It's all good practice, as well. The birth looms ever closer with an increase in anticipation and excitement; some fear mixed in, too.

Finn's been extra nice to her lately, and she'd be suspicious if she wasn't enjoying it so much. Their conversations become daily, each one something that she looks forward to. Rachel tells herself not to feel so excited, but it's hard not to. And each time she's talking to him, all she can think about are Maddy's words.


"Seriously, Finn! I woke up and I'm twice the size that I was yesterday. Can babies even have growth spurts this early?" she questions down the phone, at the same time drying the dishes.

"It's good that the baby's big," he answers, "it means that it's healthy."

Rachel pulls a face, her lower back aching slightly. "I know, but it's also heavy, and my feet are swollen and my back keeps hurting." She lets out a sigh, "I'm only seven months pregnant, too. I've still got to grow." She frowns, lowering the dish towel so that she can rub at her belly, where the baby is kicking wildly all of sudden. "What am I going to when I'm too big?"

He's suddenly silent, and she finds herself frowning. "Finn?"

"What about if I helped you?"

"But you're in New York," she states slowly.

"Yeah," he says, "but what if I wasn't...?" He gives a pause, "I could use my vacation time and stay with you for the last few weeks of your pregnancy." She feels breathless, not sure if she could handle mere days with Finn and not want to do something – nevermind weeks. Her silence causes Finn to speak up again, "you need to rest and be comfortable, and I really don't mind helping you out for the end of your pregnancy. That way I can definitely be there when the baby is born."

He has a point there. They'd been discussing the birth a lot, and they'd originally planned for him to fly over a few days before her due date to ensure that he's there, but she supposes this way if she goes into labor earlier then there's nothing to worry about. She really can't imagine the birth without Finn there.

Still, something is troubling her mind, "and Maddy would be okay with that?"

"Well, uh – it's not her decision, is it? It's our decision."

Rachel a smile tugging at her lips. "Well, I guess it would be helpful..."

"But?" he asks, sensing the negative in her sentence.

"Do you really think it's a good idea?" she worries her lower lip. "Just the two of us?"

"I'm sure we can manage a couple of weeks," he breathes, "unless you don't want me there..."

"No, I don't mean it like that," she frowns. At the same time, she doesn't want to tell Finn that she doesn't trust herself to be around him 24/7 for close to a month. If he knew how often she thought about him, he might be wary about this, too, and it could really affect their friendship. She doesn't want that, not at all. "It's just... nevermind."

He hesitates, "so I should come?"

"If you want to, you can," she gives in, not that she gave much of a fight, she knows. "You'll have to sleep on the couch though, since I don't have a spare bed..."

"That's fine. I don't mind at all." Finn's voice is nothing short of excited, and she wishes that she could share it, "we can talk about this later, but Rach, I promise that I'll be the best help ever. And I'll clean up after myself. It'll be just like living by yourself with a super awesome maid plus butler."

Rachel feels herself giggle at that. "Hmm, I can hardly wait."


Slightly reluctantly, she allows Finn into her home a few weeks after (though she also keeps to herself that she's kind of relieved – being thirty-eight weeks pregnant, she's struggling with staying on her feet for a long time) with a bright smile. When she opens the door, one hand rubbing at her lower back, he immediately swoops into action. "From now on you don't have to do a thing, Rach. Just consider me at your every disposal," he begins, probably wanting to make up for all the time he's missed.

She can't blame him really, but he straight away sits her down on the couch, readjusting the pillows behind her back and bringing up her legs so that she's comfortable. "Finn," she starts, daring to move.

"What do you need?" he asks quickly, halting her actions.

"I need to go to the bathroom." She once again swings her legs around.

Instantly, he's helping her onto her feet. "Okay, come on, let's g – oh, sorry. You probably want to do that by yourself, right?" His hands retract from her waist, throat clearing nervously, but all she does is laugh and shake her head as she walks – waddles, who's she kidding – toward the bathroom.

By the time she returns into the small living room, she finds it devoid of Finn, and instead she spies him in the kitchen. Stepping inside, she's instantly hit with the smell of bacon, her mouth watering in a matter of seconds.

Finn spins around, holding a pan of the sizzling meat, to look at her with a bemused expression. "You hungry?"

"Very funny, Finn. You know that I don't eat bacon, or any meat for that matter. Meat is murder," she emphasizes the last word, eyes widening. And she also doesn't mention how she had a burger only two days ago to satiate her growing cravings for the damn stuff.

"Uh huh, then why did you have bacon in your fridge?" he quirks an eyebrow, returning the pan to the stove as she starts making herself a tea.

She rolls her eyes. "It's not mine. George left it here – I make him bring all his own meat since I refuse to contribute to that awful industry." She then shrugs, unable to see the slight panic that flashes across Finn's face as she fills her mug with steaming hot water. "He must've just forgotten to take it home," she adds.

Finn watches as she strains the tea bag, his eyes burning a hole in her cheek. She pretends that she doesn't notice, and instead finishes her drink with some milk, picking up the mug. "I'm going in the living room," she says, her voice suddenly becoming nervous and unsure, "I'll see you in there." Rachel manages a tentative smile, before heading and making herself comfortable – or as comfortable as possible – on the smaller couch.

It's not long before Finn joins her, the smell of bacon instantly setting her cravings off again, not that she lets him know, and the pair share a smile as he places himself on the couch adjacent. "So what're we watching?"

"Whatever," she says, "there's not much on a Friday night, really. I mean, Eastenders is on in a little while, but until then you can decide." she holds out the remote for him.

"Eastenders?" he asks as he takes it from her, eyebrow rising.

She gives a small chuckle, "it's this soap opera. I watched a couple of episodes and got hooked." Finn only nods, taking a greedy bite of his bacon, while she tries to keep her jealousy at bay. He begins searching through the channels, occasionally giving her a sweet smile, one which she quickly returns. And it's just like old times, only her hands gently rubbing her bump remind her that it isn't – everything is different now, even if she tries to convince herself otherwise.


For a few days, they live in a bubble, just the two – well, three – of them, away from the rest of the world (that is when Finn isn't talking to Maddy or her Kurt and Blaine). And she's fine with that. She's always been good at pretending that things are different than what they really are; she did so all the way through high school, and she did it when she realized her true feelings for Finn. Why should this be any different?

Only, that day, Finn decides to drop a huge bombshell on her, without any prior warning, and doing so to a severely hormonal pregnant woman isn't the best idea, anyway, so she's not exactly responsible for her actions – which consisted of throwing the remote at him, and then his shoe, before storming into her room.

"Rach, I don't understand what I did wrong," he calls innocently through the door, of which he's been sitting at for the past twenty minutes while she seethes on the bed, "please come out."

She scoffs. "You asked me if your wife could be at the birth of my child!" Rachel shakes her head, "do you know how inappropriate that is, Finn?" The anger begins to rise once more, as well as the utter disbelief. She knows that Finn can be a little, well… Finn sometimes, but how could he not realize that there is no way in hell she's letting Maddy near her when she's giving birth?

"I just... I thought -"

"Well stop thinking!" she screeches from the other side, so loud and shrill that he jumps back slightly.

"Rachel," he says, voice obviously pained, "I'm sorry."

At the tone to his words, she feels her expression soften again. She just can't stay mad at him, especially not when these couple of weeks are supposed to be stress free and relaxing. If she's spending the next few days avoiding Finn, it's certainly going to be the opposite of those things. Ever so slowly, she lifts herself to her feet, and makes her way to the door.

Opening it with a click, she peers down over her bump to see Finn sat cross legged on the floor. He in turn glances upwards with apologetic eyes. "Hi," he says softly, daring the tiniest of smiles – it melts away her armor in an instant.

Still, she says, "I think we need to talk."

"Talk," he asks, "or shout?"

"I've got all the shouting out of my system," she says coolly, leading him to the couch, where she primly sits down. Her hands subconsciously find their way to her bump, where her baby apparently wants to join in the talk by the amount they're kicking and moving. "But we do need to talk."

He nods, as though having waited for this moment. It's silent as he sits himself down, too, their eyes meeting across the small space, and he just looks so sorry all of a sudden. Her heart clenches tightly, and she wants to reach out and take his hand, but she doesn't. Finn lets out a long sigh, "you don't like Maddy, do you?"

Rachel blinks, never having expected that to come from Finn. Just with the mention of the woman's name, she feels that resentment rising up, dominating over every rational thought in her head. "No, I don't," she says honestly.

Finn sucks in a deep breath, and she knows that that's the answer he was expecting. "She doesn't like you either."

She nods, "I gathered." He tilts his head, seemingly a little shocked that she knew. "Finn, I'm the girl who you kissed and had sex with while you were dating her, and now I'm having your baby. Of course she doesn't like me."

"I wanted you guys to get along so much," he admits, "especially at the beginning. I mean, she's great, Rach, she really is" - at this Rachel lowers her gaze, not wanting to hear it - "but you don't get to see all the good things about her." She bites her lip, starting to wonder if there are any good things about Maddy. "And she doesn't see all the amazing things about you, either." Finn shrugs uselessly, "I thought that if she was there when the baby was born... you'd like – bond or something."

"Finn, when I'm giving birth to the baby, the last thing I want to be doing is bonding, especially with Maddy." He notes how she says the name with distaste, eyes dropping sadly. But she's at the point where she couldn't care less about the woman, and any time spent on her is truly wasted.

"It was kind of a stupid idea, huh?"

She doesn't want to flat out say yes, but she finds her head nodding anyway. "Your heart was in the right place. But – Maddy and I... we're never going to be friends Finn. You need to accept that, because if you can't it's just going to make this whole situation harder. And I think we can both agree that it's already hard enough."

When Finn finally lifts his gaze once more, their eyes lock in a sad knowing that their friendship is suddenly more twisted and convoluted, and just...difficult than ever before. And it scares both of them that they don't know what the future holds.

"Yeah, I know," Finn gives a resigned sigh, before he lamely adds, "I only wanted to help. I mean, we're raising a baby together, and when the baby's with me, she's going to be there, too. She'll be their step-mom, Rach."

"I'm aware," she says tensely.

"Are you okay with that?"

No, she isn't. Not at all. "I'm going to have to be, aren't I?"

He blinks, "what does that mean?"

Rachel gives a sigh, crossing her arms over her chest. "It doesn't matter," she shakes her head.

"Of course it matters," he starts slowly, carefully.

"No it doesn't!" She doesn't intend for it to be so harsh, yet she's at the point where she couldn't care less. "It doesn't matter – I don't matter, do I Finn? It's all Maddy this and Maddy that!" She stands up, a growling noise escaping her, "I am so sick of having to share things with her. First you, then Kurt and Blaine, and guess what, now I get to share my baby with her." Her features crumple as she resists the strong urge to sob, "the baby that I've only spent eight and a half months nurturing and loving, and the baby that is the only thing I have because you – my supposed best friend – left me."

"Rach, that's crazy." He's on his feet too, looking slightly intimidated by the upset, pregnant woman in front of him, "you came here. You wanted to do the play.."

She shakes her head furiously, blinking away the tears, "No, before that." Finn holds his hands up in confusion, mouth agape. "You met Maddy and then I just fell to the sideline, didn't I?"

Finn frowns, "you know that's not true."

"Yes, it is," she cries, "I love you so much and all it's brought me is heartache." She steps backwards, eyes glistening with tears, "and I thought that having this baby would change things." All Finn can do is watch as she moves further away from him, hand reaching out for hers uselessly.

"Rach..." he calls.

"I was having this baby in hopes that it would bring us together," she admits, "and I didn't care what people said to me. My friends... my family – because you... you said you'd be there for me, and I convinced myself that it meant more than actually it did." Rachel laughs bitterly to herself, "I always convince myself that it means more."

At a loss of words, he opens and closes his mouth, hoping - praying – that the right ones will find their way out. They don't.

Nevertheless, Rachel continues, each breath shaky. "But I'm having this baby for me now." Her eyes meet his, a sudden strength reaching the dark brown orbs. "Because I'm sick of being so lonely and sad, but most of all I'm sick of being your second choice." She points her finger at him, "I will always be your second choice – to her."

Sniffling lightly, she bites her trembling lip and shakes her head, "but I'm not going to be the second choice to my baby, Finn. I'm going to be the one that they go to for everything and anything, because I'll do everything in my power to fix it, no matter what. And I know it's selfish of me, but I don't want her being a part of it. There - I said it." His brows furrow together, a protest at the ready, but Rachel beats him to it. "And I know I'm not going to get what I want -" When does she ever get what she wants? - "because she's your wife. But I just think you ought to know where I stand on the matter, so that you won't try and make us bond again."

Finn looks as though he could cry, while simultaneously nursing a slap to the face, and Rachel – despite her words and her anger – still wants to hug him and make him just that little happier, but she doesn't. She hardens her expression, pushes down the lump in her throat and says. "I'm sorry." Then she returns to her room without another word, unable to not send a lingering look over her shoulder at Finn, who in turn watches her with the same upset expression.

She hears him return her words as her bedroom door slowly closes, and she spends the next half hour leaning against it, crying her heart out.


The next few days are practically hell. She hates the way that they barely speak a word to each other, and any looks shared between the pair are usually gut wrenching and painful. It's just as bad as the days following their argument about their feelings, after she accidentally and indirectly told him that she loves him. Maybe this time it's even worse.

She just doesn't know what to do – should she talk to him? Oh, but then they'll just argue again. Rachel hates arguing with him; more than anything. But the words had just come out, and each one was the truth, needing to be said. And in a way, she's glad she did say it, so that now maybe he'll realize that trying to force her and Maddy together has never been a good idea. At least now he won't dare try again.

It's late when he gets back from the store, his shirt a little wet. When she looks to him questioningly, he mumbles something about rain and then heads into the tiny kitchen. She follows. Feeling her presence behind him, he slowly turns on his heel and finds her with her hand gently rubbing at her sore back. "What do you want for dinner?"

Rachel shrugs, "whatever you want is fine."

He nods. "Go sit down. I'll make you a tea – just stay off your feet."

"Finn," she manages her first real smile in days, "I can make myself tea."

"I know you can. But I just want you to relax," he says, urging her with her voice. "I'm supposed to be here to help you, remember?" Looking up to him, she finds her eyes meeting his, where he seems to be pleading with her, as though he needs to make it up to her, in a way he does. She's not sure that a cup of tea will do it, but she guesses it's a start.

With a slight nod of her head, she slowly walks through to the living room, before spinning around. "Only a little bit of milk!" she calls through to him. He doesn't respond, but a few minutes later he walks up next to her, slipping the mug on the small table beside the couch.

Rachel smiles at him, feeling a tug at her heart as he hesitantly returns it. Then just as quickly he's hiding out in the kitchen again, leaving her to subtly look his way, torturing herself with each glance toward Finn. She wants things to be easy again.


By the fifth day of the awkward conversations, neither sure what to say in fear of touching a nerve and sparking an argument, she's relieved when George shows up on her doorstep. "Mind if I join you for a bit? Katie's having a girls' night and I need to get away before my testosterone levels fall dangerously low." He greets, opening the door wider and letting himself in. Rachel couldn't be happier to see him.

"Okay but you can't stay over," she explains, "Finn's using the couch tonight."

"That's okay," he shrugs off his jacket, sending a small nod in Finn's direction. "I just came here for the beer that I left last week anyway."

She rolls her eyes, "and here I was thinking you wanted to check up on me."

"That too," he grins in her direction, finally pulling her in for a hug, "you're too big for this, love." He chuckles, peering down to her huge bump, "It really isn't comfy at all."

"Thanks," she drawls sarcastically, adding, "just be quiet and go get your beer."

"Gladly."

Watching him saunter off into the kitchen, she finds herself smiling – she's really needed something to break the tension, as the daily walks and trips out aren't enough because her and Finn always end up sitting awkwardly in the living room, both wanting to say something, but biting their tongue and remaining silent.

"Hey, where's my beer?" George exclaims, popping his head around the doorway, before joking, "it's not good for the baby, you know."

"I drank it," Finn speaks for the first time in a couple of hours, "sorry – I didn't know it was yours... I'll go get some more." He barely mutters a 'bye' to Rachel before he's out of the small apartment, leaving George to point his eyebrow upwards.

She sighs, dropping herself to the couch. "Trouble in paradise, hmmm?" Her head hangs – 'trouble' is definitely a light way of putting it.

"You have no idea," Rachel mumbles.

"Need someone to talk to?" he asks genuinely, lowering himself beside her. He tilts his head to the side as he watches her let out a long sigh.

"What I need," she begins, "is a time machine to go back and warn myself never to fall in love with Finn."

"The last time someone messed with time, every era molded into one and the Silence almost killed the Doctor." She gives him the side-eye. "Sorry, wrong time for a Doctor who reference." He holds his hands up apologetically, "but seriously, Rachel? You can tell me – I'll stop being a prat and listen to you."

Rachel frowns deeply, "where do I even begin?" He knows about Maddy and her feelings toward the woman, but he doesn't know the entire story of her and Finn, and she wonders how to size down the story with it still making sense – also with it not making her seem as much as the bad guy as she feels sometimes.

He gives her a plain look. "The beginning is usually the best place to start..."

"You're such a pain in the ass," she glares, not really one for using crass language, but George brings it out in her – he's a bad influence.

And anyway, it doesn't bother him. "Ah, but I'm your pain in the arse." He taps her nose, sending a huge grin her way, "now finish your story before Finn lumbers his way back here. Actually, lemme go and get some popcorn, this shit is always good." At his joke, she sends a nudge into his side, before delving into Finn's proposal of Maddy being at the birth, much to George's amusement. She's reassured when he sides with her on the whole argument, but she supposes that's because her story is probably biased. And George is wiser than to disagree with an extremely pregnant woman, anyway.


It's Finn who cracks first, though she's knows that she's on the verge of going crazy from it being so tense all the time, and also knowing that fact that Finn is upset with her. She hates that feeling.

He corners her in her bedroom, a look of determination soaked into his features, as he says her name boldly. She looks up from where she's folding her laundry, knowing exactly what's coming. "Can we talk?"

"Uh, yeah," she tries to act casual, but those words always make her worried.

Finn eyes her bump, then points to the bed, "sit down." They both move in unison, and the bed sinks under their weight. Once comfortable, he gently reaches out and takes her hand, Rachel internally giddy at the first real and sincere contact they've had in days. And she hates that she's so happy that Finn is holding her hand - how something so simple can make her want to throw herself in his arms and forgive him for everything, but she shouldn't, she can't, because she should still be mad at him.

"We can't keep this up," he starts, eyes boring into hers seriously, "it's been a week, Rach."

"I know," she sighs, "and not talking to each other sucks." Dropping her gaze, she stares at their connected hands, and she doesn't fight the smile that forms on her lips. She should, but she doesn't.

He nods his head in agreement, "it does. And we can't be like this when the baby comes – we're supposed to be a team, right?"

"Right. A team."

He hesitates, "and as much as you don't want it, Maddy will be part of that." Silence. "I'm sorry, Rach, I really hate that it makes you feel like this, but I can't exactly not let my wife bond with my baby." Finn looks toward her, pleading for her to understand, and she does, but that doesn't mean that she has to like it.

"I know that," she says quietly, "when I said those things, I was angry and emotional, and I was being completely selfish."

"Rach, you weren't." She opens her mouth to protest, before he gently places his finger over his lips, effectively silencing her, "listen to you – you have every right to feel the way that you do, but it's just that...I have to figure out something that's right for everybody. For you, the baby, and Maddy, and it's so hard Rachel." He sighs, "I do one thing and then she's mad, or I do the other and you're mad – and I just never really know how to make things right anymore."

She squeezes his hand sympathetically, "well, I'm willing to be civil with her, for the sake of the baby – and for you, too." Then a sinking feeling washes over her, as she realizes that – despite hating the idea – Maddy will be her baby's step-mother, and it'd make Rachel a pretty awful person to deny that to her, and no doubt it'd cause quite the rift between her and Finn.

"And," she starts quietly, "as long as I know she's going to be just as dedicated to the baby as we are, I suppose I can accept it."

"She will," Finn nods eagerly, "Rach, she'll be amazing – just as good as you are." He gives a shy half smile, "and I'll try my best to keep up with the both of you, I promise."

Though it's not her ideal outcome – yet she's aware her ideal one is also highly unrealistic – she feels herself nod and move into Finn's awaiting embrace, just as the baby starts kicking wildly. As she winces, he looks down in fear. "What's wrong? Is the baby okay?" His hands instantly find themselves over the bump, feeling at the ripples of movement, awe melting through the panic on his expression.

"The baby is just kicking like there's no tomorrow," she laughs, "don't worry, it's normal."

"It feels really awesome," he breathes.

"For you," Rachel grumbles light-heartedly, "it feels like someone is beating my insides." Finn's fingers soon slip gently from her bump to continue the hug, where Rachel ends up snuggled in the crook of his arm by no choice of her own. As usual, she's content to be held by Finn, yet this time the embrace leaves her feeling that persistent sadness, because all she can think about is Finn and Maddy, with her baby, while she's all alone.


"Do they sell oreos?" he asks worriedly.

"Yes, Finn," she sighs, pushing the cart through the busy aisle, "they sell oreos. They actually sell a lot of stuff that we have in the states." She notes his scanning every shelf thoroughly, "but we're on the canned foods section, so they're not going to be here." She shakes her head, and looks down to consult her list again.

Barely a second later, he asks, "what about sour patch kids? Do they have those?"

"Yes," she says with an exasperated tone. "Now stop asking me and get some canned peaches – Katie gave me this peach cobbler recipe that I've been dying to try." He reaches to the top shelf for her, pulling down a couple of cans, while Rachel tries to ignore the ache in her lower back at having been stood up for the past hour. "Thank you," she says curtly as he drops them into the cart. "Looks like you're finally useful for something," she turns away from him with a sly look on her face, just barely seeing his mock indignation from the corner of her eye.

"Fine, I'll just go then," he jokes.

"Stay right there, Hudson." She orders, while at the same time knowing he's not going to leave her in the middle of a grocery store while she's almost nine months pregnant. They'd had a good ten minute argument about her even going in the first place, though she'd won when they both realized he'd probably get lost on the journey.

As he walks back, peering over her shoulder at her, she suddenly says, "oh! I forgot pasta. Will you go get some for me?" she asks sweetly.

He sighs, "where is it?"

"The aisle we've just been on," she tells him, pointing him in the right direction. She watches as he heads off, then her eyes return to the list where she's thankful to see they only have a few things left, as she's more than ready to get home and relax. Rachel gives a small groan of annoyance as the baby starts kicking again – something which she really doesn't need right now – and she gently rubs at her bump. "You are so grounded when you get out of there," she mumbles, hoping that it will soon calm down.

But a particularly hard kick forces her to stop moving, hissing in pain. And then another one hits, and she feels as though she's just peed herself, but when she looks downwards, she realizes what's happened. For a few seconds, all she can do is stare, because there is no way that she's going into labor while in the middle of grocery shopping, and she blinks a couple of times until a hand falls on her shoulder.

"Rach?" Finn questions, his voice laced with concern. He soon follows her stare, frowning, "What the -"

"Finn..."she cuts across, "Finn, my waters just broke."

His eyes widen, moving from her face, to the floor, and then back again. "Are you sure?" he speaks out in shock.

"Yes, I'm sure!" she hisses, a sharp pain suddenly striking in her lower body. But just as quickly as it's there, it's gone, leaving her looking at a dumbfound Finn.

He points to the floor. "That's your waters...because you're having the baby – my baby." Finn gives a dopey, not all there smile, "we're having a baby."

She suddenly reaches for his hand, "come on, you need to drive me to the hospital." Just as she's dragging him out, she hears him faintly mumble, "clean-up on aisle ten," and she ignores the urge to face palm, not all that sure whether she should be trusting Finn with the task of driving.


Sixteen hours of Rachel screaming and Finn sitting there feeling completely useless, trying to say soothing things to her – that only seem to anger the woman further – their son is born. She watches as he's lifted, kicking and screaming onto her chest, and instantly her hands hold onto the tiny little thing.

People are talking to her, but it's as though they're talking to her while she's underwater; she can barely make any of it out as she only stares toward her baby. He's not too big, and he's not too small. He's perfect, with a full head of dark hair and the tiniest little fingers. "Hey there," she whispers, only able to manage that after so many hours of shouting at Finn and the nurses. "You're my little baby boy... oh, you're so cute."

She feels someone kiss her forehead, and peers up to see Finn staring down at the baby, too. His hand squeezes hers tightly, while she tiredly leans her head against him. She's so exhausted, but she wants to stay awake and just hold her son for hours on end.

She reluctantly lets the nurse take the baby from her arms, insisting on watching him the entire time. "He's so beautiful," she says to Finn, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"He's perfect, Rach," he grins, gently pulling her in for a hug. She's still slightly in pain, but the happiness from seeing the baby overcomes that, and she barely notices. "We don't have a name for him," Finn says.

Rachel frowns, seeing as the last name discussion hadn't ended up too well, but now at least they know they need a boy name. "What about..." Finn starts, "Austin?" She pulls a face, "Michael?" Rachel shakes her head once more.

She then hesitates, "I know this might be a little cheesy, but since doing the play, I've been thinking about the name Oliver... I like that one."

"Oliver," he repeats, staring toward their son who's being cleaned off and placed in a blanket. "Oliver Berry."

"Oliver Hudson," she corrects. Finn gives her a surprised look, "what? It sounds better." Once again, he leans closer to her, lips gently pressing against her forehead; though this time she feels them lingering for longer. Her smile grows.

As soon as Oliver is returned to Rachel's arms, she's beaming once more, her whole heart brimming with love for the tiny baby in her hold.


Rachel lets out a loud groan as she hears cries yet again. Her unfocused eyes can't make out the time on the clock, but she knows it's early, and she also knows that she's exhausted. But that doesn't make a difference to her three day old son who cries out from his crib like there's no tomorrow. She slowly makes her way over to him, delicately removing him from where he lays – sometimes she still gets a little frightened, holding him as though he's made of glass. It's just that he's so tiny and fragile.

"What's the matter?" she mumbles to him, holding Oliver to her chest, where his cries only die down a little.

She sighs, placing him on the bed so that she can check his diaper. Clean. And she knows she only fed him a little while ago, so he can't be hungry again, so what does he want? Lying back in bed, she carefully holds him in her arms, rocking him in soothing motions like she'd read in all the books. Still nothing.

"Oliver, please," she begs, eyes closing, "just go to sleep." He doesn't. He barely even takes a break from crying – only to drag in the occasional breath.

"Hey." She peers up to see Finn standing in the door, looking adorably tired in his messy sleep shirt and shorts, but he still smiles her way, padding over to the bed. "He okay?"

"He won't stop," she cries out, "am I doing something wrong?" Rachel worries her lower lip, peering down to her screeching son. "Maybe I'm not cut out to be a Mother. Maybe this was all a horrible mistake and he's going to grow up resenting me an -"

"Rach, I mean this is the nicest way possible, but shut up." His lips tug upwards, "you're a great Mom, but right now you're tired and stressed, and he can tell." Finn reaches forward, slipping his fingers under Oliver to slowly bring him to his arms. He whispers calming things to the baby, brushing his fingers delicately through the baby soft hair. Finn then hears himself humming a gentle melody, smiling as he watches Oliver's eyes begin to droop, and not before long he's fast asleep in Finn's arms.

Beside him, Rachel breathes a sigh of relief, letting her head fall against his shoulder. Her eyes never leave her sleeping baby, "he's so beautiful."

"Hmm, he gets that from his Mom," Finn smiles. He doesn't notice the blush that reaches her cheeks, as he too is intent on his son. "Do you want me to put him back in the crib?"

"Stay here for a little longer," she whispers, content in just being so close to Finn. She knows this, and so does he. The wise thing for him to do would be for Finn to go back to the couch where he sleeps, because they're both aware of their feelings – the same ones that sometimes neither have any control over. But despite knowing that something could happen, and he could easily prevent it by leaving, he gives her a small smile, unable to say no.

"Okay."

There are a few minutes of blissful silence, before his voice sounds again. "And for the record, Rach – that argument we had a few days ago... you've never been my second choice. You know that, right?" He moves his free arm so that it's secure around her shoulder, squeezing it lightly, and Rachel peers up to him. His soft hazel eyes look to her expectantly.

"Yeah," she whispers, though she doesn't believe him. She wants to, but she just can't. Still, she drops her head against his chest, trying not to think about that.


"You wanna see Uncle Blaine again?" she talks to Oliver, lifting him up so that he can see Blaine's smiling face on the screen.

"Rach, you're doing your baby voice again." He laughs.

She gives a small huff, "I can't help it. He's just so darn cute and I always end up talking like this to him." Cradling his head gently, she snuggles her son to her chest, smiling as he wiggles his fingers, watching them intently.

"So you're liking being a new Mom then?" he asks.

"I love it," Rachel beams, "it's scary, obviously – everything is so new to me, and I don't remember the last time I had a good night's sleep, but... it's also so rewarding." Another glance is cast down to her baby, still distracted with his hands, "and I just want to show him off to the world."

"That's great," he smiles, eyes drifting down to Oliver, "it's nice to see you so happy." Upon hearing this, a frown slips into her expression, and he's quick to explain. "Oh no, it's just that the past few months you've been so hung up on Finn and that whole débâcle, but now you seem a lot happier. That could just be your new mother glow though." He smiles sweetly. Ever the charmer.

But she finds herself slightly taken-aback, having not even thought of that. Did she appear miserable before – she always thought that she hid any of those sad feelings away the moment she felt them. Apparently not.

She once again finds her eyes drawn downwards. "I just love him so much," she admits, "more than anything." That's why she feels like this, because she's finally got someone who she can love, that will love her just as much back. Grinning, she presses a chaste kiss to his forehead, his eyes following her every moment.

"I can't wait to see him in person," Blaine begins, "the pictures are adorable, but it's just not the same. I really wish Kurt and I could come down to see you – we're just both so busy with work."

"It's alright. We've been so busy anyway. My Dads were here for a few days, so they could be there while Oliver got circumcised – I still can't believe Finn passed out in the middle of that."

"He what?" Blaine's eyes glint with amusement.

"Oh yeah – as soon as he saw the blood he was down."

Blaine purses his lip in thought, "never would've imagined Finn to be squeamish."

"Me either," she admits, "though I should have suspected something, since he was looking pretty light headed when I was giving birth – I just thought it was nerves. I mean, he was about to become a father." They share a laugh, though it's interrupted as Oliver squirms in her arms, "what's wrong, baby?" she coos, finger ticking his belly. At his light squealing noise, she chuckles, "you're such a cutie."

"Rach, baby voice," Blaine sighs simply, though he's still smiling.

"I can talk to my son however I like," she pouts, jumping a little as the front door opens and in walks Finn.

"Hey, I got the milk," he greets her, glancing at the screen to see who it is. "Hi Blaine," he sends a small wave, before slipping his arm around Rachel in a small hug. "You want me to take him?" But he's already got hold of Oliver before she can reply. She watches him take a seat on the couch while talking to the baby, unable to keep the smile from her face.

When she turns back to the screen, she finds Blaine looking at her with a curious expression, though he doesn't say anything. Instead, he asks, "so are you excited about coming home? How long is it now? A few weeks?"

"Five weeks," she nods, giving a sad smile. She's excited to go back, of course. New York is her home, and her friends and family will be close to her once again, but she knows that she's going to miss the little life she made for herself here. It's almost been eight months here, and she has good friends here, too. Not only that, but she moving here was her proving to herself that she could do things on her own – and okay, her feelings for Finn are still there, yet now she doesn't feel like she can't survive the night without him just a ten minute walk away.

"It's going to be good to have you back," he grins with excitement, "we've all missed you. And hey, you can come and see me on opening night of The book of Mormon."

"I can't wait." She beams, genuinely excited for that. She's happy for Blaine, and any excuse to catch a Broadway play is a good one. "And my Dads will probably be happy to babysit for the night."

"Hey, I wanna babysit!" he pouts, "I love kids."

"Be my guest," Rachel laughs, "it'd be nice to get nap without getting interrupted by someone wanting to suck on my boob."

Blaine pulls a face, "didn't want to hear that Rach."

"Seriously Blaine," she ignores his protests, "it's every couple of hours. He must drink his own body weight in milk every day – no guesses as to whose appetite he's got." She smirks Finn's way, narrowly avoiding the cushion that's thrown her way.

"Still don't want to hear about it."

"Well, when I get back you're going to have to get used to it," she shrugs. Rachel is distracted again by Oliver's small whines, which she hears from all the way across the room. "Is he okay?" she asks worriedly.

"I think all this talk of your boobs has made him hungry," Finn laughs, wincing a little when the whines turn into cries, his face going red. She gives Blaine an apologetic look as Finn carries over the baby, gently taking him from Finn. Placing her finger in between his lips, she watches as he sucks, before realizing that there's no milk coming from it, and the cries erupt once more. "Definitely hungry," Finn nods. "Go sit down and I'll entertain Blaine," he grins.

"Alright." She blows a kiss to the webcam, "see you in a few Blaine. Mr Greedyguts calls."


"Ooh, look at his little fingers," Katie coos as she holds Oliver, "you're just the cutest thing I've ever seen." As though he knows exactly what she's saying, his face lights up with a smile, dimples growing on his cheeks.

Rachel smiles, too. She'll never get tired of people telling her how cute her baby is. He really is adorable, but she may be a little biased. He's passed around the cast (who'd met for lunch as an excuse for them all to meet Oliver), basking in the attention and putting on a show for everyone with his little baby noises – he inherited her desire to perform, obviously – and his charming smile – that, he's inherited from Finn.

"How old is he now?" Hanna asks, grinning down at him.

"Um, almost three weeks now," she announces proudly, though it's strange how it feels like only days since she brought him home from the hospital. She keeps her eyes close to him, still drowned with a hyper - protectiveness for her baby and wanting to know where he is every second that passes.

"They grow up so fast," the woman replies, with a knowing smile, "my daughter is four now, and I can hardly believe it."

She gives a sheepish look, "I kind of wish that he could stay my baby forever."

Talks move from Oliver to the lives of her friends, such as Scott's new boyfriend, Hannah's new play and Leanne's neighbor troubles. She eventually gets hold of Oliver again, cuddling her baby against her chest where his eyes soon start to droop, no doubt tired from all the attention he's been getting.

A couple of hours later, just as they're saying their goodbyes and she's putting Oliver in the stroller, Richard steps up to her. "Hey Rachel," he begins, "you mind if I have a word?"

She looks up, a little confused as to what he could possibly want to say to her, yet she still nods. Peering to George, he seems to read her mind. "I'll keep an eye on him. Go on." With a grateful smile, she follows her director to a quieter spot outside.


"I'm going to miss you both so much," he says while they make their way through the airport, Finn juggling his bags. All she has to deal with is the stroller, though by the face that Oliver's making, she suspects he's hungry, and she's hoping that he's not about to scream like there's no tomorrow in the middle of such a busy place.

"We'll miss you too," she replies. Rachel doesn't want to say goodbye to him at all, because the last few weeks with their baby has been like living in a bubble where it's just the three of them. And now that bubble's bursting, with Finn leaving and she's being left to tackle parenthood by herself.

Suddenly she finds Finn's arms around her - his bags having fallen to his side – and he squeezes her small body. "Stay safe, okay? And look after Oliver." He then gently kisses her forehead, Rachel wishing more than anything that it was her lips. "I'll see you in a couple of weeks. Kurt and I are picking you up from the airport."

"I know," she gives him a sad smile. "And I can hold down the fort by myself until then, honestly." She reluctantly pulls her arms from around Finn's torso so that she can lift Oliver out of the stroller. "Goodbye Daddy," she imitates a baby voice, grinning as she does so.

Finn laughs, taking him into his arms and littering his face with kisses. "I'm going to miss my baby boy more than anything." He gives a small chuckle, "I'm even going to miss you waking me up at three in the morning." Pausing for a moment, he tries to keep the tears from springing to his eyes, yet he can't help it. And at the sight of them, Rachel's own eyes water. Finn notices, holding out an arm for her to slide under so that the three are caught in a tight embrace. She clings onto his body, never wanting to let go. He hugs them in very much the same way.

She feels him gently kiss her forehead, eyes rising to meet his where unspoken words linger. Rachel doesn't try to read what they are, and instead wipes at the tears in her eyes. She'd have thought that saying goodbye to him would get easier after a while, but it doesn't – it only gets harder.


She's on her computer, Oliver in the Moses basket by the couch, when George walks in unannounced. He takes one look at the rather forlorn Rachel and raises his brow. "Finn gone then, huh?"

"Hmmm."

"Well, look at it this way, it could be worse – you could be stuck in parallel universes and -"

"Stop talking about Doctor who," she mumbles, not even needing to see the show to know what he's talking about any more. "And besides, sometimes it feels like we're in different universes, even if he's just a flight away from me." Dropping her head into her hands, she sighs, "god, he's barely been gone a few hours and I'm already a mess. How am I supposed to do this?"

George frowns, and then moves to wrap his arm around her shoulder in hopes of comforting the woman. "Hey, come on, you're going home in a couple of weeks. You can manage until then." He suddenly grins, "and anyway, you can't be sad because you've got me to annoy you for the next few weeks – isn't that great?"

"Sure," she manages a smile.

"Good, now let's start with getting you outside. Turn off your computer and I'll get your mini-me in the stroller while you get ready." Gently slipping his arm from around her shoulder, he peers at the screen, "why're you looking at houses anyway? I thought you were just moving in with Kurt and Blaine?"

"I'm supposed to be," Rachel says, "but things are different now. It won't be just the three of us – I have a baby. I don't suppose they'll really want to be living with someone who's up every few hours in the middle of the night, especially since they've just got used to being alone for the past few months." Her words come off nervously, and he gently smiles at her.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. A baby would probably put a downer on their sex life," he shrugs casually, while she just gives him a look. She really doesn't want to be thinking about their sex life thank you very much.

He quickly gets her out of the apartment, but despite his best efforts he can't seem to shrug off her gloomy mood.


The days pass by faster than she would've thought, but she supposes that it's because she's so busy with Oliver that she sometimes doesn't have enough time to actually think about missing Finn. And soon enough, she is surrounded by cardboard boxes again, just as she had been months ago when she moved into this small apartment. She peers around, smiling sadly to herself; she's really going to miss living here. She holds Oliver to her side, "this was your first home, baby." She lowers herself to the couch, "and you're not even going to remember."

He smiles toward her, large brown eyes making her heart melt in a second. Sometimes she can't believe that she that even considered giving up her baby, because holding him and seeing that adorable little face makes her feel like the luckiest woman alive.

She gently lowers him onto the cushion of the sofa, where he kicks his feet in the air happily. Rachel grins toward him, fingers tickling at his podgy belly. Oliver makes a noise close to a squeal, eyes shining brightly. "Are you ticklish?" she chuckles, repeating the action. "Does my baby have a ticklish little belly?"

In reply, all he does is start chewing on his toes, still smiling. She smiles, too. The small moments like this allow her to forget everything that she's worried about and instead focus on being as best as a mother she can be towards her son.


The airport is so busy as she makes her way through the terminal, struggling with the stroller and her things. She's tired from the flight, in which Oliver cried nearly the entire time and has only now decided to go to sleep. Needless to say, she's thankful when she spies Kurt and Finn stood waiting for her.

They rush over, and she sees Kurt going for Oliver. "Don't wake him up," she snaps, regretting it a little, "He is a cranky little thing today." He nods, looking slightly chastised, but he still manages to coo over Oliver quietly.

"You're kind of cranky yourself," Finn jokes, pulling her into a tight hug. She easily reciprocates.

"I'm just tired," she replies, "he's been restless."

He looks at her few bags. "Is this all you have?"

"Yup," she simply says, frowning a little to herself as panic tugs at her heart. Rachel allows him to take her bags for her, leaving her with just the stroller. Then her eyes wander to Kurt as they hug and she suddenly gasps, "Kurt, what is that on your hand?" she asks excitedly.

He blushes slightly, fingers idly playing with the ring. "Well, we were going to tell you later, but," he beams, "Blaine and I got engaged."

"Oh my God," she screeches, forgetting her own rule about being quiet, before she pulls him in for another tight hug. "I'm so happy for you both. You have to tell me everything. Was it romantic? Where did it happen?" Kurt's bombarded about the engagement the rest of the way home, not letting Finn get a word in at all, though he keeps himself occupied with his son.

They go to her dads first, where the two men don't share Oliver at all, not that Rachel minds. She's had him to herself for the past couple of weeks – it's about time that he was with some of his other family members.

After that, they head over to Kurt and Blaine's, where Blaine cooks a delicious dinner for all of them. And once Oliver's had his dinner, they sit down on the plush couches, catching up once more. Talks turn to the engagement again, and she's overwhelmed with happiness for her friends, though she always knew this day would come.

It's not long before Oliver is squirming in her arms, no doubt wanting to be changed.

"Let me do it," Finn insists.

"You want to change his dirty diaper?" she gives him a funny stare.

He slowly lifts Oliver from her arms, "I don't get to do normal Dad stuff. Anyway, I can get him changed into some pajamas at the same time."

"Alright," she smiles, "his things are in the blue suitcase." She slowly watches as Finn retreats into her temporary room, cuddling his son against his chest.

"It's so strange seeing you two as parents," Blaine confesses.

"It's strange being a parent," she laughs. She stretches out her achy muscles, feeling a little jet-lagged. "Nothing really prepares you for it..." Finn calls her name from the other room, and she slowly stands. "I'll be back in a sec." Rachel steps into the room, pushing the door slightly ajar before she finds Finn looking through the open suitcase on the bed, Oliver lay next to it. "What's wrong?"

He stands, forehead creasing. "Where's all his stuff?"

She points to the suitcase, eyes observing Finn warily. "Those are his things, Finn."

"Rach," he starts, "he had way more than this. I only just left – he couldn't have grown out of them already." He tries to put the pieces together, but it doesn't make any sense, "did you lose a suitcase or something?"

She sighs, her whole body suddenly feeling shaky. "That's all I brought." Her voice is detached, something that seriously worries Finn, and he sits on the bed as she does, at the same time keeping an eye on Oliver.

He continues to frown, and Rachel watches with a heavy heart. "What do you mean? Where's all the rest?" Peering downwards, she wonders how on earth she's supposed to tell him this.

"It's still in London."

"In London...? But -" He cuts himself short, head shaking in confusion.

Rachel forces her eyes upwards. "There's this director – he's starting an original production, and he wrote the lead character with me in mind. Can you believe that?" While she feels completely amazed at such a thing happening to her, the drawbacks are equally as big. Looking up to Finn, he looks as though he's just been slapped in the face; it makes her heart ache: she's making him feel like that.

"So, what?"

He knows what she's implying, but he just needs her to say it aloud. The only problem is that Rachel doesn't. Up until now, she's never admitted that what she's doing is going to make things more complicated and harder, especially on Finn's side. "So, I'm staying in London." She barely whispers, eyes watching carefully as his expression tightens, eyes brimming with sadness.

"You can't," he says.

"Finn." Her voice pleads with him, "I have to do this."

"No, you don't," he exclaims, "you could find a job here – you're good enough to do that Rachel."

She shakes her head, "but I already have a job there." Sadness spreading across her features, she reaches for his hand. "Finn, I'm sorry -"

"You're sorry?" he looks to her with betrayal flooding his eyes, "that's it? I've already had to deal with months of you being away and now you're staying! Not only that, but you're keeping my son there, too."

"He's my son too!" she counters, watching as Finn keeps his gaze to the floor. "Look, this isn't going to be easy." She feels a lump rising up her throat at the thought of leaving again, this time with Oliver. Finn has a point, but she just can't admit that to herself. Is she being selfish? Is this the wrong decision? Rachel suddenly shakes her head, knowing that this is what she's got to do – fate is leading her down one path while taking Finn down another, but they'll always be connected through their son, and their friendship, even if they are hundreds of miles apart.

She takes hold of his hand, "but Finn, do you realize how big an opportunity this is for me? Someone wrote a role for me." She gives a small smile, "how many people can say that?" She squeezes his fingers, eyes closing, "and I don't want to... to take Oliver away from you, but this is my choice now. When I'm there, I can support my son financially while doing what I love, even..." She pauses, eyes filling up with tears, "even if it means not being with the people that I love the most."

Rachel feels suddenly overwhelmed as Finn glances toward her, his eyes pleading with the woman to stay.

"Don't do this," he says, "I'll pay entirely for Oliver, for anything he needs, just – don't leave."

A sob catches in her throat as he asks that of her, and she wants nothing more than to listen, but her head is telling her what's best. And what's best is not in New York any more.

"This is my choice now, Finn," she tries to sound strong, but inside all the walls of her strong façade are crumbling down. And she adds, darkly so. "I guess now you know what it feels like to be someone's second choice."


Erm, feel free to hate me right now.

But yeah, please review :)