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Stage 2
A Demon's Wake
Lelouch awoke with a start, throwing himself forward out of the hospital chair. Attempting to catch his footing he fell, stumbling onto his hands and knees.
"Oh dear."
Looking up, Lelouch saw that Mrs. Fenette and Shirley were both awake, previously chatting peacefully in the pale morning light.
Once again he had broken the peace. That's all I'm good for, after all, he thought darkly. "Sorry about that," he said, scratching his head and blinking.
Donning the mask of the well-natured student was all but second nature to him by now.
"Oh, that's all right…" Mrs. Fenette said, and went on to thank him for carrying Shirley to safety, the deep gratitude showing in her eyes. All the words flew past Lelouch save one. This lone sentence caught in his mind.
"If I had lost Shirley too, I, I don't know what I would've done."
It's guilt burned hotter than any fire, as hot as an irradiated water table, even.
Shirley saw Lelouch's looking at her mother, his eyes shaking with utter fear. She recognized that fear; it wasn't the fear of death nor any kind of personal harm—or even his unique aversion to discovery—but the fear that came with multiplication.
Right now, Lelouch was doing the math: How many Fenette families were out there?' How many of those rested squarely upon his shoulders?
"Don't be like that mom! It's fine; Lelouch saved me!" Shirley said, forcing a laugh. Her words were obviously not directed at her mother.
"Right, dear, I'm sorry, that was rude of me. I'm just so glad that you're alright," Mrs. Fenette said emphatically.
Shirley shared a loving look with her mother, but in reality she was not in her hospital bed having a loving moment with her only remaining family member. In the truest view of the world she was, right now, standing tall, donning a new mask all her own.
"Thank you again for saving my daughter," Mrs. Fenette expressed again, the anguish and desperate hope shining once again in her eyes.
Lelouch wanted to tell her that it was his fault. That Shirley was never safe while he was around: That no one was! Or to drop to his knees and beg forgiveness for her late husband's murder, like he had learned living with Suzaku. But he had to keep going; if not for himself then for all of the constituents of his path of blood. Even Shirley knew that now—the girl he had kept in the dark more than most. So Lelouch just smiled kindly, uttering the usual humble denials; his mask was back on.
"Mom, could you get me an orange juice from the cafeteria?"
"Of course, Shirley," the widow said, standing up to leave.
The door swung shut.
Sitting in silence in her hospital bed, Shirley looked serene, her orange hair frayed around her neck. Her sky-blue hospital gown rested just a bit loosely on her shoulders, making Lelouch vaguely embarrassed. He hated himself for having those thoughts. The aesthetic... 'benefits' of their youth made the guilt reverberate louder, embodied in the bandages and gauze doubtlessly covering her torso. Each one screaming, even chanting at him, "Zero, Zero, Zero—"
Shirley laughed. Really laughed; like she couldn't help herself.
"What?" Lelouch asked defensively, caught off-guard.
"It's just, this is the first time we can talk that we're not in some mortal danger, or distraught, or, or some degree of unconscious. Not chat, like we did at school, but speak honestly; the whole me and the true you," she said, still giggling slightly.
"Yeah… Heh, I guess you're right…," Lelouch's smile quickly darkened to a frown. "About that, there's something I need to tell you." He looked up at Shirley and said, "My real name isn't… My birth name wasn't Lamperouge, it was vi, vi Britannia. That's why I know Suzaku and why you were taken before the emperor. Well, part of the reason."
"The emperor, your father, erased my memory… again," Shirley said, her laughter gone now, obviously trying to put the scattered pieces together. "This is all so fucked up, Lelouch! You, my dad, me, coach, er, Lt. Colonel Villetta," the last name she said sarcastically, "And now Rolo's dead too, who was a spy to replace Nana, of all people!" She grabbed her sheets in frustration, "Argh! Everything's gone so wrong!"
"I know, Shirley, I know. I am truly sorry for all I've brought down upon your family," Lelouch solemnly said.
"We've been through this before," Shirley said curtly.
"Yes, but tensions were a bit… tense," he said, meeting her eyes apologetically.
"Whatever, that's all in the past now, you have to stop apologizing and move on!" Shirley told him. Though understanding to a fault, she was still visibly irked.
A moment passed in silence. Lelouch let out an exhausted sigh and leaned back, projecting his voice vertically, "But about Rolo; his death will be noticed, by the Britannians, by Suzaku. He knew you were at the tower: he'll piece it together that you were the one who was shot at that station. You'll be in danger here. Because of me. Again."
"Rolo... just before he shot me," Shirley was visibly unsettled by acknowledging what had transpired yesterday, "I told him that I wanted to join you, to help you be Zero and find Nana—"
Lelouch couldn't take it. He slammed his fist down on the coffee table, unsettling the flower vase, half-shouting, "Damn it; damn him! I knew he was unstable—I had seen it before—I should have killed him when I had the chance. But instead I kept—"
"Lulu, relax, it all worked out," Shirley said in a soothing voice. She wasn't startled by Lelouch's violent outburst. Not really. It only made sense that the cool, unaffected schoolboy was just a guise. A trope given life by the boy from Britannia.
"I know! It's just—that's not the first time I've seen Rolo react to Nunnally. He replaced her as my younger sibling and, despite being some crazy assassin, grew fond of me. I—or rather, my oblivious self—was his only real family." Lelouch's voice started gaining now, "I exploited that: I exploited his abilities. I played with fire and—" he cut himself off and looked over at Shirley.
"Does it hurt?"
"Yeah, a little," she looked down at her hands, fidgeting in her lap. "I can't tell exactly how much through all the drugs they have me on. The doctor told me not to twist or stretch so I don't reopen the wound," Shirley said, glancing at her chest. She wouldn't dare tell Lelouch this, least she burden his conscious even more, but getting shot was excruciating. Yesterday, she had felt her very life blood oozing out; she nearly passed out from the pain.
Lelouch again tightly gripped his slacks, remembering the feeling of Shirley's blood soaking his fingers through her blouse. Now that the mask was off the tears came freely. He had noticed her holding back, for his sake. It was who she was; his polar opposite, selflessly protecting him despite everything he had done.
"I'm sorry I hurt you again, Shirley."
After a moment passed in silence, the door handle turned and in stepped Mrs. Fenette, orange juice and coffee in-hand.
Lelouch inhaled sharply, "Excuse me, I need to step out for a moment." He hurriedly paced over to the door.
"Let's just not forget it!"
Shirley called out to Lelouch making him stop before the door, his back to Shirley and her mother, "Painful or not, those memories of Rolo make us who we are," Shirley said, straight through her mask.
"Right," Lelouch managed. He wouldn't make that mistake again. Closing the door behind him, he intently listened back through it.
"Doctor... ...tomorrow if you feel okay…."
Lelouch made a mental note to balance extraditing Shirley quickly with not pushing her too hard. He cleared his throat, pulling out his phone and mask, and dialed a number.
"Jeremiah, there's something I need you to do for me."
