Umm...chapter two time? Woop? Please like it, because I don't . Whether you like it or not, please comment, firstly because I'll love you forever if you're nice and I want to know if there's stuff I can do better. Which there is, I'm sure, so um...yeah :P And a big thank you to DiabolicaJeevas for having this idea in the first place :) That's right kids, this whole fic wasn't even my own idea ^.^
It didn't take me very long to become half-suicidal over my promise to Near. In fact, it began to kick in after being redirected through several wards of old, dying people in our local hospital. I mean really, why the fuck was I here too?! They were old and half dead. And I...wasn't.
Oh but wait, I have just as good an excuse to be here, I reasoned. After all, I can't get it up!
And so, after a long trawl through pristine white room after pristine white room, I come to something a little more promising. Well, I say promising...depressing, but still...what I was looking for. Unfortunately.
God, I suck.
I glance quickly around before I open the door to the "Sex Clinic", as they've so charmingly called it. Seriously! They couldn't have made it more obvious and embarrassing if they'd tried. And here I was, swanning in to tell some total stranger about my sex life. Wonderful.
I'd booked ahead, so obviously someone was waiting for me inside, partially hidden behind the impressive volume of clutter covering their desk. I can't say, in all honesty, that I was immediately reassured by this person's appearance.
He was about my age, give or take a year or so, and looked a lot like he was a model for some kind of alternative clothing company, wearing a striped shirt and a furry jacket, with frayed jeans and large, oddly dangerous looking boots. Oh, and goggles. Of course.
A cigarette stuck out of his mouth at a cheerful angle, and as he heard me enter he looked up very briefly from his Nintendo DS, clutched tightly in his (gloved) hands as if his life depended on it.
"Um..."
He pauses, his eyes meeting mine for the briefest instant from under his thick mop of crimson hair, then flickering back absently to his game.
"Just...gimme two ticks..." He stuck his tongue out a little in apparent concentration, mashing buttons violently. He nodded jerkily at the chair on the other side of his desk. "Take a seat."
I stand rigidly for a moment, then slowly deposit myself in the chair, eyes still accustoming to the man before me. How the hell did he get into a medical career? I thought vaguely. It seems a lot more likely this man has climbed through the window and assassinated the real person, actually. Well, bollocks. It's not looking particularly good.
Eventually the redhead looks up. There's nothing apologetic in his face as he shoves the DS into an overflowing drawer, just a look of vague amusement. The sort of expression a retard wears just before asking where they are.
Suddenly he seems to remember something and points dramatically at me. Surprised by this I stare, ending up slightly cross eyed. Desperate not to make this more awkward that it absolutely must be I quickly fix my gaze to mirror his. He gives one short, hard laugh.
"You must be Mello!" he exclaims, not lowering his finger.
I nod once, frowning slightly. Just because he worked behind a door with the word "Sex" on it in large letters...was that necessarily an excuse for him being a total freak? "Yes, I...am..."
He laughs again and finally decides to stop pointing. "You're the one with the boner problem, am I right?" he asks shamelessly, grinning openly at me. I feel my cheeks burst into flames and with difficulty resist the urge to hit him.
"I'll take that as a yes..." he murmurs, and reaches out a hand, his expression suddenly becoming genial and pleasant. "So sorry. We're already talking about your problems down south and I haven't even introduced myself!" He laughed again, seemingly at his own joke. Oh God. "I'm Matt. Pleased to meet you."
Reluctantly I pinch his hand between a few of my fingers, then put both hands back in my lap, feeling awkward. I stare expectantly at him. He stares expectantly back. Eventually he decides to bless me with a little help.
"I'm going to be your councillor, if you like, on this problem of yours until it gets better, right? So I'd appreciate some insight into what exactly is wrong."
Before I can protest he beams a dazzling smile, almost irritatingly enough for me to stand up and leave. But no, I promised my stupid little albino I would try.
And so I gape pointlessly for several seconds, feeling my cheeks flush more still.
"W-well...we've found that...that um..."
Matt continues to stare, one hand on his chin in thought, although more it seemed to hide the smile blossoming there at my awkwardness, nodding occasionally. I look away. Fucking hell, the bastard's really enjoying himself, isn't he?!
So I continue, tripping over my words, scowling at a poster on the wall talking about condoms. Well they could just fuck off, I think nonsensically, determined to direct my anger somewhere or other.
"We've, uh, found that...when...w-when we-"
I suddenly remember something that I took as being really quite normal, but Matt would not, and swear internally. Bet this douche doesn't have to deal with gays every day. He's gonna have a right good laugh now. I'll try to skirt around it for now...although I'm pretty certain it's not gonna last five minutes. Bugger. BUGGER!
"W-well um, me...me and my partner..."
Matt's sensing my embarrassment, and biting back another chuckle attempts to comfort me. "Don't be so shy, Mello, I hear this sort of thing a lot."
I scowl harder, wondering if this will have the unfortunate side effect of me developing disfigured eyebrows.
And then it all comes out suddenly and irritatingly unexpectedly, like I'd yanked out the cork from a champagne bottle. Shit.
"Me and my partner can't have sex because I can't get a hard on with...them," I say extremely fast, wondering if Matt would have caught any of it, but apparently he did, because he suddenly snatches up a pen and begins scribbling some notes, biting back a smile.
I sigh, aware of the slight, annoyed growl that comes with it. Matt nods, mouthing the words he's putting on the paper with his tongue out again. He clearly can't do anything normally then.
And so what if I'm being unfair to him? Given the situation I think I'm allowed to be PMSing with the world a little.
Once he finishes writing he meets my eyes again. Unwillingly I look back, torn between looking at him and continuing to attempt to wither the poster with my glare. His face surprises me; it's almost serious.
Oh no. I think I may just hate this man.
"Right," Matt says in the end, having finished writing about my problem. "And...are there any reasons you can think of why this may be happening?"
What a dick. He's trying so hard not to laugh at me, isn't he? I thought he dealt with people like me every day! Bloody bastard.
I frown even harder at the poster, hoping it won't take this personally.
"No, I can't think of any reasons."
He pauses, looking almost disappointed. "None?"
"None." I confirm, my voice perhaps a little too hard. So what? Is it really necessary to ask these things...? Well yes, I suppose, but still...dear God this so embarrassing! Someone kill me now!
"Right," Matt says again, and then, totally unabashed: "So...do you think we should just try everything until we get a reaction?"
I finally tear my eyes from the poster to gape at him.
"What do you mean, "we"?"
He smirks unbelievably smugly. "Well, I'm the one helping you. If I can find a way to get you up, then surely your partner will be able to by the same means just as easily."
...What?!
This isn't even vaguely right. There couldn't be a huge amount more wrong with what he just said. I don't want to be given a boner by some random stranger with goggles, for fucks's sake! This isn't good!
And he's now noticed my terrified expression. Crap. So, being my councillor, what does he of course do? Oh naturally, he laughs.
"Don't feel awkward. If you do it won't help anything. And besides...I've seen a lot of tackle in this job. I'm used to it."
As if this isn't cringe worthy enough, he then decides to wink at me. Can this get any worse? I think 'no' is the simple answer. Dear God. So, my penal advisor is a flirtatious gay redhead with a Nintendo fetish? Niiiice. That's low even for me!
But still...I promised Near. I can't go back on that, it would be the very last straw. And, way things are now, I think losing Near would probably kill me. So, I guess there's no way around this.
Bollocks! I hate this man so very much.
He's so ridiculously confident, for one thing. And seriously...if my life partner can't get me up, why the fuck should he be able to?
I accept, he could well be popular with the girls, but that's no excuse for this. Anyway, girls are seemingly drawn in by arrogant bastards, so that says a lot about how smart they are. Pfft. Same sex relationships for the win.
I suddenly realise that I haven't replied, and that Matt is staring at me with hilarity flaring in his eyes. Hastily I nod and say the first words to unwisely touch my lips.
"Well, thanks for being so supportive...I, uh, I really...appreciate this..." I trailed off, and returned my gaze to the relatively safe spot of the condom poster.
Matt notices that this is where my eyes are going quite excessively at this point, and turns around to see what I'm glaring at. Oh shit. Now I'm going to look even odder.
He stares for a couple of seconds, then turns back to me with an irritating smile.
"Ah, the condom. You seem fascinated by it...I have some you can buy, if you're interested...?"
And so he reaches inside his desk and yanks out an entire box of them and plants them triumphantly on top, to my almost infinite horror. He beams. "What do you think?"
"..."
"Listen, I like you, so you can even have a discount if you'd like?"
I blink several times, having established for certain now that it is really time to leave. "I'm good, thanks..." I mumble worriedly. He nods patronisingly, continuing to grin. Oh, you sod. Matt, you are a SOD. Shaking slightly, I rise from my chair. Matt frowns.
"Hey, are you going somewhere?"
"Well, I think we've got somewhere today, and-and it is getting kinda late..." I waffle pointlessly, shuffling towards the door. "Um...when am I due back?"
Matt checks some papers on his desk, looking a little disappointed his new source of fun is leaving so soon. What he sees is apparently displeasing, as it is soon displaced on the floor. He smiles again.
"Let's say tomorrow, same time."
I nod once, wobble out of the room and then I'm running flat out for the car. For anything that isn't that sleazy retard. Oh holy crap...tomorrow?! I can't do this. I can't face up to him again. I can't let him get me fucking horny! Everything about that is just...wrong, pervy, nasty. If anyone should get me horny it should be my own fucking love interest.
As I drive I think of alternatives. There aren't any.
Oh God...
All I can do is...I could just ask – just beg – Near not to make me do this. Surely in the end it could be sorted out, and easily enough too, if we went about it the right way...
Right, I have to do this. He might kill me, but...between being killed by someone I love and getting it on with a stranger, I'd pick the former any day.
Yeah. Let's do this.
