wow would ya look at that! and update on the SAME DAY that i published. here is the next chapter of this trainwreck
"What could you possibly want at this godforsaken hour?" Pidge grumbled when Lance opened the door. A still mostly-asleep Hunk stood behind Pidge.
"It's about the Ouija board," Keith called from inside his room. Pidge rolled their eyes.
"Are you fucking kidding me, Lance? You made me get out of bed at two in the morning so that you could bitch about a Ouija board?" Pidge asked disbelievingly.
"I'm not bitching! Just… come in," Lance said, stepping aside so that Pidge and Hunk could enter the room. The newcomers immediately migrated to Shiro's bed to make themselves comfortable.
"Woah, Shiro, you look kinda rough, buddy," Pidge said, fixing Shiro with a disgusted look. Shiro narrowed his eyes at them.
"The meeting can begin, Lance," he said tiredly.
"Alright. I have gathered us all here to discuss the effects of our activities earlier this evening," Lance said, taking a seat on Keith's desk. "It seems that somebody," Lance cut his eyes at Keith, "didn't properly dismiss the spirit."
"That's a lie. I did everything perfectly. Like usual," Keith responded.
"Yeah, sure. Anyway, I think that spirit wasn't done talking to us or whatever because my dorm is a mess right now," Lance continued.
"Your dorm is always a mess," Pidge reminded him.
"It is not! And it's more of a mess than usual because our spirit friend decided that all of my dishes belonged on the floor and my clothes belonged anywhere but in their drawers," Lance explained.
"Shut up, Lance. You did all that yourself. You're such a drama queen," Keith argued.
"I already told you, Keith, I did not do this. It was the spirit," Lance countered.
"I thank God every day that you don't have a roommate, Lance, because you're batshit crazy," Shiro added.
"Just hear me out. We need to, like, talk to this spirit again or something because I'm not trying to get fucking murdered," Lance said.
"If Lance is telling the truth- which I highly doubt- it wouldn't hurt to just talk to the spirit again," Hunk chimed in. Everyone looked at Shiro for his verdict.
"Fine. I guess we can try talking to this spirit again," he finally declared.
"Thank you! Now I just have to go get the board. Shiro come with me, I'm scared to go alone," Lance said, grabbing Shiro's hand. Shiro rolled his eyes but allowed himself to be dragged from his dorm.
The entire way down to the second floor, Lance was smiling internally. This was going surprisingly well. Now, all he had to do was hope Allura got everything ready in time.
Allura, like always, had prepared everything in a perfectly theatrical and time-effective manner. There were dishes and clothes strewn everywhere, just as Lance had asked. But Allura had gone above and beyond. There was also what looked like paint splattered all over the bathroom counter and mirror. The shower was running and the toilet was clogged. Lance inwardly groaned. That was not a part of the plan.
Shiro looked stunned to see the state of the apartment.
"I always knew you were messy, Lance, but I never thought you were this messy," Shiro said, looking around the dorm.
"How many times do I have to tell you? This wasn't me!" Lance complained. "Honestly, you guys never trust-," Lance trailed off and stared in horror at something near his bed. Shiro followed his gaze, wondering what could have interrupted Lance's incessant complaining. Then he saw it.
There, laying on Lance's bed was one of his many ABBA posters, torn down the middle and markings all over the faces of the band members. Lance made a sound of pure agony.
"No, no, no! This was my favourite poster!" he said, kneeling next to his bed to mourn his loss. He gingerly touched the rip and Shiro could have sworn that he saw a tear fall.
"No. They drew a moustache on Frida. How could they?" Lance wailed, cradling the poster to his chest. Shiro stared at him in pity.
"Well, I think it's safe to say that you didn't do this, Lance. I'm sorry," Shiro said, placing a hand on his back. "Why don't you just get the board and I'll go turn the shower off," he continued, offering Lance a weak smile. Lance sniffled and nodded.
Shiro tried to get Lance to leave the remains of the poster in his room, but Lance refused. Finally, after much more sniffling and three hugs from Shiro, Lance was ready to go back to the fifth floor, torn poster in tow.
Everyone noticed Lance's distress despite how hard Lance tried to cover it up.
"Why don't you go to the bathroom to calm down?" Shiro urged, pushing Lance towards the bathroom.
"It really wasn't Lance, guys. His favourite ABBA poster…" Lance heard Shiro explain as he locked himself in the tiny bathroom. Lance immediately whipped out his phone
Private Message
Lance McClain, 2:23 AM: you know i love you and i thank you for all you did tonight but my poster?
Allura Rioce, 2:24 AM: I'm sorry, Lance. I may have gone a bit overboard. But did it work?
Lance McClain, 2:24 AM: yes it worked but i am DISTRAUGHT
Allura Rioce, 2:25 AM: Yeah, I thought you might be. I'll buy you another.
Lance McClain, 2:25 AM: thanks bby
Lance turned off his phone and exited the bathroom. The scene before him was vastly different than it was when he went in to the bathroom. There were candles burning all over the room, with the majority of them concentrated in a circle on the floor. It smelled suspiciously like incense.
"What's all this?" he asked, gesturing around the room. Keith looked up at him from his place on the floor.
"I thought that maybe we didn't have the right ambiance under the streetlight. Every other time I've used a Ouija board, I set up candles and incense and everything went smoothly," he explained. Lance nodded slowly.
"I guess that makes sense," he said, slowly taking a seat on the floor next to Keith. Keith made eye contact with everyone before he started.
"Put a finger on the planchette," he said solemnly. Everyone followed his instructions.
"Are there any spirits here tonight?" Keith asked. There was a long pause before the planchette moved to YES. The same nervous energy from earlier permeated the air. The only difference was that this time, Lance was purposely moving the planchette.
"Are you the same spirit from before?" Keith continued. Lance held his hand still. Everyone exchanged fearful looks.
"What do you want with us?" Keith asked. Lance slowly spelled out NOTHING. Shiro's brow furrowed and he exchanged a look with Keith.
"What does it mean by 'nothing?'" Shiro asked. Keith held up a hand to silence him.
"Why are you here?" Keith asked after a long silence.
Shit. Lance hadn't thought they would get this far. He had to come up with something quick.
The planchette slowly moved to GOODBYE.
"What the fuck?" Pidge breathed.
"Wait! Spirit! Come back!" Keith said. Lance held his hand still on GOODBYE.
"Fuck, Lance. You got us haunted," Keith said eventually.
"What do you mean 'haunted?' Can't you undo this or something?" Hunk asked, looking expectantly at Keith. Keith shrugged.
"I guess the only thing to do now is have this place exorcised. But I don't know if that will work because we first met this spirit at Subway, so obviously it's not attached to any particular place," Keith rambled.
"Keith, are you saying that we're stuck with spirit that may or may not be malevolent and we can't have it exorcised?" Pidge asked. Keith looked up helplessly.
"Yeah. That's exactly what I'm saying," he whispered.
"Way to go, Lance," Pidge said.
"How is this my fault?" Lance asked.
"How isn't this your fault? You're the one that wanted to play this stupid game in the first place!" Pidge shouted.
"Keith want to! He agreed immediately! If anything, this is Keith's fault!" Lance countered.
"What?" Keith exclaimed.
"Keith is the one that improperly talked to the spirit and got it mad or whatever," Lance shouted.
"Lance, Pidge. Enough. It is nearly three in the morning and we all have eight o'clock classes. Not to mention that we have neighbours that probably don't appreciate this shouting. And Jesus, Keith, put out some of these candles. You'll catch this place on fire!" Shiro interjected. Lance and Pidge stopped arguing immediately and Keith jumped to put out some of the candles.
"We'll figure this out in the morning. Right now, we all need to sleep. Goodnight, everyone," Shiro said, attempting to climb back into his bed.
"I'm not going back to my room. My room was already defiled by the spirit. I'm staying right here," Lance argued.
"Yeah, I don't really want to be alone, either," Hunk added.
"You won't be alone, Hunk, you'll have Pidge," Shiro said, his patience obviously wearing thin.
"Yeah, but how useful is Pidge gonna be if the spirit comes to attack us?" Hunk asked.
"Hey! I might be very useful in case of a malevolent spirit!" Pidge defended.
"How useful are any of going to be in case of malevolent spirit? Just go back to your room!" Shiro snapped.
"Aw, Shiro. Let 'em stay," Keith said. Shiro growled.
"Fine, but I actually want to sleep so no talking," he finally agreed. Lance, Pidge, and Hunk shared excited looks.
"Sleepover!" Lance yelled.
"Shut up, Lance!" Shiro shouted and threw a pillow at Lance.
"Ok but where are y'all gonna sleep?" Keith asked.
"I'll sleep on the floor," Hunk offered.
"Alright! Hunk's on the floor, Pidge can be with Shiro and I'll be with you!" Lance yelled, climbing in to Keith's bed.
"What the fuck? Why are you with me?" Keith demanded.
"'Cause Shiro's grumpy and he scares me when he's grumpy," Lance said as though it should be obvious. Keith opened his mouth to speak again.
"Shut up! Pidge if you're with me, hurry up and get in the bed. Everyone else, shut. Up!" Shiro bellowed. Pidge quickly climbed onto the bed and hid behind Shiro. Hunk and Keith blew out the rest of the candles.
Keith climbed into the bed behind Lance.
"He is kinda scary when he's grumpy," Keith whispered. Shiro growled in warning.
At five-thirty, Shiro's alarm went off. There was a collective groan. Shiro silently got out of bed and went to the bathroom.
"How the fuck does he wake up this early?" Pidge wondered.
"He only got what? Two hours of sleep?" Lance added.
"I'm trying to sleep," Keith mumbled from under the twenty blankets. He scooted closer to Lance and buried his face in Lance's neck.
"Awww," Lance mused. "He's so cute when he's tired."
"Shut the fuck up, Lance. I will kill you so hard," Keith muttered.
"Awww," Lance said again, wrapping his arms around Keith.
"Lance, I swear to god. Get off of me," Keith said, trying to push Lance off of him, Lance just tightened his arms.
"You're the one that wanted to cuddle, baby," Lance complained.
"Fuck it," Keith said. He fell asleep against Lance shortly after.
Pidge, Hunk, and Lance, however, did not go back to sleep.
"What do you think the spirit thing is gonna do now?" Hunk asked.
"I don't know. Maybe kill us," Lance said.
"God, I hope it kills us," Pidge replied.
"Not all of us are seeking the sweet embrace of death, Pidge," Lance reminded them. They just shrugged.
"I thought Keith might know since he's done this before," Hunk said. Lance made a noncommittal noise.
"He might be able to think of something. He's got loads of weird shit up his sleep," Lance answered.
"Mmm… heard that," Keith muttered.
"I'm sure that we can come up with a solution," Pidge said.
"What does this spirit want anyway?" Hunk asked. No one answered.
Eventually, Shiro came out of the bathroom.
"Shower's open," he announced. No one moved.
"No one wants to take a shower?" he asked. Again, no one moved.
"You are all disgusting," he decided, then he saw Lance holding Keith. "Lance don't touch Keith. He doesn't like it."
"Whatever, Dad. He seems to be liking this just fine, though," Lance said, grinning at Shiro. Shiro just rolled his eyes.
"Why do you wake up so early, Shiro? Class doesn't start until eight," Pidge asked.
"I have to get ready," Shiro answered.
"It took you like fifteen minutes to shower. You still could be asleep," Lance badgered.
"It takes more than just a shower to get ready in the morning, Lance," Shiro said, before plopping into his desk chair.
"He's gotta do his…makeup," Keith grumbled into Lance's chest.
"Oh, yeah! I completely forgot!" Lance exclaimed. Keith winced at the loud noise.
"I kinda wanna watch this," Pidge said, scooting to the other end of the bed to watch Shiro closely.
"Me, too," Hunk said. He crawled over to sit next to Shiro's chair.
"Don't start without me!" Lance yelled and struggled to get out the bed he was sharing with Keith.
"Come back," Keith groaned, reaching out to grab blindly at Lance. Lance, however, was already seated next to Pidge on Shiro's bed.
"Calm down, guys. It's just makeup," Shiro said, slightly embarrassed.
"Yeah, but you always look so good. I wanna see how it happens," Pidge stated. Hunk and Lance nodded enthusiastically in agreement. Shiro sighed, but let his friends watch.
It turned out that Shiro actually did need to wake up so early. His makeup routine took the better part of an hour. Pidge, Lance, and Hunk were completely enraptured the entire time. At some point, Keith got lonely and ended up in Shiro's bed, sprawled across Lance and Pidge.
Finally, Shiro put down his eyeliner and announced that he was done. He friends (minus Keith) applauded raucously.
"Now I just have to get dressed," Shiro said, opening his closet.
"We also need to come up with a plan for this demon-spirit thing," Hunk reminded him.
"Oh, yeah. Right now, I'd say we just wait it out and see if anything bad happens," Shiro said.
"Anything bad?! My favourite ABBA poster was defiled! How is that not bad?!" Lance yelled, pushing Keith off of him so he could jump of the bed in his excitement.
"That was a fucking miracle, Lance. That wasn't bad at all," Keith muttered.
"Shut up, Keith. You like ABBA, too. Don't even try to deny it," Lance accused, pointing a finger at Keith.
"Lance, I know you loved that poster, but that's not really as bad as things could have been," Shiro consoled.
"I would rather die than have ABBA merchandise destroyed," Lance proclaimed.
"You have really weird, twisted priorities," Keith observed. Lance shot him a look full of venom.
"I agree with Shiro. Let's just see how this plays out," Pidge said. Hunk nodded. Reluctantly, Keith and Lance broke off their bickering to voice their agreement.
"Alright. So that's settled. Let's go get some breakfast," Shiro said, urging everyone to get off of the bed.
"I think y'all should get dressed first," Keith said, wrinkling his nose at his friends.
"Agreed. Hunk let's go. We'll meet back here in ten," Pidge said, pulling Hunk out of the room.
"You, too, Lance," Keith said, pushing Lance towards the door.
"I am not going back to my room. I don't want to see what else that demon destroyed," Lance said decisively.
"Well, those clothes stink. You need to change," Keith argued.
"I'll just wear your clothes, Keith," Lance announced, throwing up Keith's closet.
"You most certainly are not wearing my clothes," Keith said, throwing himself between Lance and the closet.
"Fine, I'll just wear Shiro's clothes," Lance huffed and turned to face Shiro.
"No, you won't. You're wearing Keith's clothes. Keith give him some clothes," Shiro commanded. Lance thought that Keith would throw and honest to god temper tantrum before he crossed his arms and went to sulk on his bed.
Lance looked through Keith's closet and picked out clothes that he knew were Keith's favourites just to spite him. Keith actually whined when he saw Lance pull out a My Chemical Romance shirt.
"Seriously, Keith? My Chemical Romance? Is this 2005?" Lance asked mockingly.
"Shut up. You listen to MCR," Keith replied.
"Yeah, but I don't have an MCR shirt. You're so fucking edgy," Lance argued.
"And I listen to ABBA but I don't have seven-wait, six, ABBA posters in my room," Keith said. Lance gasped.
"How dare you? So soon after my loss and you're already making jokes? You should be ashamed," Lance said.
"Can the two of you sop arguing for ten seconds? Just ten," Shiro asked. Both Keith and Lance opened their mouths to respond when there was a knock at the door.
"That'll be Pidge and Hunk. Are the two of you ready to go?" Shiro asked, giving them both his Dad Look. They grumbled and followed Shiro to the door.
The five them began their trek across campus to the dining hall.
"I invited Allura to have breakfast with us. I hope that's ok with everyone," Shiro announced, when they were about halfway there.
Fuck. Of course Shiro would invite his girlfriend, who had just helped to pull a prank- a prank that was still- going on him. Lance grabbed his phone.
Private Message
Lance McClain, 7:14 AM: do not say A WORD at breakfast
Allura Rioce, 7:15 AM: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Lance McClain, 7:15 AM: good girl
Breakfast was surprisingly mundane. Keith and Lance managed not to argue at all. Everyone except Allura was dead tired.
"Baby, you're makeup looks so good today," she crooned over Shiro.
"Thanks," he muttered, half asleep. Allura quickly lost interest in talking with him.
"Everyone, tell me how your classes are going," she demanded, looking at the other four.
"God, they're perfect for each other. Shiro is a dad and she's a mom," Keith muttered. Lance and Pidge snickered.
"Speak up. I want to know about your classes," Allura commanded.
"Yes, Mom. My classes are terrible. I actively hate going to school and being alive in general," Keith replied.
"Don't talk like that, Keith. It's depressing. Lance?"
"My classes are alright, I guess. Chemistry is pretty cool," he replied.
"Fucking idiot, you're majoring in chemistry. Of course you think it's cool," Keith said.
"Keith, let him talk," Allura insisted.
"Nah, I'm done. Keith doesn't want to hear it," Lance said. Allura switched her focus to Pidge.
"Eh, the same as always. I spend more time with computers than people," they said. Allura nodded in understanding
"And you, Hunk?" she said, shifting to look at Hunk, who was fast asleep. She poked him. He didn't stir.
"Why on earth are you all so tired?" she asked. Lance shot her a look, which she dispelled with a subtle wink.
"Lance managed to get all of us haunted," Pidge said, shoving a spoonful of Froot Loops into their mouth. Allura raised an eyebrow at Shiro.
"Explain," she demanded. Shiro sighed and turned weary eyes to his girlfriend.
"It's a long story and class starts in ten minutes. How about I tell you at lunch?" Shiro negotiated. Allura crossed her arms and eyed him disdainfully but agreed nonetheless. All six of them said their goodbyes and went to their classes.
They decided to meet at Taco Bell for lunch. The six of them were all squished into one booth and wrapper covered every inch of the table.
"Explain," Allura demanded, looking at the group assembled around her.
"Lance got the bright idea that he wanted to play with a Ouija board but had no idea how," Keith said.
"Yeah, but Keith made it mad and now it's haunting us," Lance followed.
"So at one-fucking-thirty this morning, Lance demands that we all meet in in Shiro and Keith's room so that we can play with this Ouija board a second time," Pidge added.
"Wait. You're missing the worst part. My favourite ABBA poster was destroyed," Lance spat, glaring at Allura. She narrowed her eyes at him.
"Anyway, we communed with the dead or whatever for a second time," Hunk continued.
"At two in the morning!" Pidge screeched.
"Yes, at two in the morning and now we have a spirit haunting us," Hunk finished.
"Oh! And then we all had a sleepover at Shiro and Keith's and we got to watch Shiro do his makeup," Lance added.
"Lance, I love you, but you're an idiot," Allura said after a long pause.
"What did I do?" Lance asked indignantly.
"Why did you think it would be a good idea to play with a Ouija board in the first place?" Allura inquired.
"I thought it would be like a fun bonding activity or whatever. And I knew Keith is edgy enough to have fucked around with a Ouija board before, so I wasn't too worried," Lance explained. Keith kicked him under the table.
"Well, what are you going to do now?" Allura demanded, crossing her arms and looking every bit a disappointed mother.
"Keith says the spirit can't be exorcised because it doesn't have a secure attachment to any one place," Pidge said. Allura furrowed her brows.
"We were planning on just laying low and seeing how this plays out," Shiro clarified. "I think we should move somewhere else for a while and see if it follows us," Hunk pitched.
"That idea's not half bad. Then we'd be able to tell if this spirit can actually be exorcised," Keith said.
"I thought you said it couldn't be exorcised," Shiro replied.
"It may have formed some attachment to Lance's things last night. I don't know. I think we should go somewhere else and see what happens," Keith said.
"Where will you go?" asked Allura.
"Can we go camping?" Pidge asked.
"Ew. No," Keith said. Lance nodded in agreement.
"Camping sounds nice. We could go to the mountains for a couple of days," Shiro offered.
"Camping is gross. Can't we do something else?" Keith whined.
"As much as I hate to say it, I agree with Keith. Camping is gross," Lance said.
"Where else could we go? We're five broke college students trying to escape a spirit demon thing," Shiro pointed.
"Camping sounds like the best option," Allura added helpfully. Lance and Keith groaned.
"Camping it is. Are we in agreement that we're going to the mountains?" Shiro asked. There were nods from Pidge and Hunk and groans from Keith and Lance.
"We'll go in Keith's truck. It's got the most room. Pidge, you'll just have to sit in someone's lap. Let's meet up at six tomorrow morning. How does that sound?" Shiro planned.
"It sounds terrible. And why are we using my truck?" Keith complained.
"I just said that your truck has the most room," Shiro replied.
"I don't even want to go camping. I'd rather be murdered by this spirit," Keith whined. Shiro shot him a look.
"But fine, we can use my truck," he sighed.
"Why do I have to sit in someone's lap?" Pidge asked.
"You're the smallest. Unless you want Lance or Hunk to sit in your lap?" Shiro replied.
"Wait! Are you implying that Hunk and I will be in the back? That's not fair, I call shotgun," Lance complained.
"Shiro has permanent shotgun in my truck. He lives with me," Keith said. Shiro looked at Lance smugly.
"Ok, if there are no more complaints, we can head back to our dorms now and pack," Shiro said.
"I don't know what to pack," Keith said.
"Same. And I'm not going back to my room," Lance added.
"Ugh. Ok. I'll help the two of you pack. Keith, you're sharing your stuff with Lance," Shiro declared.
"That is not fair. I demand that you also share stuff with Lance," Keith said. Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose.
"Whatever makes you happy, Keith. Ok, go pack everyone. Be ready by six tomorrow morning," Shiro said.
"Ok, Dad," Pidge said, standing up and turning towards the door. They walked maybe three steps before stopping.
"Lance? Don't fuck this up," they said and the continued walking, Hunk following closely behind.
"I have never fucked up anything in my life," Lance muttered. Keith snorted.
"You're the reason we have to go camping anyway," he pointed out.
"I swear. The two of you are like children," Shiro said, before turning to kiss Allura goodbye.
"Go along, little children. Your father will take you home to pack for your trip," Allura said teasingly, shooing the three men from the table.
"I so don't want to do this," Keith whined.
"Neither do I," Lance agreed, watching Allura closely. Shiro ushered the two of them out of the restaurant and to a waiting campus shuttle.
Private Message:
Lance McClain, 12:58 PM: allura you better have some damn good shit up your sleeve
Lance McClain, 12:59 PM: i did not plan for this you gotta help me out
Allura Riose, 1:01 PM: I'm sure I can figure something out. Now, go. Have fun.
Lance McClain, 1:02 PM: theres no way i can have fun CAMPING
allura is a little shit i love her so much. and lance's ABBA obsession is based 100% on my ABBA obsession
