Disclaimer: I don't own Watchmen or the Simpsons, they are the properties of Alan Moore and Matt Groening, they get paid on it, not me.
In this chapter Rorschach will meet the rest of the Simpson's family, read further if you want to see if they'll get along or not.
I hope you'll enjoy it and please tell me what you think about it.
Chapter 2 :
Springfield, Bart's Room
They appear into Bart's room.
BART: Well, that was quite a trip !
RORSCHACH: Get-off-me-immediately !
BART: OK dude, relax !
Bart get off Rorschach's legs.
RORSCHACH : And don't call me "dude" again.
BART: Well, welcome to your new home Rorschach ! Geez, I can't believe there's a superhero at home ! What are you doing ?
RORSCHACH (who's looking into Bart's belongings): Just looking for information about you since I'm gonna live there. Who's that clown ?
BART: It's Krusty the Clown my idol, you must absolutely see his show, it's great. Uh oh, I can't let you watch this. My family will see you. But don't worry about it, there's a mini TV (he notices that Rorschach he's looking at the window and not at him). Hey, you could at least look at me when I'm talking !
RORSCHACH: Who's that girl going into the school-bus ?
BART: My sister Lisa, she loves wasting time at school. Hey ! What are you doing ?
Rorschach grabs him by the collar and gives him his schoolbag.
RORSCHACH: You're going to school.
BART: No need to go, they believe I'm dead !
RORSCHACH: Not an excuse.
BART: Can I change my clothes before ?
RORSCHACH: Fine.
Later, he opens the door and pushes the kid outside.
BART: Remember, don't go downstairs until I get back. If you're hungry there's candies under my pillow.
Rorschach just closes the door and Bart comes downstairs, grumbling.
BART (once in the corridor): And I thought it would be cool to have a superhero at home, what a jerk ! Good thing I didn't return him his mask and hat (he takes them out of his schoolbag, he put them back inside and goes away). Eh, eh !
RORSCHACH: My face and hat ? Where are they ? Must have forgotten them in Antarctica. Great.
His stomach gurgles loudly.
RORSCHACH: Hurm, haven't eaten for a while...
He looks under Bart's pillow and find an empty candy-packet with a word: "Sorry Bart they were too delicious. Homer."
RORSCHACH: Looks like I'll have to go downstairs for food...
Off screen Bart's voice: Remember, don't go downstairs until I get back
RORSCHACH: Hurm. Why would I listen a ten-year-old ?
He opens the door.
Simpsons' house
The kids come down from the school-bus.
BART: So, Martin's experience turned bad ?
LISA: Yes, the students had become too intelligent and had taken control of the town. Fortunately, Pr Frink found a way to bring them to their initial intellectual level.
BART: Wow, and all that happened after I disappeared ?
LISA: Yes. It surprised me nobody ask anything when they saw you alive in school (Bart shrugs). By the way, how did you survived and returned ?
BART: All you have to know is that something really extraordinary happened to me and that I came back with someone very cool, you'll never find out who he is.
LISA: Rorschach !
BART: How did you find out ? I didn't even show you his mask yet (he put the mask on his head briefly). Check out Liz !
She put her hand on his shoulder, he takes the mask off and discovers how Lisa found out who their surprise-guest is: Marge is in front of Rorschach, sat on the floor, holding his bleeding knee.
MARGE: Bart, did you bring this smelly hobo in the house ?
BART: That's not a hobo Mum, it's Rorschach and he's my new best friend ! What happened to him ?
MARGE: I screamed when I saw him in the living-room and Maggie shot him.
She takes Maggie, who has a rifle in hands, in her arms.
Homer comes back from work.
HOMER: Hi family ! Aaaarg ! Maggie shot Mr Burns again ! Oh, thanks God, it's just a hobo !
Rorschach looks daggers at Homer.
LISA: Mum, Dad, we should call an ambulance for Mr Kovacs.
RORSCHACH: Rorschach.
MARGE: Oh my goodness, the poor man suffers so much that his voice is distorted !
RORSCHACH: It's my normal voice !
MARGE: Oh. Do you smoke a lot ?
RORSCHACH: Could ask you the same. Did you hear yourself ?
Hospital
DR HIBBERT: Mr Kosac, I have bad news for you: you will never walk again.
The Simpsons and Rorschach are shocked.
DR HIBBERT: Ah, ah ! I'm joking ! You're lucky Mr Kodacs, Maggie didn't shoot you in the kneecap, you'll just limp a little for some days.
RORSCHACH: I don't like you.
DR HIBBERT: Why ? Because of my jokes ?
RORSCHACH: Not the main reason, it's because you don't only keep calling me Kovacs but you also keep mispronouncing it.
DR HIBBERT (afraid): Could you please stop staring at me that way ? You're scaring me... Listen, you'll be fine, so I authorize to leave this hospital, let's say, immediately. I hope you'll keep yourself in good shape so that I don't see you here again. Eh,eh ! (embarrassed laugh)
The doctor leaves the room quickly.
Simpsons' house
The Simpsons are dining with Rorschach.
MARGE: Homer, say something to our guest.
HOMER: Why Marge ?
MARGE: To be polite, Homer.
HOMER (rolls his eyes and sighs): Alright ! (he turns towards Rorschach and talks while eating) So, what do you do in life ?
RORSCHACH: Masked-hero.
HOMER: Cool, I used to be a masked-hero too (Rorschach looks very surprised), Pie Man. I threw pies in people's faces, what about you ?
RORSCHACH: I break their fingers and kill them, sometimes.
BART: See Mum, I told you he was cool !
MARGE: Bart ! There's nothing "cool" in breaking people's fingers.
LISA: That's true, I disagree with you way of dealing out justice, it is way too summary and cruel, I don't like you very much for that.
BART: Don't pay attention Rorschach. It's my sister and she stands for stupid stuff like pacifism or vegetarian diet.
RORSCHACH: Socialist.
LISA (who doesn't pay attention to the insult): But I pity you for your horrible childhood. No wonder why you became that way after such a hell.
RORSCHACH (after remaining silent some minutes): My childhood... Bart told me I was fictional, he told about a comics and a movie too, so that means you know everything about me and the others ?
LISA: Yes, we know everything the scenarist had told us about. By the way can you tell me how Ozymandias destroyed New York ?
BART: Please Liz, we all know the jerk framed Blue guy for this and destroyed others cities !
RORSCHACH: He's right... No wait, unless it was a giant squid that did it. I can't remember exactly.
BART: What squid ?
LISA: I asked you this question to check if you were the Rorschach from the comics or the one from the movie, since there are some differences between the two. But I wouldn't have never thought you were the two versions !
RORSCHACH: Would like to see the comics and the movie.
HOMER: Woohoo ! A movie !
Living-room
The family and Rorschach are watching the movie. At that point there is the love scene between Laurie and Daniel on Archie.
HOMER: Wow, that's becoming hot !
MARGE: Kids, close your eyes, please.
BART: Mum, I've already seen this movie !
LISA: You know Mum, there's commercials on TV that are way more explicit than this scene. Rorschach, are you okay ?
He looks furious.
RORSCHACH: Can't believe they were doing it while I was in prison... If I see Daniel again I... (calms down) Who am I kidding ? I won't see him again. I miss him.
On the TV Rorschach, still in prison, takes back his mask from the psychiatrist.
RORSCHACH: Miss my face too. Been stupid enough to left it behind.
BART: Er, about your face, here you go...
Bart gives him his mask and hat back.
RORSCHACH: You had it on you ? How ? Thought you were frozen and couldn't move.
BART: When you guys were discussing the wind has whipped up your hat and mask towards me, I caught them, and you were all so busy that nobody noticed them. And when we came back I kinda forgot to return them.
Before putting on his mask and hat, he looks at Bart in a way which means: I know you're lying, consider yourself lucky I don't beat you for that because you're a kid.
LISA: Now, we should stop the movie I think.
HOMER: No way ! I want to see if they save the world !
RORSCHACH: We don't.
HOMER: What ? No happy-ending ? What kind of movie is that ?
LISA: A realistic super-heroes movie, except for the blue god-like man of course. And you already know how it ends, you've seen it two weeks ago !
HOMER: I know, but I have so many important things to remember (he looks at his arm where we can read: elder pointy-head = Lisa, younger pointy-head = Maggie).
On TV, Daniel: !
HOMER (crying) : Oh, they killed Rorschach !
LISA: That's precisely what I wanted to avoid: showing the man his own death. But I wouldn't have thought that it would have affected dad more than Rorschach, still it's difficult to say so with this mask (Rorschach has indeed no reaction). Are you alright ? (Rorschach nods) Dad, stop crying, he's not dead anymore, he's with us, see ? By the way how did the apparition of my brother didn't change the end of the story ?
HOMER: Who cares ? Still a good movie.
RORSCHACH: Will not complain about the change.
In front of the bathroom
RORSCHACH: No.
MARGE: Oh yes, you need to take a good shower to get rid of all this filth;
RORSCHACH: For the last time Mrs Simpson, no.
MARGE: You win. Could you bring me the liquid to wash the windowpanes, please ? I would gladly do it myself but I can't (she indeed has many others cleaning stuff in her arms). It's in the cupboard above the wash bowl.
The cupboard is in the bathroom, Rorschach enters and Marge quickly locks the door behind him.
Rorschach tries to break down the door vainly.
RORSCHACH: Open the door !
MARGE: When you're clean. And trying to break down the door is useless, these door and keyhole are the stronger on the market.
He looks everywhere in the bathroom.
MARGE: There's no exit except the door. What did you think ? I haven't raised three children without learning how to force them to take a bath.
He opens the window and sees it has been bricked up. No exit.
RORSCHACH (reluctantly): Fine, I'll take the shower.
MARGE: Wonderful. Take off your clothes now.
RORSCHACH: … What ?
MARGE: Well, you can't wash with your clothes on, and I must wash them in addition.
RORSCHACH: No way.
MARGE: I see, you're afraid I could see you naked. Give them through the trapdoor.
The clothes passed through the trapdoor made for the cat, so little that only Maggie could pass through it. Marge put them into a basket.
MARGE: Your mask is missing.
RORSCHACH: Not my face !
MARGE: Especially your face, give it to me or I open the door.
He quickly passes the mask through the trapdoor.
MARGE: That's better, here some spare clothes.
She passes them through the trapdoor and is about to go, but she looks back at the last minute.
MARGE: I don't hear the water !
Rorschach curses some minutes and finally Marge hears the water and, satisfied, go downstairs.
The living-room, at night
Rorschach wears jeans and a with T-shirt with a big smiley on it, there's a red stain looking like a clock-hand close to midnight.
RORSCHACH: Whose clothes are these ?
MARGE: My husband.
RORSCHACH: Impossible, it fits me.
MARGE: Well, these are old clothes. You know he's not always been that...
RORSCHACH: … fat ?
MARGE: … chubby. Sorry for the stain, I don't know how he did it but I've not been able to wash it. You're sure you don't want a pillow and a blanket to sleep on the couch ?
RORSCHACH: Fine like this.
MARGE: Oh. And you really don't want to reconsider our offer for the guestroom ?
HOMER: Marge, he doesn't care, come to bed !
MARGE: Well, good night then.
Rorschach is on the couch, about to read the comics Watchmen, Bart goes downstairs and turns on the TV.
RORSCHACH: What are you doing ?
BART: Watching a movie. Saw XXIII.
RORSCHACH: What kind of movie is that ?
BART: The most gory horror-movie of all time !
RORSCHACH: PG 16, you're only ten.
He turns off the TV.
BART: Aw ! Come on man !
He stands up and grabs Bart by his pajamas' collar and drags him to his room.
BART: Geez, it will be hard to get along with this guy !
The day after, in the morning
All the family is eating breakfast, Rorschach joins them.
LES SIMPSON: Morning Rorschach !
RORSCHACH: Hurm !
HOMER: Eh, Eh ! He's not a morning person your friend, Bart !
BART: I left raw eggs and uncooked beans for you, I told Mum you loved it.
MARGE: We don't offer that for breakfast, Bart, especially to a guest.
BART: But Mum I read it in the comics !
MARGE Bart, that's enough. (she shows (tend) the pancakes and bacon to Rorschach): Do you like pancakes and bacon Ror… Oh ! You were that hungry ?
Rorschach takes all the remaining pancakes, put bacon on and maple syrup . He eat it without using any cutlery.
HOMER (lets his head go backwards on the chair, dribbles) : Hmmm… Pancakes, maple syrup and bacon… (he looks at his watch and screams). Aaaarg ! Gonna be late, bye !
He runs and takes the maple syrup bottle to drink it whereas Rorschach was about to grab it.
LISA: Ew, That's disgusting ! How can he eat that ?
BART: He's not even eaten the eggs , why ? I've seen him do that in the comics !
LISA: Bart, I think he eats whatever he can find, not that he especially likes raw eggs or uncooked beans.
MARGE: Kids ! The bus is here !
BART ET LISA: Bye Mum, Bye Rorschach !
RORSCHACH (who leaves the table) : Bye.
Rorschach is searching his uniform into the laundry basket hurriedly, after having thrown all the laundry away from the basket for nothing he comes into the living-room where Marge is vacuum-cleaning, he tries to say something but she doesn't hear him, so he unplugs the vacuum-cleaner and repeat his question.
RORSCHACH: My clothes ? My face ?
MARGE: Still in the washing machine, I had never seen clothes so dirty before and yet I've made the laundry of my husband and my son for years. You can wear these clothes meanwhile.
He doesn't seem happy about it.
MARGE: Can you look after Maggie a little while ? I'm cleaning upstairs.
She gives him the baby, he takes Maggie reluctantly and keep her away from him as if she was a bomb.
He hears the doorbell ringing but ignores it first, after hearing it several times he finally comes to open it after sighing. That's Patty and Selma.
PATTY: Wow ! Marge finally got rid of Homer !
SELMA: Yes, the new one is much better.
PATTY: And he takes care of the baby at least.
Marge comes down.
MARGE: Patty ! Selma !
SELMA: Hi Marge, congratulations for your new man.
MARGE: What… Oh no ! I am still with Homer. This is Rorschach, a friend of Bart. Rorschach, my sister Patty and Selma.
SELMA: That means the handsome guy is still free ?
MARGE: I guess so.
Rorschach begins to panic and tries to sneak away but Marge sees him.
MARGE: Rorschach, where are you going with Maggie ?
RORSCHACH: Take her out.
He runs as fast as he can.
SELMA: That's a dream man.
PATTY: Yes, I think my heterosexuality is coming back.
SELMA: Plus, he seems to like children, he would make a good father for Ling.
The Quick-E-Mart
Rorschach stops against a wall of the Quick-E-Mark to catch his breath.
RORSCHACH: I think we're far enough now.
He looks through the windowpane and sees The Snake threatening Apu with a rifle. He glances behind him and sees chief Wiggum eating donuts in his car.
RORSCHACH: Hurm. The cop won't do a thing .
He's about to get in but stops.
RORSCHACH: Oh, I forgot you were here.
He gives her to Hans Moleman.
RORSCHACH: Keep me that five seconds.
He gets into the store, catches The Snake from behind and twists his arm, he drops the gun and fall on the ground.
APU: Thanks a lot sir ! That's not the police who would have done that !
LOU: Hey ! We were busy !
He's drinking a squeeshee with his colleague Eddie.
The Snake, while everyone turn their back at him, picks himself up and takes a knife out of his boot, he's about to stab Rorschach but they heard a gunshot and the thief collapses.
They all look back and see Maggie with a gun, Rorschach takes her into his arms.
RORSCHACH: Good you didn't shot me this time, Maggie. Good shot, got potential to become a vigilante.
Chief Wiggum comes.
WIGGUM: Hey ! That baby stole my gun !
RORSCHACH: Most useful in her hands than yours.
Maggie takes off her pacifier and put the gun into her mouth instead, Rorschach takes it off and go away.
Simpsons' house
RORSCHACH: Your horrible aunts must be gone now, Maggie. Aaaah !
He enters into the living-room and sees Selma in underwear shaving his hairy legs.
SELMA: Oh, you're back pretty red-head ? Hey, don't go away ! I don't mind such a handsome man ogles me.
RORSCHACH (to himself): Who does this whore think I am ?
He tries to leave the house but Selma goes between him and the door, so he ran towards the stairs but collides with Homer who was running downstairs.
HOMER: Arg ! The other big whale !
SELMA: Did you look at yourself, fatso ?
PATTY: Hey Selma, you said the handsome guy has returned ? Oops !
HOMER and RORSCHACH: AAAAAH !
Patty has just come out of the bathroom and only wears a towel, the towel falls... Rorschach hides Maggie's eyes before trying to go downstairs with Homer but Selma stands in their way.
HOMER: We're surrounded ! What do we do ? What do we do ?
RORSCHACH: We run !
He knocks about Selma and, followed by Homer, runs towards the front-door that Marge, who comes back from shopping, opens.
MARGE: Homer ? Rorschach ? What...
HOMER: Marge ! What are the two witches doing here ?
MARGE: My sisters are going to live with us for some time, Homer.
HOMER ET RORSCHACH : WHAT ?
MARGE: Yes, until all the cockroaches that invaded their flat are exterminated, the problem is that it may take some months, in addition the exterminator wants to get paid before he begins to work and until they get enough money to pay him they'll stay with us.
PATTY: You hear that handsome ? We'll have plenty of time to get acquainted ?
SELMA: Yes, we're gonna see each other everyday !
They're laughing while they look at Rorschach.
RORSCHACH (under his breath): Gonna kill them.
HOMER (whispering): Sorry but these are the horrible sisters of my wife and for some reason she cares for them.
RORSCHACH (to himself shuddering): Everyday... would have preferred to be blown up.
Simpson's living-room
Rorschach is sat on the couch and is writing in a journal.
Rorschach's Journal
Second day with the Simpsons. Have met Mrs Simpson's sisters, two perverted witches, are gonna live in the same house than me for quite some time. Can't kill them, for some reason Mrs Simpson doesn't agree, and even if she forced me to take a bath and washed my clothes she's been rather nice. Find a way to get rid of these two bitches. Help from the rest of the family is to be hoped, seem to hate them, especially Homer. On second thoughts, not involving Homer, way too stupid.
PATTY: Hey ? What are you writing ?
SELMA: It's a diary ?
RORSCHACH (grumbles and closes the journal): No.
SELMA: You know, you don't have to sleep on the couch.
PATTY: Yes, we can make room for you.
RORSCHACH (shudders, disgusted at the idea): GET AWAY FROM ME !
They go away, laughing.
SELMA: Don't worry sister, shy guys tend to react like this.
Rorschach keeps writing into his journal after taking another crayon, he had broken the first by clenching his fist.
Find a way to get rid of them without violence. Quick. An idea: pay the exterminator. Problem: with what money ? Had only two cents and the Simpsons are not rich. Find a work ?
Next time, Springfield Elementary School ! I hope you liked this second chapter.
