Prompt: Deception- lying eyes
Little Girl Crushes
May 2009
Lulu Spencer
"Kate is gonna fire us both for this for sure!"
"Its not our fault the elevator is stuck between floors."
"There are no excuses in fashion. Its get the job done or get out of the way for somebody who can get the job done. I'm calling Spinelli. Maybe he can hack into the system and get us moving....damn, no signal."
"Chill."
"Easy for you to say! This is my career. Its just your job. You can quit anytime."
"I'm not quitting so shut up."
Our eyes meet. She knows why I won't quit. She's finally figured it out. But she's scared to know. Scared of me. Scared of this thing between us. Maxie is more terrified than I am, can you believe it? But being terrified is only slowing us down. Not stopping us. We're getting closer and closer to the line and I can't seem to find the energy to fight against it.
Why should I?
I've been in love with guys and been screwed by guys and cried over guys. But its only this one girl that seems to more than interest me...like those guys did....she consumes my mind. What first made me ever crush on her was the fact she seemed to never be scared of anything at all. Sure it was just a front. I get that now. She was quaking inside, like I am every second, but back then I didn't knowthat. She was fierce. More than pretty and more than sexy. She was everything all the boys wanted. Everything I wanted to be and know and feel. Fantasies of her being my best friend- making me popular and cool and loved- filled my head every day and night, rather than the reality of the loneliness that ate awat at me. I wanted to be loved by her. Be her.
Till I heard she was screwing Lucky. What a fucking bitch. I swear my life took a dark turn that day, a turn that allowed me to hurt people I claimed to love- people I did love, though no one believes it- and a turn that led me to become crazier than she ever was. I hated everything about her. From that skinny little body of hers to those blue lying eyes. Whore. I slapped her so many times I lost count. Screamed myself raw over her. She messed up Lucky's life and her own and Liz's and mine.
She wasn't somebody to want to be like at all.
Around that time, for the first time, I'd find myself laying in bed, my hands in my panties, thinking it was me she was desperate to have and not him. I didn't admit what that meant back then. Everyone fantasizes, right? A couple of years later she walked into my room at the mental hospital....like she couldn't stay away....and my heart flipped over. She was such a bitch, but I took her back, because little girl crushes die hard.
Now our lives are all twisted together and I don't want to find a way to untwist them. She's flattened against the wall of the elevator, her hands nervously mashing together. Probably afraid this will turn into a repeat of that day when she was in the kitchen at our place and I was reaching past her and our heads turned....for one moment it didn't matter that Johnny was in the next room.
"What's your problem? Claustrophobic or something, Maxie?"
"Of course not! I just don't like being stuck. I have work to do."
"Its okay if you're freaking out. So am I."
"I'm not freaking out."
I roll my eyes as she insists "You don't know what you're talking about!"
I hear that a lot from her. But she's always lied more than told the truth so its what I expect. I tell her "I'm a little scared...I admit it, okay? I don't like this. We could plunge to our deaths at any moment."
"Don't say that! Damn. You're so depressing."
"What if we did? What if we died today?"
"Shut up already."
"Oh my God. We could die, Maxie."
Just a game. A silly game. But we both play it so well. She wraps her arms around me, like I knew she would.
"We're not dying, Lulu, and Kate isn't gonna fire us. God. You need me so bad. You couldn't get through life without me here helping you cope."
I don't say anything back. But its true.
November 2009
Maxie Jones
(The dawn is breaking. A light shining through.I 'm barely waking and I'm tangled up in you)
Who the hell would have known that this is all I needed to feel sane again? To take the confusion away. To lift the pain off me for more than five freaking seconds.I swear I thought this was just some perverted little fantasy. But its not.
Lulu is laying on her stomach next to me. Naked. Drooling- which I'm so gonna make fun of her for later- and asleep still. I lean over and drop a kiss on her freckle laced shoulder. She will say that I wanted this for years but the truth is that I didn't know till last night that I could really be with her.
I was crying and she kissed me and suddenly I just needed more. I needed her. Soft, sweet, bitchy, whiny, needy, scared, brave, trying so hard to grow up, Lulu. That's who I needed to make love to me last night. And she did.
I kiss her shoulder again and then her neck and then her earlobe. I know she will wake up and she does. She moans softly and my body presses against hers beneath the blankets. I intertwine our fingers, just as her eyes drift open. There are no lies there anymore. She's completely revealed to me. I wonder if anyone else knows her like I do.
(I'm open. You're closed. Where I follow, you'll go. I worry I won't see your face,light up again.)
Smirking I tell her "You do know you still owe me some pay back."
She smiles widely. God. Great smile. Really.
"You'll get your payback."
Her kiss promises she's not running away anytime soon.
(Don't stop now. I lost my place. I'm close behind. Even the best fall down sometimes. Even the wrong words seem to rhyme. Out of the doubt that fills my mind,you finally find you and I collide. ) (Howie Day)
THE END
Do I love the fantasy of these two?
Fuck yeah I do.
If you like Maxlu then check out the M rated Whatever's Left by K. Constantine
