Chapter 2 – Fate's Pull in a Starless Night
Eren trudged up the stairs and headed straight to his bedroom. He felt exhausted. It's not because he overworked himself during the day. There was nothing to do with the entire storm going on outside this morning anyway, but he felt tired...spent. He's perfectly fine physically but emotionally, well, that's another story.
As soon as he entered his room, Eren made a beeline for his bed and flopped down unceremoniously. He closed his eyes and sighed. It was such a long day. He woke up this morning and found the rain battering the roofs and windows of the town and it already made his mood go down. Then there's that new chapter that he had to finish, which he did not. God, everything he did felt so strenuous that he felt the hours drag on to infinity. Well, at least not everything went bad today. He received his acceptance letter to Recon, and man, was he glad. Learning the news made smiling less of a chore for him. He felt genuinely happy not only because that his passion was starting to sprout its roots, but also because he was able to show a real part of himself to Armin and Mikasa, and that is his love for writing.
Writing became an essential part of his life from a very young age. Ever since Eren was born, he saw these images of gigantic walls that reached up to the sky and endless lands that left uncharted and unexplored. His little mind found it fascinating, and whenever he saw pictures of mountains, forests and the ocean – especially the ocean – he can't help but squeal with glee.
When Eren became seven, things started to get scary. He started seeing towering humanoid creatures mindlessly eating people, crushing them with their filthy hands and stepping on them like ants, worst of all he saw one of them eating his mother. And on that particular night where that nightmare occurred, everything made sense in that little mind. The Titans, the Survey Corps, him being a shifter, his past life, his friends, everything, he remembered Every. Single .Thing. And it was hard for his young mind to take in. He became very quiet and detached as opposed to that energetic child he used to be, and it made his parents worried. They tried to talk to their son but nothing seemed to work, so they decided to give him a notebook. A plain, simple notebook where he could write everything that he sees and feels. That notebook became his outlet and friend and he was thankful for it. He carried it all throughout the day and filled every page. It was his companion during the hardest part of his life, especially when his parents died when he was 15. During those times, Armin and Mikasa were there to support him but they can never understand him. They don't know anything, they remember nothing.
It was his notebook where he clung to. It was his anchor and it kept him sane. He wrote, and wrote and wrote. He let it all out, every horrifying detail was written in that notebook, but among those awful memories a particular person stood out. And it made everything better, he made everything better. There were his gray eyes, his piercing glare that seemed to look at your soul, but most of all it was his loving silver gazes that took Eren's breath away. Among the chaos, there stood at the centre, was his Captain. His Levi.
Remembering Levi was bliss. He remembered his sharp eyes, his sculpted jaws and bowed lips, those perfectly shaped brows and the taste of his kiss. Oh, how he loved to taste those sweet lips, to feel the burning trails it left on his skin as they delved deeper into their passion, to hear those soft whispers of love and to feel his soft caress as they slowly burn into the night. In that world, Levi was his life, his reality. After all the loss he experienced, Levi became his everything.
Everything seemed to be better and Eren started to calm down but everything started to crash and burn once again when he remembered that particular day, that day where he lost his life, the day he lost his everything. The anguish and guilt that he felt were never as strong as to what he felt that day, even when he saw his mother got eaten. During those times he was nothing but a useless child, he was powerless, but this, he could have done something for this! And it was what hurt him the most. He had the power to do something, anything, but he ended up doing nothing. He saw his comrades die, he saw his friends die, and he saw his love...die. No matter how much he wanted to not include it in his memories, it was still there haunting him, slowly eating his conscience.
Eren was devoured by guilt and each passing day he grew tired of everything, of remembering and writing, so he decided to stop. He carried on with his life but those memories continued on following him. They were restless, sitting on the edge of his consciousness until he can't hold them in anymore. And before those bottled feelings of guilt and regret exploded, he needed an outlet, so he decided to pick up a notebook once again and write and let everything go. If before he wrote to remember, then now he is writing to forget.
Eren took a deep breath and exhaled it all at once. He slowly opened his eyes and the moonlight swam through his emerald eyes, making them glow.
"Levi..." Eren softly muttered his loves name as he stared at the full moon through his window. Its silver glow reminding him of Levi's gaze filling his eyes with unshed tears.
He wanted Levi. He needed him, but Eren did not want to be selfish. At first, he wanted to look for him, he really, really did but he thought that his presence might only remind Levi of all the anguish and horrors of that world. He wanted to give Levi a chance to live his life free from the burdens of his past life. He wanted him to be free and he thought that by doing so he'll be able to free himself too, free from the guilt and chains of his past. It was his atonement for his betrayal, so he decided to give him up.
'Ughhh...I feel so tired but I can't sleep.'
Eren rolled over on his stomach and craned his neck to check the time at the clock sitting on his nightstand.
"Ten-thirty huh, I guess I could still take a short walk outside."
Eren picked up his blue jacket lying on his desk and quietly exited his room. He made sure to take slow quiet steps so as not to wake Mikasa and Armin. They'll probably just fuss over him and he doesn't need that right now. He loves them, yes, but he just needs to be alone right now and clear his head.
He slowly walked down the stairs and toward the entry hall. He took his sneakers from the shoe rack beside the door and wore them. As soon as he stepped outside, cold, late-autumn breeze blew over him and made him shiver.
"Geez," Eren rubbed his arms in attempt to warm himself. "It's getting colder. I should have brought something thicker." He was about to return inside but thought that he may have used up all his luck in not waking Mikasa up. "Never mind, this'll do." Eren turned to face the street and started to walk.
It was such a calm night for a whole day of storm. The sky was clear and the moon was full but there were no stars in sight. Eren found it to be quite eerie. The moon was strangely a bit larger and it felt like the moon has eyes and it was staring at his soul. It was quite unnerving; it felt like the moon was waiting for something to happen.
"It's just your imagination Eren, just your weeeeeird imagination." Eren muttered and brushed the feeling off. He resumed his walk and started counting the street lamps for entertainment. He had nothing better to do anyway.
Eren continued walking until he reached the last street lamp in front of a pedestrian crossing.
"Aaaand thirty," Eren looked at the street lamp's head. "Guess, you're the last one now huh." Eren chuckled. He felt silly talking to a street lamp but nobody's here to see him anyway.
Suddenly, a breeze blew over but it was odd. It felt warm, too warm for a late-autumn night.
"That was weird." Eren wondered out loud and turned his head toward the direction where the breeze came from and he found himself frozen.
There standing across the street was a short man with gray eyes staring back at him.
