GangstaSummoner: Thank you for the reviews, favs and alerts. For this chapter if you see italics that is Bella going into past, when it reverts back to normal, that is the present and Bella is just mentally discussing that to herself. Got that?! Anyway, on with the story.
Update: Thank you Lezlee. This chapter is graphic, so I am putting a warning up instead of taking things out. If you would like to skip over that part when you get to it, feel free to do so. If you can handle it, please continue and enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. I just want to do naughty things to Jacob/Taylor ;)
Chapter 1 – The Past
I can barely remember my real father. I have pictures of him, but as we moved from state to state things constantly went missing. I should be able to remember my father's face, but I don't. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have so many bad memories that they have clouded all my good memories. One being my dad. All I know is that his name is Charlie Swan and he is living in Forks, Washington, but who knows where he may be living now. I damn sure am not going to small town Washington to see him, he knows Renee's number, I guess. Why even bother? He wouldn't want such a loose daughter like me anyway.
I blame my step-father and Renee for the way that I am. I believe I was about six years old when it first happened. By "it" I mean the first time he, Phil, hit me. My mom, Renee, was at work and I had been feeling terrible all day. Most of the morning I felt like throwing up. My teacher was Mrs. Norton, she knew that something was wrong with me, so she sent me to the office so the secretary could call home for me.
I remember it as if it were yesterday, my younger self is sitting in a small chair, brown pigtails, with reddish-brown highlights are dangling at the side of my cheeks held up by two red ribbons. I swung my legs back and forth, as I stared at the young secretary with the funky blonde haircut while she chatted on the phone with someone to come pick me up. I was hoping that it was my mother.
She hung the phone up and then walked towards me with a smile on her round face. She brushed my bangs out of my face, placing her hand against my forehead to check my temperature. "You're burning up, little one," she whispered and then touched my rosy cheeks. "Your dad is on the way."
"Daddy," I muttered, "Daddy…Charlie."
"No, sweetheart. Phil."
"Oh," I sighed while tilting my head to the left. The secretary walked away from me when the phone rang and she began to chatter again.
This time we were stationed in Texas, but my mom wanted me to attend a regular public school. She said something about wanting me to get away from the military brats for a little while. So that is why I ended up at this small, poor school where the secretary doubled as a nurse. Crazy, huh?
It seem like I sat in that same chair for hours and then I heard that young, familiar, boyish voice. It was Phil. He slowly entered the room decked out in his army fatigue.
He was a young guy, just two years out of high school and my mom jumped on him like he was Jesus in person. She was a cougar, I guess. Heck! She was a fucking cradle robber. My mom was a free spirit. She'll try one thing and jump to the next. I thought that Phil would become one of her many things to try, but I guess not. I never did expect her to marry the youngster. I guess…he made her feel young and vibrant again. I mean she was only twenty-three, she wasn't old yet. But you know women this day and age, they think once you get a tiny bit of flab under their arms you are getting fat and old. The problem was that he was only nineteen years old, still wet behind the ears and he wanted my mom, child and all. I found it odd.
"Bella," he whispered as he approached me. I reopened my eyes only to see him kneeling in front of me, with a little bit of worry in his eyes. He rubbed his hand against my hair and then picked me up.
I rested my head against his shoulder and mumbled. "Phil…" He patted me lightly on the back before walking towards the desk to check me out. He filled out a form and then we were out of the office. I closed my eyes again, listening to his heavy combat boots pound against the tile floor and inhaling the smell of sweat through his clothing. He pushes open the double doors, carrying me over his shoulder. When we reached his brand new Toyota car, he opened the passenger's side door and placed me against the seat. He even buckled me in. I was still a little out of it and I still felt the need to vomit. I also knew how much he cherished this car, so I tried to hold it in.
It took about fifteen minutes to get to the base where we lived depending on the number of red lights we had to stop at. The engine of the car roared under the Texas heat. The windows were down and the hot air blew against my cheeks, making my fever even worse. We would then come to a red light; the car's vibration was only stirring up the butterflies in my stomach. I leaned forward, stretching the seat belt along with me and as soon as the car took off, jerking me against the seat, the vile liquid came shooting out of my mouth like a hydrant. I groaned loudly as the smell of the previous night's dinner and that morning's breakfast filled the small space. The wind from outside was only blowing the scent into my face.
"Fuck! Bella! Everything in here is brand new!" Phil yelled as he glared at me from the corner of his eye. He clenched the steering wheel tightly and then bit down on his bottom lip. "Fuck!" We came to another red light and then he turned my way. He began to point at his very expensive radio and the dashboard. "That is fucking five-hundred dollars going down the drain! Who the fuck is going to pay for this shit! Huh?" He clenched his teeth. "I swear Renee was a fucking idiot for having a baby by that Charlie dude!"
"I'm sorry," I mumbled, still staring at the bits of vomit on my navy blue skirt and legs.
"You're damn right you're sorry! You are going to clean this shit up as soon as we get home!"
"B-But I don't feel good."
He wasn't listening to me at all, he just went on and on. "The window was down and you didn't even think to stick your head out there to let loose! Or you could have just vomited on the floor! But my radio!" It was then when I saw it coming, just as if we were in a head on collision. I was having a head on collision with his open hand, just as a car blew their horn at us. I didn't scream, the stinging sensation against my cheek silenced my voice, but it could not stop my tears from falling. I turned my head to the side, resting my left hand against my burning skin. I caught a glance of the people in the car beside us and they had the look of shock on their faces. They quickly turned their heads as if they had not seen anything, before driving off.
"Stop all that damn whining!"
"I'm sorry, Phil…I'll clean it up."
I still wonder about those people in the car some days. I wonder why they didn't pick up one of their gigantic, brick-like cell phones and call the police or why they didn't wait to get the license plate numbers. Maybe they figured that this was none of their business and that is why they drove off into the sunset as if nothing had happened.
Over time, his abusive qualities became even worse. He became a sick and twisted man. He became a man that my mother knew absolutely nothing about. He is a sweet, angelic husband in her eyes, but when it is just me and him…things changed. Phil is a freak. I would consider him to be the freakiest of all the guys that I have slept with, no matter how wrong it is. He is the one who took my virginity on the most life changing day for any young girl.
It was embarrassing enough that I had to walk around school all day all day with a wad of toilet paper stuck in my underwear because the school was out of sanitary napkins and tampons. On top of that my jacket was not long enough to cover any stains that might have decorated the back of my khaki uniform pants. I really did have a sad life. I was so ecstatic when I finally got off the bus and standing in the driveway of our two bedroom home on the army base. It was simple and quaint, nothing too fancy. Even though Phil was in the army we didn't have a whole lot of money. We had just enough to pay the bills and put food on the table and an occasional splurge every now and then.
I rushed under the carport towards the laundry room, which was a quick way to ditch my smelly uniform. I was in need of a bath as well. I sighed lightly as I unlocked the door; no one was home, thankfully. I dropped my backpack on the floor near the washing machine. I untied my jacket from around my waist, letting it fall to the floor and then kicked off my shoes and socks. I pulled my pine green uniform shirt over my head, before dropping it to the floor as well and then undid the fly of my pants. I stepped out of them, leaving my underwear and bra on.
My bedroom was way on the other end of the house, but since no one was at home, I didn't mind walking over there half naked. I started up the wash, tossing my clothes inside before going into the hallway. The television was on in my mom's room, which was always on. She is the last one to leave the house in the morning and somehow she always forgets to turn the TV off.
I took my time, heading toward my medium size bedroom. My twin-size bed was placed at an angle, sky blue pillows and sheets adorned it. The wall and ceiling was also blue, turning my room into my own personal sky. To the far left were my desk and a ancient computer. To my right was a shelf filled with books and little knick knacks. My small closet was beside it with a dresser next the window overlooking the backyard.
I grabbed a pair of loose fitting Capri pants and a T-Shirt before leaving my room and head towards the bathroom. I didn't bother to close the door because no one would be home for hours. I peeked into the off white cabinets, checking to see if my mom had any pads left, which she did, but they were the overnight kind that made you look like you had one of those sumo wrestlers thongs on. I sighed, placing the plastic bag on the countertop before stripping out of my dirty undies and discarding the used toilet paper into the toilet. While I was sitting on the toilet, I reached over to turn on the hot and cold water to my liking, before standing up to wash my hands. I sat back down, waiting patiently for the tub to fill up.
"Well, well, well, look what we have here." I looked up only to see Phil standing in the doorway his eyes locked on me in amazement. He had that dirty old man look on his face. I stood up quickly to turn the water off, but before I could barely get my hands on the knobs, I felt a hard smack against my buttocks. It stung so much. Let me tell you, I did not find it to be pleasurable at all.
"Stop it!" I yelled while hitting at his hand. "Stop!"
"Stop acting like that with your little tight ass." His voice was soft as if he were trying to flirt with me. I wonder if he ever used that voice with my mother? "Come here," he muttered, wrapping his arms around my waist. I could smell the liquor on his breath as he breathed against my neck. He pulled me against him tighter and tighter, until it came to the point where my body felt completely paralyzed in his grip.
"Stop!" I struggled against him, moving my legs in any open direction. I felt the warm blood trickled down my thighs and further down my legs. "Stop it! Please!" I cried.
"Ssshh," he whispered into my ear before clamping his right hand over my mouth. "Scream one more time and I'll snap your neck. Now, are you going to be quiet?"
Hot tears burned my skin as I nodded my head and mumble a muffled, "Yes," against his hand.
"Good girl." I felt his free hand rub against my abdomen and slowly creeping down to the soft curls of my most private area. His fingers eventually found my untouched lips, he rubbed vigorously up and down, wanting to get me wet for him, but it was not working for me. "You're so tight," he groaned as his thick fingers forcibly pushed their way through my folds and deep within in my center. He pumped in and out of me with his fingers as I released a muffled scream. It hurt so much. When I felt his hardness through his pants being pressed against my butt, I wondered why this was happening to me. What did I do to deserve this? "Turn around," he said.
I turned around to face him, legs wobbling. The blood felt like it was gushing out more than I had expected it to. He leaned over to turn off the water and then pushed me down into the deep tub. My head bobbled against the faucet and I instantly thought it might be bleeding too. He quickly slipped out of his baggy jeans, leaving his white shirt on. He climbed into the tub, maneuvering me to the other end. Why am I letting him do this to me? Because he is a trained killer who could probably kill me in five hundred different ways.
The warm water splashed around us as he positioned himself between my legs. "Open wider," he ordered. "And get rid of that bra." I did so without saying a thing, just letting it happen, to avoid further conflict. He then braced his hands on the sides of the tub, angling himself at my entrance before plunging into me like I was a hole waiting for a nail. I bit my bottom lip as hard I could as he pounded against my me, in and out, deeper and raw. The more I bled the more I felt like my insides were being ripped apart and then pulled out like a dead animal. When I saw those hazel eyes of his and how every night they stared at my mother as if she were the world…It sickened me. How could he betray her? She is supposed to be the woman that he loved. I whimpered softly, taking every stroke without a word escaping mouth. I could only close my eyes and wait until it was all over.
When he finished he told me to clean myself up and then go do my homework, so that he could take a bath as well, so he could clean my funk off of him. At that moment I'd never felt so low before in my life. I could have killed myself right then and there.
Later on that evening, during dinner my mom asked me, "How was your day? How was school? Did anything interesting happen today?"
I stared at Phil from across the table as he cut into his steak and then stuffed the piece of meat into his mouth. He gave me a deathly look, one that went undetected by my mom. I took a long sip of my water, before looking in her direction. "I fell…"
Phil added as if he were broadcasting an urgent message. "Bella fell in the tub today after school. Hit her head on the faucet."
"Bella!" My mother said with shock in her tone. "I was meaning to ask you about that. Look at your lip."
"Yeah," I said touching my swollen bottom lip. "I have a little bruise on my head too, but nothing to worry about. I am clumsy, remember?"
On September 13, 2005 when I turned sixteen years old, I decided to run away from Texas. We had returned here about six months ago after living in North Carolina for a couple of years. I could not take the pain anymore. I was tired of it and I needed to get away for good. Every night I would pray that they would send Phil to Iraq and that hopefully he would be killed by a roadside bomb, but somehow he always turned out to be the lucky one. His call to be sent to Iraq never did happen, therefore my abuse would continue. I never told anyone about what Phil had done to me until I ran away and met some girls around the same age as me. I left my mom a long lengthy letter, reminding her of how stupid and naïve she was to let some man abuse her only child and not even notice it. The signs were all there. I wasn't clumsy enough to fall into a freaking tub, bust my lip and hit my head. I wasn't stupid enough to think that the throbbing pain between my legs had something to do with riding a bike and hitting the metal frame below. I rarely rode my bike! I wrote in bold letters, underlining for effect: It was your HUSBAND who did this to me! I didn't even bother to stick around long enough to see her reaction. I didn't want to see it and I damn sure did not want to see his sick, scrawny dick ass comforting her. Until she cuts him loose, then maybe I will return. Until then, I do not want anything to do with them. He is the reason why I don't even call her mom or mother anymore. Her ass is Renee to me and that is all there is to it.
"There you go again, Bella. What the hell am I going to do with you?" says Edward as he turns the car off and climbs out. I do the same, meeting him around the front of the car. He wraps his arm around my waist and leads me up the long walkway to the front of the two story mansion. "What goes on in that head of yours?"
"Thoughts." I say sarcastically.
He sighs, kissing my forehead. "I don't need you to think so much. I just need you to do as I say and you will be fine." He opens the black door with a frosty oval shaped glass in the center and then enters the luxurious mansion with me on his arm.
"Yes, Daddy," I say while pulling away from him. I sway my hips from left to right as my heels pat against the hard wood floor. The dim lights in the large living room give the walls a faint golden glow. The wood pops and crackles in the fireplace, which stands in the middle of the room. Fabulous paintings hangs throughout the walls, flowers and orchids are scattered throughout the room. Chairs, sofas and tables that have been shipped from foreign places are placed in different areas. Esme, Edward's mother did a good job decorating the place. Of course, interior designing and designing homes was her first job, taking care of the girls that her family pimped out was another thing. The soft jazz music coming from one of the rooms in the back causes me to instantly fall into a sultry dance, my hands over my head and my body moving in seductive ways. Dr. Carlisle Cullen is home and setting the mood in his office. I wonder if Esme is in there with him.
I sigh with a smile on my face as I take a few steps up the stairs. I turn around to see Edward standing near the bar, a couple buttons of his shirt already unbuttoned and a shot glass of rum in his hand. "Are you coming?" I ask.
He downs the liquid. "In a minute. Go freshen up."
"Alright, shoot yourself."
"Hey!" He says with a smirk on his face. "Say I'll see you later Daddy."
I smirk back and lean over the railing of the stairs. "You like it when I call you that don't you, Daddy?"
"Hell yeah," he says while holding my gaze.
I wink. "See you later, Daddy," before disappearing upstairs.
