...Draco is in Denial

A/N: This is based on a tumblr post, posted by accio-malfoy! Here are the two posts that inspired this piece of silliness;

"Draco:I'm -
Pansy:Gay?
Pansy:Madly in love with Potter?
Pansy:Rather pathetic in your attempts to get him to notice you?
Pansy:All of the above?
Draco:...
Draco:I'm off to the Owlery
Draco:...
Draco:And fuck off Pansy"

and this one, from pretentious-git on tumblr;

"Most draco days
Draco: *pissed off* Harry Potter can go suck my fucking dick
Person: but doesn't he already
Draco: you shut the hell up"


By the second week of their '8th Year' at Hogwarts, the Slytherins were despairing. They had a shared common room with the other students who had returned to re-do their final year of schooling. But they still had to share a dorm room with those who had been in their own house. This meant that the male Slytherins were far more affected by this sense of despair than the female Slytherins.

However, it affected all of them in some way or another. The problem was that Draco Malfoy was madly in love with Harry James bloody Potter. Everyone could see it, especially them because they were incredibly perceptive. The only person who could not see it, or more accurately would not accept it, was Draco Malfoy himself.

The first two weeks of the term were therefore hellish. They had been forced to listen to Draco rant about Harry Potter for 7 years, and they had rather naively hoped that he would shut the hell up about him now that the war was over. But alas, they had been wrong.

Every minute of every day Draco talked about Potter. The only time he stopped was when he was sleeping, eating, or in a class that forbade him from speaking. The Slytherins who called themselves his friends had tried to avoid him at first, but he had always managed to find them, so they had been forced to think up a new tactic.

That new tactic was called being blunt as hell, and annoying the crap out of their friend at the same time, and Theodore Nott decided to kick things off.

"Hey Theo," Draco said as he flopped on the sofa in the common room one evening, "I'm-"

"Gay?"

Draco blanched, "What?" He spluttered.

Theo smirked, "Gay, Draco. You like men, you want to kiss them, you want to fuck them, you want to suck-"

"That's enough!" Draco exclaimed, looking incredibly flustered as he glanced around the common room.

"Struck a nerve there, did I?" Theo asked smoothly.

Draco glared at him, "No, and I'm not gay. You can't talk anyway, snogging anything that bloody moves! Ugh, anyway as far as Potter goes, he can-"

"Suck your dick?"

Draco's face reddened even more, "I...what...Theo!" he spluttered

Theo just grinned at his friend and got to his feet, "Night Draco," he said in a sing-song sort of way as he left the common room.


The other Slytherins had seen Theo's approach, and they saw its effect. He had not said a single word to Theodore Nott after that conversation, if you could call it that. In fact Draco had actually gone to the extent of avoiding Theo.

Blaise Zabini decided to have a go next. Draco sat down next to him in Potions, and began to mutter under his breath, "Honestly Blaise, he's such an arrogant tosser! I mean I'm-"

"Desperate to fuck him?"

Draco was so startled by this response that he dropped an entire jar of newts eyes into his cauldron. It promptly exploded in his face, and he passed out on the floor.

Blaise shared a rather wicked grin with his fellow Slytherins.


Their method was now tried and tested. Draco had not said a word to Blaise since his surprise response in Potions two days previously. And Draco's eyebrows had still not grown back yet either. The next Slytherin to have a go was Tracey Davis.

"Trace. Can I sit with you?" Draco asked as he spotted his friend in the library.

Tracey nodded, immersed in her book, "Sure."

Draco sat down next to her at the secluded table towards the back of the library. He let out a fairly loud sigh and opened his book, "Can you believe that Gryffindor actually won that Quidditch match? I mean of course they did, it was for charity, it was probably engineered that way. I think Potter is cheating, he always catches the snitch so quickly. Nobody can be that good a seeker after not practicing for a year! I'm-"

"Sexually frustrated about how much you want to get in Harry Potter's pants?"

Draco's arms slipped, and he fell face first into the table with a thump.

Tracey grinned triumphantly as Madam Pince grabbed him by the scruff of his collar and threw him out of the library for making too much noise in the quiet section.


This method was proving to be very effective. Three out of the five Slytherins who had suffered through Draco's 7 year rant about his love for Harry Potter, and returned to Hogwarts for an 8th instalment of it, were no longer dealing with the pain of this affliction anymore.

Daphne Greengrass decided that she was going to give it a try, sick of Draco constantly whining to her about Harry freaking Potter.

"Daph, wait up," Draco said, jogging and catching up with her in the darkened grounds of the school.

Daphne glanced at him as they walked towards the castle together, both caked in mud after a particularly wet practice session down at the Quidditch Pitch.

"We're going to massacre Gryffindor in the first game of the season. I need to beat Potter, the arrogant fucking bastard that he is. I have the best strategy plan worked out too, I'm-"

"In complete denial about the fact that you want to take Harry Potter and fuck him against the wall of that bathroom he tried to kill you in?"

Draco stumbled, "What?" he tried to hiss, but sort of squeaked.

"You heard me," Daphne said, holding her head up high and walking a little faster.

Draco fell over his feet as he hurried to keep up with her, and Daphne smirked. She continued her walk up to the castle, leaving him face down in the mud.


Pansy Parkinson had watched this entire thing go down, torn between feeling sorry for her best friend and pissing herself laughing at his expense. In all honesty she had had to put up with more of his Potter-whining than any other Slytherin here. Apart from perhaps Crabbe and Goyle, but they had been too stupid to work out that it was anything other than hatred.

So by that logic, Pansy had as much reason to want to end the torment as anyone else. But she did feel sorry for Draco, with his unrequited love for the scrawny, specky boy-who-wouldn't-bloody-die.

This was why she had held off on using the method that her fellow Slytherins had shown to be so effective. Until that was, she could not take one more moment of his bloody complaining. She was sitting in the common room when he walked in from his dorm room. He immediately sought her out and said, "Pansy, I'm-"

"Gay? Madly in love with Harry Potter? Pathetic in your attempts to get him to notice you? All of the aforementioned?"

Draco's eyes nearly popped out of his head. He stumbled down the last step into the common room and Pansy smirked. They had brought this elegant, aristocratic statue of a man to his knees in the space of a few weeks through the medium of bluntness. That might have seemed an odd thing, but Slytherins were never blunt. They never said what they meant, they walked on eggshells, tiptoed past sleeping dragons, danced around bushes. This approach was so bizarre that it actually worked.

But this time it didn't.

Draco glared at his best friend, "I'm off to the owlery."

"Wonderful," Pansy said with a slight smirk.

"And fuck you Pansy," Draco added before he stalked out of the room.


"I have gathered you all here today to-"

"What is this, a fucking funeral?" Theo asked in amusement.

Draco glared at his friend. He was sitting on the teacher's desk in a disused Potions classroom, and he had gathered Theo, Blaise, Tracey, Daphne and Pansy in this classroom.

"I am making a statement, Theo."

"Get on with it then," Daphne said, raising an eyebrow at the blond man.

Draco gave a stiff nod, "I have gathered you all here today to apologise for the past 7 years of tormenting that I have put you through. I am aware that I talk about Harry Potter a little more than I should-"

"A little?"

"Shh, Blaise!"

"And I understand why you felt the need for this intervention you have been staging over the past few weeks," Draco said with a shaky breath, "So today I will finally confess to you all the truth...the truth I have been holding inside for so long. And I want you all to know that it is no easy thing, and I am only telling you because your friendship is very dear to me."

"Get on with it!" The Slytherins echoed.

Draco took another breath and blurted out, "I do have a preference for male company and I do have a frustrating weakness for dark-haired, green eyed men in specific and yes, okay, fine! You are all right, I'm in love with Harry Potter!"

A familiar laugh came from the back of the classroom, and Draco's face paled. There was a flurry of movement and Harry Potter appeared out of nowhere (or so it seemed to those who did not know about the existence of his invisibility cloak). He smirked, and his green eyes sparkled as he stepped into the light.

"Well Malfoy, I never knew you felt that way about me," Harry said, a satisfied grin appearing on his face.

The Slytherins seemed to be just as stunned by this development as Draco. But Pansy was giggling, and that was a rare sight. Draco's eyes widened as he realised that he had been entirely set up by his bitch of a best friend (who he loved dearly, really), and that he had just made a complete fool of himself in front of everyone he considered as a friend, and in front of the boy he had fancied for 7 long bloody years. He came to the conclusion that he must do the only thing that a proper upstanding member of the pure-blood society could do in this situation; he fainted.

The End ;)