Please read and review! Story belongs to me. People and things from HP belong to JK Rowling.
Warning: Physical and Emotional Violence.
Solitude...
Chapter 2
Hours passed as I got ready for the day ahead. Putting on my ratty robes over a disgusting shade of red sweater and a brown skirt. These were some of the few things I had not ripped up in one of my tirades down in the dungeons. I turned to the mirror where I looked at myself, analyzing the creases above my brow where dirt had settled. Below that my eyes stood out with a piercing resemblance of death to them, and my mouth looked to have never been opened, to never have cracked a smile. A mantra of every morning.
Smoothing out my robes I grabbed my bag and left my room. I waddled down the stairs until I reached the bottom where a few Gryffindors laid out with their hot chocolates and broad spaced smiles. Laughter pierced my ears causing my innards to shrink in on itself with an almost foreign scare effect. Doing all I could to get out of there as fast as possible was the only rational thing I could come up with.
Moving outside of the portrait and into the hollow halls I was able to once again find a pleasant path towards where I needed to go. I moved between the cracks and grime that filled the halls and even smiled inwardly at the change in temperature from the Gryffindor warmth to the cold sweeping ice that only existed as you get closer to Slytherin. It just so happened that the area surrounding Slytherin, was one of comfort and always left me with a yearning to return.
Today felt different thought. There was something that I just couldn't put my finger on. It was as if the walls were getting closer, as if air was being swallowed up as I moved on. When I got to the left turn in the eighth hallway I was met with a strange sight. There sitting next to a rock was none other then Draco Malfoy.
I had seen him plenty of times before, all unbeknownst to him. He often was by himself or in the arms of a Slytherin arm trophy. Each one seemed to be more beautiful then the last, but the rock next to him now was a little bit out of the ordinary.
I knew that I could keep moving and I knew that it was what I should be doing. But I simply couldn't bring myself to continue moving. It just seemed all too strange. Draco was talking, words slipping off of his tongue and slithering their way out into the crisp air. His words were each spoken with a roughness that was all too familiar and an innocence that I never knew existed.
I was drawn in. I felt the pull. So I stayed there, following my urges' orders.
"He can't possibly know could he?" Draco rushed out as he dug a fingernail into his right palm.
Then nothing. Silence settled in around the low and heavy breathing of the two bodies.
"He knows. I know it. I know that I'm in for trouble. Trouble isn't good." He continued ranting.
His words seemed to be those of a madman. His eyes were hidden between the shadows but if I could see them I could only imagine the pain that may have been there. My curiosity had been filled and so I needed to move on. I needed to keep walking. 'I need to. I need to.' I repeated to myself until I found my eyes resting on a second hall that I could take, and I moved with an awkward stroll until the shadows too hid me.
_____
Class wasn't something I attended very often. There were few classes that interested me. But when it came to potions I would find it in myself to show up. I had to admit that I liked Snapes approach to the class.
He was always cold. His eyes shone with the same hate that I found in the mirror all too often. His appearance mirrored mine. It comforted me. Sadly I lacked the skill for the class and often would just fall back into the background trying to go unnoticed. Something I overtime had become very good at.
Snape never really bothered to pay me much attention. Even though I was a Gryffindor, there were still plenty of ripe and fresh blood onto which he could let his snide comments role off. Today his target was a little blond named Anna. She wasn't very smart but her smirks let on that she believed that she was better then those around her. I had never cared one way or another for her, but her smile had always made me wish her dead. Wish for her blond hair to turn the crimson that had so often entered my dreams.
It may seem strange to think of killing someone, but that feeling has long since past. After killing someone it's not that hard to contemplate doing it once more.
______
The class was let out a little after 11 and I knew lunch would be served in only a short time, but I didn't dare go. Instead I buried myself into the wall and pushed myself down towards the direction of the dirt covered door. I wanted back in. I wanted to be free. I wanted it. I pursued it. I met it.
The door once again stood in front of me. Inviting me to break it open. So I repeated my ritual and once again stepped into the room, peace overwhelmingly flowing through me. I made my way to the same couch and cast the same spell.
'Let it be.' I sang inside my head.
"You can't break it can you?"
"No." I answered cautiously afraid to meet his gaze.
"I really wish you would allow me to see your green eyes Gin. I miss the way they sparkle when you screamed my name."
He was taunting me but I didn't feel angry. I felt alone. I felt pressure. I felt myself moving towards him.
"You see, you don't even understand what it is. You move with me, your sweet scent slowly drifting into the dank pools that surround your soul, and your mouth slowly moving with mine."
I wanted to hear it. He was going to say it.
"Your mine."
"Yes." I replied. "I am."
This was a dream that I didn't offer encounter. Sure it had happened before but it was never with the same intensity. His eyes this time were more powerful, and his scent was all too real. I wanted him to be this couch, be the one that held me.
But he wasn't.
He couldn't.
I know.
I reran the same memory again and again, images flowing and rushing in circles around my head. Flashes of other memories slipped in. Like when he kissed me. When he held me. When his arms were tight around me.
They all felt real. They all felt true. They were all lies. He had never kissed me in the way I was flashing back to. He never held me to comfort me. It had been a mix of bruises and cuts. A mix of lust and regret.
It was as it was and I could not change it.
But the memory could.
The memory did.
Until....
*smack* A hand came down on my face causing a drop of crimson to fall to the floor. Tears weren't there. There was nothing there. It was all gone. I didn't look back up at him in fear that he would hit me once more. With a sudden jolt I was thrust into floor as his foot collided with my stomach. He kicked me two more times until he laid me down onto the floor.
"You love it don't you?" He questioned in a voice that rang of pure intentions.
I couldn't answer. What was I to say. If I said yes it would continue. If I said no it would continue. I tried to remove myself so that I would not feel what was to come but then he surprised me. He kissed me, suddenly causing me to flow back into myself. It didn't hurt, it wasn't tender, but it was something else. It was as if he was apologizing.
"I wish it were different. I truly do."
These words sparked fear. What could he be implying. My eyes wandered to meet his and his hand came to rest upon my cheek. Stroking it as if it were a porcelain doll.
"If you were dead things would be so much easier."
'No' I heard myself scream. 'No! NO!' It was too late his foot had met with the side of my head and slowly I faded off into the black depths of time.
As I broke off from the memory I heard myself screaming. I heard the screech that had filled the rooms walls. I released the spell and once again crumbled to the floor. This time it was worse. I needed a stronger release. I pulled for my wand and cast a splitting spell. It tore at me creating little tears along my arms and legs, each one healing before reopening. Blood dripped down all around me and the pain froze me and pushed me into the cold concrete below me. Concentrating the pain in a new area was helpful and resourceful. It helped to bring me back down to where I needed to be.
The pain slowly suppressed itself and once again I went to the mirror. This time I was almost scared of what I saw. There was a different look in my eyes. It was as if actual emotion had slipped in. As if something from the past had almost triggered some sort of response.
I looked away and then looked back, and this time the emotion wasn't there. It was once again a cold and hollow look.
With that I moved towards the door. Without even looking back at the mirror I waived my wand and it shattered into pieces as I left the room.
__________
I realize that the Draco/Ginny is slow to come but be patient. The best things come in due time.
