"Epa." You say it so casually as if you never went away. My eyes lock on yours for a second before I continue brushing my dark, brown, curls. You shouldn't have come, for do you know how much pain you bring me? Just one look at you, makes my heart flutter. I pretend not to notice you coming nearer. Each step is agony for me, but yet you act as if nothing is wrong and there is no war going on outside Troy's walls. I give you a look of betrayal which makes you stop in your tracks. How could you? You betrayed me for another woman; a woman who is one of the reasons of this war. I had given you my heart, body, and soul, but you let it all burn, not caring that you were destroying the woman I was.
You hesitate for a moment before going on till you are only inches away. I have to close my eyes to fight back all the desire you are filling me with. This is madness. You take a handful of my hair into your gentle hands and carefully pull the brush out of my now shaking hands. You brush it so softly just like your sweet kisses. I want to resist, pull away and scream at you, but how can I? "Epa," you say again. I shiver with fear, anger, and excitement. How could you come in here and pretend I am still your wife and you are still my husband? I thought I was no one to you. I thought she had put some kind of dark spell to forget everything that you left behind here in Troy. Finally I find the courage to stand up and pull away. I can't look at you. I know what you want, but I won't give it to you. I will not let you have my body and leave me like some whore.
"You shouldn't be here." I manage to say. I look up to find sadness in your eyes. You know that I am hurting; you know that you have betrayed me, but yet so far you have only said my name. I was Epa, now I am no one. You made your choice and have chosen her instead me. I was starting to accept it, but now I am not so sure. Emptiness has already begun to enter my body. A lifetime of loneliness has already bitten my skin; warning me that it will begin soon. You and I had been a team. We would conquer anything that stood in our way, but now that the Great Helen is here, I know she is indestructible. She might as well be immortal for you would never let anyone harm her or even touch her. You guard her like a dog guarding its bone. It's sickening to know this because you were once the same way with me. I feel now like a prize that you had to win otherwise you would die, but all prizes loose there admiration and glory. What will become of me when this is all over? Will you finally seal my fate to a world of complete darkness? What if I die in a week and not know of it for almost a year? Would you cry for me or would you finally be relieved? I have already given up on servants so no one would be able to tell you I was dead right away unless you or someone else actually came looking for me.
"I am your husband. I can be here if I want to." You finally say after minutes of silence. You give me a cold stare that I shot back. I am not afraid of you. I do not tremble from fright like other girls would. You walk up to me and cup my face to make me look at you. I blink back the tears that threaten to spill. So much pain I feel. What spell have you put on me to love you so much? This is impossible, this is insanity. Why do you make me want you so badly and yet at the same time I want to hate you for what you have done? Yes, you were my husband and you had always had the right to come to me any time, but now you have a new wife that you can control, you now have a wife that can give you children that you dream of. Oh Apollo is she already with a child? Could she have life growing in her this very moment? Finally the tears do spill out; not stopping till there is no more to cry about. You gently wipe away the tears, trying to comfort me, but only you make the tears come out harder.
"Go back to your precious Helen and forget me. Make love to her and forget you were ever here." I say coldly. There was no reason for you to stay. I didn't want you to be here. You were only reminding me of what I was loosing. I'll mourn the love I had for you forever. I'll burn all the memories that I had once hoped I would never forget. Now more than ever I wanted to forget everything. I should mean nothing to you. I should be a peasant and Helen a queen. She is something worth worshipping. I am worth as much as a slave, no something far less than that. I am worthless to you. I was once your wife, but now I am only a girl who thought she had something worth living for, only to learn that the things we want the most will always be out of our reach. Apollo has doomed me to a lifetime of misery. I do not know why I deserve this, but if Apollo wishes me this fate, then I shall accept it. I am now a pitiful creature who was once known as Princess of Troy, but now I am a nameless thing.
Your hands move from my face to my neck. I see the anger in your eyes. Go ahead do it. I have nothing to live for. You were my dream, my future, my purpose, but now my dream, my future, and my purpose is destroyed. Without a dream there is no future, without a future there is no purpose, without a purpose there is nothing to live for. I put my shaking hands on yours and pull them away from my mine. Then I walk back to my vanity, rummaging through my things till I found what I was looking for. You look at me with curiosity and a tinge of fear. I walk up to you, but you take a step back. I take your hand into mine and replace my hand with the dagger; the blade facing me. I grab your wrist and put the end of the blade to my heart. "Do it." I say, my eyes closing. "End my misery. No one will miss me and now you can be with your new wife." I can't look at you. My heart is pounding to the point where it's hurting. I am not sure if you will do it or not. Will you be the coward and throw the knife down or will you be the man I know you are and help free me from a life that I don't want?
I was once like an eagle soaring high, trying to reach the stars, but then you broke my wings and heart. And so I fell never flying again. The blade kisses my skin, but not enough to draw blood. I look up at you asking with my eyes, "What are you waiting for? Do it." Your eyes grow, if possible, sadder, but you won't say anything. My hands wrap around yours, I try to push the blade further into my skin, but you are much too strong. You break my grasp on my hands and hold the knife above your head; your eyes now look wild. I thought you were going to strike me, but instead of striking me with it, you drop the knife. Our eyes never leave each other as we hear the clank of the blade hitting the marble floor. I open my mouth to say something, but your mouth fiercely covers mine. Desire seeps through my blood making it pound with more want than I have ever known. You push me against the wall, holding my hands against it; as if you are afraid I would try to push you away.
You continue on kissing me until you sadly pull away to take in air, but then soon you move down my neck. I moan out of pleasure and you stop for a second, looking me in the eye until I have to look away. I feel your stare for several moments more before you continue on what you've already started. I know you won't stop for I won't let you and dare I believe your heart won't let you either. Do you remember this Paris? Do you remember those exotic nights making love, creating something that you and I alone could only create? Your hands move down to my breast. Oh this is agony. Somehow you lead me to the bed, still kissing me everywhere. I want more and you want it too otherwise I would have been either dead or all alone crying. Finally our garments are in a heap on the floor, no barriers between us. "Paris," I whisper before loosing myself into a world of guilty pleasures.
Later on I wake up to find you looking out at the sun rising over the see. You are now fully dress and I believe you've taken a bath. You are thinking. You have done this many times before, but what are you thinking of my love? Are you thinking of her? Are you thinking of last night and now having regrets? Oh please do not have regrets. Don't torture me more. I close my eyes once more trying to hold back the many tears that I know will spill. I then hear you turn around and walk towards the bed. I listen to step by step; not sure if it will be your last time you will ever walk back to my bed. I could feel the weight of your body sitting on the bed. I open my eyes to find yours looking straight into mine. I give you a helpless smile. You open your mouth to say something, but then shut it. Don't you dare say it! Don't you dare say last night was a mistake! "I must go." You whisper instead. I close my eyes again, this time from disappointment and sadness. You didn't have to say that you made a mistake. I saw it in your eyes. I look again to find your face is expressionless; oh so different from our love-making. I have to look away; I can't let you see my pain. "Epa," You say softly, soothingly as if you were saying it to a child. You pull back some of my fallen curls and turn my face to look at you and only you.
"Go." I manage to say. Anger began to seep into my bones. I thought you were different from the other men, but I was wrong. You are just a lustful bastard who doesn't care about me or my emotions. I stand up with a sheet and walk to the window, looking out to the many ships that invaded our sea. Greeks flooded the shores; all of them soldiers who came here for one man's greed. I knew they weren't here for your pretty wife; they were here to take over your father's country. They have been after it for years. I turn around to find you still sitting there, watching me. "Please," I beg. This time the tears come pouring out. I turn back to look out my window trying to shut out the noise of your footsteps walking towards the door, but instead you come to me and wrap your arms around me. This was the Paris I had known, this was the man I had married.
You kiss me on my cheek before turning my face and kissing me on the lips. I craved for more and you gave me it. The passion in that kiss rocked my entire body. What we once had was something so great, so powerful, love I knew Helen could never measure up to something like that with you. Our love had been something different and something that is now a part of me and I believe is still a part of you. But then you suddenly stop and place a soft kiss on my forehead. "I'm sorry." You whisper into my ear I knew you were leaving because right after you let go of your hold on me, you walked to the door and left. That was when I fell to the floor crying my heart.
