I just want to reiterate: these drabbles are not chronological. They follow no logical order. They will jump around like fleas on meth, because that is how I roll.
If you don't like that, I understand completely. Press the back button and save yourself some time. Go find a nice, linear epic multi-chapter to sink your teeth into. There are plenty of good ones out there.
(What I mean is I promise I will follow on and explain how they became friends after that not too great introduction at some point.)
Disclaimer: Hey, if I'm noticed enough to get sued that's one hell of a compliment. Which is why, of course, it is never going to happen.
"You're an idiot, you know that don't you Sirius?"
"Mmmph."
"Tip your head back, Siri, or you'll get blood all over your shirt."
"Mmmmmmmmph… get off me! Leave my nose alone!"
"Fine, but don't come crying to me when you need to buy new robes."
"Oh, just bugger off."
"I'm not sure I should. You might try to take on half of Slytherin again."
"You heard what he said!"
"I did. And so did Peter and so did Remus - who was the one actually being insulted, in case you didn't notice. We all managed to ignore it."
"So? I just don't like it when people bother Remus."
"Yeah, well that's because you have a crush on him, isn't it?"
Yeah, like that has any affect on…What?! Hang on a second… What the hell did he just say?
Pause everything. Mental rewind…
"Yeah, well that's because you have a crush on him, isn't it?"
I cannot comprehend what I am hearing. There has been a mistake. I can't have heard it right.
Replay. Replay it slow.
"Ye-ah… we-ll…. tha-t's… be-cau-se… yo-u… ha-ve… a… cru-sh… on… hi-m… is-n't… it…?"
Nononono! Bullshit! I clearly do not have a crush on Remus. Sirius Black doesn't have 'crushes' on anybody. The reverse, obviously, is often true. There are many lovely little girls and boys out there who want a piece of me. And I like to share, because I'm just that generous. But having a crush - that sort of thing just doesn't happen to me. No bloody way.
"What the fuck are you on about, Potter?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about."
Potter is off his head. Besides, Remus is – Remus. That's just weird. I mean, the guy is my friend. My mate. I would even go so far as to say he's my brother. And incest is wrong! Although coming from a Black that's almost a joke… come to think of it, that's a half-decent explanation for quite a few things. Like my cousins.
"Admit it, Sirius. You're so bloody obvious about it. I think it would be a good match – he's probably the only person who could keep you in line."
What's that supposed to mean, exactly? Is he insinuating that I can be controlled? By Remus, of all people?
Now that is very funny.
That is fucking hilarious.
Ok, maybe he's creepily good at the whole sarcasm thing. The way he can always come up with a biting comment to deflate you. The way he just gives you that look and you feel like a four-year-old caught sitting in a rapidly spreading pool of melted ice-cream and cake mix, the cupboard door hanging off because there's a broomstick through it.
Uh, not that I would know what that feels like. Ahem.
His problem is that he's too nice. He holds back. He has this limitless patience, even when Pettigrew is asking him exactly the same question he asked twelve times in class and another three times walking down the corridor. Even when James and I accidentally-on-purpose turn his hair purple.
Now James is smirking. I'm gonna hit him. I mean it. This kind of narrow-minded stereotyping is unacceptable. Just because I'm bisexual (let's be honest here, I'm just plain sexual, but some people need their little labels) does not mean all I want is to get into everyone's pants.
It's not as if I even think Remus is that attractive. He's not. Not conventionally, anyway. He's too delicate, too fragile looking. But somehow not feminine. Odd, that. He's too thin, the scrawny little bugger. He has pretty eyes, I'll give him that. A soft brown-gold that matches his hair. And he has this sort of vulnerable intensity when he…
Oh shit.
I have a crush on Remus Lupin.
Oh shit.
