A/N: This is a flashback. Blogan.
This hospital was stuffy and smelled like medicines and old cabinets. His limbs hurt, and his back aches and he has a headache, and still this night still wasn't through.
"I'm sorry", says Logan for the nth time, and if Blaine could possibly get any more tired, he was, from telling Logan to stop saying sorry.
"No. Don't be, I knew what I was getting into", says Blaine as he knew Logan, inside and out, and tired as he was, he could only do so much to help him now, being hospitalized and all.
"I'm sorry", repeats Logan, ignoring Blaine and blaming all of this on himself, which was partly true, but this finally shook them both, as to What the hell had they both been thinking?This was the turning point in their relationship, and one way or another, they knew it would come to this.
"Don't say that. Please", says Blaine and it was getting harder for them now, holding onto each other like this, but each other only being the other's sweetest downfall.
"I'm sorry, I-I'm sorry, Blaine. Please, I'm sorry", mutters Logan, and this hits Blaine right through his heart, because all through out, Logan had never asked Blaine to forgive him, like as if what'd he'd done had been unforgivable.
'Please, Logan", a sob escapes from Blaine's lips and Logan places his arms around Blaine. He places his head just between the space where the neck and the shoulder meet and takes him in, closer to his heart. And he's truly sorry, he really is and silent words pass by them as Logan keeps Blaine in a tight embrace, and slowly, gently moves his arms to convey the words hanging heavy in the air.
I'm sorry.
And the pain overwhelms Logan again, just like the anger did, and he hates the way it makes him feel, like as if he didn't have no other choice, and presses him forehead against Blaine's.
"I didn't mean to hurt you, Blaine. I lost myself for awhile, and I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't mean to, Blaine, please, I love you, I have to let you go-"
"No. Logan.", Blaine says as fierce as he can but it doesn't do much. He was weak and stuck in a hospital bed. Holding Logan's face between his hand, light and heavy like they would let go, and stares at the window's of Logan's soul before staring at Logan's lips.
And he kisses them. Those green eyes that kept him up in nights when he could feel those against his face, and he snuggles closer and heaves a happy sigh. This stops Logan's tears and they see each other, after what seems like a long, long time. Logan's watching, he's looking at those brown eyes twinkle just for him and he knew he was wrong for ever making them sad or making them shed tears that add fuel to the fire of his mistake.
"I'm sorry", and this time they both know he means that No, Logan won't ever be letting Blaine go.
Logan sees that Blaine's looking at him, and his eyes are looking into his soul and Blaine lands a soft chaste kiss on Logan's lips, and it starts out soft and sweet and ends up being passionate and slow because this is all that takes Blaine to pull away after a short while, he could feel his tiredness upon him like relief, relief that he could finally sleep to know that Logan was still his.
Before drifting off, Logan knows through Blaine's passionate kiss and Blaine's smiling face as he sleeps, that yes. Yes, he had hurt this boy bad enough to be in a hospital and he forgives me and he looks at me with no judgement and he loves me. Blaine loves me. And he's done the same for Blaine. And if he truly does, if he truly does, he wouldn't put Blaine into anything like this.
Logan hugs Blaine one more time and leaves, decided that if he truly loved his boy, he would have to give him up.
Blaine wakes up to a cold, empty space beside him in the middle of the night, hoping that Logan had come home safe and wondering what he would be doing around this time. As he stands up, he sees a packet of M&Ms on the table.
It always got to him how Logan had gone this long, for them to be a secret. He was gay, he was very much gay. He knew that. And he knew that this was making it so much harder for Logan, and today he felt Logan fight for them, and felt like he was the one breaking them apart. He sighed.
He just wasn't ready yet. Logan made him feel safe away from the bullies that led him to Dalton but he still felt scared. And he wished everything to stay the way they were but with Warbler rehearsals and final exams, he was grumpy all the time and he and Logan did nothing but fight.
He wanted to go back to how it was before, when things were simple and he loved Logan, and Logan loved him. But everytime Logan smiled, it hurt him the way it hurt Logan and he wished to break free and let go. He was happy to have Logan, and he would tell the whole world that he had Logan and he was gay.
But he felt something stop him, and he keeps fearing the worst and just goes back to wishing that everything was like the way it was before, knowing that would be impossible after everything that went down tonight.
He knew that he had to come out soon if he wanted what he and Logan were to last.
But even after tonight, after feeling the love he's felt for Logan, to forgive him with his whole heart because he knew it was his fault, too
He slept soundly knowing Logan loved him, but tossed and turned all throughout the night.
A/N: This is a flashback. Blogan. After the scene above.
After a week stay in the hospital, he's officially allowed to go to Dalton, with his room mate bringing him his homework so that he wouldn't be left behind on the schoolwork. A bit bed ridden, he could only walk so far alone outside Windsor, before everything ached back again and he walked as fast as he can upstairs to his dorm.
Withing a week, he was nearly fine, but a bit more fragile, and all of his friends had visited him and accompanied him but not a single word from Logan.
He didn't know what to expect, but he missed Logan, and if the doctor said he would be fine enough to go to school tomorrow he would pass by Logan's dorm, wether people could see or not.
As he walked over there, he could feel his palms sweating despite the cold, and he didn't know what to expect.
Knocking gingerly, Blaine feels a bit of relief when no one answers the door for about 3 seconds and then the door opens. He finds himself staring into the eyes of Logan, after a week, and reaches out to hug him but Logan breaks eye contact, goes inside the room ans tells him to sit down.
He feels like something is wrong, and his heart is expecting it, and he knows what going on and when Logan says it out loud, it cuts everything off Blaine and it takes him awhile to realize just what Logan said, what he meant.
Logan says it again, louder this time but his voice breaks and his eyes betray him and without a second thought Blaine crosses the few, long, hard steps between them and something snaps inside of him and he realizes that Logan can't do this anymore.
He can't stand feeling hurt when they ask Blaine if he knew Logan, and he would just say,"Yes. But we're not close or anything". He can't stand the feeling of having to hold back when he sees Blaine so that no one would see. He can't to keep all of this to himself anymore, especially when Logan seems to think that he's only ever hurt Blaine.
"It's done. It's over, and I love you but I have to let you go", Logan says and he's trying to see through his tears if Blaine understands, and he cries his heart out, the pain overwhelming him, and he doesn't feel anything until two arms have been wrapped around him and this always happens, he thinks. He always brings me back.
"I know. . . Don't make me let you go. I love you and if you're happier this way, I will. But don't make me, Logan, please".
Had he said that out loud?
"Blaine, you'll always bring me back, but do you see yourself? I made you smile and laugh and I see you smile when you dream at night, and I think that I was the reason. But right now, your eyes are crying and you're holding me even when I already hurt you, I love you too much to see you like this, cause I did that too. And it will never happen again, Blaine. It never will. And I love you, but this is hurts me more and you won't always have to bring me back, Blaine. It will never happen again. And I will never hurt you again, but please, let me go. . ."
And Logan kisses Blaine's lips for the last time, just touching them and staying there as he holds the hand of Blaine that is touching his face, and when he lets go, he knows Blaine can see it, too. That it's over and Logan's decided this for far too long and nothing he can do can change his mind.
"Logan, Please, don't make me let you go"
"Blaine, I'm sorry", and he kisses Blaine's hand and pushes him away and leaves Blaine there, staring at him as looks behind him once again before turning left back to Stuart, and Blaine dries his tears and heads for Windsor, hoping that maybe he'd be able to leave his tears in that room the same way Logan had left him.
Today, he realized he couldn't stand it either, and cried only to find out it took losing Logan to tell the world.
A/N: I got the Blogan OOC and lots more from 'Dalton' by CPCoulter. :) You should check it out. :D
