So back again! This was written before I set out on my trip to NU so it's not new. With that said, all my Alexis Lestrange followers, I finally to finish the chapter this weekend. It has been updated!

Warnings to this chapter: Well, the chapter title says it all really. If you are offended by a woman writing the thoughts of another woman who used to be a man (confusing...) and still kind of thinks like one, sorry. If you're American, you'll understand everything I say is with love (but CAN NOT be denied). Lastly, if you actually do get offended by my OC's comments, go ahead and tell me. I don't know if it will change anything but I'd like to know for future works.


To Which Women, Americans, and Past Selves are Insulted

Clara was gone. Happy, but still gone. The Doctor didn't want to talk about it but that didn't seem to stop Missy from trying to make him.

"Now Doctor," said Missy, sitting unnecessarily close to the Doctor on the couch in the library of the TARDIS. The Doctor inched away. "You must open up. We're friends remember?"

"As I remember," said the Doctor, giving up on sitting entirely when Missy practically sat on top of him, "we were friends. That does not mean we are now."

Missy laughed, "Tomato, tomato."

Under his breath, the Doctor muttered a curse that distinctly had the word women in it.

"I have milk slingers!" the Doctor shrieked in a panic laced voice, touching said part of his - err - her anatomy. "Oh God, do we actually call them that? What a horrible name for an extension of the body."

"Doctor, please stop touching yourself," said Kate in a strained voice. She was pinching her nose all the while the Doctor panicked. "Boston, give the lady your jacket."

"Yes ma'am," said a tall UNIT soldier with a burly look to him.

"Can I have his hat too?" asked the Doctor, who had suddenly silenced in her panic when the soldier's jacket dropped onto her shoulders and all but swallowed her whole.

"I-I suppose," said Kate, looking as if she was far done with this situation. "Give her the hat, Boston and then load up. We'll discuss more at HQ."

"We could take the TARDIS!" said the Doctor excitedly.

Suddenly she fell over nothing and if it wasn't for the soldier next to her she would have collided with the ground.

"Good catch," the Doctor muttered before falling unconscious.

The soldier holding the now unconscious and currently half naked Time Lord looked up at Kate with concern.

"Ma'am?" he asked.

"Yes, soldier?"

"Permission to curse?"

Kate thought about it for half a second before saying, "Permission granted."

"Shit."

He didn't like having Missy on board his TARDIS but he had made a deal and this regeneration stuck by his word. However, he would appreciate it if Missy would leave him and his things alone.

"I'm warning you now," he said slowly, his patience growing thin. "Put the holographic manipulator down."

"But it's so much fun to play with," cackled Missy, once more changing the clothes the Doctor was wearing. Last time it was tuxedo, this time it was a clown costume - make that an angry clown. "And you're so handsome when you're angry... And in big shoes."

The Doctor woke up with a groan. They were in a vehicle, a van to be exact, moving roughly 65mph - err 105km - (stinking American thought process) down a less than busy highway of some sort as the road below the tires (the left front tire being a little shy on air) was smooth and properly paved.

"Are you alright, Doctor?" said Kate. She was sitting across from the Doctor, wearing a look of concern on her face.

"Oh, just peachy," grumbled the Doctor, shaking her head along with her longer than necessary brown locks. "Of course the first time I'm a woman I'd faint. It doesn't matter that the Hair did too because-"

"The hair?" Kate repeated, cutting the Doctor off.

"Yes, the Hair," said the Doctor. Her green eyes widened. "Oh god, I think I've nicknamed my past lives. I hate nicknames! Wait a minute, no I don't. I love nicknames. Nicknames are fun."

"Okay," said Kate, simply trying to accept the Doctor's new weirdness. It would have been easier if he were a he instead of her. Something about the gender change made Kate uncomfortable but she didn't exactly know why. "Which one is the Hair?"

"Oh, well he's the one between Ears and Chin," said the Doctor. "Last one was Eyebrows, who followed Chin. And before Ears was Scratchy Voice - your father knew me as Bowl Cut, Car Thief, and Scarf mostly, and I'm pretty sure he used those nicknames for me as well."

"Something or the other," mumbled Kate in agreement.

Missy tried to get the Doctor to dance with her instead of working on the TARDIS but the Doctor refused.

"I'd like to go home eventually, you know," he grumbled as Missy laughed and danced by herself.

"Always such a spoil sport," she teased, spinning around her imaginary partner to absolutely no music. "Hopefully your next life is more fun."

"Is that a threat, Missy?" the Doctor asked, looking up from his work. He jumped back when he found himself only inches from Missy.

"Just wishful thinking," Missy replied, smiling devilishly.

Kate had decided to make a list of the Doctor's characteristics. All the other times she had just 'gone with it' as it were, but this new regeneration had her stumped. She pulled out a red pen and began making her list while watching the Doctor entertain herself. Kate might as well have, seeing as she had to wait for Ginevra to call.

Clicking her pen she began...

Female...

Most definitely the most noticeable characteristic of the Doctor, Kate would point out. Even in the borrowed UNIT uniform, the Doctor looked most definitely feminine.

American...

Kate almost just wrote loud instead but decided American described the Doctor a bit more accurately. She was of course still loud but only in the way one would expect from an American female.

Enjoys annoying others...

Well, at least that hadn't changed, but poor Sergeant Boston deserved a raise with all the hell the Doctor was putting him through. The lad couldn't so much as stand at attention without the Doctor nitpicking at him. She was doing it constantly but without malice, almost as if...

Flirtatious...

If her father wasn't dead already, Kate was quite sure this description of the Doctor would have done the trick. Whether or not the Doctor knew she was acting that way was still on the table but Sergeant Boston certainly noticed. He kept sending Kate a 'What am I supposed to do?' look every chance he could but Kate would fight back her laughter in response. He really did deserve a raise.

Easily entertained...

When Sergeant Boston finally relented and let the Doctor see his UNIT issued torch, the Time Lord looked as if Christmas had come early. She even squealed before quickly apologizing and blaming it on her blasted hormones. Poor Sergeant Boston blushed. He was most definitely getting a raise.

Very American...

The Doctor accidentally blinded herself with the torch and let out a slew of curse words, most of which Kate hadn't even heard of.

Sporadic...

Or easily distracted might have worked better. The moment that the Doctor finished fiddling with the 'flashlight' (as the Doctor called it), she began pestering Private Andrews over the wedding band he was wearing to asking Sergeant Boston if he was gay or had a dog to explain his lack of ring. Yes, he was most definitely getting a raise if Kate could help it.