Carlisle came back before Alice did, but by that time, I knew she was staying away intentionally. She knew I couldn't leave until we'd said goodbye, and she knew I wouldn't be cruel enough to tell Esme or Carlisle, or anyone for that matter, even a moment sooner than I absolutely had to. "I'm sorry," she whispered when I crossed her path in the hallway. I shook my head. It was impossible to be angry with her – not for this – because I knew that if she had been the one trying to leave alone, I would never have allowed her to go without a fight. Still, before we had time to talk again, it was time to pile into the Volvo and, given how difficult it was for either of us to keep things from Edward, it was probably for the better. Rosalie and Emmett had evidently forgiven us – me for my windfall and Alice for her meddling in Rosalie's argument with Edward – because when we made it to the driveway, they were already in the car.
While I may have been the family member who displayed the most historical difficulty maintaining our lifestyle, Edward was revealing himself as the one most incapable of keeping up the ruse, so I noticed when he uncharacteristically concentrated on the road while driving. When we pulled into the lot, I felt a tug and turned to see Alice hesitating. I watched her weigh her options – trying to decide if he would need her more today than I always did. When she let her fingertips brush gently over my scarred arms, I knew the path she'd chosen and, in some small way, appreciated the vote of confidence.
"Jazz, I'm going to wait with Edward for a minute," she whispered after Emmett and Rosalie got out of the car. I looked at Edward, gauging his ability to play along with our little game and then squeezed her thigh where my hand had been resting, wondering how long this would continue. It was taking everything I had not to consider leaving right now - begging off on the pretense of an unusually difficult day and not enough hunting so that I could stop back in at the house, say goodbye to Carlisle and Esme and seek the reprieve I so needed, but I knew that even considering this for a flicker of an instant would give me away to Edward, so I pushed out of the car and forced myself to focus on Emmett and Rosalie while I stalked, a little faster than normally, to catch up.
Rose turned first. "Where are Alice and Edward," she asked, looking over my shoulder to see them leaning against the Volvo.
"Oh god," Emmett said, spinning around and stopping in the grass. "He's not going to wait for her, is he?" Rosalie chuckled. "That's so needy."
Before the conversation carried on any further, the roaring sound of Bella's truck edged up the road. The three of us exchanged glances and then they both looked at me as if waiting for further instruction. As the truck chugged closer, I probed for Alice and shook my head. "It's fine," I muttered. "Let's go."
Emmett shook his head and moved across the grass again with Rosalie and me in tow. The truck was in the parking lot now and I could feel the rush of emotions coming from the Volvo. I walked faster, trying to put some distance between Edward and myself before he smelled her for the first time, all too aware of the unbearable feeling I would suffer Behind me, I felt Rosalie's concern before she huffed and then pushed past us.
"Oh relax, Jazz," Emmett said, irritated. "She's just worried about you." I grimaced. "Hey," he added, amused. "It could be worse – she could be angry with you. Remember when Alic.."
Emmett was still talking, but without warning, the climate around me changed so much that I was entirely engulfed in it. Like a wave, the force of Alice's terror crushed against my psyche, driving away everything else – his words, the burning sensation in my throat the delicious scent of the humans that surrounded me on all sides. I could no longer feel anything but her fear. When I whirled to turn on it there had been no disturbance. Edward was not crouched over the girls limp body and no harm had come to either of them, but there was no relief in that for me, because my acute senses were focused entirely on Alice's heart-wrenchingly terrified expression, watching as her lips opened to form the word "no" without ever hearing the words.
Four and a half seconds passed before I saw what she was seeing – a mini-van turning into the lot too quickly, skidding toward the side of Bella's truck, toward the girl herself and suddenly I knew that there could be many things she might be seeing, but only two outcomes. My instinct for self-preservation – the one that told me to run as fast as I could away from the blood that would surely be spilled, knowing that my own thirst combined with Edwards would kill us all in this crowded parking lot – battled against my desire to protect Alice so, as the van careened towards the car, I stood, frozen in the grass.
I watched her horrified face turn to find Edward, and only when her expression changed did I realize he was gone, that he had moved. Simultaneously, the world reappeared around me again. Where before I had felt only Alice's fear, suddenly I could feel Emmett and Rosalie, both tense beside me again. I could feel the boy who was driving the van, the students as they flooded back out into the lot when the unmistakable sound of metal on metal reached their ears. I could feel Edward and I could feel the girl. I didn't need to look to realize that he had come to her aid. She felt no pain, only gratitude and confusion and I knew he'd saved her.
I continued to watch Alice as the rest of the student body assembled, trying to move Tyler's van back far enough for the EMT's to work. "Should I help?" Emmett asked in a whisper. Across the lot, Alice shook her head. She was tense, watching Edward, and for the first time, she seemed to feel, in some small way, what the rest of us had felt since the beginning – she was finally registering the risk.
We waited until the van was clear and Alice, the closest among us, had moved in to edge forward into the throng of children surrounding the accident split up and mixed into the crowd, trying to make it seem as if we'd been there all along. For the firs time since my own human life, I was elbow to elbow with humans and my throat didn't burn. For her part of the performance, Rosalie gripped Edward into what was a convincingly affectionate hug – had I not been able to feel the emotion behind it, I might have even believed it myself.
It took about ten minutes for doctors to make a preliminary assessment of Bella and Tyler and whisk them away. Once they were gone, the rest of the students dissipated, but no one seemed to be returning to class. Edward got back into the Volvo almost immediately after they'd gone, leaving Alice, Rosalie, Emmett and me standing alone in the lot. "I'm going after him," Rose said through gritted teeth. Emmett opened his mouth to say something but thought better of it, wandering instead toward the tan car which still showed little indentations and divets where Edward's shoulders crushed against it.
I was the next to break the silence that had fallen, watching Rosalie's ever-so-slightly-faster-than-human-walk as she rushed toward the tree line. "Should I follow?"
Alice was the one to answer, her voice betraying the confusion she felt. "No. Edward will get to Carlisle first. Carlisle will understand." Her words were reassuring enough for Emmett, but I knew she wasn't worrying about Edward and Rosalie's petty argument – she was worrying about Bella, because she knew, as I did, that everything we worked for rested in the hands of this one little girl. I gritted my teeth. It wasn't rational thought that compelled Edward to save her today. He didn't stop the van because he knew that the scent of her blood would be too intense for him – that he would expose us. He interfered because something in him couldn't handle what it would mean if she no longer existed. He didn't have the stomach to end her, and he never would – so we would spend the rest of her life – the next sixty years – dealing with this…this feeling that he had for her. And then there was the question of what would happen to all of us I he were to hurt her. Even if there were no witnesses, I knew that the emotional impact of his killing her might well kill him.
"Jasper, stop considering that," Alice's words were stern and they broke into my musings. "You're not going to hurt that girl, and neither is Edward." I glared at her with rampant disbelief. "I'm not letting you – we'll leave if we have to."
Emmett must have overheard us, because he stopped what he was doing and moved closer. "We should get out of the parking lot," he hissed, looking over his shoulder. Alice nodded.
Emmett and I shared a class this hour, but we didn't go. Instead, our random silent wandering through the corridors led us to the library and it seemed as good a place as any. I cleared my throat. Emmett may not always be the most subtle among us, but he could, at times, be the only person in the family with whom one could have a conversation and trust all he would hear would be what you were saying – it was a welcome reprieve from the intense exchanges with Edward, Alice, Carlisle and Esme.
"One of us has to do this," I said. I knew he would understand what I meant without further explanation and he looked at me, guarded and condescending.
"Don't you think that's up to Edward?" he asked, bracingly.
"No," I countered honestly. "He can't hurt her. It would kill him." Emmett scoffed. "Alice and I – we can leave if we have to, if he hates us – but Carlisle can't lose Edward."
"Jasper, if you feel like you can't handle this…" his voice trailed off.
"Emmett, it's not that," I spat, trying to keep my tone at a whisper. "I'm OK. But do you really think this can end without him killing her? No one will be surprised if I slip up. And even if Edward is furious, Tonya would take Alice and I in."
We sat in silence for a little while, Emmett presumably considering what I had said, but the bell rang before we were able to discuss it further.
I didn't see any of them again until we were in the cafeteria for lunch. Rosalie had taken her regular seat but she had clearly given up a bit on the pretense, sitting a little straighter for a little longer than was normal. Instead of looking relieved that our brother was OK, we looked tense, agitated and, depending on who you were focusing on, vengeful. Fortunately, the chatter in the cafeteria all revolved around Bella and Tyler. The few student's who'd stayed at school this morning were being filled in on all of the details by those who'd gone to the hospital to wait. Just before the bell rang to signal the three minute warning, Alice leaned across the table. She spent the entire hour watching Edward and, judging by her level of frustration, it had been relatively fruitless. "Edward's going to come back this afternoon," she said, looking pointedly at Rosalie. "Let's all try to remember were in public."
Emmett and I didn't really talk much for the rest of the afternoon and Rosalie avoided all of us – furious with what she perceived as our non-reaction to the situation. My teachers, seeming to take pity on me in the face of my brothers supposed near death experience this morning didn't ask much of any of us save to enquire as to his health. Automatically, I answered their questions – yes, he's fine, no I don't know how Tyler and Bella are – even her name stung my throat as I said it. By the time we made it to the car we'd all had enough and were ready for the brief reprieve the ride home could serve as. If the five of us could keep from backbiting, sniping and otherwise throwing ourselves at eachothers throats for the fifteen minute ride back to the house, I might be able to make it through the evening without my skull splitting in two, but I could feel Alice's tension and irritation and any hope I'd had evaporated. She was agitated and I recognized it as the particular brand of annoyance she reserved for me.
Frustrated with the delay in my plans to leave, I abandoned my efforts to hide my intentions from Edward and resolved instead to simply eliminate the problem. Alice stiffened. Edward gripped the wheel tighter and I began to wonder what lengths he would go to to protect this girl. The words Alice and I exchanged on our walk last night gained new relevance.
"I think he may love her." I'd said. Alice protested, insisting that he couldn't know her at all and couldn't love her as a consequence. "I know," I argued, "but I think there's more to it than that. And I know she's drawn to him."
When we got home, Edward cut a direct path for the dining room, the rest of us right on his heels. Alice hung back, knowing what was about to happen better than the rest of us but I pressed on. Edward sat down next to Carlisle, poised at the edge of his seat. Rosalie was the next to declare herself, pulling out a chair at the end of the table, pitting herself against Carlisle and Esme. Emmett sat dutifully at her side. I hesitated for a moment, surveying the situation cautiously. Resolved though I was that Edward's fascination with this girl was dangerous for all of us, I certainly wasn't as set in my opinion or as militant as Rosalie. Hearing Alice's footsteps approaching, I planted my feet where I stood, resolving to stay precisely where I was.
Over the years, Alice and I had many disagreements. Her unique abilities and mine often placed us on opposite sides of an argument, but rarely did our arguments involve the family in this manner. She too hesitated when she entered the room, watching my movements carefully before pulling out the chair next to Esme.
He spoke first, apologizing. Rosalie countered him aggressively, sounding as though she wanted to strike. Alice kept her eyes closed through all of it – either defending herself against the conversation or trying to see where it was going. Edward offered to leave, insighting a plea from Esme. Emmett tried another tack – arguing that Edward's ability to hear people's thoughts was indispensible. Edward disagreed and, when Carlisle took Emmett's side, he countered again. "She's trustworthy. She won't say anything."
Rosalie bristled in front of me.
"I know this much," he said. "Back me up, Alice."
The sound of her name caused the hair on the back of my neck to stand up, but I could feel Edward's desperation. She looked up and shook her head, looking at me meaningfully and then glancing at Rosalie. "I can't see what will happen if we just ignore this."
As she spoke, I felt Rosalie's mounting tension, and knew she could see it as well. Abruptly, Rosalie exploded, her fist slamming into the table. I longed for things to be as easy for me as they were for Emmett. I wished I could just put my fingers in my ears and walk away from this room – that that was all I needed to do to be able to shut out the outside. Still, as Rosalie argued, I could sense a waning in her resolve. She was giving in and she would do whatever Carlisle demanded of her and he was resolved not to let any of us hurt her – Bella. There was no point in calling her "the girl" anymore, she wasn't going to go away for us anytime soon. If I was to do anything – I would have to understand that it would cost me my family, and perhaps even Alice.
While the fighting continued, Alice looked at me, seemingly watching my expression carefully. I didn't move – didn't even blink, determined not to influence the mood in the room whatsoever, to neither amplify nor negate Carlisle's resolve or Rosalie's fury. Alice would know – she must have understood that my silence wasn't indifference but rather was my unwillingness to put my plan of action on the table for debate. I was going to eliminate this hazard, and it wasn't a matter open for discussion, but respect for Carlisle kept me standing here, waiting for them to finish. I could make eye contact with her, knowing that her expression would be too painful to endure.
Abruptly, Edward turned his attention on me, cutting Rosalie off mid-sentence. "She won't pay for my mistake," he said, his voice even. "I won't allow that."
"She benefits from it then?" I asked, keeping my eyes on him. I felt Alice, at Esme's side, almost recoiling from my tone and it felt like knives slashing across my mind. Edward and Alice shuddered in time. "She should have died today, Edward. It would only set that right."
"I will not allow it," he repeated. His tone was resolute, but in no way changed – his emotional field however, had shifted in a drastic manner. I felt my eyebrows raise in surprise inspite of myself. I expected him to take longer to realize what he felt for this girl.
"I won't let Alice live in danger," I stated. Edward bristled, his possessive love being replaced with offense. He was sure to argue that she wasn't in any danger, but I saw it before he could speak. "Even a slight danger. You don't feel the way I do about her, Edward, and you haven't lived through what I've lived through, whether you've seen my memories or not, you don't understand."
My relationship with Edward was a troubled one where Alice was concerned. She was easily his favorite among us – he loved her intensely and, whenever the families safety was in question, he was quick to ensure that she would be safe before worrying about himself, a trait that had always endeared him to you – but never before had Edward been the source of the danger and his unwillingness to see the difference was something you were willing to kill him over.
As the thought crossed your mind, Edward heard it like a scream. He glanced at Alice to see if she too had clued into it.
"I'm not disputing that Jasper," he said finally, the conversation taking a sudden turn for the extremely serious "but I'm telling you now, I won't allow you to hurt Isabella Swan."
As we stared at each other, I felt terror flood into Alice and watched as a small wince of pain crossed Edward's eyes. They were having yet another of their silent conversations and, whatever the outcome, it caused both of them extreme sorrow.
"Jazz," Alice's voice broke the tense silence with it's gentle ringing tones.
I cut her off. "Don't bother telling me that you can protect yourself Alice. I already know that. I've still got to-" I was going to say 'got to protect you' but she cut me off in return.
"That's not what I was going to say," she said. "I was going to ask you for a favor." Her voice was careful – cautious and I braced against it. Across the room, Edward gasped and I let my eyes flicker to him for a moment, but she spoke again, bringing my attention back. "I know you love me," she started again, adding a 'thanks' for good measure. "But I really would appreciate it if you didn't try to kill Bella. First of all, Edward's serious and I don't want you two fighting. Secondly,' she stopped, as if she knew what she was about to say would be the dangerous part of the question. "She's my friend. At least, she's going to be."
It was my turn to gasp. "But…Alice…"
She didn't let me talk long, watching me long enough to read my reaction and then starting again. "I'm going to love her some day Jazz," she said softly then continued, infusing a little levity into her tone. "I'll be very put out with you if you don't let her be." As her last words reverberated in the empty space between us – the table had seemed very large today – I felt myself give in, knowing that she already loved this girl she didn't know, and what it would cost her if I were to take that away. Sensing the shift, she relaxed, closing her eyes. "See? Bella's not going to say anything. There's nothing to worry about."
With that, I relaxed, leaning back against the wall but watching Edward carefully. He, unlike the rest of us, seemed more tense than he'd been when we began.
"Alice," he choked out. "What does this..?"
Alice considered her words carefully, snapping her eyes open again in the telltale signs of a vision. "I told you there was a change coming. I don't know, Edward." She was lying. That I could tell as her jaw tensed. Her stress was palpable.
"What?" Edward asked, still more scared than angry."What are you hiding?" She gritted her teeth. "Is it about Bella?" he asked, the fear evident now as his voice cracked.
Alice flinched and her mood shifted for just an instant. It was only seconds, but it was enough for Edward to see precisely what she was trying to hide. "It's solidifying," she whispered. "Every minute, you're more decided. There are really only two ways left to her. It's one or the other, Edward."
"No," he whispered again, leaning on the table for support. It was my turn to be confused. Where I had left Rosalie, Carlisle and Esme in the dark mere minutes ago, I was on the other side now, struggling to discern what Alice must have seen from a few words and broken sentences. Distantly, I heard Emmett ask what was going on, but neither of them moved to answer him. "I have to leave," Edward said.
Emmett started arguing with him – citing all he same reasons we'd discussed earlier, but what he said didn't matter to Edward, or to the future. "I don't see you going anywhere, Edward. I don't know if you can leave anymore." Alice said softly. For a few moments, it was quiet as they locked eyes. She was prompting him in some way, because his expression changed to pain, then to desperation, then his eyes flickered to me and fear and rage filled in the gaps. She was asking him to consider leaving, and she could see me hurting the girl.
"I don't hear that," Edward said aloud. They looked at each other for a few long moments. I stood up from my relaxed post on the wall, tense again. "Why are you doing this to me?" he asked, his question a groan. Esme directed her glare at Alice and I moved reflexively to defend her but Carlisle set a hand on hers and she looked away.
The next words that were uttered surprised everyone but the three of us – Edward, Alice and me. "Love her too?" he asked, incredulous even in his whisper. I stood up straighter, stepping closer to Alice, finally understanding the full breadth of what they were discussing. Alice saw her joining us – becoming a part of the family, becoming a vampire. This wasn't something we'd discussed. Changing her in a town and a time where she had family and friends – it was more dangerous than killing her. Alice was feeding him flickers and he shook his head all the while, trying to deny whatever image he was seeing while the pain he felt mounted to nearly unbearable levels.
"I don't have to follow that course," he said, speaking closer to full volume again. "I'll leave. I will change the future."
"You can try," she said softer, turning around to look at me now.
Suddenly, Emmett's voice was booming over everyone else's and Rosalie was elbowing him in the ribs. "Pay attention," she hissed. "Alice sees him falling for a human!" She practically spat the word and I tuned her out, focusing on Edward again, he didn't seem to be listening to her words either. Emmett said something, and then Esme broke in, but it was me that Alice answered.
"What do you see, exactly, Alice?" I demanded – angry.
"It all depends on whether he is strong enough or not. Either he'll kill her himself," she explained, shooting a glare at Edward. He shivered, catching a glimpse of a darker vision. "which will really irritate me, Edward – not to mention what it would do to you. Or she'll be one of us some day."
I watched her intently, trying to ascertain if there was more behind her words than she'd offered, but she looked away from me, back at Edward, bracing herself.
"That's not going to happen! Either one!"
"It all depends," she repeated, looking at me. "He may be just strong enough not to kill her – but it will be close. The only thing he's not strong enough to do is stay away from her. That's a lost cause."
There was silence for a long moment while Edward stared at Alice, a mix of desperation, awe, longing and hatred and then Carlisle started speaking again. "Jasper, listen to me," he said, paternal and authoritative. "You can't hurt her. This is up to Edward now." I nodded, as Alice knew I would, but Edward got up and stalked from the room.
"He's not listening," she said before allowing her shoulders to slouch as if the weight of the world were resting on her shoulders. It wasn't like Alice to let the toll of her gift show in front of anyone but Edward or myself. I stepped forward and set a hand on her shoulder, I could only imagine what this must have looked like to the rest of them who had never seen it before.
"Alice," Carlisle said, gently, concerned.
"I'm fine Carlisle," she answered, not giving him the opportunity to ask the question. She drifted out of the conversation, and I went along, washing with her emotions as they came and went, allowing myself to feel them as fully as she did. The rest of them seemed to be discussing strategy – occasionally one of their words would drift in through the fog of sensation.
"So that's that then," Emmett asked, his big booming voice no longer tainted with an edge of concern. For him, the tenuous portion of this endeavor was over. Either Edward would kill the girl tomorrow and we would all leave Forks behind or there would soon be a new member of the Cullen family – another little sister for him to pick on. Beyond those two outcomes, I was sure Emmett entertained no others. Even Rosalie seemed resigned to the situation, but I'd known her long enough to know that she, at least, would be considering other options. Briefly, Alice shuddered again, seeing something that scared her. I tightened my grip on her shoulder automatically.
Stealing herself against the images that seemed to be launching a constant siege on her psyche, she pushed herself back from the table and I released my grip. Esme looked wounded. As much as I knew she wanted to keep Edward here – Carlisle's best friend and her first son – it obviously pained her to watch our discomfort as well. Helplessly, I followed her up the stairs to our room. I didn't say anything, just sent a vauge ebb of soothing energy in her direction and, knowing she felt none of it, giving up by the time we passed Edward's empty room.
Edward left music playing softly when we left for school this morning and it played on still, the soft melody flowing effortlessly into the hall. She stopped and leaned on the doorframe. I paused for a moment before wrapping my arms gingerly around her waist. "Alice," I whispered, trying to infuse my tone with the certainty that I felt. "We are going to be OK. No matter what happens, I won't let anything happen to you."
"I know." She answered me in the same soft tone, taking hold of my hands.
When Edward returned it was long past midnight. Rosalie and Emmett had retired to their room, hours ago, but Alice and I waited, along with Esme and Carlisle, nervous in the great room. I flicked through the TV, switching from one infomercial to another without really seeing what I was watching. Carlisle tried to watch for a few hours, but it wasn't long before the tension began to show on his face as well. Now, he paced from one end of the room to the other, starring at the mirrored glass with blank attention. Esme, it seemed, was the only one able to focus on her distraction – and she did so with an exacting precision, each stitch meticulously placed. Edward would stay – he couldn't leave – of that Alice seemed sure.
"Can I help?" she asked, examining Esme's project. We both knew she wouldn't let her, but she seemed to want to offer anyway. The rug Esme was painstakingly repairing had been with Carlisle since his time with the Volturi and she trusted it to no one. Esme didn't even hear Alice speak. I did, though, and I turned from the TV, realizing what her search for busy work meant.
"About ten minutes, now," she said in answer to my unasked question. Carlisle stopped pacing.
We all busied ourselves, the charade coming easier. Edward would know it was a farce, but the fact that we'd made the effort would placate him some. I switched the TV to a nature show about the African lion and Alice picked up the magazine she'd discarded before dusk, swinging one leg over the arm of the chair. We were all poised like this, carefully staged, when Edward came in. Alice sat up a little too eagerly and Edward emitted a low growl. I stirred.
"Jazz," Alice cautioned, but Edward interrupted.
"Give it up, Alice."
