Chapter 2 Alone Again

They call it amnesia, the loss of his memory. Seven years he lost. My seven years. Those were are years. He thinks it's 2001. He thinks he is still married to Kathy. He hardly knows me. We're engaged. I'm pregnant! I crawl up into a ball in OUR bed in OUR apartment. I'm angry. I'm sad. I shut my phone off, for the first time ever. I close myself off to the world. I have never felt so helpless. How are we going to tell him? Re-tell him everything? Kathy left him. His mother died. It's going to crush him all over again.

What about our baby. No one knows about it. Hell no one really knows about us beside Cragen, Casey and Maureen. The others may have their suspicions but they have never heard it from the horse's mouth. We were going to tell them today. Tell them we are getting married; tell them we are going to have a baby. Instead I'm here alone, sobbing unable to deal with the reality that is in store for me.

I have to take it day by day. That is what the doctors told me. He could snap out of it at any time, he could also never snap out of it. I have been driving myself crazy running these circles around in my head. I'm physically exhausted, I got no sleep last night…Elliot's fault mostly celebrating our engagement and our baby…that makes me smile. He was just here lying with me, making love to me, for hours. As soon as we did get to sleep he got the call from Munch. I couldn't fall back to sleep once his warm body left mine. I lay in bed for another hour or so, until I got the phone call…

Eoeoeoeoeoeoeo

I woke up from my nap, at first I thought it had all been I dream. I turned over in our bed but he wasn't there. Thoughts of last night, early this morning came plowing into my head. The clock is starring at me, 2PM. My door is being pounding on. I don't want to answer it.

"Liv! Olivia! It's Casey! Open this door before I break it down! And you know I will too--"

"Hey." I say as I open the door.

She pulls me into a deep hug, "I'm so sorry Liv."

We make our way to the couch and sit down. I stare at the photo of Elliot and I hanging above our fireplace. I look so happy.

"You'll get through this Liv. You are the strongest person I know. No matter what happens, you will make it."

"What if he never remembers Case? Our whole relationship, gone. I mean he still thinks he's married to Kathy. Do you know how much that hurt, to have to hear him call for his wife? His bitch ass fucking hoe of a wife? And I can't get mad, no because in 2001 she wasn't a hoe, and now she is a big fat fucking hoe."

Casey is laughing at me; it actually makes me laugh too. "She did turn out to be a bitch huh?" She says.

"Yeah, she really did. I just wanted to hold him you know? And I can't. I can't, I'm like the other woman, the other woman who is having his baby."

"WHAT?! THE BABY! What baby Olivia?!"

"Our baby. We found out I was pregnant last night Casey and he proposed." I show her my ring. She flings me into another bear hug.

"Congratulations! Oh My God! This is great. You guys are going to get married and have a baby---oh. Oh God Liv, I'm sorry, I forgot. Oh my God, Liv."

"Yeah. So now you see where I'm coming from. The whole picture."

"Well he fell in love with you once; just make him do it again. After all you two were meant to be together, shit you guys are soul mates, and no broken brain is going to change that Liv. You just start over."