The sun filtered down through the high window in Gemma's office, suspending particles of dust temporarily in the air before Matilda's eyes.
She pushed back the sleeves of her peasant blouse and began to sort through the books for the day before, a reverie of numbers she was immersed in before Gemma called her back to the present, "Sweetheart, find out from the boys how many refills they need".
Matilda uncrossed her booted feet and opened the door to the office, her nostrils instantly entrenched by familiar wafts of leather and motor oil and her ears bombarded by deafeningly old-school rock and raucous laughter.
"What can I do for you my lassie?" questioned Chibs as she approached the garage.
Tig slid out from underneath a car nearby in almost comic timing "I'll tell you what you can do for me", Matilda rolled her eyes "As curious as I am, save me the enlightenment Tiggy, I'm here for refills and refills only".
Tig's sorry attempt at a puppy dog pout was interrupted by Gemma striding out of the office, keys in hand "St. Thomas. Now."
Matilda had always hated St. Thomas. The lights were too blinding, the walls too sterile. She preferred the earth below her feet, not polished linoleum.
She stood beside Gemma who was currently berating the receptionist "Somebody better tell me what's happening to my Grandbaby or I swear to god..."
"Mom" Jax interrupted and Matilda couldn't help but be taken aback by the pain evident in his usually sure voice.
As he embraced Gemma, Jax's blue eyes met Matilda's green, nodding, she implemented the silent communication that the two had become masters at, a connection no one else could understand, wordlessly reassuring him, of what, she wasn't sure.
As Tara approached, Gemma took the lead "How is he?" her words almost hesitant, still plagued by the familiarity of a lost son.
"He's stable but he has a heart defect and a tear in his abdomen. The tear is most likely a result of the drugs but the heart defect..." "...the family flaw" Gemma interrupted.
Tara nodded "The tear on its own can be easily repaired but the two together..." Her eye's met Jax's as she spoke softly "There's a twenty pecent survival rate".
Matilda's breath ran cold, feeling the absence of warmth beside her as Jax stormed down the corridor, away from the possibility of the hole inside of himself gaping open more widely than ever. Clay and the others, who had been waiting a few metres back, rose to meet him as he passed through the folding doors.
Out of protective instinct, Matilda went to follow him, only to be stopped by Bobby who patted her shoulder comfortingly "He's only got vengeance on his mind right now darlin', we'll look after him".
Matilda could only watch their retreating figures, knowing that someone, most likely a verminous Crank dealer who had no qualms with supplying to pregnant women, would soon feel Jax's wrath. Matilda knew that wrath ran deep within the veins of the club. There was no escaping it.
Matilda butted her cigarette on the concrete steps on the hospital's fire escape stoop, leaving the blue skies for the ominous white wash of gloom.
She approached a group of doctors, singling out the one she needed to see, "Tara" the older woman spun to face her, beckoning her to follow to a more secluded spot.
"I know you said there's only a twenty percent chance but is there anything else that could be done" Matilda began, not quite knowing where she was going.
"I'm in charge of the case and I will do everything within my power to keep that baby alive" Tara assured her, feeling sorry for the girl stood in front of her, desperation filling her eyes. She couldn't be fooled though, as sweet as Matilda seemed, Tara suspected she had been corrupted somehow by the influences of Gemma.
Matilda nodded gratefully before beginning again "and Tara, Jax he...".
Tara interrupted her, this time less reassuringly "Look, I've already had Gemma cover that so you really don't need to."
Matilda instantly recognised her mindset, familiar with Gemma's wily and often threatening ways, "I'm not Gemma" she assured softly.
Tara's eyes fixed on hers, trying to scan for any hint of deception beneath the emerald but found none. "I'm sorry" she stated honestly.
Matilda continued "It's fine; I just wanted to make sure you know this. He still loves you. I don't think he's ever really stopped". She gave the doctor a small smile before walking away to find Gemma, sure in her heart that she would save Jax in whatever way she could.
"Wait!" a voice called out to her, Matilda stopped, allowing Tara to catch up to her. "Why didn't you go to college, leave Charming?" Tara questioned "I remember how smart you were and you're what nineteen? You could have gone to a good college last year, you're better than all of this" Tara voice possessed genuine concern but Matilda knew that she would never understand her answer, she never had.
"I didn't leave because I've buried my heart in Charming, Tara. I've created my family here and they need me, they need me just as much as I need them. I'm loved and god knows there isn't a love stronger than this. I'm here because, you've seen how much darkness there is, I'm here to guide them. I don't know how effective I am at it but what I do know is that I won't ever stop trying."
Tara had to give at least some credit to the girl before her, she had conviction if anything.
Matilda pulled the pick-up truck in front of the neat little row of stores that made up the Charming main street. She wanted to pick up a few things for Wendy, maybe some flowers and a few magazines; although she was well aware that Wendy's temperament would be aimed towards securing a fix that was certainly not celebrity gossip. It was a distraction at the very least.
She entered the main store, only to be bombarded by Ellie and Kenny Winston exclaiming "Aunt Tilly", an exasperated Donna hot on their heels, smiling at the sight of her friend. Matilda noted just how tired Donna looked. The two chatted as they picked up their groceries and headed over to the counter to pay, their conversation only interrupted by the cashier who timidly explained that Donna's card had been declined. Matilda knew Ope was having problems at home but didn't realise they were so strapped for cash. She felt almost guilty, weighed down by the wad of bills at the bottom of her purse, the product of things she knew but didn't like to imagine too vividly.
She quickly pulled the balance out, ignoring Donna's refusal, "It's as much yours as it is mine Donna" she explained of the money. In her opinion, Opie deserved a hell of a lot more compensation from the club for the time he served, especially with a young family in tow.
Matilda followed Donna in her car back to the Winston's, helping to unpack the groceries, laughing at the hovering Winston children who disappeared as soon as they were provided with cookies. Sitting across from Donna at the kitchen table as they cupped chipped coffee mugs, Matilda raised her eyebrows at Donna.
Donna laughed, although it didn't quite reach her eyes as it would have once had before Opie had done time, "Alright, Alright, I'll talk, you always did know when something was up".
"I have my moments" Matilda replied "Unburden your load and I'll see what I can do".
The two friends sat at the small table long after the coffee ran cold. Matilda's suspicions over Donna's fears were cemented. She couldn't lose Ope. Not again. She needed him around full time, not torn between them and the club. The kids needed the father they had missed during the time he had been gone. She needed him to make honest money but she was torn because honest money was not enough for them to survive on. Not anymore. She knew he yearned to return to club business but she didn't know if she could let him. But the bills were piling high.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Matilda". If she was honest, Matilda didn't exactly know either but in her mind she tried to weigh things up and the honest outcome was what she proposed to Donna.
"He loves you more than anything but he's going to become lost if he doesn't have the club; it's a part of who he is. You and the kids are a part of this family too and we look after our own. I know that Clay wants to put him back on jobs, small things, safe but they'll earn enough to get you back on track. That's all. I know you're scared Donna but he's not going anywhere. Jax won't let him go away again. No one will, they all respect him for that. He's just looking for your reassurance."
Matilda reached out to grasp Donna's hand. Donna hesitated before slowly nodding, "I'll talk to him".
Afterwards, Matilda headed back to St. Thomas, the events of the day taking their toll on her as she took a seat outside Abel's room, the darkness slowly rolling in.
After what could only be deemed an explosive run in with the Mayans in the name of evening out an already deadly score, Jax had gone straight to St. Thomas. Still covered in dried blood, he had approached his son's room, only to find a sleeping Matilda guarding the door. He reached down to tenderly brush a red lock from her sleeping face, looking up to find Tara.
"She's been here all night" Tara explained, taking a step towards Jax "The surgery went well, Jax, he's going to be ok". Jax pulled one of the only women he had ever loved into an embrace, engulfed by relief.
"You should clean yourself up" Tara stated, acknowledging his blood soaked clothes before turning away.
Matilda awoke to find a now clean and scrub clad Jax hesitantly gazing in through the door of his son's room.
"He's waiting for you" she spoke, causing him to spin around to face her, the fear on his face mingled with anticipation, his eyes bored into hers and she knew what he was silently asking of her.
She lifted herself from the chair, carefully taking his hand and leading him into the centre of the room where Abel lay in the confined incubator. Protected from the outside world he was yet to know. She fell in love with that tiny figure then and there, his little fingers appearing to reach out to Jax as he lifted his large palm against the glass screen, his other hand still tightly gripping Matilda's. An unbreakable grasp.
