Miley Cyrus and the Case of the Missing Hat

Chapter 1: Cue the Entry of our heroine: Go, Hannah Montana!

2005, downtown San Francisco

Miley Cyrus, exuberantly beautiful young woman, wonder singer from the mythical southeast, and infamously dangerous lover, was walking down the street in the murky, disgustingly moist backstreets of the Pacific Gateway. She was looking for someone—or something? This she did not know, for just moments before, the governor of California, an Austrian-accented, burly-muscled man with a penchance for fine wines and cheesy action movies, had been robbed of an important medallion. Sensing the perpetrator to be no pushover, he had first called for backup in retrieving it, and had hit #3 on his speed dial: Hannah Montana. He had always been a fan of her music, but he also knew of her incredible mystery-solving abilities. "Find my medallion, Ms. Montana," he had bellowed a bit too loudly, "und I shall reward you greatly! Ya!!"

The reward, as Miley had always believed, was simply the chase of the truth. She had agreed to find the medallion as quickly as she could once her flight from Mexico got into San Francisco. However, she had used a special ability to get from Monterrey to San Fran a bit quicker so as to get a head start on the criminal she was to locate and possibly destroy. Upon her arrival, she had quickly removed her clever disguise of the blonde wig and flashy cowgirl boots, switching instead for her naturally beautiful straight brown locks, and simplistic—yet strikingly fashionable—cowgirl boots. Using her mystery-solving compact, she had quickly narrowed down the search to three possible escape routes: the freeway that ran along the coastline, the road the circled around the governor's house, and a darkened back alley.

"I see! If the perpetrator was male, he likely would have chosen the freeway. However, the size of these footprints I have noticed on the sidewalk," she announced to herself, which gathered the attention of some onlooker politicians, "clearly indicate that the medallion thief was not a male at all!" This elicited some surprise and congratulations from the onlookers, but Miley paid them no mind—after all, there was a footchase to be had, and she was in no mood to explain her reasoning for having determined the gender of the thief. The trail easily led into the darkened alley. "Onwards!" she cried, surprising a nearby lobbyist.

The trail led into the vacancy between two large, towering buildings, with forbidding shadows and bad-smelling dumpsters lining the pathway to justice. "Damn!" Miley growled, noting that the trail had become twice as dangerous due to the foul-smelling odorous interludes. "Looks like I'm going to have to get serious!" Looking around to make sure that nobody was following her who may have figured out her pseudonym, she pulled out a portable microphone and speaker, and used one of her pop songs to clear away the tumescent grime that coated the walls of the alleyway. The raw power of her signature pop idolatry cleaned the alleyway: she had done it!

The pathway now clear for justice and apprehension, Miley jogged forth, and quickly came upon a shivering, cloaked figure. "Hey! You're at the end of the line, medallion thief!" she bellowed triumphantly.

"So!" the croaking and somewhat familiar voice from the cloaked figure came suddenly and clearly. "My attacks to your olfactory and sensible cleanliness were unsuccessful after all, and you've caught me." After having said this, the figure continued to shiver under the cloak.

"Hah! I used the power of my amazing music to clear away your traps, robber! Give up the medallion or I'll be forced to use my justice on you once more!" Miley was not to be distracted from the task at hand, and held out her hand somewhat stylistically to show that her teenage sass had not lost its infamous luster.

"Ho ho!" croaked the cloaked figure. "You presume too much, Miley Cyrus! Or should I say," the figure ripped off her cloak to reveal that she was none other than an evil rival! "Hannah Montana?!"

"Ahh! So you've found me out!" Miley countered, nervous that someone—nay, anyone—should become enlightened to this truth. "But you, Selena… what are you doing stealing medallions in the first place?!"

"Ha! Quit this foolish talking!" Selena Gomez, from under her dirty and cleverly disguising cloak, produced her own portable microphone and speaker. Her outfit, smartly trimmed to display only so much of her that was necessary to entice the masculine partition of their prospective audience, was endowed with glitter, sequins, and lots of flashy colors, was intimidating to say the least. She posed dramatically, and then continued "Let our singing powers do the talking!"

"Hmm! The fans might get hurt if we are to take each other on like this," Miley thought aloud, and then whipped her microphone's cord about to latch onto a windowsill. "Let us take the battle into the skies!" she cried, before jerking herself onto the rooftop of a 30-story hotel.

"Well, you've gotten confident lately, Ms. Montana!" Selena proclaimed wildly, jumping onto another hotel about a block away. With their microphones, they could easily still hear and see each other.

"Hmph! Montana Power!!!!!" Miley pulled on her wig and switched out her stylish and flashy boots, endowing herself with the power of her pop idol persona. She posed as well, feeling the power of amazing music wash over her like a warm shower.

"Take this: Sonic Boom!" Selena keyed up her volume by turning up the volume on her microphone, and yelled loudly, sending a wave of sonic energy at Miley—I mean, Hannah.

"Oh, no!" Miley—I mean, Hannah—cried. However, she knew how to counteract this technique. "Magic Shield—go!!" And with a twist of her stylish bracelets, a pentagonal shield of red light appeared, blocking the sonic attack. "Magic Shield—reflect!!" The shield spun in place, and sent the power of Selena's evil song attack back at her.

"Nooooooo!" cried Selena, her pop idol form fading as she returned to normal. She fell to the roof of the hotel, passing out there. The explosion from the reversed attack caused the stolen medallion to fly back into Miley's—I mean, Hannah's hands.

"All right! Now it's time to get back to the governor and give him back this medallion!" Miley—I mean, Hannah posed and leveled up, and learned another song. She then jumped off the roof and jogged back to the governor's office to give him back the medallion. "Here you go, Mr. Governor!"

"Dah, thahnk you, Ms. Montana," the governor said. "Ahm," he began, but stopped, clearly embarrassed.

"What is it, Mr. Governor?" Miley—I mean, Hannah asked.

"Vud you sign dis, please? I am such a fan," the governor asked, holding a piece of fancy paper and a ballpoint pen.

"Ha ha, all right," she said, and she signed it. After doing so, she walked to the balcony of the governor's office as he excitedly ran to show what he had gotten to his wife, and softly sighed as she thought about the foreboding premonition she had about what was about to happen. She couldn't quite be sure as to what was going to happen, but she knew that something was. "Hmm…"