Dear reader, if you thought the last chapter was full of surprises; wait till you see everything that happens here.
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts or any related characters.
…
There was a long, long pause as the tri—I mean, sextet, processed Maleficent and Pete's announcement. Their faces flickered from shock to disbelief to disgust then back to shock, held stable a long while on disgust, went back to disbelief, then lingered for a while on plain confusion. "You're…getting married? To each other?" Sora asked, just to be clear.
"Yes," said Maleficent.
"What?" asked an offended Pete. "Is that too hard to believe?"
YES! Roxas shouted.
Nooooooo! Xehanort wailed, thrashing back and forth inside Riku's head or heart or wherever. Maleficent, how could you?! I thought we shared something special!!
Riku's eyes widened in horror as he heard this, and exchanged shocked glances with his friends. "Okay, that's a little too much information…" he murmured.
Special? Didn't you stab her in the heart with a dark keyblade and turn her into a giant dragon? Asked a confused Namine.
That was clearly a sexual metaphor representing my true feelings! Xehanort sobbed. The Keyblade represented-
"OKAY, WE GET IT!" they all yelled, getting confused looks from Maleficent and Pete.
And besides, I was making her more beautiful, Xehanort continued, even though absolutely none of them wanted to hear. I thought she was rather attractive as a giant fire-breathing dragon…
"Ugh," said a rather disgusted Kairi, for this told them all far much more than they had ever wanted to know about Xehanort's sexual preferences.
"Uh, Namine, can you chain that memory down please?" Sora asked anxiously. "I really don't want to remember him saying that…"
"Who are they talking to?" the disturbed Maleficent whispered to Pete, for neither of them were capable of hearing the other half of the conversation within the sextet, only seeing the physical trio. To them, it just looked as if Sora and Kairi were talking to thin air and Riku was banging his head against a console, shouting for somebody to shut up and stop crying, and threatening to sing 'It's a Small World after all'.
"You're asking me?" he grunted.
She scowled. "Were they always this…unhinged? I don't recall."
"Maybe your evil presence was so powerful and imposing that it drove them mad," Pete joked.
"Ah, yes, that must be it," the dark fairy said with a nod, taking it seriously. Pete rolled his eyes. "Well, while this really is amusing…would you three stop being such fools and pay attention already?!"
"Huh? Oh, sorry," Sora said apologetically.
Why are you apologizing to her? She's an evil bitch who dragged us all the way from home for some stupid wedding! Roxas demanded.
"That's no excuse to be rude," Sora said with a frown.
…You've been rude to bad guys lots of times! Roxas yelled. Like with Demyx, for instance. If he had a heart, he'd have been sobbing like a baby. Heck, he almost did anyway when you killed him. The big wuss.
"Well, maybe I want to try being more polite instead of as rude as you can be," said a somewhat annoyed Sora.
"Well, you can start by stopping talking to yourself and PAYING ATTENTION TO ME!" bellowed a furious Maleficent, who was enraged that they kept ignoring her. The visible trio started and quickly looked at her. "Now," she said sweetly. "As we were saying, Pete and I are getting married."
"Why?" Riku blurted.
Pete glared at him. "Because we're in love! Duh." The heroes stared at him. "What? Is that so hard to believe?"
"Yes," they said flatly, while Xehanort continued sobbing and reciting painful and angsty love sonnets in Maleficent's honor. Pete's lip quivered and he turned away so as not to show them how much that accusation hurt his feelings.
Rolling her eyes, Maleficent awkwardly patted Pete's shoulder in what was meant to be comforting and reassuring but came out more like a push that almost knocked the big catlike thing off the floating platform, or would have if one of the bodyguard Defenders hadn't steadied Pete before he could lose his balance completely. It was clear the witch wasn't used to this 'showing positive emotions' thing. "The reasons behind our marriage are between Pete and I and none of your business. All that is relevant to you is that you have been invited to our wedding as guests and you will stay as such…or else."
"Or else what?" Riku challenged.
Maleficent smirked and gestured with her free hand, causing a ring of green fire to form in the air and create a window of sorts through which they could see their home planet…still surrounded by the ring of deadly orbiting battleships, brimming with weapons and ready to devastate the defenseless world at a moment's notice. "Or else I'll order the fleet I dispatched to your world to attack…and then, the Destiny Islands will be no more. Again."
Kairi gasped. "Oh no!"
"So it was you that sent the letter!" Sora realized as Roxas seethed within him, even though it had pretty much already been a foregone conclusion. "So we'd lower the barrier!"
"Oh, you mean that little invitation?" Maleficent asked sinisterly. "Yes, I sent it."
"And I forged the King's handwriting!" Pete said proudly. "A little talent of mine, one of many things I've learned over the years, like how to blow bubbles with my nose, or belch the alphabet." They stared at Pete for a moment, and then decided to pretend he hadn't said anything.
"How else could we have deceived you into lowering the barrier and leaving the island defenseless?" the witch continued smugly. "And besides, there's no other way you would have possibly agreed to come to my wedding if I had out-and-out asked you, now would you?"
"You bitch!" Riku yelled angrily, his rage manifesting in the form of a powerful Dark Aura projectile which flew from his hand and past the hastily raised shields and barriers of the Defender Heartless and Sorcerer Nobodies…only to fizzle out and disappear before it could strike Maleficent in the face. "Huh?"
"You don't think I anticipated this?" the witch sneered. "I knew you fools would react furiously to my little trap…so before you got here, I activated a spell both powerful and ancient, the awesome magic of Truce!"
"Truce?" asked a confused Sora. "What's that?"
"Isn't a truce something two opposing groups make to agree they won't try to kill each other for a certain length of time?" Kairi asked.
Maleficent nodded. "Precisely! Once invoked, the power of Truce prevents groups that are normally enemies from being able to do any harm to each other."
"Which means we can't hurt you…" Riku realized slowly.
"And we can't kill you twerps," Pete finished, almost apologetically. "Oh well, maybe another time."
Riku was skeptical. "Really? Why don't I quite believe this?"
Maleficent frowned. "Your attack didn't work. That wasn't proof enough for you?"
"No," he said flatly. "That could easily have been neutralized by any number of magical shields."
The witch sighed. "Oh, fine. Allow me to demonstrate." She raised a hand. All the soldiers surrounding the Gummi ship tensed up. "READY…"
"NO, WAIT!" the adolescents screamed in alarm.
"FIRE!"
Before the trio/sextet could defend themselves, the air was suddenly full of incredibly powerful energy beams, arrows, lasers, bullets, cannonballs, energy blasts, cyclones, spells, and various other kinds of lethal projectiles, all of which crashed down on the Gummi ship in a wave of unstoppable force that not even the almighty Keyblades could deflect…
And vanished completely before it could even touch them. "There, you see?" Maleficent told the three terrified, sweating, nerve-jangled heroes. "We can't touch you." To further demonstrate, she hurled a bolt of green fire at them, which vanished just like everything else had. "That's the power of Truce. We can't hurt you, and you can't hurt us. We are both forced into a state of neutrality and have no choice but to acknowledge each other's right to existence and allow it to continue."
"But wait, why would you do something like this?" Sora asked in confusion, trying to stop his trembling. "I mean, luring us here but making it so you CAN'T kill us or anything?"
"Because it's my wedding day," Maleficent asked with a frown, as if it were obvious. "And even though I would love nothing better than for you to die horribly on the happiest day of any woman's life, I want absolutely nothing to go wrong on my wedding day, which I am almost certain it would if do-gooders like you three were allowed to do as you pleased and ruin my magnificent city. In fact, since even more people like you have been invited…or lured…to my wedding, the Truce spell is absolutely imperative. Especially since I have, naturally, also invited a large number of representatives from the forces of evil to attend, and they are often prone to fighting you do-gooders, or lacking any like you, each other. The only way to keep them all from killing each other and wrecking my wonderful new city in the process is by forcing them to through magical means, and so I cast Truce."
Something still doesn't add up, said a confused Namine. Why would she even invite good-aligned people like us in the first place? Kairi asked just that.
"Why isn't it obvious?" Maleficent asked rhetorically. "The reason I invited you and many other world leaders or important figures from the Realm of Light is simple…so that you may all tremble in fear at the display of my vast new power! This city, this entire world, completely under my control, and as we speak producing an army unlike any the universe has ever seen before, one which shall dominate it completely!"
"Oh, I see," Riku said with a nod. "She's doing it to show off."
"What?!" Maleficent huffed.
"Yeah, that's what I said too," Pete said knowingly. "Plus, she's inviting all those other bad guys to shove this place in their faces and show them how stronger she's gotten…and to make all her ex-boyfriends jealous." Maleficent scowled and whacked Pete on the head with her staff. "Ow!"
It's certainly working for Xehanort, said Roxas, for the evil spirit was still sobbing and trying to think of a good evil-sounding word that rhymed with Maleficent's name. But, wait…she has exes?! That implies she's had boyfriends in the past…which means…
"Ewww!" everyone shuddered in disgust at the thought, save Xehanort, who was now rather envious and still depressed and wished he could stuff himself with ice cream. Not sea-salt flavored though, that flavor brought back too many memories…which, of course, is why Riku commonly ate it, to piss him off.
"Wait, but since she's marrying Pete, doesn't that mean they're going to…" Sora started, slowly trailing off as his eyes widened in horror.
"EWWWWW!" they all shuddered again, save once more for an envious Xehanort.
"Namine, please chain that memory down!" Kairi screamed.
No way! She huffed. I don't want to be the only one to remember that…and I'm certainly not going to chain my own memory down, the last time I did that I couldn't remember how to put my clothes on right or walk or even eat properly for weeks, I was a drooling wreck! If I'm going to remember it, then so is everyone else!
"That's not fair!" Roxas and Sora protested.
Tough luck, buster!
"Who are you all talking to?!" an exasperated Maleficent demanded. "And what exactly is so disgusting?!"
"Huh? Oh, sorry," Kairi apologized. "We're just talking to the voices in our heads." Maleficent's eyes widened at that. She exchanged glances with Pete, and then quickly levitated her platform a few feet back, just in case the children's insanity was contagious. "My, I really must turn down my presence," the witch murmured to herself. "Don't want all my guests going crazy…though that might be interesting…" Pete rolled his eyes and said nothing.
"So, anyway, just to recap, you're getting married and have invited us, a bunch of other good guys and bad guys, and used some Truce magic to keep everyone from beating each other up. Right?" Sora summarized.
"Precisely," said Maleficent.
"So…if that's the case, then why'd you scare us with this huge welcoming committee if they couldn't actually harm us?!" he demanded.
"Why to intimidate you, of course," the witch said smugly. "And to see the look of fear on your faces…" She cackled, while the adolescents glared at her hatefully.
If that Truce thing ever goes down, I'm SO kicking her ass, Roxas growled.
"Oh yeah, speaking of this welcoming committee," Riku said suddenly, glancing out at the assembled monsters. "Would you mind telling us how exactly you got the Heartless and Nobodies to work together? I was under the impression they despised each other. The Heartless only did what the Organization wanted because the Nobodies there were so strong…and even then the Heartless treated the lesser Nobodies as fair game. How've you managed to convince them NOT to kill each other?"
Maleficent smiled cruelly. "It wasn't so hard, really…when the Organization collapsed and this world crumbled into ruin thanks to you 'heroes', the denizens of this city were thrown into complete and utter chaos. With no superior beings to take orders from remaining, the Nobodies were disorganized and confused, helpless against the much greater hordes of Heartless drawn here by the shattering of Xemnas' Kingdom Hearts, giving them a feast unlike any they had ever had before and multiplying their numbers exponentially. The Nobodies were outnumbered, and it seemed as if every last one of them was doomed.
"It was then that I intervened. I had, of course, survived the Heartless assault I stayed behind to fend off so you fools could eliminate Xemnas for me, and with him gone I became the most powerful dark creature in this world. This made the Heartless more willing to obey me, especially since I could be considered one of their own…since my heart was consumed by darkness when I was stabbed by the dark keyblade, but still managed to come back from the Realm of Darkness in my original form with the help of my dearest Diablo." She tickled the chin of the raven on her shoulder, and he cawed menacingly. "I considered letting the Nobodies die and fade back into nonexistence, but realized that they had potential. They had, after all, constructed this marvelous city, the perfect castle I had always dreamed of, all by themselves, showing their skill and aptitude for higher thought processes, even if the plans for the city and castle had been written by the higher-ranking Nobodies in the Organization. The Heartless have no such inclination towards building things or deep thought, which is not to say they can't do either, but it's something that makes little sense to them as creatures of destruction. But the Nobodies also possess a certain kind of…flexibility, a strange power of their own which attracted me to them. And it was because I realized they could be of use to me that I spared them.
"I convinced them, through methods I shall not go into, that it was in their benefit to work together, for after all, did they not share a common goal? Heartless sought hearts to devour and reproduce amongst themselves, while Nobodies craved hearts so that they might become whole once more. But there were no more hearts for them to take on this dark world, and on their own either species would probably fall apart without proper guidance against the champions of the Realm of Light. I made them see the truth, that they both wanted the same thing, what all living creatures secretly crave…Kingdom Hearts, from which all hearts spring forth and to which they return. And so, by working together, we can make that heart of all hearts ours…and make all our darkest dreams come true." She smiled most sinisterly at this.
"And just how were you able to convince them of this?" Riku asked skeptically. "To work together and rebuild this entire city, this castle, and the giant fleet you have in the skies and orbiting our world?"
Maleficent scowled. "I said I wouldn't go into the methods, didn't I?"
"Yeah, you did," Pete agreed.
"That's right, weren't you listening?" Kairi asked Riku, who flushed.
"Oh, right."
"But since you asked…I did have a little…help…" She grinned sinisterly again. "Allow me to introduce you, you may know each other." She tapped the butt of her staff on her floating platform.
A couple of her bodyguards shifted over to make room for a dark portal that formed out of the air, swirling and rippling as a new figure stepped out of it and onto the platform, the rift closing behind it. The trio (or sextet) gasped, for the figure was clad in a very familiar black cloak with hood, gloves, and boots, and silver tassels. "No…" Sora whispered. "It can't be!"
All of them are dead! Roxas cried. I'm the last!
"No…not another one…don't tell me one survived!" Kairi gasped.
It's…HIM… Namine gasped. I don't understand…I thought he was dead too…I HOPED he was!
Riku's nostrils flared at the figure's scent. "You…it can't be…I finished you! Didn't I?"
Xehanort stopped his weeping and took interest in the newcomer. Hmm…could it be…?
The figure reached up with his gloved hands and pulled back his hood, revealing a glowering face and a messy head of blueish-silvery hair only a little bit darker than Riku's, most of which was falling over and covering up the right side of his face. "Zexion," he intoned in a voice without any trace of emotion. "The Cloaked Schemer, former Number VI of the Organization, reporting for duty."
"Uh, who?" Sora said in confusion, for the name did not ring any bells, even though he was clearly a member of the Organization.
Zexion. The sixth member of the Organization. You didn't kill him? Roxas asked.
"Uh, I don't think so," Sora said, frowning and scratching his head. "Then again, I still don't really remember much about Castle Oblivion, so I might have…"
"YOU didn't kill him…" Riku growled, pointing his Keyblade at the humanoid Nobody. "But I'm pretty damn sure I did."
"No you didn't," Zexion corrected.
"I didn't?"
"No, I escaped before you could kill me, remember?"
Riku blinked. "Oh yeah…sorry, must have been thinking of that other guy."
"Ah, you mean Lexaeus, whom you so cowardly slew?" Zexion didn't quite accuse, just stated.
"Hey, he was trying to kill me too!" Riku snapped.
Zexion shook his head. "No, he was just testing you. You know, sparring? But you went and murdered him anyway because you were so scared of the dark. Hmmph, and we Nobodies are supposed to be the ones without hearts…"
"Shut up!" Riku snapped, though he made no motion to attack, since it wouldn't have worked anyway thanks to Maleficent's Truce.
"What's going on?" asked a very, very confused Sora.
"I have no idea," said the equally confused Kairi.
That's Zexion, the sixth member of the Organization, Roxas repeated. He was one of the group who went to Castle Oblivion with Namine. You never ran into him?
No, he didn't, Namine replied. I think Zexion was in the basement when Sora was running around the castle...playing mind games with Riku. She shuddered. He did that a lot. Mind games, I mean.
We thought Zexion died along with everyone else at Castle Oblivion, except for Axel, Roxas continued. He somehow made it back and reported to the Superior that Marluxia, Larxene, and Vexen had been plotting against him and had been either executed personally or were destroyed by you, Sora. He also reported that Riku had somehow made it to the castle and killed Zexion and Lexaeus, Numbers Five and Six, and escaped with Namine, a talking mouse, a weird guy in red, and some big machine with you in it. I didn't know you were there at the time, since they were still keeping me in the dark about my origins and my other half, but looking back that must have been what Axel meant when he told me about it himself.
"But Riku didn't kill Zexion," Kairi pointed out. "Zexion himself just said so. So…if he didn't die, why didn't he ever come back to the Organization?"
"Because I was severely wounded by Riku's Replica," Zexion explained.
"Riku's who?" Sora and Kairi asked in confusion.
"Oh yeah, my clone," Riku recalled. "Now that I think about it, he did mention borrowing somebody's power or something like that."
"Wait, you had a clone?!" Sora asked incredulously.
"Yeah, I never mentioned that?" said the surprised Riku.
"No!" said Kairi.
Riku scratched his head, embarrassed. "Oh. Well, yeah, I had a clone. Vexen made one of me."
"Who?" said the confused Sora.
Roxas sighed in exasperation. Number Four of the Organization!
"Oh, right. Uh…sorry, still don't really remember much of Castle Oblivion."
I've really got to get around to fixing up that part of his memory one of these days… Namine murmured.
"So, my clone injured you? Why did he do that?" Riku asked.
"He wanted to take my strength in order to become his own person," Zexion explained. "Unfortunately, it didn't work, especially since I didn't really have any strength he was interested in. I don't actually have a weapon like the rest of Organization XIII, just my wits, semi-psychic abilities, and power of illusion. Take that away and I'm just some regular nerd, the kind who always got picked on by the jocks in school back in Radiant Garden."
"Where did he get the idea that he could become a real person by taking your strength, which you didn't have to begin with?" asked a confused Kairi.
"Axel suggested it to him," Zexion explained.
What?! Roxas cried in disbelief. No way! Axel would never do that! Somewhat puzzled as well, Sora voiced Roxas's concerns.
Pete yawned, belched, and scratched himself. "All this dramatic and revealing exposition is boring. I'm gonna go get something to eat." Ignoring Maleficent's glares, he hopped off the floating platform, landing with a grunt on his belly, pulled himself off, and walked down the platform towards the castle, the Heartless or Nobodies obligingly moving out of the way to let him through.
Zexion continued, as if Pete had never spoken up. "He was drunk."
Oh, okay then, said Roxas, calming down. That explains everything.
"It does?" asked a confused Sora.
Yeah, Axel always tried to kill other members of the Organization when he was drunk, Roxas explained. He even tried to kill me a few times. Didn't hold it against him. He was sorry every time he got sober, though…well, as sorry as a person who's not really capable of feeling guilt can be, anyway.
He tried to kill me a few times, too, Namine complained unhappily. He always burned my pictures when he did.
"Did this happen often?" asked a disturbed Riku.
Every now and then, Roxas explained. Most of us were able to keep from getting killed because when Axel's drunk, his aim sucks, but…well, some of us weren't so lucky. Let's just say I wasn't the first Number XIII.
Zexion nodded. "Just like Luxord wasn't the first Number X, and Larxene wasn't the first XII, and Saix wasn't the first-"
"Wait, you heard that?!" said a startled Sora.
He heard me?! Cried a disbelieving Roxas.
"Sure. Psychic, remember?" Zexion tapped his forehead.
"Wow…finally, someone who doesn't think we're schizophrenic!" said an amazed Kairi.
Zexion's always been good at getting into people's heads… Namine said coolly.
Maleficent was confused. "Zexion, what are they—and you—talking about? Who do you hear?"
"The voices in their heads," Zexion said honestly. "The real ones."
Maleficent blinked. "Real ones?"
"Yes, the essences of Roxas, Namine, and Xehanort's Heartless," Zexion explained.
"Really?" the witch asked, surprised. "All of them? They really fit in those three's heads? Well, I suppose there's more than enough empty space…"
"HEY!" the adolescents snapped.
The floating platform hovered closer, and Maleficent bent over to take a good look at Riku, who snarled and recoiled. "Xehanort? Are you really in there?"
I am indeed, my love! The evil spirit cried. And now that you are aware of me, I can finally warn you NOT to marry Pete! He is an incompetent oaf not worthy of your heart! Who better to understand it than I, who have also given my heart to darkness? He is nothing more than a bumbling fool hanging on the end of your cloak and slowing you down. I can give you so much more than him!
"Is he saying anything?" Maleficent asked Zexion.
"Nothing of interest," the Nobody lied.
Nooooooo! Xehanort howled in rage and sorrow. Curse you, Ienzo!
"Think of this as payback for causing all of us apprentices to lose our hearts," Zexion murmured under his breath.
"What was that?" asked Maleficent.
"Nothing, ma'am."
"Uh, anyway…why didn't you come back from Castle Oblivion if you were just injured instead of dead?" Kairi asked to get the story back on track.
"Hmm? Oh, well, I guess I could have…" Zexion said slowly. "If I had had the strength left to portal away. Which I didn't, thanks to Riku's Replica attacking me, realizing I wasn't worth his time, and leaving me for dead. Which meant I was left in that castle, all alone, for almost a year, slowly dying from my wounds since nobody bothered to check on me and just assumed that Axel had told the truth, which he hadn't…but hey, he was drunk, so he probably honestly did think I was dead. So I guess I don't blame him, really. It could just as easily have been anyone else, but unfortunately for me it was me."
Roxas sighed. Oh, Axel…
"Okay…um…so, how'd you get out?" Sora asked awkwardly.
"Hmm? Oh, well, I finally managed to recover enough strength to summon a Dusk, which I consumed, and used that energy boost to portal back to the World that Never Was, where I hoped to get healed. Unfortunately, by that point Sora and Riku had pretty much destroyed it and Maleficent was looking to take over for herself. I allied myself with her in return for my full recovery and to spare the nonlives of the remaining Nobodies, and helped her convince both Heartless and Nobodies to ally with her for their mutual benefit," Zexion explained. "I now help Maleficent run this city by controlling the Nobodies to an extent. As a former member of Organization XIII, this is well within my power. I also handle a number of other duties that our minions (and Pete) lack the mental faculties to perform. So I'm also a sort of handyman, among other things, around here."
Well, uh…glad to see you've found your niche…I suppose… Namine said uncertainly.
"Yes," he said blandly. "It is."
"Well," Maleficent said pleasantly, rather bored with all this. "Now that all that is over with, let's move on, shall we? Zexion, escort our guests to their rooms, would you?"
"It would be a pleasure," he said in a flat voice which implied it was anything but. He hopped off the floating platform and landed on the body of the Gummi ship, just before the cockpit. "If you'll follow me, please." He gestured, and a dark portal appeared.
"Uh, isn't there a slightly…safer way?" an uneasy Kairi asked.
"Sure, we could walk," Zexion said with a shrug. "Your rooms are only…let's see…" He pulled a map out of one of the long sleeves of his cloak and unfolded it, and unfolded it again, and again, and again, until he was holding a large and incredibly detailed plan that completely blocked his upper body (and a bit of the lower, too) from the view of the sextet and filled them with a vague sense of dread. "Okay…we'd have to travel through the fifth and twenty-seventh arcades, wind our way up the third tower, climb one hundred and fifty one floors up the central keep, cross the Central Hall several times, walk through the forty-seventh level of colonnades, climb two hundred more floors of the central keep, wind our way through the fifty-fifth to the two-hundred and seventeenth galleries, and we should be…halfway there." He folded his map back up and stuffed it back in his sleeves. "All in all, on foot it should take us roughly six hours to get there, five if we move at a brisk pace. It's quite a walk, but I suppose I could use the exercise."
"You don't have elevators in this place?!" an alarmed Sora asked.
"Or at least moving walkways?" asked Riku, who had seen some at some point somewhere he couldn't quite remember.
"That's five or six hours including the elevators and moving walkways," Zexion informed them calmly.
"Why would you make something so big and complicated to go through?!" Kairi asked the evil witch in disbelief.
Maleficent shrugged. "What can I say? I just love grand, elaborate castles. And it helps that I can portal from place to place so I don't have to bother walking around if I don't want to. Be thankful there are even hallways and stairs and regular routes from place to place at all rather than just unconnected rooms that can only be accessed through a dark corridor, or else you'd be completely lost." She smiled sinisterly. "We even have a few of that kind, as well…would you like to see them?"
"Uh, no thanks," they said quickly.
"You know, maybe using a dark corridor wouldn't be such a bad idea after all," Riku said hurriedly.
"Yeah, yeah, in fact, let's do that now," Sora agreed, nodding rapidly. "Much better than walking."
"Or going to one of those rooms without exits," Kairi added. Without another word, the trio quickly ran into Zexion's portal and vanished.
The Nobody raised an eyebrow and shrugged. "Kids."
"Indeed," Maleficent drawled. "Report back to me once you settle them in, we still have a lot of work to do before the other guests arrive…which won't be long from now."
"Yes, ma'am." He walked into his own portal, which vanished behind him.
Pete walked back over, his arms stuffed with hot dogs, donuts, bags of potato chips, several beverages, pretzels, and nachos, all of which he stuffed in his mouth in no particular order, splattering cheese, sugar, soda, mustard, and crumbs all over his face and front. "Did I miss anything?" he belched, spraying a delightful mixture of bad breath combined with all the other food he was consuming into Maleficent's face, causing her to flinch back in disgust. She quickly gestured for a Defender to block Pete's breath from her using a shield, which the armored Heartless did, though the dog face on the front of the shield whimpered and moaned, looking as if it were going to vomit.
"No," the darkest fairy said with a grimace at Pete's lack of manners or décor. "Nothing at all."
"Oh good," he said, getting a confused Neoshadow to scratch his buttocks because his arms were laden with junk food. "I wouldn't have wanted to miss anything important." He belched again, and the dog face on the Defender's shield gagged, stuck its tongue out, and seemingly died, yellow eyes rolling back in its sockets. The bodyguard shook its shield in something almost like concern.
Maleficent rolled her eyes and for half a second wondered why she was marrying Pete again. "Peter, our guests should be arriving shortly…including your family. You don't want to look like a slob in front of your ex-wife and children, would you?" Not that he didn't look like a slob anyway, when he lived with them, she thought to herself.
"Oh yeah, good point," Pete realized. "Wouldn't want Peg to nag…and I gotta show a good example for my boy PJ, right?" He dumped all of his beverages and other food items into the tub holding his nachos, dropped the pretzels and chips on top, and shoved the whole thing in his mouth somehow. He belched again, and this time the Behemoths pulling the chariots collapsed, all the assembled troops moved back as far as they could without falling off the edge of the dock (many did anyway, but were able to escape to safety through the dark corridor), and Maleficent's floating platform dropped out of the air abruptly, causing Maleficent and the bodyguards to almost fall over and for Diablo to shriek and flap cawing his head off, narrowly avoiding getting plastered across the front of one of the ships zooming about the castle's airspace. "Hmm, I should put my nice suit on…and hey, the boat-boy king's coming, right?"
Maleficent tried to regain her poise before answering. "I extended an invitation to his Majesty, yes…one that suggested, quite truthfully, that if he did not attend he might never see his precious Keybearers again." She smiled maliciously. The Truce spell might keep her from harming those brats, but that didn't mean she couldn't keep them here for as long as she wished…not that she really wanted to, since there wouldn't be much fun in detainment without torture, but she knew it was a threat King Mickey couldn't possibly ignore.
Pete cackled and rubbed his greasy hands together gleefully. "Hoo-boy, I can't wait to see the look on his face when I show him how my castle's much bigger and better than his!"
"You mean my castle…" Maleficent growled.
"Uh, shouldn't that actually be our castle, honey-" Pete started, but yelped when a bolt of green fire almost scorched his toes. "Eh heh, right, your castle. Yes."
Maleficent sighed and rubbed her temples, certain that this was going to be a very long couple of days and that she would have an enormous migraine before it was all over.
…
The portal exited on a circular gallery somewhere high up in the castle's keep, looking over a tremendous central shaft that ran all the way from the castle's highest to lowest points. Numerous bridges and walkways spanned across the great shaft on higher or lower levels, patrolled by Heartless or Nobodies going about their business. Various elevators rose and fell up and down the shaft, circular platforms with cylindrical shimmering force fields maintained by floating black jewels to keep the occupants from falling out as they traveled to whichever level they were heading for. Giant stained glass windows were placed at certain points along the shaft walls in long stretches where there were no galleries or passages surrounding it, depicting roses, castles wrapped in thorns, images of Maleficent, and of course the Heartless and Nobody insignias. Said insignias were also marked at several key points along the walls and columns where they made the most aesthetic sense, some even carved flat into the ceiling and glowing to serve as lights, and others marked on the floor, as if anyone should happen to forget whose castle they were in.
The walls and floor of the gallery the sextet and Zexion had entered were made of stone mixed with metal conduits, pipes, thorny roots, and power relays snaking along the sides of the walls and ceiling, while the walls of the shaft itself were sleek grayish-white steel, making the dark forms of the Heartless traversing and flying about the shaft and the enormous thorny vines crawling up the sides that much more distinct. Gargoyles, both the Heartless and statue variety, occupied this place, the living ones flying here and there with their Wyvern cousins while the stone kind jutted out into the shaft from the sides of the galleries and bridges which opened onto it, their hideous faces grimacing with evil joy. Each of their heads was stamped with a Heartless or Nobody emblem, alternating to be fair to both species. (Sure, they were evil, but not discriminatory.)
"Whoa…" Sora said, running over to the open side of the gallery and staring out into the shaft. "This place is huge…"
"Much bigger than Hollow Bastion," Kairi agreed as she stared out into it as well, remembering her flight from that place after Sora had sacrificed his heart to revive her.
We never had a shaft like this in the Castle that Never Was…never needed one, really, Roxas stated. Still, it's very impressive and intimidating…which I think is its point.
Typical evil architecture, Namine said idly, wishing she could swap with Kairi to draw some of this. Make trespassers and guests alike feel small and powerless.
"Definitely," Riku agreed, glancing up and down the shaft. "I can't even see the top…or the bottom…"
What else could you expect from a mind as devious as my beloved? Xehanort asked, which only started him off again. Oh, Maleficent… He began crying once more.
"The highest point of the castle is the chapel where the wedding will be held tomorrow," Zexion explained, coming up behind them.
"Not the throne room?" Riku asked. "Or Maleficent's private chambers? Or magical laboratory? Or even the castle's control center?"
Zexion smirked. "Of course not, it's too obvious a target. Those are all located in different, much lower and easily defensible areas of the castle. And while there is a central control center, and a battle bridge, there are also numerous backup control areas just in case the main one is damaged, captured, or just unavailable. The same is true of the engines keeping this castle aloft…rather than put all the generators in one place, we don't have one central power core but many hidden all over the castle, with dozens of backups. Even if you had a trained assault team and a complete map of this castle that showed every secret passage and hidden area in it, you'd never be able to shut this thing down from inside. So don't get any ideas."
"Would the Truce spell allow us to do that?" Kairi asked.
I mean, since we're not technically attacking Maleficent, but an inanimate machine...but, said machine also belongs to her. Does that mean anything? Namine asked, somewhat thrilled that there was someone new for her to speak to, even if it was Zexion, who she did not like at all.
Zexion shrugged. "Good question. But as I've already pointed out, it won't make a difference. We have too many backups, not to mention highly efficient repair crews. This castle was rebuilt practically from the ground up with meddling heroes in mind, and in theory there's no way you can destroy this thing or make it fall…in theory, anyway. It'll take field tests to make sure, just as always."
"I take it you have external defenses too?" Riku asked.
"Well, that goes without saying," the Nobody sniffed. "Cannons, lasers, missile launchers, a variety of magical-based weaponry and enchantments, a small fleet of warships maintained in our hangars, an on-board Heartless and Nobody army, and virtually indestructible shields. Not to mention that the big thorny roots growing all over the place can come to life and lash out at attacking vessels or intruders. Also, we've recently installed a new engine which allows the castle to travel through dark corridors…which means it doesn't have to remain in the skies of Dark City all the time, but can actually travel to other worlds, though it's too big to pass through world barriers and reach the surface...for now, anyway. That doesn't mean it can't send down shock troops or lead an invasion force, though."
Incredible…Riku, we must join them at once! Xehanort whispered.
"No way!"
But they're going to win! I don't want to miss out on all the destruction!
"Screw you."
"Geez…it sounds like you guys are gearing up for…for war or something…" a horrified Sora said.
"Of course we are," Zexion said, as if it should have been obvious. "The Realm of Darkness is always at war with the Realm of Light. But we're stepping up our offensive now, as you can see so far. We're building armadas and filling them with great armies to conquer or destroy worlds. We're making alliances with other villains to increase our power base and get more resources and launching points for our fleets. You heroes thought you had it hard before? Wait until we start pressing you in full-waged war. It'll be like nothing you've ever experienced before. And who knows?" He smiled. "Maybe your world will even be the first to go."
"Not while we're there to protect it," Sora said firmly.
"Our world was already destroyed once. We're not going to let it happen again," Kairi agreed.
"And especially not by Maleficent," Riku growled.
Zexion shrugged. "If you say so."
Xehanort cackled. You cannot win, Riku…darkness conquers all worlds!
"Shut it!"
How'd you guys build all this so quickly, anyway?! An incredulous Roxas asked. I mean, the city was all but leveled just a couple of months ago!
"Well, in your time, yeah, it wasn't that long," Zexion agreed.
They looked at him in confusion. "What do you mean by our time?" asked a puzzled Kairi.
Zexion raised his eyebrows. They assumed he raised both of them, but they could only see one eye, so… "You don't know? I would have thought Namine and Roxas would have told you."
"Told us what?" asked Sora.
Told them what? Asked Roxas.
"Time flows differently in this world than it does in the Realm of Light. Faster, to be more specific," Zexion explained. "Though it fluctuates."
"Time flows…differently?" Kairi asked, not quite getting it.
"You know, one of those, 'an hour here, a day there', kinds of things?" Zexion elaborated. "Like in fairy tales where a character goes to some other world and finds that even though he was only there for a little while, years and years passed back where he came from? Only in reverse, since time is faster here."
"Ohhh," the trio said.
I didn't know that, said a surprised Roxas.
Neither did I, though I suppose it explains several things, Namine agreed.
"How could you not know that? Didn't you live here?" Riku asked them.
"Yes, and it was only brought up at every meeting," Zexion pointed out.
Oh, that explains it then, said Roxas. I never paid attention to those things anyway.
And I was never allowed to go to any, so I didn't know either, Namine added.
"Ohhh, so that's why scouting missions I took over here when I was working for DiZ felt like they took so long, but so little time seemed to pass when I got back," Riku realized. "I think he explained it to me once, but he said stuff about science and quantum physics and chrono-something or other that I didn't understand so just smiled and nodded and waited for him to finish so he'd buy some sea-salt ice cream to celebrate my safe return."
"Yeah, I did that too sometimes, when he was teaching us apprentices," Zexion reminisced.
Ah, those were the days, weren't they Ienzo? Xehanort said wistfully. What do you say you help me get out of Riku or take over him so that I can persuade Maleficent of the error in her choice for a husband before it's too late? For old time's sake?
"No, I don't really think so," Zexion said flatly.
Oh come on, have a heart for an old friend! Xehanort said desperately.
"I don't have a heart because said old friend sacrificed it to the Heartless, laughing insanely as I recall and screaming about supreme darkness and absolute power," Zexion said, crossing his arms. "So no."
You will regret this… Xehanort growled.
"No I won't," Zexion pointed out. "Nobodies don't regret anything."
It's true, Roxas agreed. Well, mostly. I didn't really regret any of the horrible things I did as Number XIII. Actually…well, I don't really regret them now that much either…but I do a little…
…Dammit! Xehanort said vehemently.
"Wait," said a confused Sora. "What horrible things?" This was the first time he had heard any mention of them.
Uh…
"You can hear all about them later, I'm sure," Zexion said, turning away. "But we've bantered long enough, and I'm needed elsewhere. I'll show you to your rooms."
And that's just what he did. He led them down long, twisting hallways, through a labyrinthine network of passages and corridors, up great staircases, past large portraits of horrific evil things, and around and around and around until they finally reached a nondescript door in a nondescript, darkly lit hallway with metal and stone statues that seemed to whisper as Shadow Heartless peered out from the dim corners, congregating in the dark. "Here we are."
"Finally…" said Riku, wiping sweat from his brow.
"Did we…have to walk…so far?" Kairi panted, exhausted.
"Yeah, couldn't we have just…portalled again?" Sora gasped, trying to catch his breath.
"Well, sure," Zexion said mildly. "But I told you I needed the exercise. And you probably did, too." All six of the group moaned.
"What a jerk…" Sora grumbled.
That's Zexion for you, Roxas agreed. They don't call him the 'Cloaked Schemer' for nothing.
I remember one time he tricked me into drawing a very unflattering picture of Number Eleven which 'somehow' found its way to Marluxia… Namine shuddered. It was horrible. Kairi glared at the Nobody, angry at his devious and cruel ways.
"You're lucky this Truce thing is on," Riku growled threateningly, having attempted to stab the Nobody through the back with his Keyblade during the walk only to find it didn't work, erasing any lingering doubts they had to the spell's existence.
"Yes," Zexion agreed. "I suppose I am. Now I must be going. If you need anything, just call room service."
"How do we do that?" Sora asked.
"It's simple," Zexion said as he vanished into a portal, not bothering to elaborate or provide any descriptive details on just how to perform this simple task.
"He's a REAL jerk," Sora said in frustration.
"I think he's getting back at us for dismantling the Organization…" Riku said with a frown.
No, he's just being himself, Roxas said. He did stuff like this all the time. I think sometimes he forgets the rest of us aren't as good at reading his mind as he is at ours.
After recovering a bit from the long walk, they entered the door. Inside was a suite, much nicer than they had expected…if a little low-class. Clearly, while they were important guests, Maleficent wasn't fond enough of them to give them one of the fancier rooms she no doubt reserved for foreign dignitaries or close allies. The walls were bare, made of dark metal or stone like the rest of the castle and rather stark of anything bright or lively. Light sconces in the form of glowing yellow-eyed monster heads were mounted here and there, and a small chandelier-like fixture hung down from the bare ceiling overhead to illuminate the room. There were a few small paintings or photographs of extremely bleak vistas on the walls, and one rather nice one which Sora, Riku, and Roxas recognized as a certain beach somewhere deep in the Realm of Darkness, lit by the luminescence of a great blue moon shining oddly brightly in the eternal night. The floor was carpeted to make up for the bare walls, although it looked oddly spongy and seemed to suck on their feet as they walked on it. There were a couple of bookshelves standing along the walls with volumes in strange colors written in languages none of them understood and growled and rattled slightly whenever they were removed from the shelves. There were a couple of chairs, a small end table, and a couch facing a cylindrical platform engraved with runes which, when Riku prodded it, startled him by lighting up and projecting a hologram into the air. He quickly figured out it was some kind of magical television set, and set about surfing the channels, curious to see what kind of programs Heartless or Nobodies watched in this city. He hadn't thought they required any kind of entertainment.
There was a small door next to one of the bookshelves leading to a rather austere white bathroom with a shower but no bathtub or towels…and the toilet smelled strange…after lifting the cover warily and seeing yellow eyes blinking at him from inside, Sora quickly closed the lid and sealed it with his Keyblade, deciding that they'd just have to find another bathroom. Surely there were more in this place…right? "Were the toilets like this in the Castle that Never Was, too?" he asked his Other.
No…well, except for the one in the Bathroom that Unfortunately Exists even though All of us Really, Really Wish it Never Was.
Sora raised an eyebrow. "Did you guys give everything weird names?"
Sure. We called the library the Hall of Empty Knowledge, the dining room Hunger for Completion, Axel's room the Fires of Creation and Destruction, Lexaeus's gym Life's Futile Struggle, Demyx's room Sea of Broken Dreams…
"Okay, I get it," Sora stopped him. "Sheesh, you Nobodies were a bunch of morbid guys, weren't you?"
Yep, pretty much.
Kairi went through another small door and found the bedroom. It featured a rather large, canopied bed with a night table and a second bathroom, as well as a wrought-iron and glass door leading out onto a balcony which overlooked the rest of the castle and the city far below. It was very dizzying to stare out at the jagged spires and moving spotlights and airships zipping here and there from such a high place, so she quickly went back in and closed the door after a moment outside. The air inside smelled better in the room, anyway. "There's only one bed," Sora observed as he exited the second bathroom, having checked to see if it was safe, which it was.
"Yeah, so?" Kairi asked.
"Well…" Sora fidgeted. "There's three of us. I mean, six actually, but three bodies. So…"
Kairi blinked, then flushed, realizing where Sora was going with this. "Oh."
Riku can sleep on the couch, Roxas said quickly. And we're fine sleeping on the floor. Right Sora?
"Uh, right, sure," said Sora, who had actually hoped that he could take the couch for once.
Kairi frowned. "And leave that big bed over there all to myself? How'm I supposed to keep warm when night falls? It's a bit cooler than I'm used to already, what'll it be like when the lights go out?"
"Well, technically it's always night here…" Sora pointed out. "And there are plenty of blankets and stuff, more than enough for all of us to keep warm…"
Kairi pouted, not liking the idea. "Why don't we just share the bed?"
"Wh-what?!" the startled boy replied. "Y-you mean you and me?"
Kairi rolled her eyes. "All of us, silly. Then we can all keep ourselves warm. It's not like we've never done it before, we've shared warmth at plenty of sleepovers and campouts."
"Well, yeah, but…those were all outdoors or at the playground island. It feels a little…I dunno, weird…to do it in a place like this, some big dark castle in the evil capital of the universe," Sora said uneasily.
"On the contrary," Kairi said with a smirk. "Here is where it would make the most sense for us to sleep in the same bed, for safety's sake. That way we'll all be together and can't get picked off one by one like in horror movies. Also, by staying together we'll stay much warmer than we each would individually with our own blankets."
"But that Treaty spell should keep us safe," Sora pointed out. "And means nobody can hurt us here."
Kairi raised an eyebrow. "And that means you're not going to sleep with a Keyblade in hand, so you don't have to waste a few precious seconds summoning it if something should happen anyway?" Sora's grimace gave her the answer she already knew. "Just because they can't hurt us doesn't mean they can't do other things."
"Yeah…that's true," Sora admitted reluctantly. "This is their home turf…it probably would be better to stay as close together as possible."
And besides, Roxas pointed out. That means you get to sleep with Kaiiiriii…
"Shut up!" an embarrassed Sora snapped. "I'll be sleeping with Riku too!"
So? You can't tell me you don't want that, too…heheheheh!
"So…uh…argh!" Kairi and Namine giggled as a flushed Sora quickly stomped out of the room and went to see if there was anything interesting on the magic pedestal, not wanting to continue this line of conversation with Roxas any further. Stupid boys.
…
After trying for several minutes to figure out what was happening on the shows projected by the magic pedestal, many of which looked like bizarre soap operas or sitcoms, featuring only Heartless or Nobody actors, Riku gave up on understanding the programming. (He hadn't even known Heartless could act. Nobodies were naturally good at it; they had to be to feign emotion after all.) One especially bizarre show featured a male (he thought) Large Body Heartless and a female (he hoped) Dancer Nobody who were married (?) and somehow had children, a rather spiky-headed Dusk, a Bookmaster, and a baby (he assumed) Blue Nocturne in some sort of strange attempt at being a family in what looked like a shanty suburbs in End of the World. The Large Body had some sort of job that Riku didn't understand, and wasn't sure the Large Body did either, since it seemed to alternate between random bellowing, stamping papers, shredding papers, sitting at its desk then smashing it, beating up its secretary and rampaging through walls before chatting amiably (he thought) at the water cooler (or was that blood?) with some of his coworkers before bludgeoning them too, then inviting them over for dinner.. At least, Riku assumed they were coworkers and were being invited to dinner. The children went to school, even the baby apparently, where they sat in classrooms quietly with other students, some of whom seemed far too large for public education (really, what was that Darkside doing sitting at such a puny desk? It made Riku and Xehanort crack up), then began wreaking havoc and chaos whenever the teacher (At least, he thought it was a teacher) came in. And the Dancer mother sat at home doing absolutely nothing at all, or at least she (?) did whenever the scene switched over to her. It was all very strange. It didn't help that the Heartless or Nobodies didn't communicate in any visible form that Riku could decode, so had no idea if they were even saying stuff to each other or just pantomiming. Xehanort seemed to find the show hilarious, but the explanations he gave to Riku on what everything meant made no sense at all. Somewhat frustrated, he decided to just shut the thing off, which didn't sit well with Sora.
"Hey, I was watching that!" he protested.
"It was stupid," Riku grunted.
But funny, Roxas complained.
"Yeah, you would find it funny wouldn't you?" Riku mocked.
Sora frowned and balled his fists. "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"
Riku smirked. "What do you think it means?" Sora growled and started to stand up.
"Boys, boys, cut it out," Kairi said, plopping down on the couch between them. "You can beat each other up later when we get home. This really isn't the time or place."
"…Yeah, you're right," Sora said, sitting back down.
"Sorry, Kairi," Riku said, feeling oddly ashamed.
Hmmph, she's got you twisted around her little finger, Xehanort growled.
"Oh, and you're not around Maleficent's?"
Maleficent! Xehanort wailed, going off again.
You're lucky Kairi stopped us, Roxas warned Riku. Otherwise I would have whupped you. I never did pay you back for beating me in Dark City.
"Hey, I beat you once, I can do it again easy," Riku sneered. "I don't even need the power of darkness to do it."
Yes you do, said Xehanort between sobs.
"Shut it!"
Kairi and Namine rolled their shared eyes and sighed again at male stupidity and ego-boosting competitions. Then she smacked both of them on the back of their heads, hard. "OW!"
"That's enough of that," Kairi said sternly. "Now, what are we going to do?"
"What do you mean?" Sora asked, rubbing where Kairi had hit him.
"I mean, we've been blackmailed into attending the wedding of our worst enemy—"
AHEM! Xehanort coughed.
Kairi rolled her eyes. "Second worst enemy, who has tried to kill us or use us for her evil plots more than once but is now being civil towards us thanks to some ancient spell instead of taking the opportunity to kill us that she had earlier."
Well, it's typical villain's fare, said Roxas, who would know, having been sort of a villain before as Number XIII of the Organization. It would probably be more advantageous to kill us here and now, but if she thinks we can be of use to her in the future…or maybe because she is, for some perverse reason, attached to us…she'll let us live to fight her again. Doesn't make much sense to me, but that's how it is.
She said she's invited a number of other villains and world leaders to her wedding… Namine mused. Almost like in the summit mentioned in the fake letter from King Mickey…maybe that part wasn't exactly a lie, though. Maybe she wants us here as a sort of political statement against rival evil forces out in the universe.
"How do you mean?" asked Sora.
Well, she was able to easily trick us into coming to her new world, which is completely under her control and peopled by millions if not billions of obedient dark creatures under her control, with a tremendous fleet of battleships and a castle that could probably devastate entire nations by itself, and manage to put us in a position where we're completely at her mercy. Not only could she have easily killed us with that welcoming committee out at that docking platform if it weren't for the Truce, but she's also forced us to bend to her will by threatening our home, which she masterfully deceived us into leaving defenseless. And she was able to do it so easily, too…
"I think I see what you're saying," Riku said with a nod. "As Keybearers, we're a potentially large threat to any evil in the universe. By showing that we were lured here and kept at bay so easily, Maleficent's basically telling all the other villains out there that she's really bad stuff, since none of them were able to do it before she could. In fact, they might not have even been able to. In this manner, she's showing off her power and establishing herself as superior to all of them."
"You really have been listening to Xehanort too much," said Sora with a frown.
Riku tapped his head. "Hey, having a supervillain stuck in your head has some advantages. It helps me understand how they think."
Just as being inside your head helps me better understand how you heroes think… Xehanort whispered maliciously. That information will come in handy when the time comes for me to destroy you all.
"That's not gonna happen," Riku said flatly. "So, anyway, there's not really a lot we can do about our current situation. That Truce thing keeps both us and them from hurting each other. And Maleficent is holding our world hostage, so if we do something like escape or try to sabotage her wedding plans, Destiny Islands will be destroyed. And I can't let that happen again, not because of me."
You know… Roxas said slowly. This might actually be to our advantage.
"How so?" Kairi asked the blonde.
Well, Maleficent's ego and desire to show off has gotten her to invite not only the biggest villains but the biggest world leaders and the like around. That means King Mickey's probably going to be here, too. With all the leaders together, he might be able to forge something like that World Alliance alluded to in the fake lette., I don't know King Mickey very well personally like you guys but I'm pretty sure that's something he'd be likely to do for real. And having those leaders see firsthand what they're up against might make them more willing to join forces with the King.
In addition, Namine added. Maleficent's let us into her stronghold. And her minions CAN'T hurt us. That means we can probably poke around all we want and not get in trouble.
"Well, we probably could get reprimanded," Kairi pointed out. "Or locked in our room…except…" A smile grew on her face.
"We've got Keyblades," Riku said with a grin, summoning his own. "There's no lock that can stop us."
And if there is one, we can swap places and Namine or I'll open a portal to get us out, Roxas said.
"This is perfect," Riku said, still grinning. "We can find out whatever Maleficent's planning…what worlds she's got her sights set on, what new villains she's going to ally with, how this castle or city work…we can find out all her secrets!"
"Or we could, if we knew where to look," Sora pointed out. "I mean, you heard Zexion. This place is huge. Just think how long it took us to walk here! We could probably wander around this place for weeks and still not find anything important."
"Then we'll just get a map," Kairi suggested. "Zexion had one, there must be others somewhere."
"But where?" Riku asked, shoulders slumping. "We can't just go searching for a map, we'd get just as lost as if we were searching the place for anything else."
"Maybe room service could help," Sora suggested, getting a bright idea. "I mean, that's their job, right? To help guests?"
Riku frowned. "I'm not sure it works that way…"
It's worth a try, Roxas said. Of course, we need to figure out how to call room service in the first place…
Kairi frowned and thought a moment. "Zexion said it was simple…I wonder…" She stood up. "Um, hello? Room service? Do you think you could help us out?"
Xehanort laughed. Ha, as if that alone could possibly summon- He stopped, stunned, as a pair of Dusks slid under the hallway door and into the room and wiggled up to their full height, wriggling and wobbling as Dusks usually did, the weirdoes. I can't believe that actually worked.
"Good thinking, Kairi. Um…hey, you guys!" The Dusks turned to look at Sora, still wriggling. It was creepy…and kind of hypnotic…weird. "Uh, I don't suppose you could get us a map of the entire castle we're in now, showing all the secret areas and important places?" They stared at him blankly.
Dusks aren't very bright, Roxas told his host. Trust me, I know from experience. They probably don't even know what a map is.
A visual cue might help, Namine suggested.
"Visual cues. Okay…Kairi, you still have that sketchpad, right?" Riku asked the girl.
Kairi pulled it out. "Yeah, why?"
"I think I have an idea. Let me see that for a second." Riku took the sketchpad from Kairi, as well as a pencil, and quickly scribbled something on it. A moment later, he tore out the sheet and showed it to the Dusks. "Okay, can you bring us something like this?" The two Dusks bent their pliant and boneless bodies over to better look at the picture with their eyeless heads, nodded, and slithered back under the door.
"Do they have to do that? That's kind of creepy," said a disturbed Kairi.
Dusks don't see the world the way we do, Namine informed her. So to them, wiggling like that or slithering under doors is perfectly normal. In fact, to them, regularly-shaped people like us are the weird ones.
"Really?" asked a surprised Sora.
I have no idea, actually, Namine admitted. But it's a kinder thought than just saying they're plain demented or something.
"What did you draw for them anyway, Riku?" Sora asked his friend.
Riku held up the piece of paper, on which he had drawn another piece of paper with many creases on it depicting what looked sort of like a rather messy attempt of a detailed plan of a castle. "I remembered how the Dusks sent after Roxas when DiZ had him kept stealing photographs because they were too dumb to distinguish images from the real thing, so I thought that if maybe I showed them an image of what the castle's map might look like, they'd bring back the real thing."
"That's a great idea, Riku," said an impressed Kairi.
Even though you're drawing skills are rather lacking. That looks more like a mop than a castle, Namine critiqued.
"It does not!" Riku protested.
"Hey yeah, it kind of does," Sora said, squinting at it.
And if you turn your head a little, it looks kind of like a bunny, Roxas agreed. A cute and fluffy one…like that one Axel and I ate one time when we visited that disgustingly bucolic world with all the frivolous little animals. They didn't make very good Heartless, but they certainly burned well. Made Axel happy…or as happy as he could be, considering, you know.
Hmm, rabbit…perhaps I should try that some time… mused Xehanort.
"H-hey, shut up!" Riku snapped. "We can't all be gifted and talented artists like Little Miss Memory Witch!"
Is he insulting Namine?! Roxas roared. Let me at him!
Roxas, it's fine, ignore it, said a somewhat annoyed Namine.
"Yeah, and what was that about the bunny, Roxas?" Kairi asked, frowning.
Before Roxas could answer, the two Dusks from before returned, each holding a rolled-up something in their limbs. They pranced about the room and offered them up to the sextet obediently. Sora took one of them, unrolled it, and found… "This is a poster for something called…'Disney World?' Is that related to King Mickey's world?" he asked, rather confused.
"And this one's a picture of a mop," said a puzzled Kairi, who had unrolled the second object.
"All right, fine, I get it, I suck at drawing," snapped an irritated Riku, crumpling up the picture he had made into a ball and hurling it at one of the Dusk's heads. It bounced off and landed on the floor. The little Nobody looked at the trash, unzipped its mouth, and ate it. Why it ate it they would never know. Perhaps it thought it was a heart. Then again, it was a Dusk, who could tell what went through their empty heads?
Sora, let me try something, Roxas suggested. As a superior Nobody like Zexion, maybe they'll respond to me better.
"Okay, give it a shot," said Sora. He closed his eyes and concentrated on his Other. There was a flash of light, and suddenly where Sora had once stood was his blond twin, wearing his usual X-shaped necklace, white jacket, and jeans. He opened his blue eyes, just like Sora's, and glared firmly at the Dusks. "Okay you two, listen up-"
He was cut off when the Dusks began undulating more than ever. My liege! My liege! My liege!
My liege? My liege? About a dozen other Dusks suddenly materialized into the room and began undulating joyously when they saw Roxas as well. My liege! My liege!
Roxas blinked. "Uh…that's not what I had in mind…" Riku rolled his eyes and Xehanort cackled malevolently.
My liege! My liege! My liege! My liege! My liege! More and more Dusks piled into the room, slithering under the door, crawling out from behind the bookshelves, beneath the couch, under the bed, inside the toilet, or randomly portalling in from elsewhere. Within moments, the suite was standing room only, as at least a hundred wiggling Dusks pressed against each other like sardines, looking from above like a rippling ocean of gray. My liege! My liege! My liege!
Roxas laughed nervously as he found himself surrounded by so many adoring Dusks. "Well, at least I got their attention…"
"Oh brother," groaned Kairi, putting her face in her hands. "This is the price of popularity."
"This reminds me of a story the King once told me from his days as an apprentice under Master Yen Sid," Riku joked. "He once tried enchanting a broom to carry water for him from the tower well…but it wouldn't stop, and started flooding the place. He tried chopping it to pieces, but more brooms sprung up and continued the task they had been set. If it weren't for Yen Sid showing up and fixing things, his whole tower might have become completely submerged., and Mickey would have drowned"
A shame that didn't happen…whatever happened to those brooms? Xehanort wondered.
Riku chuckled. "They're still around. Even Yen Sid couldn't destroy them, so he just dumped them on Mickey. It took him a while, but he managed to train them to do stuff around the castle. Of course, this put a lot of servants and maids out of work, which made him very unpopular for a while." Kairi giggled at the thought of living broomsticks doing chores throughout the immense Disney Castle.
"Uh, okay guys, we don't need all of you," said an anxious Roxas, getting very nervous from the way the Dusks were all looking at him. "Just-"
My liege! My liege!
My liege!
My liiiiiiieeeeeeggggeee!
Myliegemyliegemyliege!
Myliegemyliegemyliegemyliegemyliegemyliegemyliegemyliegemyliege- Babbling happily to themselves, the Dusks leaped at Roxas and knocked him to the ground, the blond screaming as they dogpiled him and hid him from view in a wriggling mound of gray matter that brushed against the ceiling. Myliegemyliegemyliegemyliegemyliegemyliegemyliegemyliegemyliegemyliegemyliege…
"I don't suppose the Heartless would do the same to you if you were ever to return?" Riku wondered hopefully to Xehanort.
The evil spirit scoffed. They wouldn't dare!
Shouldn't we do something? Asked a concerned Namine.
"Like what? We can't use spells or attacks to get those things off Roxas, the Truce would forbid it…wouldn't it?" Kairi asked uncertainly.
Riku summoned his Keyblade. "Well, only one way to find out. I think it should work as long as it's not something that could hurt them…" He grinned. "I think a little Magnet spell should work wonders, don't you?"
Fortunately for the Dusks, no experimentation was needed. Abruptly they all slid off the giant pile they had formed or wiggled through the air like balloons, looking confused, more so than usual, and revealing a somewhat annoyed Sora, who had swapped back with Roxas. My liege? My liege?
My liege? One Dusk looked under another's foot
My liege? Another Dusk poked its head under the couch.
My liege? A few Dusks turned over the magical hologram platform to see if Roxas was under there, which of course he wasn't.
My liege? My liege? My liege? Another Dusk peeked into Kairi's shirt, causing her to scream and smack it, causing its entire head to twist back on its neck before snapping back like a rubber band, grossing her out.
Where did my liege go? After a few fruitless moments of searching, the Dusks gave up and exited in their own unique ways.
"Good thing Dusks are so stupid," Sora said, wiping off some sweat. "Otherwise I might have suffocated under there."
"Unless Truce would keep that from happening," Kairi suggested.
Sora grimaced. "Yeah, well I don't want to try that again and find out. That went horribly. What do we do now?"
Riku's original idea worked, sort of, Namine pointed out. Only he didn't draw a very good picture of a castle, so the Dusks got it wrong.
"Yeah, yeah, it's always my fault," grumbled Riku.
Your friends despise you so, don't they Riku? Xehanort crooned.
"So you're suggesting we let you draw it instead?" Sora asked.
That's right, said Namine.
"But what if the Dusks mob you like they did Roxas?" asked a concerned Kairi.
They shouldn't, Roxas said, somewhat embarrassed from the Dusks' reaction to him. Namine didn't really rank in the Organization, so while they might listen to her, I don't think they'll dogpile her. And besides, none of us can draw as well as she can, even Kairi. I mean, no offense, but your art skills suck. I can't believe Naime's part of you.
Kairi glared at Sora…or rather, the blond inside Sora. "I'm working on it. Jeez."
And so the swap was made. The outgoing and energetic Kairi switched places with the quieter and more demure Namine, who quickly drew a picture of what a real castle plan might look like, and didn't even slightly resemble a mop or a duck, and showed it to room service when the Dusks were called again. "Could you bring us something that looks like this, please?" she asked politely, pointing to the image she had drawn.
The Dusks peered at the picture, nodded, and slid back under the door. They came back a few moments later, each with a rather large rolled-up piece of paper.
Sora and Riku each took one, unrolled it, and examined what was laid bare for them to see. "Well, it's not this castle," Sora said after a moment. "But they're on the right track." His paper showed the blueprints for Disney Castle.
"Yeah, it's a start," agreed Riku, holding the blueprints for Castle Oblivion. "Wow, I didn't know that place had so many floors…"
Let's try again, Kairi suggested. Now that they know what they're looking for, sort of, it shouldn't be too long before they bring us the right plans instead of ones for another castle. I mean, how many are there, anyway?
…
An hour later, she would regret that statement. The room service Dusks had, at the group's behest, brought them all the castle plans they could find. Unfortunately, they never specified where to get them from (not like the Dusks would have understood, anyway) and so brought in as many blueprints they could find for every castle there was from here to the furthest corners of the universe. As a result, the Keybearers were now waist-deep in castle plans and swiftly losing their patience.
"Beast's Castle…Agrabah Palace…Imperial Palace…" Sora muttered as he glanced at map after map.
"Castle Perilous…Castle Chaos…Castle in the Sky…" Riku murmured.
"Memoria…Castle Roogna…Good Magician's Castle…" Kairi said with a sigh.
"The People's Palace…Castlevania…Villain's Vale…" Roxas, who had projected himself from Sora, reported. He couldn't touch the maps, but he could still examine them.
"Ganon's Tower…Palace of Winds…Radiant Garden's Citadel…" added Namine, who had also projected himself.
Even Xehanort was, reluctantly, lending a hand. After all, if he didn't know his way around the castle, how was he to find Maleficent and convince her not to marry Pete? "Oni Island castle…Ultimecia's Castle…Mirage Palace…Cor Hydrae…why must there be so many castles?!" the evil spirit roared.
"Wait, I think I found one!" Sora yelled, only to slump in disappointment. "No, wait, false alarm, just somebody else's high-tech flying fortress."
"And why are there so many of those, too?" Xehanort grumbled.
"Because flying castles are cool?" Roxas suggested.
"Just like airships," Namine agreed. "Hence why they show up all the time."
"Especially since you usually need airships to reach flying castles," Roxas added.
"I never needed an airship to reach the Castle that Never Was," Riku said idly, glancing over maps of Castle Tycoon, Exdeath's Castle, Dimension Castle, Castle Baron, Alexandria Castle, and a buttload of other castles, far too many to name. "Just portalled."
"You could use portals again, you know," Xehanort said slyly. "All you need to do-"
"Yeah, yeah, I know, nothing I haven't heard before," Riku said glibly, not even looking at his unwanted guest as he continued examining the maps.
"I think I found it!" Roxas announced suddenly. "Yes…yes! I don't know this castle's name, but the images here exactly match the castle's exterior, plus the shaft detailed here is unmistakable! This is the one!"
Sora quickly waded through the other maps over to where Roxas was and looked at what his 'brother' had found. "Yeah, this is it! We've found it!"
"Great!" said Riku in relief. "I was getting paper cuts from all these things. Hey, get back in here!"
"I will be freed someday, Riku!" Xehanort warned his host as he was involuntarily sucked back into his prison. "Just you waaaaiiiiit!" He was gone, once again, for now.
Roxas and Namine recombined with their Others, and the trio/sextet gathered around the rather large map Sora was now holding. "This is perfect," said an excited Kairi. "Just what we needed!"
"Yeah," agreed Riku with a frown. "Now we just need two more of them."
"Huh?" Sora looked up in alarm. "What do you mean, Riku?"
"This castle's way too big for us to tackle in a group, even with the map," said the silver-haired lad, shaking his head. "We'll need to split up if we're going to have any chance of examining all the important-looking places on this map."
"Uh, Riku? Isn't splitting up usually a BAD idea in just about every horror movie or story there is?" Kairi asked anxiously.
"Yeah, but that's usually in enemy territory or haunted places," Riku pointed out. "This place IS indisputably evil HQ…but, thanks to the Truce, there's nothing any guards we run into can do to us other than sounding an alarm or taking us back to the room. We'll just have to be super-sneaky, something I learned how to do easily during my time working with DiZ."
I seem to recall helping you by using the power of darkness for concealment… Xehanort pointed out.
"No, I'm not going to use that power again."
There's no reason for you to be scared of the dark, Riku.
Riku glared inwardly at his burden. "It's not the dark I'm scared of, it's letting you go free once again."
"I think Riku's right, Kairi," Sora said, though it was clear he was unhappy about it.
"But I don't want to split up," Kairi said unhappily. "Something horrible always happens when we're not together."
I'm not sure what could happen other than some kind of structural collapse or human error that could get us in serious danger, Roxas argued. And besides, we can always switch and portal back to the room if something goes wrong.
Ah yes, but Riku can't…not without my help, that is…Hehehahahaha! Xehanort crowed.
"Be quiet or I'll sing the song," Riku warned him.
Shutting up, Xehanort said quickly.
Kairi sighed. "All right, I guess we could split up…I'm just worried, that's all. And just because Maleficent or her minions can't harm us doesn't mean they can't do other things…"
"We'll just have to be extra careful, then," Sora said cheerfully.
"Sora, do you even know how to be careful or stealthy?" Kairi asked him.
Sora paused. "Uh…well…it can't be that hard, if Riku can do it."
"Hey!"
Kairi groaned and rubbed her temples. "I just know this is going to go horribly wrong somehow…okay, let's do it."
"Awesome! Hey, room service!" Sora called. The two Dusks appeared yet again, bursting out from underneath the tremendous ocean of maps filling the room. "Can you bring us two more exactly like this?" he asked, tapping the map he was holding pointedly. "And get somebody to clean up this mess while we're gone?" Both Nobodies nodded and burrowed back into the maps, returning seconds later with two additional copies of the castle map before vanishing again. "Thanks!"
This is such a big place, Roxas commented as all six of them looked at their respective maps. Where do we start?
"I think the best place to find answers about what Maleficent's really planning would be down here," Riku said, stabbing a particular set of chambers detailed rather deep within the fortress. "In her magical laboratory and private chambers."
"You think you can get in?" Sora asked.
Riku smirked. "Sure, I snuck into her room all the time back at Hollow Bastion."
Yes, but you never took the opportunity to steal her panties, Xehanort complained. Do you suppose we could do that this time? I'd love to have something of hers to remember her by just…just in case… He started sobbing again. In case…she chooses that slob…over me-he-he-heeee!
"No," Riku said coldly. "I am many things, but a panty thief is not one of them. And especially not Maleficent's panties, I mean really, that's just gross."
Blasphemy! Xehanort cried.
"Then I think I'll check out the bridge," Sora decided, tapping another area of the map. "Zexion said there's multiple back-ups, and I can see them here on the map, but it'd probably be useful to know what kind of controls are being used for this thing."
"And I'll check out the power generators," Kairi decided. "Once more, while there may be backups, it'd be useful to know what this thing's running on."
And you can swap with any of us if you need to get back here in a hurry, Namine said.
Well, except Riku, Roxas said. Bad luck there.
"Eh, whatever," said Riku, not particularly bothered. "I'll make my own way back."
"Then we'll meet back here…when? A couple of hours?" Kairi asked.
Sora nodded. "Sounds good." He stuck his hand out. "So…"
"One for all," Riku said, picking up on it and putting his hand over Sora's.
"And all for one," Kairi added, putting her hand on top of Riku's.
If one should fall… said Roxas, mentally putting his hand in too.
Then so will all, finished Namine.
Bah, said Xehanort, not even trying.
"This should be interesting," Riku said with a smirk as they broke and prepared to head out.
"Yeah, and best of all, there's no way we can really get in trouble over this, for a change," Sora agreed. "That'll be something new."
…
Meanwhile…
"The fools have no idea we have security cameras in every room, hallway, and chamber do they?" Maleficent asked with an amused smirk as she watched the trio wade their way through the sea of maps in their room to the door.
"No, ma'am," Zexion agreed, tapping away at a computer in one of the castle's numerous security stations. "Should I get security to escort them back to their room?"
"No, they won't find out anything of any use to them anyway. But just to be sure…" Her smirk turned positively malicious. "Reorganize the castle's interior a little, would you? Just enough to make their maps functionally useless. The Truce spell says we can't hurt them, but that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun at their expense."
"Yes ma'am." Zexion swiveled in his seat to face the other Nobodies monitoring computers in the room. "Prepare for partial interior configuration. Alert all personnel to find a room or relatively stable place to wait in, otherwise they might get lost in the reshuffling." The Nobodies, more intelligent specimens than the Dusks and loyal to Zexion, saluted their superior and prepared to do as they were told.
"Oh boy!" Pete cackled, rubbing his hands gleefully. "This should be interesting! They'll be lost like rats in a maze!"
"Yes," agreed Maleficent, looking at the image of Riku walking down a hallway away from his friends. "And completely in need of our…assistance…" She began to let loose a long, low evil laugh, her crow Diablo squawking in agreement with her.
And then Pete belched and totally ruined the moment. "Sorry," he grunted. "Musta had too much soda." Maleficent rolled her eyes.
…
Meanwhile, back at Destiny Islands…
"So you guys are really from another world?" Tidus asked the brown-haired fairy, who cleaned up rather nicely without all the dirt on her.
"Yeah, a place called Fairyworld," she explained.
"Which naturally, is full of fairies," said the gray-haired possible Goth.
"Uh, which kind?" Wakka asked uncertainly, wondering why the darker fairy, Paine, reminded him eerily of that one girl he was seeing on-again off-again. "The little pixy kind, or, you know…the other kind?"
Paine rolled her red eyes and fluttered her wings. "What do you think, dumbass?"
"We have both, actually," the brunette, Yuna, said, wiping the last of the soot off her face with Tidus' T-shirt, which he had gallantly offered her (hoping she'd be impressed by his 'awesome' chest. She didn't really notice.). "Then again, I think lots of places have the latter. Is that a bad thing?"
"No, no! Just askin'" Wakaa said quickly. "So, uh, are you girls both kinds too? I mean, do you…" He trailed off when Paine pulled out a large (for her size) and rather painful-looking sword. "Eh heh…shutting up…"
"Hey, girls?" the blond, Rikku's, voice called from inside the completely and irrevocably damaged ship, known as the Celsius, which would almost certainly never fly again. "I could use some help in here! I think our musical equipment's okay, but it's too heavy to move by myself!"
"Coming," Yuna said. "Thanks for the shirt," the fairy said, handing it back to Tidus.
"Uh, you're welcome," the boy said, grimacing at how much filth was now caked onto the shirt. It had been his favorite… "Musical equipment?"
Yuna nodded. "Yeah, we work as a band on the side when treasure hunting's slow. We're called the Gullwings! Though you've probably never heard of us…"
"Nope," said Tidus.
"No way, mon," Wakka agreed.
Yuna smiled, and Tidus found himself thinking that it was a very nice thing to see, that smile. "That's okay, I'm not surprised."
"GUYS!" Rikku whined.
"We're coming!" Yuna yelled, turning away from Tidus.
"We should let her do it herself," Paine grumbled.
"We can't do that," Yuna said hurtfully. "She's one of us!"
"And your cousin."
"Well yeah, that too…" Paine rolled her eyes and followed her bleeding-heart (in her own words) cohort into the wrecked ship to help Rikku, leaving the Islanders to themselves for the moment.
Tossing his shirt away, Tidus walked over to Wakka, who was looking at some of the personal items that the fairies had unloaded from the ship. Most of them had been damaged beyond repair by the crash, but some of them still looked salvageable. "What are you doing?"
"Jus' lookin' at this stuff, brudda. I mean, this is unbelievable! Objects from another world! Alien artifacts!" He frowned and reached for one of a number of glistening spheres. "I wonder what this one does…"
"Don't touch it!" Selphie, whom the Gullwings had tied to a tree so she couldn't hurt herself (or others) screamed. "It's an alien device! It's beyond our meager human comprehension! There's no telling what it could do! Probably explode your head or tear off your skin or turn you inside out or…" She trailed off, murmuring horrors to herself. Undaunted, Wakka touched the sphere.
He soon wished he hadn't. There was a flash of light, a horrified scream, and then…
The sphere was gone, and Wakka was wearing a dress.
Tidus stared at him in disbelief, and then fell to the sand, laughing until his sides hurt. "Hey mon, this isn't funny!" a furiously blushing Wakka yelled.
"OH EM GEE!" Selphie screamed. "WAKKA'S BEEN TURNED INTO A GIRL! THE ALIENS HAVE GENDER SWAPPING POWERS!"
"Shut up, Selphie," Wakka growled. He was wearing a rather embarrassing and revealing dress, with a long purple skirt that only seemed to consist of a front and a back with no sides hanging down to the ground and pooling around his feet while exposing his skinny legs completely, a black leather top that really consisted of just two large pieces of material running up from the waist to his neck, covering his man-boobs in an overlarge bra and connecting behind his back. His arms were encased up to the shoulders in long purple velvet, and some playing cards had somehow appeared in his hand. His neck was wrapped in a blue three-layered choker with a small gold necklace dangling on a thin chain over his chest. A red heart tattoo had somehow appeared just above his belly button. Also, a peacock feather was now tucked behind his ear.
"Looking good, man," Tidus smirked.
"Shut up, mon!" Wakka snapped, grabbing his Blitzball and throwing it at his friend. Only it wasn't his Blitzball, but another one of the strange spheres. Tidus reflexively caught it, and screamed in horror as he was enveloped in a great flash of light…and found himself wearing a dress, too.
"OH EM GEE! TIDUS HAS BEEN TURNED INTO A GIRL TOO!" Selphie screamed.
"Oh no!" Tidus cried, looking down in horror at his outfit, which consisted of an orange sleeveless blouse with an open lower half revealing his slightly tanned belly and a back which drooped down to his knees. It had lots of ruffles and frills at the edges, and a purple necktie hanging over where the breasts would fit if he were a woman, which he was not. His shorts had been replaced with a short purple skirt with a white belt with three silver rings as a buckle, and his shoes had become knee-high orange boots with purple feathery tops. A couple of thin bands crisscrossed over his upper legs for some reason. Similarly colored gloves covered his arms above the elbows. He had also obtained a speaker phone on a pole, somehow.
Wakka doubled over in laughter. "Who's laughing now, brudda?"
"You?" Selphie suggested. They ignored her, so she went back to screaming at the top of her lungs to get attention.
"What's with all the noise?" Yuna asked, coming out of the Celsius. She stopped and stared when she saw the boys. "Oh dear."
"It's not what it looks like!" Tidus and Wakka both protested immediately.
"I told you they were hicks," grumbled Paine as she floated out of the wreck. "And cross-dressers, too...unless this is why the red-head asked us about fairies. Didn't your mothers teach you not to mess with other people's stuff?"
"We're treasure hunters, Paine," said the blond Rikku, still covered in filth from the crash as she fluttered out behind the dark fairy. "So that's kina hypocritical coming from…hey, is that kid wearing my Songstress dressphere?!"
"And my Lady Luck one," Paine said with a sigh, shaking her head. "Great, we couldn't have crashed in a worse place."
"We could have," Yuna pointed out. "Remember Voreworld?" All three fairies shuddered at that memory.
"Can you girls help us out of these?" Tidus asked weakly, feeling more embarrassed than he ever had in his life, even when his father had showed up at school one day and announced that Tidus had forgotten his underwear to the whole second grade.
"Sure, this'll just take a second," said Yuna, floating off the ground and over to the blond.
"And I hope this teaches you a lesson," said Paine, already working on Wakka. "Never, EVER touch a lady's private things without permission."
"Yes ma'am," both boys said solemnly.
Selphie continued screaming in the background, until her voice dislodged a coconut which cracked down on her head, knocking her out and mercifully silencing her.
…
Well, things are getting interesting, aren't they? What do you suppose will happen to the group wandering lost inside Maleficent's castle? And what more insane adventures will happen with the Gullwings in Destiny Islands? Find out next time!
