Sin
Chapter 2. Suicidal
I would advice the reading of my other fic 'Remembrance' before this fic. The reason is that the events are described in the other fic from Byakuya's perspective while this fic is purely what goes on inside Hisana's mind. So unless you read the other fic, some parts of this fic won't make much sense.
I do not know what took over me to do such an atrocious thing.
I hear those words from my own lips and see them passing though the air between him and me. I sense the disturbance in the wind as his frown deepened by a minute fraction.
I watched all that with morbid fascination.
Kill her.
Kill her kill her kill her…
The spectators in my mind chants incessantly; the crowd stomps and bangs on the railing.
…kill her kill her kill her kill her…
I formed those words again, and send them floating into the charged air. Dark tides swirl at my ankles and suck sense from my mind.
I held on tight to those meaningful human sounds I no longer recognise. They are the path to my salvation.
He is still, perhaps contemplating how to kill an annoying servant with minimum fuss. I am thrilled.
The impact landed on my head; the world flies past and I see a vast expanse of grass-dotted soil. I closed my eyes and shut out the world.
The weight of sin collapses into the pulsing waves that carry me into the darkness.
The warm darkness embraces me like the dying embrace of my mother whose face I cannot remember. My sins started then, when her breath stopped for me.
So this is it, finally, the end of it all.
I search my waning mind for some last thoughts.
Then the peace of passing shatters and sunlight filters through. I behold the same soil and yellowing grass.
How wilful of me, to think there is an escape.
I can never escape, no; I ought to never think of escape. I have sinned, a sin so large I cannot ever erase its traces.
For all the suffering I filled her short life with, I will live, live to suffer a million times more. That is my deserved retribution.
I have sinned again then, to try and escape; a two-fold sin for my own selfishness.
Live, Hisana, and live for your sister. In the darkness of the collapsed building my dying mother let out these words as her life trickled away in red. How do I apologise to words long buried in memory? How do I tell her that I have lived on the death of my sister?
But I can only continue to live. Live to hear the thin wails recount my betrayal. Live to see those trusting eyes void of light. Live to feel the flame of hatred under my every step. Live to repent for the sins I have committed that shall never be forgiven.
The long handle of the rake is rough as I gather the leaves fluttering in the autumn wind.
The Master of the house is long gone. I do not remember apologising.
Another sin on the record of my life.
Thank you Lima-hime -
Writing double-perspective is a hell lot of fun, but sometimes I wonder if it's worth the effort. I am trying to differ Hisana's tone from Byakuya's as much as possible without giving myself mild split-personalities or kill my writing. Hope it come out ok to you readers...
