Disclaimer : I do not own any of the characters as they are the property of J.K. Rowling. No copyright infringements are intended.
Trigger warnings : Self harm, mentions of suicide.
Chapter 2
Christmas time
Narcissa Malfoy's funerals took place three days later, in the little cemetery of the village next to Malfoy Manor. Despite the early afternoon, the sun was already low in the sky and December's wind was biting the skin. Only a few people attended the ceremony, Andromeda Tonks and her husband were present, as well as the Parkinson family. Pansy held Draco tight in her arms for a few moments but his mind was so numb that he barely hugged back. To Draco's surprise, Potter was standing alone away from the small group of people. In other times, he would have told him to sod off but the idea of starting a fight during his mother's funerals seemed too revolting for him to confront Potter.
He hadn't prepared a speech; he didn't feel the need to, his pain was too personal to be shared. His aunt said a few words about her sister, how she wished they'd been closer together. Mrs Parkinson expressed her grieving at the loss of a dear family friend. Despite his best efforts to not allow himself to cry, Draco's cheeks had been wet with tears the whole time. He refused to let himself break in front of other people, but the sadness that had been submerging him for the past three days was too great to be fought. He wanted to be done with the ceremony so he could be alone with his mother and was relieved that the last person had finally talked.
Then Potter stepped awkwardly in the front of the small crowd.
Oh no you bastard don't you dare bring your well-meant words when everyone knows you despise my family.
Potter closed his eyes for a few seconds and took a sharp breath before talking.
"I didn't know Narcissa Malfoy and I feel out of place being here, and I'm sorry if I'm offending anyone by my presence here", he glanced at Draco, "The thing is — I owe her a life debt that I couldn't repay. That night in the forbidden forest, she saved my life by lying to Voldemort, telling him — telling him that I was dead. She asked me if her son was alive, and I'll always be thankful that she didn't want him to live in a world ruled by a dark wizard. Narcissa Malfoy saved more lives than she'll ever know by risking her life for her family and risked her life lying to a powerful legilimens. My gratitude for her knows no limits. Thank you for listening."
The words left Draco dumbstruck. He had no idea his mother played such an important role in the end of the War.
When everyone left, Draco laid a wreath of white narcissus on the grave and sat down on the cold grass for hours, pouring his heart out to his mother, words of love that she'd never hear.
On Christmas morning, Harry woke up to a pile of gifts that would have made Dudley jealous. Ron had sent him tickets for a Quidditch match between the Chuddley Cannons and the Pudlemere United, and Hermione's gift was a considerable stack of books about Auror training for when he graduate. He also received sweets and a bottle of cologne from Ginny, the usual Weasley sweater from Molly, a box of the latest Weasley Wizard Wheezes products from George and a greeting card with a picture of Teddy from Andromeda. With a faint smile, he organized his presents neatly in his trunk except for the picture that he kept in his wallet.
Although he explicitly asked to not get any, the fan mail and gifts from strangers were stacked at the end of his bed. He felt a twinge of guilt for not opening them, but he wasn't in the mood to be praised.
Harry grabbed his Firebolt and stopped by the great Hall to snatch a sandwich, heading for the Quidditch pit. Once in the air he let his mind go blank, ignoring the cold biting wind on his face. Flying was the only thing that could calm him these days.
That and cutting my skin, he thought.
He'd been occasionally doing it for years, only resorting to it in really bad moments until it took over his life once the war ended. Finding the horcruxes and trying not to get killed had kept his mind busy. Last year kept Harry under constant stress, and now he didn't know why he was still alive.
The first time he self-harmed, he was nine. A broken glass that he tried to hide from his aunt cut through his palm. Seeing the blood dripping had kept him hypnotised for a few minutes, surprised by the relishing physical pain. He'd pocketed a shard of glass and kept it safely in his cupboard, draining the pain from inside when he felt too hopeless to be happy ever again, when Uncle Vernon locked him for too long without any food, when Dudley's plans to make everyone hate him at school worked.
Hogwarts had changed this habit, for the first time he was happy. But then the war and all its losses happened. Nowadays, slicing thought his skin was the only thing that seemed to keep him whole.
Merry Christmas.
-HP
Draco was staring at the piece of parchment like he couldn't believe it was real. What the hell went on Potter's mind to send him a bloody Christmas card ?
He glanced at his bed where the photo album his aunt offered him laid. Andromeda and his mother were waving at him, in their child summer dresses, blond hair waving in the soft breeze of a sunny afternoon. His gift from Pansy was a leather bound notebook with inlaid green topaz in the cover.
None of his friends returned at Hogwarts for their last years. Greg's father was in Azkaban and his mother moved in the Netherland with her son, fearing for their safety after the war. Pansy was sent in Beauxbâtons as well as the Greengrass sisters, and Blaise was now living in America apparently working in Washington State's branch of the Ministry of Magic.
Spending Christmas alone was a novelty for Draco and he wasn't sure he enjoyed it or not. Despite feeling lonely, he was pretty sure he'd start snapping at whoever tried to talk to him. Skipping breakfast, he decided to go for a walk to calm his nerves, still upset at Potter's card.
His feet brought him to the lake's shore. It was frozen and shining under the morning sun and the white mountains in the background made it a really breath-taking scene. It reminded him of that time they went ice skating with his parents when he was still a kid. A wave of nostalgia rose in his chest and got caught in his throat, and without thinking any further, Draco stepped on the ice. It was totally reckless of him to do so but the ice looked thick enough to walk on it. He tried sliding on the sole of his shoes, spreading his arms and a slight smirk appeared on his lips when he remembered how terrible he was at this.
Draco felt a crack under his feet. No.
Then his world went cold, frozen claws gripping at his chest and mind. A gasp for air filled his lungs with frozen needles. Draco didn't have time to panic before his body went completely numb.
This is how I die.
Cliffhanger !
Please tell me what you think of my story so far, this is really new to me to write so I really appreciate any reviews and advice :) Thanks for reading.
